1. Chapter 1
“Ican get it myself, Blake,” my mom snaps as I take the handles of her wheelchair. I let go and hustle in front of her to open the door for her to move herself into her doctor’s office.
Six years ago, a drunk driver stole my mother’s ability to walk away from her. He also took my dad from us. The accident left us broken in more ways than one. She had a spine injury that has kept her in a chair. I sustained a broken pelvis and femur, both requiring many surgeries to fix, as well as a mild head injury. We’ve both healed physically as much as we’ve been able, but our emotional wounds would never go away.
I follow my mom to the desk, where she checks in. Then I take a seat in the waiting room. Mom rolls herself up next to me.
“I’m sorry. I want…” she trails off.
“To be independent. I get it.”
One of the hardest parts of this journey has been watching this strong and capable woman struggle to find herself in this new life. I feel for her so much. It’s hard to believe that it only takes a split second for your life to change completely.
“Mrs. Knox?” a nurse calls out.
I stand, but Mom waves me back. “I’m okay. You stay here.”
Without arguing, I sit down and take my phone out of my pocket. While mindlessly scrolling through social media, a notification from my best friend, Emma Lane, pops up on my screen.
Em: Coming over tonight?
Me: Yes. Is after dinner okay?
Em: Perfect, see you then. Love ya.
Me: Love ya more.
It makes me giddy to think about spending time with some of my favorite people. I don’t have much outside of my job and mom, but I treasure my relationship with Emma because I now know what it’s like to lose the most important parts of life.
I drive over to Emma’s house after Mom goes to bed. She and her husband, Matt, recently bought a small bungalow a few blocks from where I live. It only takes me a few minutes to get there/ I need some girl time and a snuggle with my niece. I make it just in time to read a bedtime story and rock Cora gently to sleep in my arms.
Emma holds out her arms to me so I can hand over the quietly snoring bundle I hold, “Here, I can take her to her bed.”
I hug the sleeping toddler closer to my chest. “Don’t you dare. I’ve earned these cuddles.”
She shrugs at me, “If you don’t mind her covering you in drool, I won’t stop you. Just know the little menace is growing like a weed, and your arms will fall asleep soon.”
I stare down at the face of an angel surrounded by dark curls that match her mom’s. Her skin is light, and even though her eyes are closed now, I know theyre greenish brown like her dads. Emma’s two-year-old daughter has been the brightest beacon in the darkness surrounding me for the last few years.
“You and Matt sure make pretty babies,” I tell Emma while rocking. Now, with the baby already asleep, Im just soothing myself.
“I know. Matt wants another one, but I’m not ready. We’re still young.”
“But don’t you want her to have a playmate?”
“You mean someone to fight with? That’s all my siblings and I were to each other, and we’re not any closer now. Blood does not mean a built-in friendship.”
“I don’t know how a sibling relationship works, but I’m on Matt’s side. I need another baby to spoil. I have two arms to hold them with.” I demonstrate by moving Cora to one arm and holding out my other.
Emma married Matt while she was pregnant with Cora but didn’t know it yet. He’s been the most devoted husband and dedicated father. After we graduated high school, she went to cosmetology school and found a love for hair and makeup. Instead of being tied down to a salon, she travels around to her clients for special occasions. Her weekends are almost always booked.
“I’m so happy you found Matt and are making a family together,” I tell her, my eyes tearing up with sincerity.
Emma’s smile lights up her tan face, and her brown eyes shine, “I’m happier than I ever thought possible.” Then her smile falls, and she frowns at me. “But you deserve to be happy too. You need to stop avoiding men like they have cooties. Give women a try if that’s your thing.”
I groan at this tired conversation. Between her and my mom, I don’t know who is worse about trying to get me to date.
“Can’t a woman be happy on her own?”
“Of course, she can. Are you happy?” she asks me, though she knows the answer already. I shoot her a look, but she doesn’t back down. “You can’t keep punishing yourself for trusting the wrong guys years ago.”
“I’m not punishing myself. I admit I have some trust issues, but I’ve dated since them who will not be named.”
“A date here and there over six years hardly counts. Have you gone out with anyone more than twice?”
“That one guy, remember? Matt’s coworker, whatever his name was. We dated for…” I trail off, not remembering how long or even his damn name, but I know we went out a few times at least.
“Chris? You dated for like two months, and that was before Cora was born. Your vagina’s cobwebs probably have cobwebs by now. At least go get laid.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” I grumble.
“Go out to the bar. Wear something sexy.”
“And look desperate? No thanks.”
“Well, you are kind of desperate,” She says with a cheeky smile.
I tug Cora’s stuffed pig off the shelf next to me and hurl it at her head, it totally misses and smacks off the wall.
“Hey, don’t abuse Hamilton,” she says as we laugh and leave the nursery. I stand, lay Cora gently in her crib, and quietly leave the room. Emma is waiting for me in the hallway with a hug.
“I just worry about you, but if you tell me to back off, I will. I know you don’t have to have a family like mine to be happy. We’re different.”
