FIVE
Rose
“S o, this place is a family affair, is it?” Nate asks me the next morning while I collect my files from my office for the day.
I eye him carefully, wondering why he feels the need to make small talk.
“I overheard some chatter about the leadership transition to you and your brothers,” he clarifies.
I tuck my paperwork under my arm. “My parents founded the company twenty years ago, yes. And now my brothers and I are inheriting the business.”
“How will you split it up three ways?” He’s standing against the far wall with his arms crossed, waiting for me to get out of his way so he can complete his work.
“We’re all partners, but George wants CEO. I’m fine with letting him have it. I’d rather handle internal business anyway, so COO is for me. Henry wants to stay behind the scenes, so he’ll take CFO, probably.”
“That’s a lot of letters.”
I roll my eyes. “CEO stands for Chief Executive—”
“I know what they mean,” he laughs without humor, pushing away from the wall to retrieve a paintbrush. “I was just making a joke.”
“Well, you asked a serious question, and I gave a serious answer.” I pick up my last file and hold them all to my chest as I turn to face him.
He pries open a bucket of paint and regards me with disapproval. “Why are you so uptight?”
I raise a brow. “Why are you so annoying?”
He shakes his head and pushes past me to set up his ladder. “Maybe you do need that trip to Cabo.”
I scoff. “What I need is to never see Malcolm again, but I doubt my mother will let that happen.”
He sets up his ladder. “Why’s she so set on you marrying the guy?”
With a sigh, I lean against the door frame. “It’s the name. She’s a Hearst. She married an Astor. Both come from old money. Malcolm’s a Carnegie. She wants me to carry the torch, not muddy the family waters.”
Nate raises an eyebrow. “That kind of requirement certainly narrows down your options.”
I shrug. “My family has a lot of connections. I’m sure once she steps off the Malcolm train, she’ll introduce me to someone else.”
He jiggles the ladder, testing its stability before beginning to climb. “Yeah, 'cause a marriage based only on financial status is sure to be a success.”
I cross my arms. “Pffft, thanks for the advice, but what do you know about marriage?”
He doesn’t look at me as he reaches the ceiling. “I think it’s common sense not to marry for money.”
I contemplate the alternative. Beyond my parents’ disapproval, there’s plenty that makes me cringe. “I’m not gonna live in the suburbs and drive a minivan.”
“You know, in most people’s eyes, the snooty rich folks are the ones who live in the suburbs. You’re on another level if you wouldn’t stoop that low .”
I push away from the doorway and take a step out of the room. “I grew up in the city. I can’t imagine settling down anywhere else.”
He turns to me with a smirk. “I doubt you could make it anywhere else.”
I stop abruptly. “And what does that mean?”
He jabs his paintbrush in the direction of my shoes, which are Jimmy Choos today. “Those are city shoes, ma’am. In the suburbs you’d stick out like a sore thumb, and in the country, your heels would sink so deep you’d have to dig yourself out. You wouldn’t last but a couple of days before you’d be running back to your glass box in the sky.”
“Excuse me?” I’m irritated now. “I think I could handle myself if I wanted to. But the fact is, I don’t want to.”
He shrugs and goes back to his work with a smile. “Sure, whatever you say.”
I tap my foot, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of leaving our conversation like this, but my next meeting is about to start. “I think you underestimate me.”
He turns to me with a raised brow and rests his hands on his belt, causing it to shift lower on his hip.
I take a step backward. “I can handle more than—” I start to say, but at the same time, someone tries to pass behind me in the hallway, and a splash of burning liquid hits the back of my blouse. I jump forward into the room with a yelp.
“Shit, Rose, I’m sorry!” Henry follows me in with his coffee cup. “I didn’t see you.”
I shake my head and roll my shoulders, trying to ease the sting. “It’s alright…”
“Are you ok?” He runs his hand through his loose, wavy hair and assesses the back of my shirt, which I’m sure is a complete mess.
