Chapter 43
Forty-Three
Jaclyn
I’ve never liked being dependent on someone.
I’ve never liked the feeling of wanting to be in someone’s presence like I feel with Hayden. Liking someone or even loving someone has always been scary for me ever since the situation with my dad happened.
After I got diabetes, things went even more downhill with my dad and my mom and I changed.
I hated saying that four letter word to my mom even though I do love her. I hated when she gave me attention but at the same time I craved it when she was proud of me and recognized my accomplishments.
With Hayden, it’s been different.
With him I feel like I can breathe and not worry about a single thing in the world. He makes it easy to feel free and like the outside world is okay.
I crave his touch like I never did with anyone before. His pretty words are what I look forward to everyday because he always compliments my hair or an outfit that I’m wearing.
As I'm looking in the mirror I am thinking over his words while trying to figure out if this is what I should wear.
Hayden invited me to go out with him tonight, it’s technically our first date since Natalia and the boys won’t be with us. I came home to pink peonies on my bed with a note saying he is going to pick me up at eight tonight. I blushed when I saw the flowers because I love it when Hayden gets me flowers.
I keep every single flower in a shoe box under my bed. He has given me a lot of flowers since his birthday and they are mostly various pink flowers. I have never gotten so many flowers in my life and I can’t help but smile and thrust my head into a pillow as I scream.
With Hayden, the little girl comes out of me and I can’t help but love it.
Because that little girl that my dad ruined, Hayden somehow is bringing her back.
My phone on my bed buzzes, making me look at the screen.
Come out princess.
I grab my phone and bag, give myself another once over in the mirror before leaving my room.
I decided to straighten my hair today and go with a simple outfit.
A black skirt with a white tank top that has a small heart on the middle of the neckline. I also have a jacket with me because it’s going to be cold tonight, plus I never like showing my arms and always end up covering myself up.
When I walk outside I see Hayden leaning against his car looking around the neighborhood as he waits for me. While walking towards him I admire his choice of clothing.
He’s wearing blue jeans and a gray crewneck making me see his face perfectly. He looks so effortlessly good it makes me jealous.
He turns his head and when his eyes meet mine I can’t help but smile as butterflies make their way to the pit of my stomach.
Hayden roams his eyes up and down my figure, lingering on my legs. When I walk up to him he grabs my hand and looks down at me with such intense eyes that I feel like I could faint.
He pulls me closer to him and leans down pressing a heart stopping kiss on my lips that makes my legs weaken. His hand slides up to hold my jaw in his hand as I just melt in his embrace.
I moan softly as he thrusts his tongue inside my mouth and grunts, pulling me closer by my hand. He grips my jaw in his hand before pulling away softly.
“Ready?” he asks, his thumb caressing my cheek as he stares down at me with lust in his eyes. I smile softly and nod my head. Hayden opens the passenger door for me and I get inside, putting my bag down. Hayden rounds the car after shutting my door and once he gets in the car, he starts the engine and drives off. “You have no clue how long I’ve been waiting to kiss you,” he says as he rests a hand on my thigh.
“You saw me today in class,” I mention, but he just shakes his head as if I don't understand.
I like how Hayden always expresses his need for me. It makes me feel special and like I matter to someone.
And mattering to someone like Hayden Night feels thrilling.
“Yea but I couldn’t kiss you like I wanted to in class. I would have gotten kicked out.”
“Didn’t stop you from touching me a few weeks ago in class though.” I narrow my eyes at him while he just gives me an amused smirk.
“No one could see.”
Hayden and I talk about random things. What Natalia and Chris are up to, what Max is doing to get himself into trouble, what Kayden is doing tonight, things like that.
I tell him that I loved the flowers to which he just kisses my hand and focuses on driving.
When Hayden parks the car I see that we are in front of a mall. “What are we doing here?” I ask Hayden and smile before he gets out of the car and comes to my side of the car to open the door. He grabs my hand and locks the car. “What are we doing, Hayden?” I ask him, looking up at him with pleading eyes.
Hayden leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips and says, “The arcade. I thought it would be fun.”
I smile and just go along with it. Hayden pays for a game card when we get to the arcade.
