Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Since when did I have so much shit? I’d only lived in my apartment for five years.
It wasn’t even a big one, either. I’d just somehow accumulated enough stuff to make it seem like two other people lived here.
Honestly, I was grateful Olivia and Kelly were so eager to help me pack.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it at all.
I would’ve just thrown it all away and started new, which didn’t sound too good to my bank account, but I was still seriously considering it.
After taping up another box, I fell to the ground, fanning myself by pulling on my shirt collar over and over.
Moving around so much had me sweating up a storm, drops of it falling from my forehead and into my eyes.
I groaned, swiping at them, which made no actual difference, seeing as my hands were sweaty too.
“You doing okay there, Moon?” Olivia was standing beside me, looking down with an eyebrow raised.
I waved my hand in the air, dismissing her concern. “I’m good. Just hot and tired and frustrated that I apparently have been living like this is a four-person household instead of one.”
She lowered to sit next to me, holding her knees to her chest. “That’s usually how it goes, though, isn’t it? I remember when I moved out of the house Emerson and I shared. I swear I had enough clothes for a whole family of sixteen.”
“Now you have enough for three more generations.” Kelly set a box on top of the one I’d just taped shut. “I can’t say I understand the need for so many.”
Olivia pouted, her bottom lip sticking out a little. “It’s important to look and feel cute. You’re the one who hypes up all my outfits, so don’t act all innocent in this.”
I leaned back on my palms, looking between the two. “Is this an ongoing argument between the two of you?”
Kelly laughed, sitting on her knees in front of us. “I wouldn’t say it’s an argument, but I have a closet of clothes, whereas Ol has two. Just saying.”
Grinning, I watched as Olivia’s glare turned soft with a gentle shake of her head. I wondered how long it would take before Em and I started arguing about how many clothes we each had. Or about what we wanted for dinner. Or about me leaving my shoes right where he could trip over them.
I’d once been in the middle of an argument between Elio and Crescent about who drank the last of the milk right before Crescent was going to use some to make pancakes.
There were a lot of sighs and eye rolls, but in the end, they’d both taken me along for a ride to the store for some more.
When we all got back into the car, Elio leaned over the console and kissed Crescent, whispering something about forest green paint that made Crescent blush.
That was the kind of love I was excited about.
When the mundane no longer felt mundane because I was spending it with someone who made every day feel exciting and fulfilling.
We’d eventually bicker about shit that didn’t truly matter because we were human.
But we would get to be human together. Every day, from now until the end of time and even beyond.
Our hearts wouldn’t know how to beat without the other, just as it was always meant to be.
A rule, written in invisible stone since the beginning of time.
I knew we were born to love each other since the beginning of time; we just had to wait a while to find each other.
We didn’t wait patiently, but we didn’t wait eagerly, either.
We had no idea what our future would hold, or that our future was each other.
Our future was our hands, bound together with metal spirals, tough enough to last a lifetime, never rusting, never breaking.
A piece of the cage that once held me back would keep me free. Free with him until eternity.
After a bit, Kelly groaned as she shifted and pointed to the boxes behind her. “That was the last box. Are you excited?”
Beautiful, rapid butterflies swam in my gut as I stared at the stacks and stacks of boxes surrounding us.
My apartment was so empty, aside from the furniture.
There were only a couple more things to do, and then I’d be moving in with my Daddy.
“More than I can even say. I can’t believe it, honestly. ”
“I get it.” Olivia patted my knee. “Loving Emerson was the best thing I ever did. He’s a good man. The best, actually. I’ll always be grateful for what we had, and I’m especially grateful and excited for you to experience that, too. I owe him a lot.”
Leaning my head against her shoulder, I closed my eyes and smiled. “Being loved by him is the best gift I’ve ever been given. I won’t ever take that for granted.”
“I know you won’t. I’m glad I still get to have him as my best friend, and that I’ve gained another one like you.” She wrapped her arm around my back, holding me close.
My phone buzzed with a text from Elio just as Emerson walked in, pausing when he saw all of us on the floor. “Did you all collapse at the same time? Or…”
Olivia shrugged. “You left us to do all this hard work. What else were you expecting?”
