Chapter 4
four
Ellie
Even though I know it’s important to warm up, to stretch before a practice, today it feels like Sean is keeping us in this phase of training longer than necessary. I’ve marked out our practice space. The balls are lined up ready for either serving or passing practice—both of which are what we as a team need to keep working on. Improving on. So why won’t he just get on with the practice?
Once we’re doing actual game simulations, I won’t be so tempted to look at him. Watching him when he joins us for stretches dries my mouth. He’s so… shit, guys can be beautiful, too, can’t they? The lines his body achieves when he stretches, how his shirt rides up exposing his muscled abs, the curve of his ass when he bends forward. Yeah, the word is beautiful.
And he’s handsome as well with a face that could belong to a model. Chiseled features, a full mouth with lips that I’ve begun to dream about. Kissing me. I imagine what they’d feel like pressed to mine and drop my arms from a forward lunge stretch. Realizing I’ve stopped moving, I lift my head and discover Sean watching me, one finely shaped eyebrow arched in question.
I snap back into the routine movements and his lips twitch. Is he laughing at me and my loss of focus? He’s got no right to that laughter, especially since he’s the one who’s distracted me.
Even though I grumble, I do enjoy how my body feels after a stretching routine. Today I don’t notice that slight rise of endorphins. There’s something else going on with my body. I feel hot even though the sun isn’t high enough to cause the temperature to rise much. And tingly in places I don’t want to acknowledge. I move into our aerobics warm up determined to redirect my mind and body to the reason I’m here.
To win the tournament. Rise in the standings. Impress the national team organizers.
That’s it. That’s all I want. All I need.
Then I look at Sean and all that I’ve worked for seems to fade into the background. Damn it all. I’ve known Sean since college. Knew of him and his volleyball success even before that. He’s been a mentor, a coach, and a friend.
So why do I feel like something’s changed? There’s no reason I should feel so jittery when he looks at me. I don’t really try to stand close to him just to inhale the unique mixture of scents that belong only to him. The dreams I’ve had lately, the ones where I wake alone and needy, he’s not really the one making me feel that way.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I need to focus more on training. Get in more practice time. Focus on what’s really important. What I really want. To win. And keep winning.
“Ready for some drills, ladies?” Sean asks and moves to turn off the music.
I pump my fists. “Damn straight. Let’s go.”
He gives me a look I don’t understand then shakes his head. “Okay then. We’ve talked about a few issues and concerns from the last competition. You’ve been having some trouble communicating on the court. So this morning I’m going to be serving. Different types of serves, speeds, locations. With some serves, I’ll call out the defensive play I want you to use. When I don’t give you a play, it will be up to you to communicate with each other how the rally will go. You’ll return my serves—if you can.”
He moves to a place beyond my practice square and we toss the balls to him. Then we get into position and he fires off his first serve. The ball hits the sand an almost equal distance between the two of us.
“Ace point for me,” Sean calls. “Pay attention. Next one’s a floater to Maya.”
After we successfully return that ball, Sean begins a rapid series of serves punctuated with suggestions, corrections, and his imitation of fake crowd noise. Sometimes I wish he’d be more serious, but this session is both successful and exhausting. I need more conditioning.
We take a break for lunch and approve the volleyball special sandwich Nyla created. The combination of smoked pork and fresh mozzarella from the cheese shop next to our rental, served with a peppery vinegar sauce is delicious. As well as fun and messy to eat. It’s one of the best sandwiches I’ve ever tasted.
After a short rest we return to the beach and have a long session of passing the ball to each other. Sean joins us occasionally and makes some lousy passes for us to try to turn into points. Throughout the session he alternates between being a coach and a laid back beach dude who makes us laugh.
He calls practice earlier than I expect. “Come on, Sean. We need to?—”
“Relax. We need to relax.” When I draw a breath to argue, he holds up one hand. “No arguments. There’s ten days until the tourney starts. Your matches don’t run for hours at a time. There’s down periods. Tonight is a down time. Don’t worry. We’ll be getting in some conditioning.”
“I don’t understand.” Sometimes this man makes me crazy. At that thought I suddenly realize that I kind of like that part of him, too. What’s wrong with me?
“Tonight we are going to hit a Love Beach hot spot. I asked Nyla for recommendations and she said the Sundowner is the best place for dancing.”
“Dancing?” I glance at Maya who’s trying not to smile. She knew this was coming.
“Yep. We are going dancing. Great aerobics. It will help you build stamina. Gettin’ funky with it will keep your body loose.”
“Gettin’ funky with it? Where did you come from? The 90’s?”
Unable to contain an infectious grin, he shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. We—the three of us—are going dancing tonight. No arguments. Coach’s orders.”
Maya touches my shoulder. “Come on, Ellie. It’ll be fun.” She wiggles her butt. “A little dancing, a little flirting. I agree, we’ve been pushing so hard. We deserve a little time off.”
I won’t win this. Not with both of them ganging up on me. I force my muscles to relax. Besides it might just be fun.
As long as Sean’s there. Maybe a slow dance so I can feel his arms around me again. Like when he hugged me the other day. Only without Maya.
Maya elbows her brother and jerks a nod toward me. “Looks like she’s in.”
