SIXTEEN
Nate
“G randma’s here!” Kara scrambles out of her chair and runs to the door. She flings it open and throws her arms around Amber’s mother with enough force to almost knock her over.
I dry the last dish from dinner and cross through the kitchen toward them with a smile. “Linda, so good to see you. How was the drive?” She lives five hours away, but she makes a weekend trip every few months to see Kara and probably to check on me.
“I think you’ve grown almost a foot!” she runs her fingers lovingly through Kara’s hair and kisses her forehead as she steps through the door. “It was just fine,” she says as she rests her hands on the sides of my face, assessing me closely. “You look well, Nate. How’s work?” Her eyes are the same deep brown as Amber’s, and it’s always just a little difficult to look into them.
“The usual. But I’m thinking of hiring again.” I hug her warmly and then take her bags. I carry them down the hall while Kara grabs her hand and leads her toward the living room, where she’s already laid out all her latest drawings.
“Oh, that’s fantastic,” I hear Linda call back. “You must be busy, then?”
I put her things in her room and then return with a nod as I sink down into one of the armchairs. “Things have been good.”
“Grandma, look at this one I drew of your blue house!” Kara points at one of the papers on the coffee table. “I even drew all the daisies in the front.”
Linda holds my gaze for just a moment before she turns to Kara. “This is beautiful, sweetheart. You got it just right.”
Kara grins proudly. “I’m getting better, aren’t I, Grandma?”
Linda rubs Kara’s shoulder. “Absolutely, you’ve improved so much even since the last time I saw you. How are you doing in school? Is Dad keeping you on top of your homework?”
“He always makes me do it before dinner.” Kara rolls her eyes.
“Good.” Linda smirks at me and then turns back to Kara. “And how is your head feeling, honey?”
“Fine.” Kara shrugs and turns away. “I don’t like talking about it.”
Linda closes her mouth quickly. “Ok, no problem.” She picks up another drawing. “Nate, I haven’t spoken to your mother lately. How is she doing?”
I cross one leg over the other and sit back. “She and Dad are both doing well. She can’t wait for him to finally retire, but I think he’s holding on as long as he can. She desperately wants to come for an extended stay, but they can’t do that when he’s got clients requesting work every day.”
“I get that.” Linda nods. “Jim was busy like that too. Couldn’t bear to take even a day off. He was always so stressed.”
Amber’s father passed from a heart attack nine years ago, and now that she’s gone too, Linda is left with just Amber’s sister…and me and Kara, I guess. I worry about her a lot, but she’s either incredibly strong, or she puts on a really good face.
“Now, don’t you end up like that.” She points her finger at me. “Take time off.” She rubs Kara’s shoulder again. “This one’s gonna need that…and so is anyone else who wanders into your life.”
I clear my throat and smile slightly. “That’s what the cabin’s for. I love it too much not to take a few days off.”
The three of us chat for a few hours and Kara insists we play her favorite board game too. The two of them adore each other, and I think Kara misses Amber a little less when Grandma’s around.
Once Kara is in bed, Linda relaxes in the armchair opposite me and raises her chin. “The two of you been doing anything fun this spring?”
I toss another log onto the fire and shrug. “Now that the snow’s melted, Kara has been outside practicing soccer. She’s going to try out for the team this year.”
“You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?” She asks without pause. It catches me off guard and I start to open my mouth to reply, but she’s quick to continue. “I haven’t seen that look in your eyes since Amber was still here.” She has a brow raised, but she’s smiling.
I’ve dreaded this conversation, but she looks so at ease, so I take a breath and nod. “I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, yes.”
Linda inhales slowly and brings her mug to her lips. “Good for you, Nate. Really. Amber would be so happy…” I start to speak, but she continues. “I remember, she told me one time, during those last few weeks…she was so worried you wouldn’t ever be able to move on.”
“I know.” I nod slowly. “She told me that too. But I understand she wanted me to…for Kara—”
“For you, too,” she interrupts gently. “Yes, Kara will benefit so much from a new maternal presence in her life someday, but you deserve to be happy too. You haven’t smiled the same in the last two years…until tonight. There’s something…brighter…about you.”
I shake my head and sit forward. “It’s still early.”
Linda stands and moves to the sofa beside me, then she reaches out and takes my hand with a genuine smile. “Regardless of whether it’s this girl or not, go and find that happy feeling again.” She’s looking at me like she’s my own mother. Like she cares about me just as much. “Life isn’t about mourning the past, it’s about seeking happiness, day after day. And Amber wanted you to live .”
I swallow the knot in my throat and squeeze her hand gently as I look into the same eyes Amber looked at me with when she told me to go fall in love again. I don’t even know if it’s going to be Rose. But at least, finally, I’m starting to feel like falling in love again might actually be possible.
“I really appreciate you being so positive about all this,” I say quietly.
She drops my hand and sits back with a laugh. “Oh, I’ll be there at the wedding with bells on. Don’t you worry. I want nothing more than to see you content again. I know you’ll never forget Amber.”
