Chapter 6
SIX
COLTON
What had I done? I’d completely lost control, damn it. I should have known it would happen with Tex. He was just…damn it! With a deep inhale, I peeled myself from him and stepped to the sink. We needed to clean off.
After turning the faucet on, I lifted my hand and stared at it, covered in the globs of our mingled cum. “Shit.” I rinsed under the water and then wet a paper towel. “Here.” I handed it to him and then wet one for myself. As I wiped the cum off me, I bit my lower lip. How could I recover from this?
“Hey, Colton.” Tex threw his paper towel into the trash bin at the end of the kitchen island. “Are you okay?” He grabbed my elbow, turning me to face him. “That was nice. Hot as fuck, actually.”
Keeping my gaze on his chest, I said, “It, um, can’t happen again.” I couldn’t let myself go like that. If I did, other things might crumble around me. He’d been right. I’d told myself this was about my father, but it wasn’t. My fucked-up head might be beyond repair. But I was so drawn to him. Why?
“Uh, what?” He lifted my chin, forcing my gaze to his. “Don’t say that, Colton. There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with being with a guy.” His forehead wrinkled, and he pressed a soft kiss on my mouth.
An ache wormed through my chest. “No, I can’t.
” I tore from his grasp, stomped into the main room, and picked up his backpack.
“You should probably go.” He planned on firing me as his tutor, right?
“I’m sure you can find another tutor.” Pain sliced through my heart.
It killed me, but it was necessary. He was too tempting, and now all I’d think about when he was around was kissing him, blowing him, having sex with him. God damn it. I clenched my jaw.
“You don’t mean that, Colton.” He grabbed his backpack and set it on the floor at his feet. “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”
“You don’t want to be with me. I’m not, I’m not right.” I forced myself to look at him, at his sad eyes, and a lump formed in my throat.
“I don’t care. I want you.” He stepped to me and brushed his fingers up and down my arm.
“Colton, whatever is going on with you, we can work through it. I know we can.” His lips flattened.
“I can wait it out. I feel something here, and I know you feel it too. Right?” He swallowed hard as his gaze bore into me, bore into my soul.
My gut tied into a knot and my heart hurt. Was I being too rash? He was a decent guy. And this was so fucking hard. “What, uh, what do you propose?”
“Keep tutoring me. Hell, let me be your friend. I promise not to kiss you if you don’t want me to.” The corner of his lips twitched. “I need your help, anyway. I looked ahead and the math only gets worse.” He stepped closer, taking my hands in his. “Please.”
How could I say no? Helping students healed something in me.
It’s why I did it, not for the money. Mom’s life insurance had paid for my schooling.
“Okay.” Shit, I couldn’t turn him down. With a rushed exhale, I dipped my head.
“Show me what you need help with.” I was so weak with him.
I rushed to the couch and fell onto the end. If he kept his distance, it could work.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table as he slipped his laptop from his bag. I picked it up, and a text from Sara showed on the screen.
Sara
I’ve told all my friends about your tutoring, and I went on the message boards and told them too. You should get lots of students now.
“Why?” Planting my elbows on my thighs, I rubbed my forehead. This was out of left field.
“What’s going on?” Tex opened his laptop, turned it on and then leaned in toward me, gazing at my phone. “Sara?”
“Yeah.” With a huff, I shook my head and texted her back.
Colton
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I peeked at Tex, watching me intently. I’d intended on breaking it off with her, but now how could I? There could be nothing more between me and Tex. “She’s actively trying to get me more students. I don’t know why.”
“What are you going to do?” His brows creased. “You won’t date her again, right?”
“No…I don’t know.” Fuck, this was crazy. I was stuck between wanting what I couldn’t have and having what I didn’t want.
Tex wrinkled his nose. “Well, I guess I can’t stop you.
” His hands clenched into fists before he logged into his laptop.
“Just do me a favor, okay?” He glanced at me.
“If you go on a date with her, don’t tell me about it.
My buddy Malik is dealing with something similar right now and it’s killing him. ”
I blinked a few times. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for me already, could he? But I already felt something for him. If I didn’t, why had I agreed to keep tutoring him when I knew it was a bad idea? “Yeah, okay. But I doubt I’ll date her again.”
After a few clicks of his mouse, he turned his laptop screen toward me. “This is the next module we have coming up. Can you go over it with me? Maybe if I hear it from you first, then I’ll understand it better in class.”
