Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
~HENDRIX~
Ikeep hearing the words he said to me last night over and over in my head.
“Are you mine again?”
I couldn’t bring myself to answer him, because, frankly, I have no idea. I never could bring myself to remind him that his father is not going to let him be with someone like me. And that I will have to hide him from my brother. He will definitely try and kill him.
My friends have picked up on the change in me. It’s what has them knocking on my door tonight.
“Hey! Did I miss that we were all hanging out tonight?” I ask Mac, Cassie and Amelia, who are all standing at my front door. Behind them I can see that Danny and Jase are waiting off to the side. “What is going on?”
Mac grins at me. “We haven’t had a girl’s night in a long time. Thought maybe it was time. And since Ash is staying with you, I thought maybe that he could hang out with the guys and we would get some time with you.”
I look over my shoulder and see Ash sitting on the couch, scowling. “Sure, we can do that. Maybe she’ll tell you why she’s being such an idiot.”
“Stop it,” I snap at him. “Don’t think I won’t put you out in the street.”
“Oh please, I could afford to put myself up at a hotel. Leaving this place will not make me leave Tampa,” he reminds me.
“What is going on?” Cassie asks, looking from me to Ash, her brows furrowed in concern.
“Oh, Hendrix is leaving while I’m out visiting friends and isn’t returning until the morning.
Apparently she’s an adult now and doesn’t need to tell me where she’s been.
Even though I think I know.” Ash comes to the door and flashes a tight smile to my friends.
“Maybe you can talk some sense into her.”
I sigh and shake my head. “Are you leaving or what?”
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go get some beers,” he says more to Danny and Jase than me.
I nod and move to the side so that he can pass and the girls can enter.
“What is he talking about?” Amelia asks me as she trudges into my apartment.
Cassie and Mac stare at me intently, clearly the same thing is on their minds.
“We can talk about it after he leaves,” I tell them.
“Oh, are you sure? Maybe I should hang out to make sure that you are telling everyone the truth,” he challenges.
“Just get the fuck out of here,” I tell him, trying to keep my tone level, and failing.
“Don’t bite my head off. I’m not the one who is keeping secrets,” he reminds me before turning to Jase and Danny. “Where to, boys?”
Thankfully, without another word, Ash follows the guys into the parking lot.
I consider what I have in the house for drinks.
I am hoping that I have something stronger than iced tea to drink because I’ll definitely need alcohol in order to get through whatever it is I decide to share.
I make my way into the kitchen, and I can feel them all hot on my heels.
Opening the cabinet where I keep my wine, I grab a bottle and show it to them.
Cassie nods and takes it, moving to get my opener.
“Will that be enough?” I ask her, looking back in my cabinet to see that I have a few other options. I am not in the mood for wine, and I head to the fridge for a beer.
“You tell us,” Amelia says, eyeing me. “What is Ash talking about and why are you being so snippy with him?”
I sigh. “Alcohol first, talk later.”
“Only a few sips,” Mac challenges. “We wanna know what’s going on with you. You haven’t exactly been around much.”
I nod. “I know but I’m giving all of my coupled-up friends some space so that you don’t have to be with your single friend—guilt-free.”
I say the words and I already feel like an ass. That’s not fair to any of them. And, frankly, I am happy for them.
“Sorry, that wasn’t fair,” I admit, shrugging as I take a pull from the beer that I just twisted open.
“You’re allowed to feel how you want to,” Cassie says, grinning at me, her psych degree showing. “And I know it feels like you are the only one who isn’t coupled up so that can be lonely for you.”
“Feels like? She is the only one who isn’t...” Amelia’s words die on her lips.
“I think we need to get better at girl’s nights,” Mac admits, sipping on her wine.
“I think I should just get better at talking to you all and telling you what is happening, but this is a bit delicate. So, I’m going to need total silence on this. This goes nowhere outside of this room,” I say, staring pointedly at each of them.
Mac and Amelia’s hands snap up in surrender, both of them nodding their heads.
“Of course, that goes without saying. We have your back. No one will know,” Cassie says, coming over and pulling me into a side hug.
“That goes with the boyfriends too. They cannot know,” I warn them. I look around and I’m met with more nods. “Ugh, I am so not good at sharing my feelings. Let me get some hummus and veggies, and we can talk this out.”
I make quick work of plating up some cucumbers, peppers and carrots while grabbing the tub of hummus from the fridge as well.
We head into the living room and sit in our normal seats around the coffee table, Mac and Cassie on the couch, Amelia on the recliner and me on the floor by the coffee table.
There is another chair, but I opt for the floor to be closer to them.
I take a dip of hummus on a pepper and chew it, mentally deciding just how much I should tell them.
“So,” Mac says, staring at me with a grin. “What is going on, Hendrix?”
I exhale slowly, bracing myself, then lift my gaze to them.
Their faces instantly soften as if they can see how hard this is for me. I’m not the one who is good at being vulnerable with anyone.
I swallow, choosing my words carefully, the way I always do when I’m trying not to give myself away. My fingers tap against the table, as I think before I jump into this. To their credit, no one says a word. They wait for me to be ready.