It’s huge here and there are a lot of different games, even a huge game where two robots fight. There’s also a bar and it kind of reminds me of Dave & Buster's but bigger.
Hayden and I play different games. He manages to win a bunch of tickets and beats me at most of the games. I beat him at a Super Cars racing game and an axe throwing game. I also win at air hockey but Hayden says that he let me win.
Hayden and I end up going to a punching game where you have to punch a bag and it tells you your score and how hard your punch is.
I lean against a game and watch as Hayden prepares to punch the bag as if he is facing one of the biggest fights in his life. I smile while looking at him because I love how he seems so free tonight.
For the past few days since his last fight, he has been a little on edge and I ask him if he’s alright, he mainly just brushes it off and talks about something else to interest me. He has been at the gym a lot and sometimes he will invite me to go with him which I sometimes do because I like seeing Hayden fight for some reason.
He always teases me about how I blush when watching him fight.
Hayden punches the small bag and I watch as the numbers on the screen increase. It goes all the way up to 901 before it stops.
Hayden looks unimpressed while I’m in awe because he punches hard. He has a way with fighting. He does it so smoothly while being so rough.
We end up playing a few more games before we both decide to leave.
“Do you want anything to eat?” Hayden asks as we walk to his car, his hand is holding mine and his body is glued to me as if he can’t leave my side.
He’s warm and I’m pressing my body into his unknowingly but he doesn’t care.
“No, not really.”
“Are you sure? We can get food really quick.”
I smile and nod my head. “Yes, I’m fine. I had some food before I came here. Plus my blood sugar is good right now and I don’t feel like messing it up.”
Hayden opens the car door for me again and once he gets in the car he turns the engine on before leaving the parking lot.
“You had fun?” he asks, while resting his hand on my thigh, giving me chills.
He knows his touch affects me because he has an amused smile on his face as he gets onto the freeway.
“Yea. I haven’t been to an arcade in a while.”
“Max found it. We went there for his birthday,” Hayden says as he looks in the mirror before switching lanes.
“How did you meet everyone in the group?”
“I met Chris through Natalia. Max actually pissed me off and somehow we became closer.”
I laugh, wondering what the hell Max could do to piss Hayden off because a lot of things piss him off. “What did he do?”
“Him and his soccer friends were trying to play a prank on the football team during freshman year. He ended up doing that prank on me because he thought I was from the football team.”
“What was it?”
“It involved a lot of baby powder and eggs. I got fucking pissed and I ended up breaking his jaw. After that he said sorry and we just became closer from parties we both went to.”
“What about Kayden?”
“He was in my English class. He was quiet and I was quiet in the class. We just ended up getting closer because we did partner projects together,” Hayden says at the same time red lights become vibrant on Hayden’s face.
I look away from him and see every single car on the freeway stopped.
Hayden furrows his eyebrows and he puts the car in park. “Stay here,” he says before letting go of my thigh and getting out.
Anxiety is running through my veins as I look around the car trying to figure out what's going on.
Was there a huge car crash? Did someone die? Are they doing tests on all of the drivers or something? Construction?
How long are we going to be here for?
The driver door opens and Hayden gets back in the car. “What happened?” I ask him, turning my body to look at him fully.
He leans in his seat, not putting his seat belt on. “There’s a big accident ahead. They blocked off the freeway.”
What if I get low? I didn’t bring food or juice with me because I didn’t think I needed it. I lick my bottom lip as Hayden grabs my chin and turns my face to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t bring any food with me.”
“It’s okay. I have a snack in the trunk. You’ll be okay,” he says in a soft, assuring tone that makes me feel a little calmer. “You’ll be okay, princess.”
I nod my head and lick my bottom lip. “How long do you think we’ll be here for?” I ask, leaning back into my seat.
“I don’t know. Probably for a while.”
“Has this ever happened to you? Being stuck on the freeway like this?” I ask, curious and also trying to make conversation so we aren’t stuck in silence.
It’s about 2:00 a.m. right now. Hayden and I stayed at the arcade for a while and I have a feeling we are going to be here for a while too.
“With Carter, once.” Hayden’s hand clenches as he talks about Carter.
“Do you not like Carter?”