He narrowed his eyes, smoothing out the white shirt he wore under his work clothes. “Just be glad they let me have a short shift so I could be here for this. You’re the one who agreed, so just remember that.”
“You’ve got good timing, Da—” I cleared my throat, my eyes going wide. “Uh, damn. Damn, you’ve got good timing. Elio said he and Crescent will be here soon to haul the big stuff.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “It seems I do. Do we know what size U-Haul they rented?”
“No, I have no idea. They just said it’ll definitely fit the couch and bed, just not at the same time, so we’ll see.”
Kelly was staring at the couch, grimacing. “That’s going to be a bitch to get down the stairs.”
Em nodded. “Most definitely, but I believe in us. If I could get a really drunk Star up the stairs in one piece, I think I can handle a couch. Especially with how many of us will be helping.” He put his hands on his hips, tilting his head as he assessed the couch as well. “Oh, speaking of Star, is she coming?”
“Hah! Good one.” I pushed myself up off the floor. “My sister wouldn’t help me move if I paid her. I love her, but no.”
“What a shame. I wanted to meet her.” Olivia frowned.
“You will one day. I’m sure Em and I will have dinner or something and invite everyone.”
Emerson pulled me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. “We’ll have hundreds of them. I’m going to go wait outside for your brothers. You guys wanna come bring some of those boxes to my car?”
Both Olivia and Kelly groaned dramatically, but each grabbed a box. Grabbing Em’s face in my hands, I gave him a peck on the lips before pulling away. “I’ll order some pizza when we get some stuff moved in. I’m going to pick up my glass real quick, and I’ll meet you guys out there.”
“Sounds good, baby.”
Once they’d all left, I looked around, letting it sink in. This was really happening. I was going to leave my dark chasm of solitude and live with Officer Blake, the man who’d given me my first taste of freedom.
I’d started to realize when I woke up in the mornings that I wasn’t having nightmares like I used to.
The world wasn’t constantly painted in a film of splattered red, and in the times it was, I could get myself to see through it.
I wasn’t afraid of showing the marks Jude had given me.
I didn’t see Sarah’s lifeless body after every corner I turned.
I wasn’t seeing Jude’s eyes every time I closed mine.
Was this how Crescent and Elio felt when they started therapy? Like there was a whole new world before them to explore?
I gathered my stained glass pieces, taking special care not to knock them around too much.
The blood splatter I’d made stared back at me, the red and orange colors in it twinkling when it caught the sun.
I took it down, cradling it in my hand, remembering the night I’d made it.
The night I’d decided to deprive myself of the light in Emerson.
His notes were packed away in the box from my bedroom, waiting to be taken with me on my new path in life. The cuts I’d given myself over those next few days had healed into scars, and I knew they’d fade. They’d fade into a reminder only I could truly understand the significance of.
The day I’d brought the red to life was the day I’d almost given up on everything, not understanding that my everything was patiently waiting for me to open the door.
He never wavered. He never gave up. He showed up and helped me wash it all away—a reminder that my heart was worth holding.
Not despite, not even though, but through.
I was worth loving through every hard moment.
Every good moment. Every moment, period.
I stopped by the bathroom, turning the light on and staring at the tile. The same tile Emerson had held me on as I bled what I thought was my punishment in liquid form.
I looked at the bathtub. The same bathtub where I’d finally spoken my truth to someone other than myself.
I pulled the drawer open, which was still full of stuff I’d have to pack separately, since I’d told everyone to leave it be for this exact reason.
I picked up the razor—the same one I’d used on my skin over a dozen times, refusing to get rid of it until it was dull.
There was a dot of blood at the edge of its single blade that didn’t get washed away.
My blood. The blood I’d spilled as some sort of repentance for the deeds I’d considered evil for so long.
Gripping the handle in my palm, I walked over to the trash can and threw it in. I might end up buying another one in the future when the cravings got too strong. I might regret throwing it away at some point. But for right now, at this moment, I didn’t need it.
I didn’t need it because I was going home.