As I shimmied closer to him, my pulse quickened. “Sure, we can start there.” I had to keep this professional.
“You always explain it so I can understand.” After his gaze met mine, it fell to my lips, and he licked his own. “I hope you don’t have so many new students that you won’t have time for me.”
I raised my brows. “I always give priority to existing students before scheduling new ones.” And by the look of this next module, he’d need a lot of help. I knew now where his strengths and weaknesses were. My gut twinged. And my weakness was him.
“Good. Then maybe we could set up a regular schedule. How about two study nights per week, and one night for hanging out?” A slow grin curled his lips. “I’d still like to be your friend.”
It seemed like a lot for a guy with football practice and games, but he knew his schedule best. “Sure.” I focused on the laptop. “Let’s tackle this now, and after we can arrange future sessions.”
What had I gotten myself into? For the last hour, I’d helped him with the new material, but every time he’d touched me, it had ignited a fire inside me. I’d kept my distance, but it had been the most intense study session I’d ever had.
He closed his laptop and slipped it inside his backpack. “So, let’s plan study sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays nights and then, depending on my travel schedule, we hang out on a weekend or during the week?” Setting his hands on his muscled thighs, he studied me.
“I’ll pencil you in for those days.” I opened my tutoring calendar and added the days in. Why was he so adamant about this?
He zipped his backpack and leaned in close. “I want to be sure we have time together. I think…” He inhaled deeply, his gaze dipping. “I think you’ll come around, eventually. I’ll wait for you.”
“Come around?” He wasn’t giving up on the idea that we could be together. Warmth crept through my heart. I’d never had anyone care about me like this. Okay, maybe Evan, but he was only a friend.
“Yep. It’ll happen. And when it does, I’ll be there.” He rose and ambled toward my door. “See me out?”
“Of course.” I followed him, stopped as I reached his side, and then opened my door, an ache ghosting across my chest. What would have happened if I’d surrendered? Would he have stayed the night? I’d never slept with someone in my bed before.
He turned to me, his gaze focused on my mouth before darting to my eyes.
Cupping my cheek, he said, “I have an away game this weekend and since we met tonight for studying, we don’t need to meet tomorrow.
Would you keep Wednesday night open for me?
We could hang out on Mill Avenue, go have dinner somewhere…
” He sank his teeth into his lower lip. “As friends.”
I should say no. But fuck if I could. “Yeah, sure. We’ll study again on Thursday.” So, I’d basically see him most of the week? I shifted my stance as heat burned low in my belly. I wanted him again already. “We’ll work out a time for Wednesday later. I’ll need to see when my new students can meet.”
“Okay. Have a good night, Colton. See you soon.” As his chest heaved with a deep inhale, he walked out the door and down the steps.
After shutting the door, I rested my back against it, closing my eyes. I was making a grave mistake. I should have dismissed him and not agreed to this. What was wrong with me?
My phone buzzed on the coffee table.
Shit, I had to handle the new students Sara had sent. I strode to my phone and grabbed it, reading a text from her.
Sara
Can I call you? Are you free?
I was already so confused. I didn’t feel like speaking with her. But I should. I typed back.
Colton
Yes, I’m free. Travis just left.
I winced. Why did that matter? I should exercise caution revealing when he was here. I couldn’t place my finger on why, but my gut said so.
My phone hummed with a call from Sara, and I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hey, how many new students do you have now?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I haven’t looked.” I sat on my couch. Maybe I’d find out why she’d done this. “I was just about to.”
“Oh…well, you’ll have time for them, right?” She chuckled. “And still have time to see me? I mean, I got you all this new business.”
I pursed my lips. Did she mean to tutor with me again? “Do you want to set up a tutoring session with me?”
“No, I meant a time for our next date, silly.” She tutted. “Sometimes I think you’re a little clueless.”
With a rushed exhale, I pinched the bridge of my nose. But she might have given me grounds not to see her again. “I…listen, Sara, I’ll need to go through these emails and see what my week looks like.”
“Okay, but I’m helping you out here. What are you doing for Halloween? It’s this Friday.”
Shit, I hated going out for Halloween. Dressing up and hanging out in bars was not enjoyable for me. “I have a few students that day and I really need to work on my thesis.” I clenched my jaw. Would she push it?