Hayden's jaw ticks and he looks at me with soft eyes. “It’s not that I don’t like him.”
“Then what is it?”
I know Carter is a tough subject for Hayden. I know Hayden doesn’t like talking about family in general. I can relate because things with my mom are sometimes complicated and things with my dad are just uncomfortable and weird .
“I’m so used to bad parenting from my childhood and now that I have something good, it’s weird to accept it and I guess I’m still trying to accept it.”
“How long have you lived with Carter and Alex?”
“Since I was thirteen, maybe fourteen.”
“I can tell they love you,” I say, making Hayden turn his head to look at me instead of the red lights from the cars. “You’re lucky to have them.”
Hayden suddenly smiles. “My first night at the Night’s I ended up sleeping on the couch. Natalia came downstairs and gave me her purple blanket with yellow stars. She also gave me her giraffe to sleep with so that the monster wouldn't get me.”
“Really?” I smile, loving how kind and pure Natalia is.
“Yea. I’ve never had a sibling before and I’ve always wanted one.”
“What was it like before you were adopted by them?” I ask, wanting to know more but afraid that it will make him mad.
Hayden takes a deep breath and rests his head on the head rest of his seat. “I lived with my mom. She wasn’t the best mother. She was abusive and a druggie. Whenever her boyfriends came over they would use me as a punching bag because I never listened to them when they asked me to get them a drink.” He licks his bottom lip and furrows his eyebrows as if he’s in pain. “I would hide in the cabinet whenever she would bring people over or whenever she was high.”
My heart breaks little by little hearing about Hayden’s old home life. I’m happy that the Night’s took him in because they are good people who care so much about Hayden, you can tell.
“I’m sorry you went through that,” I say, holding his hand in mine.
“You don’t have to be. I’m happier now.”
“I know but just knowing you went through that makes me want to kill your mom.”
“She’s dead. So you don’t have to worry about that.” Hayden smiles at me.
“What about your dad?”
“He’s dead too but I never met him. I heard he was a piece of shit though. Even worse than my mom.”
“I’m happy you're with Carter and Alex then. They love you. Anyone can see that.”
“What about you? Your mom seemed super anxious and straight forward when I met her.”
I take a deep breath, trying to ease my nerves. “Ever since I got diabetes, my relationship with my mom has been different but at the same time she got a boyfriend so things changed regardless.”
“What happened with the boyfriend?”
“I liked him. He was nice. I just didn’t like how my mom acted around him. It was like she was a different person when he was around and she wasn’t my mom anymore.”
“What about your dad?” Hayden asks, sending chills down my spine and making my skin break out in goosebumps.
“I don’t talk to him. He isn’t in my life.”
“Why?”
“Because he did something unforgivable.” I look away from Hayden, uncomfortable by the topic and wanting to talk about something else, desperately.
Hayden places his hand on my thigh and I grab his hand and stroke his bruised knuckles from all the fights he has been doing.
“He’s a fucking idiot for whatever he did.”
You’re fat and you’re going to end up like a hooker just like your mom.
Poor Jaclyn has diabetes and is probably going to end up being a fucking druggie because of that.
She’s so fat, Anne, what are you feeding her? She should have stayed with me.
I can fix it Jaclyn. I swear, all you have to do is listen to me.
I can help you.
“I know. But sometimes his voice is still there, haunting me in the back of my mind.”
Hayden holds my chin in his hand again and makes me look at him. “Let me get rid of him then,” he says before bringing my face closer to his and kissing me. It’s gentle at first. Like a baby deer’s first step into the world before he opens his mouth wider and devours me entirely.
He licks my bottom lip before nipping at it softly making me whimper in his mouth. His hand slides up my throat and holds it as he kisses me with such raw and undenied passion it makes me want to pass out.
I breathe hard as he kisses me as if I’m out of breath and I need him like I need air.
It’s so cliche saying that but it’s never been more true.
I need Hayden like I need air.
“Are they gone?” Hayden asks softly against my lips before taking them in his again.
“What?” I mumble.
“The voices.”
I don’t answer.
I don’t hear anything as I kiss him and as he touches me with gentle caresses.
I don’t hear anything.
The voices are gone.
It’s not just my mind and me anymore.