I give her a tight squeeze before letting go, “I know you only mean it with love, but a relationship isn’t for me right now. I’m only twenty four, plenty of time to find someone. If they come along. It’s not my focus now. I’ve liked working in the flower shop these last few years, but I want to do something I can feel passionate about.”
That’s all true. I am a little envious that Emma has a career she loves. But if I’m honest with myself, there’s some jealousy over the family she’s built for herself. A husband who’s obsessed with her and an adorable toddler is a dream come true. I’d come close to that once.
I shut down that train of thought before my brain runs away from me. Building a career I love is enough for me. It has to be. Because I can’t risk falling in love with a man again. Three of them already had broken my heart beyond repair.
The next day, I walk through the door of the house I’ve lived in nearly all my life after a long shift at the flower shop. For a brief moment, I expect to see my dad waiting for me on the couch. He’d call me Pumpkin and ask how my day went. My heart sinks with sadness when I remember that he’s gone. In the years since this house has become full of memories and sorrow. The carpets and furniture are tattered and outdated.
“Blake, we’re in here,” I hear my mom call from the kitchen.
My mom is sitting in her wheelchair, rolled up to our old dining table. Her best friend, Stacy Thorne, sits with her. Both women are in their early fifties now, and I am just now noticing that age has slowly crept up on them. My mom’s golden hair, almost the same shade as mine, grays at the roots. She has lines at the corner of her navy blue eyes.
I lean down and kiss my mom on the cheek before hugging Mrs. Thorne. Stacy and my mom have been friends since their grade school days, just like me and Emma. She and her husband, George, divorced a few years ago, but she’s kept her house in Springbrook down the street from ours. She refuses to upgrade to something fancier, no matter how many times her son Cole has tried to convince her. Thoughts of Cole make me hurt, even years later.
“I’m glad you’re home. Did you hear about Coach Ward?” Stacy asks me when I take the seat across from her at the table.
“No. What’s wrong with the coach?”
“It’s the saddest thing. He’d been in the hospital for the past week after suffering a stroke. Last night, he passed away. He was only sixty-one. I can’t believe it.”
“That is sad. His daughter is still so young.”
My mom nods, “Yes, and his son didn’t even make it back from his tour to visit him before he died.”
Thoughts of Talon Ward make me ache, too. It doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t take the trip to be by his dad’s side. From what I’ve heard through town gossip, Talon hasn’t attempted to visit or see his family in years. Talon had a contentious relationship with his dad and his much younger wife.
“I’m sorry for the Wards’ loss,” I say.
“It’s a tragedy. He was so beloved by the community. Next weekend, we will celebrate his life and the legacy he left for the community. A memorial service and other events will be held in his honor.”
“Are you working next weekend?” Mom asks me.
Before I can answer, Mrs. Thorne chimes in, “I’m sure the Millers will close the florist. The whole town will want to participate.”
I’d started at the Miller’s flower shop in town after months of healing from the car wreck, once I could stand up for eight hours daily. Over the years, I’ve moved into designing customer arrangements. It was a good job, but not what I really want to do.
“Oh, good. I don’t want to miss anything. I want us all to grieve together,” My mother tells me, looking relieved. I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m not interested in attending all of these social events. I’m somewhat of a recluse, spending my time working and not doing much else.
Mrs. Thorne gives me a calculated look, “Many of the players Coach Ward trained will be coming into town to pay their respects. Cole called this morning, and he is making his travel arrangements. It would be nice if the two of you could reunite. I don’t know how long it’s been since you have been in the same room together.”
Its been six and a half years. I left him behind in a university ice rink and never laid eyes on him again, at least not in person. It would be impossible to miss his face in print everywhere since he was one of our small town’s heroes who made good for himself as a professional hockey player.
I give her a fake smile, “I would love to see Cole again. Isn’t he engaged?”
Stacy grimaces, “Not anymore. Thank goodness he came to his senses a few months ago and called off the wedding—again. That girl is awful. I still can’t believe he was stupid enough to let you go.”
Cole and I had a relationship that grew from inseparable childhood friends to high school sweethearts until it crashed and burned. After our end, I might have cyberstalked him occasionally. He and Hannah have had an on-again, off-again relationship for years. He’s made a habit of proposing to her and breaking it off afterward. His mom hates her, but something apparently keeps them both going back to each other. I want no part of that drama.
“That was a lot of years ago, when we were practically kids,” I point out to her.
“The childhood bond the two of you had will never disappear,” my mom retorts.
I roll my eyes at them. I see that our mother’s dream of the two of us riding off into the sunset together and giving them a bunch of grandbabies is still alive and well. There was a time I bought into that dream, too, before it was shattered at my feet.
Sensing my unease, Stacy tries for a safer topic. “Do you remember Foster Holland? He was in your grade and Cole’s teammate. They’re still good friends, and he works as a nutritionist for Cole’s team. He’s coming in for the weekend, too.”
Foster isn’t a safe topic, either. Cole, Talon, and Foster are all coming into town. A ball of dread settles into my stomach. Next weekend will be my personal hell. My three biggest mistakes all in one room together. I need a plan to avoid the whole damn thing.