Chapter 19 #2
She rubbed his back. “There’s nothing I can say to make this easier. But I’m here, okay? For whatever you need.”
The words brought the tumultuous feelings in him crashing down around him. He reached for her, pulling her tight against him as a tear slid down his cheek.
She squeezed him tight. “I know this is a lot. But it’s going to be okay.”
“No,” he answered, his voice shaking. “No, it’s…this is…it’s too much. She’s taken one of the only things that matters to me. She couldn’t take you, so she took Sierra instead.”
Julia pulled back from him, cupping his face in her hands. “That’s not true.”
“You’ll have to explain that one to me,” he said, his voice still weak.
“Grant, Sierra is your daughter in every way that matters. The DNA is just one part of parentage, and it’s not even the most important part.”
He tried to cling to those words, but he struggled, still feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under him. Lydia ripped away his daughter.
“We don’t have to talk about this now,” she said, her voice soft. “We don’t even have to talk about it at all. But I did think you deserved to know.”
He forced his mind to face the situation. “I’m not glad you told me, but I’m glad we don’t have any secrets. But I…”
His features pinched as he struggled to maintain his composure. She pulled him into a hug again. “You don’t have to know what to say. Take all the time you need. I’ll be right here with you.”
He slid his eyes closed, tightening his arms around her as he tried to use her to center himself. Wrapped in her embrace, the world outside fell away, leaving onto the weight of the revelation and the warmth of her presence. Time stretched as silence enveloped them.
In the quiet, his breaths finally became deeper and more deliberate. Julia’s steady presence was his lighthouse in the storm that raged inside him. He leaned into it, feeling the solidity of her support without the need for words.
A minute passed, maybe more. In the shelter of the silence, he found a fragile sense of grounding, a precarious foothold in the landslide of his emotions.
The initial shock that had frozen him began to thaw, replaced by a swirling mix of gratitude, loss, and an indescribable sense of being adrift. But Julia remained his anchor.
Finally, he took a deep breath, loosening his hold on her slightly, a nonverbal cue of his readiness to face the world again, no matter how altered it now was.
He gathered the shards of his composure, desperately trying to navigate the uncharted and tumultuous waters.
He eased back, finally opening his eyes. “Julia,” he began, his voice hoarse with emotion, “thank you for being here with me.”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” she answered, her voice soft and her eyes glowing with concern.
“I don’t know…what to do.” He wiped a tear that had escaped to his cheek.
“There’s no right answer here. We’ll handle this however you want to. Together.” She squeezed his hands in hers.
“But that’s just it. I don’t know. What…happens now? I…” He blew out a steadying breath. “I just want to believe Kyle did this as a cruel prank.”
“I know. And if that’s what helps you cope, that’s okay. But I want to say that I don’t think Kyle would do that. I know your relationship with him is still difficult, but I don’t think he’d do something like this.”
Grant bobbed his head as he shifted his gaze away from her. “I know…” His features pinched again. “Deep down, I know that. You wouldn’t have gone to him if you thought he would. But I can’t…she was my baby.”
“She still is,” Julia answered.
He focused on her again, his forehead creased. “But she’s not.”
“She is,” Julia insisted. “Listen to me. You are her father in every way that matters. And she is your daughter. You don’t share DNA. So what?”
“So…she’s not mine. She’s…not.”
“Are you saying, then, that I can never really be a mother to her? No matter how close we’ve become, I’m not really her mother?”
“No, of course not. You are more of a mother to her than Lydia ever was. Julia, you have to know that.”
She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Well, there you go. We don’t share DNA. And you don’t think that matters.”
The words soothed him beyond what he expected was possible in this moment. Julia had walked into his family, changing them forever. And the fact that she hadn’t given birth to either of his children made no difference to them or to her.
“You are always going to be her father.”
He paused, the words sinking in as his thoughts drifted to Sierra. “It’s strange. Biology seems so crucial until you realize it’s love and the day-to-day living that makes a family. Sierra will always be my daughter in all ways that matter. I just hope…I can be the father she needs.”
“You will be,” Julia reassured him.
He shook his head. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell her. She…this is going to be hard for her…and me.”
“Okay, well, we’ll deal with that when you’re ready. We don’t have to tell her right now. We don’t have to tell her ever.”
“But Kyle knows.”
“And he will never say a word to her.”
“That I don’t trust,” Grant said, feeling a bit more like his old self. “He’ll shout it the first time he needs to win an argument.”
Julia shook her head. “No. I never would have gone to him if I thought he’d do that. He realizes how sensitive of a topic this is. He won’t say anything. So, we can do this on your timeline, okay?”
Grant swallowed hard, scrubbing his face as he bit his lower lip. “Oh…I don’t want to ever tell her. Never.”
“Okay. That’s okay. She doesn’t need to know,” Julia agreed with a nod.
He heaved a sigh. “But she does.”
“You don’t need to decide right now. Why don’t you take some time? Let it all settle for you before you talk to Sierra.”
He laced his fingers through hers as he flicked his gaze out the window. “Yeah, but…I will…put this off. I’ll find reasons not to tell her. I’ll…avoid it. I spent two years avoiding telling you how I felt, Julia. I’m really good at avoiding things.”
She chuckled as she laid a hand on his chest. “Okay, point taken, but there is no reason why you can’t give yourself some time to let your emotions settle.”
He sucked in a breath. “Will you help me? I can’t tell her alone.”
“Of course.” She squeezed his hand. “We’ll face this together. You, me, Sierra, even Kyle–we’re a family in every way that counts. We’ll take this one step at a time.”
“Thank you.” He kissed her, her lips a soothing balm for his grayed nerves. “There’s no way I can tell Sierra without you.”
“Tell Sierra what?” Sierra asked.
His heart plummeted as he glanced over Julia’s shoulder at the door. Sierra hovered inside of it, her eyes questioning. All of the steadiness he’d found moments ago fell away as his world threatened to crumble.
How would he tell his daughter what he barely managed to accept himself?