Chapter 3 #2
We’d made it through our chartered flight and a walk through at the Mississippi stadium and had some downtime at the hotel before our catered team dinner.
Sometimes being on the road felt like royalty, and this was one of those times.
The hotel was nicer than most, with marble floors and rich wood paneling in the common areas.
I’d wandered through hallways, across the restaurant and small shops, searching for any sign of Wren. I could probably ask our road manager about his room, but then I might come face to face with his girlfriend. Fuck that.
As I walked past a coffee shop, the back of Wren’s familiar brown hair came into view.
Wren, dressed in team sweats, ordered coffee with guess who? His fucking girlfriend.
“Damn it.” I stopped and watched from the edge of the wall. How could I get him alone?
After ordering their coffees, they moseyed to the end of the counter, chatting incessantly.
This was no good. I should leave. I glanced at them one last time and twisted.
“Hey, isn’t that Eli Dawson?” A woman’s voice said behind me.
“Fuck.” I cringed. Was it her or a fan? I had to find out and not look like a dick. As I swiveled on my heels, the girlfriend stepped closer to me.
“Yep.” With a broad grin, she advanced on me. “I’ll bet you’re looking for Wren. Am I right?” Her eyes, surrounded by thick lashes, twinkled.
“Um…” I snuck a glance at Wren, scowling at me. “Only if he wants to, uh, to talk to me.” How had all my training at the center, all my psychology studies, escaped me in this moment?
“Of course he does.” She snatched his arm at the elbow and hauled him toward me. “I’ll get the coffees. You talk.”
With his jaw dropped open, he glowered at her. “But—”
“Behave.” She shook her finger at him. “You know you want to talk to him. Now do it.” She shoved him toward me.
He stumbled and righted himself only a foot away from me. With his lips tensing, he said, “What do you want?”
My pulse hammered in my temples. “I…I want to apologize for, for…” I glanced at his girlfriend. She obviously knew what had happened between us. But she wanted him to talk to me. It must mean she knew we had unfinished business.
“For being a complete and utter asshole in high school?” His glare locked on me as he planted his hands on his hips. “Apology not accepted. Nothing’s changed since then, so why would I forgive you now?”
“Wren!” The girlfriend stomped toward us with two coffees in her hands. “What the hell is wrong with you? Now you’re just as much of an asshole as he was. What did I tell you?”
His throat dipped with a hard swallow as he tossed her a quick glance.
Yep, she definitely knew the complete story. I breathed through a knot in my gut and straightened my spine. “Can we sit down somewhere and just…talk?”
“Here.” She handed him a coffee. “I’ll return to the room, so you two can hash this out.” With a harrumph, she stormed off.
“You’ve got five minutes, Dawson.” He sipped his coffee, his glare growing harder. “Make it good.”
My gaze swept the area. We needed somewhere private. A table with lounge chairs rested in an empty bar. “Let’s go over there.” I pointed as I strode toward it and then sat in a chair.
He dropped into the chair opposite mine and held his Apple Watch to his face. “Five minutes starts now.”
What the hell do I say? I remained tongue-tied as ever. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you’ve said that.” Rolling his eyes, he drank his coffee.
“Look, I’m not the same person I was. I was scared, and I acted…stupidly. I didn’t know how to make those guys shut up without exposing my feelings for you. I loved you so much, I figured everyone could already see it and—”
“You’re supposed to stand up for those you love, not let people diss them behind their backs.” He scoffed. “You’re repeating the same shit you said in high school. Did you really think repeating it would change the outcome?”
“No, but maybe I hoped you’d perceive the incident in a new light, now that you’re older.
I’m hoping you can empathize with a kid who was scared shitless of their sexuality.
” I let out a long breath. This was pointless.
Maybe I’d grown more mature, and he hadn’t?
“I had hoped time had softened your hatred of me. But I guess I’m wrong and now…
” I glanced toward the hallway where his girlfriend had gone. “Now I guess you’ve got someone else.”
His brows furrowed, and he set his coffee on the table. “What?”
“Your girlfriend. She seems like a good person.” She had left us alone to talk, even pushed him into it. I slumped as an ache wormed through my heart.
“She’s not my—” He made air quotes. “—Girlfriend.” He huffed a breath. “She’s a girl and a good friend, my roommate even, but we’re not together that way. I’m gay, remember?” He choked out a laugh. “Have you switched sides? I thought you were part of the queer contingent on the football team?”
I stared at him. He was still gay. She wasn’t a girlfriend. A glint of warmth radiated through my heart. Was there a chance? But he hated me. “Do you, uh, do you have a boyfriend then?”
“No, not at the moment.” He sipped his coffee as he scanned the area. “You?”
“Nope. I’ve dated a few guys, but it never worked out.
” They never compared to you. I raked my gaze over him, his pecs and shoulder muscles filling out his sweats, his slender hips and the way his satisfying bulge sat between his thighs inside his joggers.
My dick stirred. “You look—um, you look good, by the way.” There, would he take the compliment?
“Thanks.” He pursed his lips, dipped his head and then faced me. “What do you want from me?” For a second, his gaze softened.