Ah shit. What did my expression expose while I was thinking about Sean? I need to be careful. I don’t know where the hell this sudden attraction came from but I can’t let it affect me, the team, or my coach-player relationship with him. Bring it in. Wrap it up. Put it away. Sean is my coach and a friend. Nothing more.
That determination lasts until we hit the dance floor. Even though at first the three of us dance together, eventually Maya moves off and returns to our table. This allows me to admire Sean’s moves and his appearance.
I’d been speechless when he exited his room at the rental. Since we spend most of our time on the beach or in training, there haven’t been that many occasions for him to wear something other than baggy gym shorts. Tonight he’s wearing khaki slacks and a loose, button up, short sleeved shirt. Okay, it’s a wildly patterned Hawaiian shirt but he sure wears it well.
And I’ve never seen him seriously dance before. The man has some smooth moves that catch the eyes of many of the women there. I dance a little closer until our bodies are nearly brushing as we move. From deep in my mind a little voice is saying to those watching women, ‘back off, he’s mine’.
At a lull in the music we join Maya at the table. There’s something bothering her but she shakes off my questions. Finally she tells us she’s not feeling well and, insisting she’s fine and doesn’t need our help, heads back to the rental.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t go with her?” I ask Sean.
His expression shows concern then resignation. “Pretty sure. I’ll talk with her tomorrow. See if I can get her to open up about what’s bothering her. Until then… how about another dance?”
One dance turns into two and then more. We dance closer and closer until he wraps his arms around me on the crowded dance floor and our movements slow. Thankfully the next song is appropriate for this kind of dancing and he keeps me pressed against him as we sway to the music. I have one hand at the back of his neck, the other pressed over his heart. Even with the pulse of the music I feel it beating rapidly.
His head tilts forward and his breath stirs the hair around my ear. “Thank you for following your coach’s orders, Ellie.”
My eyes drift closed. Right now I’d follow his orders for just about anything. If I issued an order, I wonder if he’d… “Kiss me.”
His muscles jerk and afraid he’ll move away, I curl my fingers in the front of his shirt. “Ah, Ellie,” he whispers. “Not here.”
Not here? What does where we are have to do with anything? “Yes, Sean. Here.”
“You are a bossy woman.”
“When I know what I want.”
“What do you want?”
How obtuse can the man be? I’ve already said it. I’ll repeat it slowly, so he understands. “I. Want. You. To. Kiss. Me.”
At that moment the music ends. The crowded dance floor begins to empty. Jostled by the other dancers, I step back and sigh. The moment’s gone. I’m not sure how much of what I feel is disappointment, and how much is relief.
There’s only regret in Sean’s expression as he takes my hand and we exit the dance floor. Probably a good thing the song ended when it did. We don’t need complications, not this close to a competition. Not ever. I allowed the moment and what I imagined to color my demand. Kissing Sean would not be a good thing.
Although his kiss might make me feel really good.
Shoving the wishful thought as far away as I can, I decide the evening is over and turn toward Sean to tell him it’s time to go home.
“Ellie!” a shrill voice squeals. “What are you doing here?”
Oh god. I know that voice and the mess of a woman who comes with it. I certainly never expected one of my college teammates to show up here. After taking a deep breath I paste on a smile and turn. “Karol, I could ask the same about you.”
Karol crowds close to us, the liquid in her glass sloshing over her hand. Looks like she’s been here, or at some other bar long enough. “It’s so great to see you. Where’s Maya? I thought you two were inseparable.”
I’m not going down that road. She’d tried to spread a rumor that Maya and I were lovers in college. That got knocked down fast enough but I still don’t have a clue what she thought she was gaining with such low handed tactics. She was a good enough player with okay stats and plenty of playing time.
Sean answers in my silence. “She’s at home.”
“Oh that’s good,” Karol giggles. “I’m sure she can’t keep up with… the rest of us. You know?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sean says with cold distain. “We need to go now.”
Karol immediately clutches his arm and stands way too close to him. “Oh, don’t leave now, Sean. Now that I know you’re in town, maybe we can renew our acquaintance.” She walks her fingers up to his shoulder then taps his nose. “I’ve missed you.”
Sean rolls his eyes. “You’re drunk. Go home, Karol and sleep it off.”
“Aww, don’t be that way. Come with me. You can make sure I… make it to bed. I’ve always been more fun than that cold fish.” She indicates me with her glass, spilling whatever it is she’s drinking on me.
“No,” is all Sean says. He shakes her off, takes my hand and stalks straight to the door. Once we’re in the cool night air, he lets out a harsh breath. “She hasn’t changed.”
“Some never will. Let’s go. I need to get out of this sticky shirt.”
Heat blazes in Sean’s eyes. Then he blinks and it’s faded. Not gone, but not so strong. He nods and we’re silent on our walk back to the apartment. Once we’re upstairs, he releases my hand, says good night, and disappears into his room.
Frowning, I make my way to the bedroom Maya and I share at the other side of the living room. I’m confused by his actions. And mine. I really did want him to kiss me. I thought he wanted that, too. What either of us want in this situation—whatever it is —doesn’t matter. We have a tournament to prep for. There’s no time for distractions.
Carefully opening the door, I peek into the bedroom. Maya’s propped up in bed working on her laptop. “Have a good time?” she asks.
“You will never guess who we saw at the bar.”