Nate is observing from above us on his ladder, and I catch his eye briefly before sighing and grabbing my jacket from the back of my chair. “I’m fine. I’m meeting a client in five minutes.”
Henry pulls a fistful of tissues from a box on my shelf. “Here, at least let me dry you off.”
With a huff, I let him pat my back dry. “Sorry about your coffee. I’m all turned around while my office is in limbo.”
Nate returns his attention to the ceiling. “I’ll be done by three, ma’am.”
I pull my jacket around my shoulders after Henry throws the tissues in the trash. "It's about time. I can’t wait to work with Joe again. He’s never so rude to me." I shuffle out of the room with Henry behind me before Nate can respond.
Henry raises a shocked brow in my direction and then turns to Nate. "Thanks for the good work.” Always polite. He’s always been the golden child .
He quickens his pace to catch up to me in the hall. “Was he really that bad?”
“Yes,” I reply simply, clicking my heels as we walk. “All he’s done is make fun of me.”
“Well, you can’t deny, you’re easy to make fun of.”
I punch him in the arm.
“Hey, you’re headed up to St. Cloud this weekend, right?”
“Yeah…” I sigh. “I think it’s supposed to snow too. It always snows on my year.”
“Will you pick me up a pack of Muggsy’s?”
I look up at him to find a wide, cheeky grin—the same one he used on our mom twenty years ago to get a cookie before dinner. Now it’s for the rare coffee lager. “If you love it so much, why don’t you just get it delivered? I’m sure a courier could drive it down.”
“Yeah, but you’re the best courier.” He winks at me. “You deliver it with love.”
“Oh, brother…” I reply, with the pun intended. “Fine, but you owe me.”
He chuckles as I stop at my conference room, and then he leaves me in his wake. “Have a good meeting,” he calls over his shoulder.
***
ASingleRose26 I’m currently eating three-day-old pizza. Tell me you’re doing better than that tonight.
BigSpoon92 Grilled chicken here. Decided to try a new recipe
ASingleRose26 Man, I need to learn to cook
BigSpoon92 You don’t know how?
ASingleRose26 I can make a mean grilled cheese. But that’s about where my skills end. I usually pick something up on my way home or order delivery. I just didn’t have the energy tonight
BigSpoon92 You didn’t have the energy to pay someone to bring you food? ;)
ASingleRose26 Ha.
BigSpoon92 I’d love to teach you to cook
ASingleRose26 Where’d you learn?
There’s an abnormally long pause before he responds.
BigSpoon92 The answer to that requires a bigger conversation. You have a few minutes to get into that?
ASingleRose26 Sure, I’ve got nothing to do
BigSpoon92 Alright. I wasn’t sure how I’d share this, but better sooner rather than later.
I set my pizza down and wait. Here comes the bomb. He lives in his mom’s basement. At least I’m prepared.
BigSpoon92 My last relationship was actually a marriage. My wife was an excellent cook, and she taught me how. She died two years ago.
My heart drops, and for a brief second, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. This is the last thing I expected him to say, and I’m not prepared. I hover my thumbs over the screen and gulp as secondhand pain shoots through me.
ASingleRose26 I’m…so sorry.
BigSpoon92 Thank you, I’ve come a long way in the last two years, though. I’m in a much, much better place
I feel horrible for thinking he lived in his mother’s basement. Clearly, he’s moved far past that stage in his life.
ASingleRose26 I can’t imagine… May I ask what happened?
BigSpoon92 Cancer. It spread quickly. From the time she found out to when she passed was about three months
ASingleRose26 That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
BigSpoon92 I wasn’t sure how to tell you, and I don’t want to put a damper on our conversation, but I wouldn’t keep that from you.
It…changed me. Made me question who I am, why I’m here, and what I should fight for. But it snapped me into focus too, and it made me appreciate so much more of what I still have.
ASingleRose26 To go through that must be life-changing. How long were you married?
BigSpoon92 Five years
ASingleRose26 Wow, I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know what to say. That’s tragic.
BigSpoon92 You don’t have to say anything.
