Chapter 5 #2
He sighed and shook his head, but did as I’d asked.
I followed him to his bedroom, letting the door shut behind me.
Honestly, it was nothing like I’d expected.
It was so…plain. No decorations, aside from a photo frame with what looked like his entire family, on his nightstand.
The bedsheets were black, his blankets the same.
I’d expected more color, or something far less boring, for lack of a better word.
Moon turned around, staring at me with his arms crossed over his chest. “What?”
I wondered if I’d ever see his tattoos again.
They were mesmerizing, in a way. I only had the one, but I’d always been fascinated by the idea of them and the stories they told.
What I really wanted was to see all of them and try to understand his appeal to each one—I wanted to see them for longer than a few minutes, and without someone else’s blood splattered all over them.
I led us further away from the door, just in case Star could hear us. “She’s okay.”
“Well, she could’ve been hurt.”
“I know.”
“Like, really hurt. What if someone had tried to do something to her while she was passed out or too drunk to say anything?”
“I know.”
“She won’t fucking listen to me, Emerson. That fucking terrifies me.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
I slowly placed a hand on his shoulder and gripped it gently. “You answered her call, and you showed up in the way you could. You keep showing up, you keep supporting her, and eventually, one day, she’ll thank you for being there.”
He grimaced. “Will she, though? If something happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“Sure you do. You’d be there for her, and you’d answer her call.
I had to learn a really hard lesson a few years back with my brother.
I did everything I could think of to try to change his mind, to get him to understand and start thinking ahead, or even start thinking at all.
He never did. But I answered every call, and I worried myself almost to death.
All I could do was support him however I knew how, be there for him, and wait for him to figure himself out.
” I shrugged. “I couldn’t change him, just as much as he couldn’t change me.
I had to let him make his bad decisions.
I never enabled them, but I couldn’t make his mind up for him, either.
I did everything right, and I made it very clear I was there for him.
I went to hell and back for him. Ultimately, he had a journey, and he had paths laid out for him to take.
I couldn’t force one path over the other. ”
His face relaxed as he took in everything I was saying.
His arms fell to his sides, and his shoulders came down just before he turned around and sat on the edge of his bed.
“I’m sorry that you went through that with your brother.
I guess I’m just scared of failing her. I don’t want her to know just how evil the people in this world can be just yet. ”
Taking a seat right beside him, I sighed.
“Yeah, the world is cruel. She’s going to find out one way or another.
As decent humans and as siblings, our jobs are to support and protect.
But we can’t be expected to shield them completely.
That’s not within our capabilities. That’s not within anyone’s capabilities. ”
“I know you’re right. I just feel like the only way I can protect all of them is to shield all of them from everything awful and horrible. You know firsthand what I did to protect Elio and Crescent.”
“I do. I also don’t think you’ve taken care of yourself like you’ve taken care of them.”
He turned to me, his grimace falling back into place. “You don’t know shit about me. I’m fine, Emerson. I don’t need you to tell me whether I really am or not.”
I held my hands up in surrender. “I never said you weren’t fine. I just said I don’t think you’re taking care of yourself as much, or as often as you take care of your siblings. If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you properly be there for others?”
He made a tsk sound, looking away from me.
Instead of letting him avoid me, I turned more toward him. “I see it in your eyes, Moon. The exhaustion you carry. If you don’t give yourself time to rest, it’ll swallow you whole. Trust me, I would know.”
“You just know a whole lot, don’t you? You barely know me. I barely know you. Don’t give me some kind of speech right now.”
Could he not see or feel the pull I had toward him?
It was inexplicable. It was like I was always meant to find him in this lifetime, and I had no clue why.
There was a deep, intense need to keep seeking him out.
I’d never felt anything like it. “I know you’re selfless to a fault.
I can see how much you love your siblings.
I know your heart is good. I know you’re struggling more than you let on, but you won’t reach out even when help is offered.
I know I want to know you better. Is that not enough? ”
Moon walked to his bedroom door, wrapping his hand around the knob.
When he turned his head, I looked straight into his sad, almost dull eyes and I knew his words were nothing more than a lie—to me, or himself, I wasn’t sure, but it was a lie, regardless.
“No, it isn’t. You can head out now. I’ve got it from here. Thanks for everything you did tonight.”
And then he opened the door, only to close it right back in my face.
I was alone again, in someone else’s room, surrounded by someone else’s life.
There was nothing else to say, and nothing else to do.
I wasn’t sure of much of anything, but I was sure I couldn’t let Moon go.
I’d answer his calls, make sure he knew I was there, and support him no matter what.
I wouldn’t try to change his mind, just as I wouldn’t try to change his path. But I’d be there, time and time again, ready to catch him if he fell, as long as he let me. If he ever let me.