“I don’t want you to hate me.” I’d start there. Maybe asking forgiveness was too much. I studied him as he tapped his index finger on his glass and made another scan of the room.
“Okay, so how am I supposed to do that without forgiving you?” He wrinkled his brows and leaned in. “Do you know how much you hurt me? How fucking heart—” Clamping his mouth shut, he stood. “We’re done here. Five minutes are over.” He stomped off toward the hallway.
“Wren,” I called to him, but he kept on. “Shit.” Fisting my hand, I punched my thigh. Had I gotten anywhere? This conversation would haunt me throughout the game.
Later that evening, after the team dinner, I readied for bed and left the bathroom in my pajama bottoms. The room assignments paired me with Tex.
It was unusual to pair defensive and offensive linemen together, but who was I to question the coaching staff?
I hoped to hell he didn’t ask about my foul mood.
Shit, maybe the coaches had noticed and figured sharing a room with my buddy would help.
“What’s eating you?” He lay on his bed against the pillows and the cream tufted headboard, scrolling on his phone.
“Nothing.” Of course, he fucking asked. I threw the covers aside and slipped between the sheets. “You shouldn’t be on your phone right before bedtime.”
“Okay, Mom.” With a sly grin, he set his phone on the dark wood nightstand between us, shifted down the bed, and rolled to his side, facing me. “Now tell me what’s going on. I’ve never seen you so quiet at a team dinner.”
I faced him, tucking my hand under my pillow. I couldn’t tell him about Wren, could I? Malik had been too busy to talk to me this evening.
“Are you worried about the game tomorrow? I know you weren’t playing your best last weekend, and well, you didn’t look great in practice this week either.” He wrinkled his forehead. “Talk to me, man.”
“I…” This was Tex, a man who consistently offered support in the weight room, who always pushed me to my limits and made me work harder. Huffing an exhale, I said, “Okay, my ex from high school is here. He’s on the Spirit Squad, and we had a brief discussion this afternoon.”
Rising onto an elbow, Tex said, “Yeah? The new guy?” He lifted the corner of his mouth. “The cute little twink?”
I shot him a look as my chest heated. “He’s not available.” Except he was.
“No? Damn, that’s too bad. I wanted to tap him, maybe after the game tomorrow.” With a snicker, he fell onto his back. “Who’s he seeing?”
I scoffed. “Tex, stop it. He’s not seeing anyone. I just said that—”
“Because you still have feelings for him?” He arched a brow and faced me again, mirroring me.
“No, of course not.” Except I fucking did. I glanced at Tex. He wasn’t buying this. I could tell from his expression. “Yeah, I still have feelings for him. But he hates me.”
“Why? No one ever hates you. You’re like a big teddy bear daddy and everyone loves you.” He stared at me.
“I was an asshole to him in high school, and apparently, he still hates me for it.” God, how many times would I have to relive my failing? I rolled onto my back and crossed my arms over my chest.
“I have a hard time believing you were an asshole to anyone.” He inhaled deeply. “But go on.”
“I was in a bathroom when some guys, fellow footballers, said derogatory things about him, and I was too scared to defend him. I wasn’t out.
We were dating in secret.” My gut tensed.
What would Tex think? He’d never known that part of me.
“His best friend was in the stall and heard it. He defended him.” I swallowed hard. “And told him what happened.”
“Jesus, Eli,” he said, knitting his brows. “No wonder he’s pissed at you.” He was quiet for a moment. “This was how long ago?”
“Almost four years. I thought maybe I could talk to him, you know? Maybe another apology after all this time would stop his hatred of me.” I clutched the covers under my chin.
“But he still hates me.” And our conversation this afternoon had thrown me back to that painful place and time.
I had finished my season back then, and I had space to recuperate before playing again. Not now.
“It’s eating you up inside.” His gaze raked over me. “You can’t let it, or your game will suffer tomorrow.”
“I know that. But how can I stop it?” I glanced at him, watching me intently. This was pointless. I might as well fake an injury and have Coach remove me from the game before he benches me. How the fuck could I think that way?
“Eli, what would you tell someone who called into your helpline?” He threw the covers off him and sat on the edge of the bed, folding his hands in his lap.
“I’d tell them they’re only responsible for themselves. You can’t make others do anything they don’t want to. If you’ve done all you can, then be okay with yourself.” I tensed my lips as my chest ached. Fuck, I needed to listen to myself. But it still hurt to know Wren hated me.
“Have you done all you can?” He raised his brows.
“I don’t know.” Shit, maybe I could keep trying to talk with him. There had to be a way to reverse this situation. “No, maybe not.” I chewed my lower lip. What if I showed him how much I’d changed? “I’ll keep trying.”
“Okay, now you have a plan, and when you encounter him in the hotel or on the field, be the big teddy bear daddy we all know you to be. He’ll come around.
” He lifted from the bed and patted my arm.
“No one can resist Daddy Eli.” He chuckled and tucked himself into his bed. “Goodnight, Eli. You’ve got this.”
“Yeah, if you say so.” I fluffed my pillow and closed my eyes.