She and I had time to talk about it before she went. She wanted me to be happy. She wanted me to move forward. In the moment, I couldn’t imagine what that would look like, but I feel ready now. That’s why I joined this app. After a lot of soul-searching, I have the capacity to move on. I wouldn’t be talking to you, or anyone else for that matter, if I hadn’t healed.
ASingleRose26 I really appreciate you being honest with me. It must have been so hard to let her go…fully
BigSpoon92 Yes, it has been. But that’s why I’ve waited two years before even dipping my toe back in.
ASingleRose26 That’s…wow…that must have been such a leap
I feel like my responses are so simple and bland, but I really, truly have no idea what to say.
BigSpoon92 Sorry, this got a lot deeper than I intended, haha
ASingleRose26 No no, thank you for telling me
BigSpoon92 So, I understand if that changes how you feel about talking to me
ASingleRose26 It’s actually a good thing. You’re being real with me. I haven’t really gotten that before
BigSpoon92 Well, it’s easy when we get to hide behind our screens like this
ASingleRose26 Still, that’s tough stuff to talk about
BigSpoon92 Yeah. And if you have any questions, go ahead. I’m not afraid to talk about it. But right now, I have a much less serious question for you
ASingleRose26 Haha, sure
BigSpoon92 Would you rather be able to read minds, or have telekinesis?
ASingleRose26 Oh, read minds, definitely. I think it would be wildly entertaining. Wait, can I control it? Like, if I don’t want to hear what someone’s thinking, can I turn it off?
BigSpoon92 Haha, sure, you can control it
ASingleRose26 Think about how easy it would be to choose friends…business partners…significant others. It’s all right there. Everything you need to know
BigSpoon92 Yeah, but no one’s thoughts are going to be perfect. You’ll accidentally hear the bad stuff too. And you’ll spend forever trying to find perfection that doesn’t exist
ASingleRose26 Wow, I see you already have solid opinions about this one. You’d choose telekinesis?
BigSpoon92 Absolutely. Reading minds would take all the mystery away, and that would get boring. I’d much rather tell the trash to walk itself out to the curb than do it myself
ASingleRose26 Haha, or just hire someone to do it.
BigSpoon92 Nah, I’d rather do it with my mind. Way cooler
I take a bite of my now-cold pizza, but I don’t really taste it. I’m still reeling from his honesty about his wife. I stare at the far wall of the room, trying to picture myself falling deeply in love with someone, marrying them, and then having them ripped from me. Gone. Just gone.
And then learning how to stand back up and start over.
I gulp and press my hand to my heart.
Would I be able to love another person just as much? More? Less? I can hardly imagine how I’d feel.
But this man is trying, and he’s been so sweet so far. I think he deserves to find love again.
Could it be with me, though? Could I be content as the second woman?
Am I getting ahead of myself?
Yes, I am, just like always.
BigSpoon92 You’re still recuperating from my bomb drop, aren’t you?
Oops. I’ve been staring at the wall for…how long?
ASingleRose26 No…
BigSpoon92 It’s ok. It’s a lot. I’m not offended if you decide it’s too much
ASingleRose26 It’s not. Really. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it
BigSpoon92 Ask away. I can hear your brain turning from here
ASingleRose26 How did you meet her? Not online?
BigSpoon92 Nope, we met in college. Very unoriginal
ASingleRose26 nothing wrong with that
BigSpoon92 no, but she was from Michigan, and I think my mom was afraid she’d drag me back there with her
ASingleRose26 yet you moved here to MN anyways
BigSpoon92 yeah and she won’t let me live it down
ASingleRose26 you’re close with your mom?
BigSpoon92 Very. Are you close with your parents?
ASingleRose26 Ha
BigSpoon92 I’m taking that as a no?
ASingleRose26 They’re fine. They want the best for me
BigSpoon92 As any parent should
ASingleRose26 yeah
BigSpoon92 but?
ASingleRose26 their best is…a lofty goal
BigSpoon92 is your definition of “best” different than theirs?