I finally say it. “August and I are talking again. That’s it. I’m not labeling anything.”
The words land like a pebble dropped into still water—small but the ripples are undeniable.
I notice the looks that are exchanged: the smile that Cassie is trying to hide, Mac’s knowing stare and Amelia’s cautiously optimistic grin.
“This doesn’t surprise you?” I look at each of their faces, afraid of judgment that never comes. It confirms that this is what is so great about these women that I have found. No judgments, just support and answers when I need them.
Mac talks first. “There is a thin line between love and hate.”
I chuckle. “What? That’s kinda what he said last night. Or something to that effect.” I grin, thinking back to bringing him dinner.
“Oh, I have never seen you smile that brightly, especially when it comes to August. Normally, you want to rip that man’s throat out,” Cassie reminds me.
“I know, normally I do,” I say, shrugging. I look down and avoid their eyes, even though I can feel them on me.
“There is no judgment here, Hen. I, for one, happen to think August is a nice guy. I think I’ve probably spent the most time with him,” Amelia begins.
“Since he’s friends with Dex, he comes over to see us and sometimes he tags along when we grab food.
I like him. I think he’s a good guy. Now, my experience is different with him than yours.
” Amelia holds her hand up like she has to qualify her response.
I smile at her. “I’m glad that you like him. I never wanted you guys to hate him,” I begin then laugh. “Okay, well, maybe I did in the beginning, but I’m glad that you don’t. He can be a nice guy. He and I just have history.”
“The kind of history that just doesn’t go away,” Mac says, grinning at me.
“Something like that,” I deadpan.
“How is hanging out with him going?” Cassie asks me.
I hate that my cheeks flush a bit. I hear a chorus of “oohs” and I just shake my head, “Knock it off! None of that.”
“Sorry,” Mac says, giggling. I hear Amelia and Cassie murmur the same.
“I hung out with him last night. That’s what Ash is talking about.
I took him some dinner, just burgers and fries.
We sort of had a picnic in his living room while watching the Food Network.
” I have no intentions of telling them what happened after that on every surface imaginable.
So, I go for half-truths because it’s all I’m comfortable with.
“I fell asleep at this place, and I didn’t end up leaving until the morning.
I was so beat, and it was so comfortable that I just stayed. ”
It’s the truth. Once I climbed into his bed and he pulled me close to him, I felt so comfortable. His bed is amazing, as are his moves in it, but sleeping beside him felt so right.
I look around the room, and they all have cheeky grins on their faces.
“Shut up!” I say, tossing a pillow at Mac since she’s the closest to me.
“Aw, come on. I’m happy for you,” she says through a fit of giggles. “But Ash is not,” she reminds me.
I shake my head. “No, he is not.”
“He’s your big brother; he’s just being protective of you,” Amelia reasons.
I nod. “I know he is. I just wish he would lay off a bit. No one says we’re doing anything stupid or anything. Just hanging out.”
“And you enjoy spending time with him?” Amelia appraises me carefully. “I’m only asking because of all of the times you said you hated the man.”
I sigh. “Yes, like I said, it’s as if something switched in my brain. It’s exhausting to have to hate him as much as I did.” I shrug and take a swig from my beer. “He’s matured a lot since we were college freshmen.”
“I always imagined that ‘college August’ resembled ‘Blaze August,’” Mac teases me. “You know, the whole Peter Pan syndrome.”
“Not entirely,” I admit, pulling my knees to my chest. “He was actually a sweet guy. I think it’s his father who changed him.”
“What do you mean?” Cassie asks, leaning in.
I contemplate my response before diving into what he was like before the Blaze.
“August has always been under his father’s thumb.
Held down by the expectations that come from being a Cromwell.
” I pause for a moment and take a sip of my beer.
“I think it all came to a head that freshman year when Maxwell found out that he was seeing me. I wasn’t what he wanted for his son.
Drew was all squared away doing whatever it is he was doing,” I say, waving my hand, shooing away imaginary Drew.
“So, he focused on August and that focus did things to August...” My voice trails off, as if revealing the truth would be like a betrayal to August.
I look around and see them nodding.
“See you really don’t think he’s that bad,” Mac says, grinning at me.
I roll my eyes at her. “Yes, we’ve established that.”
A bit of a flush creeps across my cheeks, and the girls sing a chorus of “oohs.”
I laugh. “Knock it off, girls.” But I’m only half-kidding. It doesn’t matter to me if they know. At least maybe there will be less sneaking around.
“Fine, no teasing Hendrix; we won’t do that,” Cassie says, grinning at me. “But just know that your secret is safe with us. If you don’t want this to be made group knowledge, it won’t be.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. I think we’ll just let life continue organically and see where it goes from there,” I say with a shrug.
“Who knows what August is okay with coming out? I’m still me, and his dad is still his dad.
” I can see that it’s on the tip of their tongues to say something, but no one does.
Amelia hobbles over and hugs me. “You’re worth more than Maxwell Cromwell realizes. Way more.”
“Thanks,” I say, leaning on her. I don’t bother agreeing with her because it’s not them I need to convince. It’s Maxwell. And maybe even myself.