Chapter 31
Dear Lizzie,
My darling, I do not know how to tell you this, but I am afraid that I must. Please do not think poorly of me for once again falling into this trap. I will always be grateful for all that you have done for me.
It is a terrible thing, but mother has decided to break her word to Mr. Darcy. It is not by accident, but quite deliberate. She insists that father made the promise, not she, and that she is not bound by it. She claims that she cannot be held responsible for our father’s affairs.
Most vile of all, Lizzie, have been her comments about you.
She guessed that you were behind my rescue and sees it as a most unfilial and sly assault upon her authority.
I fear she will never think well of you again.
She certainly has no respect for either you or Mr. Darcy, except from when she speaks of his fortune or his connections.
She boasts of those in the same breath that she defames your character - to the women whom we once called upon as friends!
Lizzie, it is too terrible to describe. So many ears have been poisoned, and why?
Because you alone were good enough to help me!
I protested to mother, trying to turn her away from such a spiteful revenge, but she would not listen.
In truth, Lizzie, I believe that her correspondence with Mr. Collins has driven her out of her wits.
Sometimes she says things which can only have come from him.
She told me - and hark this! - that there is no arrangement with Mr. Darcy.
By his contract, my engagement was forbidden, or else you would not marry.
But now that you are married, you cannot be un-wed.
There is no reason for mama to keep her end of the bargain.
You have nothing left that she wants, and no hold over her.
Mr. Collins is to return to Meryton three weeks hence. He has been assured that he can continue his odious advances towards me unchallenged - and that he is sure to be accepted without delay.
In truth, Lizzie, my life here has become so miserable that I long for an escape. I am sure that is our mother’s intention: her treatment of me worsens every day, so that Mr. Collins’s offer looks more and more attractive.
I am not permitted to leave the house, nor to find solace in dear Charlotte’s company.
All pleasant diversions are forbidden to me.
I am not allowed to read, draw, walk or do anything to alleviate my boredom.
If I grow desperate, then mama allows me to embroider a pair of silk gloves. I am to wear them to my wedding.
Writing to you has been likewise forbidden - and I must apologise for the silence which this has caused.
It must have worried you. Dear Kitty managed to sneak a pen and paper under my pillow this evening.
Lydia promises to take this letter into town on her morning walk.
She calls it a ‘lark’, but even her playfulness has been tempered by mama’s determination.
I think our sisters are frightened that they will soon be as cast off as pitilessly as you were, and as I am soon to be.
I am nearly out of ink, dearest. I can only say that I love you. I am truly sorry that your sacrifice was for nothing. Please, please forgive me - and let me sign the name we shared for one last time.
Jane Bennet