ASingleRose26 I think so
BigSpoon92 you aren’t sure?
ASingleRose26 I’ve spent so long trying to reach their standard, I’m not sure what mine is anymore
BigSpoon92 what do you want?
ASingleRose26 in what? A partner? A career?
BigSpoon92 in everything
I gulp and stare at the wall again. I have no idea what I want. I’m not sure I’ve ever fully realized this before. I thought I wanted to climb the ranks at AWP and marry the man who’ll make my parents proud. The one who’ll sit with my father in his parlor drinking his favorite Blanton’s Gold and talking stocks while my mother and I shop boutiques and plan family trips to Greece and Tuscany.
That’s all I’ve imagined for myself.
Ever.
So, I don’t know what to say, but he responds before I have to.
BigSpoon92 ok, we’ll start small. What did you want for dinner tonight? Instead of that leftover pizza?
ASingleRose26 honestly? Some of your steak and potatoes. Ever since I read it on your profile and then found out you cook, it’s all I can think about
BigSpoon92 haha, we can make that happen
ASingleRose26 I can’t wait
BigSpoon92 ok, so slightly bigger question. What do you want in a significant other?
ASingleRose26 slightly bigger?
BigSpoon92 :)
ASingleRose26 um… a sense of humor. Kindness. Emotional maturity. Stability. Confidence. honesty. Loyalty.
BigSpoon92 that’s a long list for someone who says she doesn’t know what she wants.
ASingleRose26 well, I learned exactly what I DON’T want in my last relationship
BigSpoon92 do tell
ASingleRose26 he cheated. That’s the story. You can probably fill in the rest
BigSpoon92 shit, I’m sorry
ASingleRose26 it’s been four months since we broke up. I’m ok.
BigSpoon92 it’s good that you’re able to flip the experience and use it to realize what you’re really looking for
ASingleRose26 yeah, what’s it like coming out of a relationship where nothing was really “wrong?” I mean, sorry if I’m digging too much, but if your marriage was perfect, how do you top that?
BigSpoon92 like I said, you can ask me anything. I don’t mind at all.
My marriage was far from perfect. I doubt anyone’s is
ASingleRose26 yeah, but you didn’t leave it willingly. So it was perfect enough
BigSpoon92 yes… it was. But I don’t believe in soulmates. I think we all have many people we’re compatible with if we put the work in
ASingleRose26 I never bought into the soulmate nonsense either. I mean, what if my soulmate lived in Yemen? Zero chance we’d ever meet
BigSpoon92 you mean Yemen isn’t on your travel list?
ASingleRose26 not until I’ve exhausted my options in Minneapolis first
BigSpoon92 Are you looking for someone to marry someday, or just to date?
ASingleRose26 I did the casual dating thing. I’m over it. Marriage is definitely the goal. And a family…someday
BigSpoon92 how many kids do you want?
ASingleRose26 maybe 3? I’m not sure. Gotta figure out how hard just one is
BigSpoon92 haha
ASingleRose26 what about you?
BigSpoon92 2 or 3 probably
ASingleRose26 look at us, just two otters talking about their future children already ;)
BigSpoon92 should we get married tomorrow and get started?
ASingleRose26 whoa, down boy
BigSpoon92 hahaha, no but really, I’m enjoying talking with you. My conversations with other women on this app have been pretty dull
ASingleRose26 got lots of other ladies in your inbox?
BigSpoon92 none that I’ve answered since I started talking to you
ASingleRose26 *holds hand to heart*
BigSpoon92 the truth is, I haven’t wanted to
I smirk at the screen, my spine tingles, and I sink further into the sofa and set my limp pizza aside.
ASingleRose26 :) I’m really glad I accidentally joined this app
BigSpoon92 me too :)
We continue to chat through the evening and into the early hours of the morning. I know I’m going to regret it when I’m falling asleep into my coffee cup tomorrow at my 8 am meeting, but right now, none of it matters. All that matters is the warm spot in my heart that’s growing bigger with every line of text that pops onto my screen.