“Never,” I echo.
***
I pull up in front of Rose’s building a week later and put the truck in park just as she emerges from the front doors.
“Wow!” Kara exclaims, craning her neck to look out the window and up at the eighty floors. “Rose really does live in a skyscraper!”
If you’d asked me a month ago if I’d take Kara on a third date with a woman, I’d laugh at you, but since Rose already spent an entire weekend and a hospital visit with her, she knows she’s part of the packaged deal, so it feels natural to give them some time together.
I get out and walk around the front of the truck to open the passenger door for Rose. She’s wearing a red plaid sweater and a big smile.
“Thank you,” she says as she touches my arm and slides into the seat.
I cross around to mine, and by the time I’m back in, Kara is already talking a mile a minute.
“—and I missed you so much. I made you these drawings.” She passes papers up to Rose. “The first one is of the chickens, ’cause I thought it might keep you company if you miss them. I think they miss you. And the other one is us roasting marshmallows. I drew it so yours was burning ’cause you said that’s how you like them,” she giggles.
Rose admires the drawings for a moment before she folds them up with a laugh. “That’s the only way I knew how to do them until you taught me the trick to getting them the perfect golden brown. Thank you, Kara. These are beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.” She sits back with a proud grin.
“How was your morning?” I smile at Rose as I pull out into traffic.
“It was good. I’m really excited. I haven’t been to the zoo in years.”
“We go about once a month,” I chuckle.
“So, then you’ll be able to show me around, Kara?” Rose says over her shoulder.
“Yep!” Kara exclaims. “I want to see the alligators first!”
“What is your favorite animal, Kara?” she asks.
I already know Kara doesn’t have just one favorite, so I’m fully prepared when she begins listing them off and explaining her reasoning behind liking each one. The drive passes easily with her entertainment, and soon we’re in the zoo grounds and on our way to the reptile house. I link my fingers with Rose’s as Kara skips ahead of us, eager to find out if crocodiles are bigger than alligators.
On the way through the Africa zone, we pass a towering metal structure that’s under construction. There’s a large sign posted in front of the temporary fence around it that says, “COMING SOON. THE BOTSWANA BUNGEE EXPERIENCE.”
Rose shields her eyes from the sun and peers up at it. “I bet that’s going to be fun. I’ve never been bungee jumping.”
I look away and shudder. Even half-built, it’s intimidating. “I’ll be keeping my feet flat on the ground, thank you.”
She laughs. “You won’t even give it a try?”
“Not a chance. But you have your fun.”
She nudges me playfully. “Surely you can’t be that scared of heights?”
“So much so that my friends made fun of me when I was a kid.” I grimace. “There was this old railroad bridge we’d cross to take a shortcut to the park. They’d try to push me off the edge.”
“Well, that’s just evil,” Rose says from beside me. “Did you have any siblings to stick up for you?”
“Nope,” I shake my head. “I wish I did. My parents are great, but my childhood was a little lonely.”
“I spent my childhood wrestling my brothers off me.” She chuckles.
“But I bet you could hold your own,” I smirk.
“Do you know why your parents didn’t have more children?” She peers up at me when we arrive at the glass enclosure that holds a large alligator.
Kara leans closer with wide eyes and says something to the animal while I shrug. “Truthfully, I never asked them. On the off-chance that they tried and couldn’t, I didn’t want to stir that up.”
Rose watches Kara wave at the alligator and then move on to the next enclosure. “You don’t want her to feel alone like you did.”
I lean against a column and cross my arms. “Yeah, but there’ll be a big age gap if she ever does get a sibling.”
“But with how much she likes to be a little teacher, I’m sure she’ll love being the wiser, older sister,” Rose suggests.
She’s right. Kara is constantly imparting new knowledge to me, even.
There’s a sign above the alligator enclosure, so I scan it quickly. “Hey, Kara, it says alligators can grow up to fifteen feet long. What does it say about the crocodiles?”
She turns around and sprints across the viewing room to the crocodile exhibit, then she points at the sign above it. “Umm, it says…” She furrows her brow and slowly sounds out the words. “The male…Am—Ameri—can croc—o—crocodile can mee—ah—sure…measure… as much as…twenty feet.” She whips around and grins at me. “Twenty feet, Dad! Mrs. Jones was right!”
“I guess she was!” I rest my hands on my hips. “Pretty cool.”
She turns to the glass again and waves at the beast at the edge of the water. “Hi, Mister Crocodile.”
Rose sidles up next to her and leans against the railing. “Do you think he has a name?”
“I think his name is Stanley,” Kara says with a nod.
Rose chuckles. “I like it.” She waves too. “Hi, Stanley.”
“I don’t think he can hear us,” Kara giggles. “But that’s good, ’cause he looks kinda angry. He probably wants to eat us for his lunch.”
Rose lifts her finger to her chin. “You think he looks hungry?”
Kara beams at her. “I think… very hungry.”
They both burst out into laughter and I stand back and watch them bond in the sweetest way. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.