41. Chapter 41 #2
So, Cyrus went. It was important. He couldn’t lose his progress with Norah. He hoped to gain more information on the Shadow army—where they were now, what they had planned, but he needed to be careful. Things were fragile, and he could quickly lose this opportunity.
Norah called him to the dimly lit stairwell again, where she sat, waiting.
He should just tell her she could imagine herself wherever she’d like to be, but really, it didn’t matter. He could take her places she couldn’t even dream of.
As he approached her in her mind, he brought with him summertime.
He waved away the dark stairs where she sat and replaced them with a garden bench surrounded by roses.
In front of her, he placed a fountain with a small bird in the air.
She watched it with fascination as Cyrus took his seat on the bench beside her, just beyond arm’s reach.
Norah kept her eyes on the bird, not looking at him directly, but she knew he was there. The bird swooped around the fountain and flew away. She watched until it was out of sight before pulling a vial of his blood from her pocket. “ So, your birds bring me these? ” she asked.
Her gaze finally shifted to him, and he nodded.
“ And my crown? ”
“ I have larger friends. ” He called forward the images of One and Two.
When she saw the dogs, she withdrew slightly against the back of the bench and folded her hands against her stomach. “ Did you do that to them? ”
It took him a moment to understand her aversion, but then it occurred to him that she wasn’t familiar with arena dogs. She’d have no understanding of why their ears and tails had been removed; she knew nothing of the hell of the bloodsport.
He shook his head. “ No. With me, they have very different lives from what they had before. ”
Cyrus waved the image of the dogs away, and she turned her attention back on him. Her lips parted as though to say something else, but she didn’t.
“ You have more questions? ” he asked.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, studying him. “ You said something, before, both the last time we spoke and when you came as the assassins. You knew Alexander’s blood had touched my skin in Kharav. How? ”
More questions about his abilities. This one seemed harmless enough, though. Alexander was dead—this wasn’t something he could use anymore. “ His blood allowed me to travel the same as my own. When it touched your skin, I saw you. And I knew he was with you. ”
“ And that’s how you came to me in the mortium after he died ,” she said. She was putting it all together.
He hadn’t wanted to talk about Alexander, but now he found himself doing just that. The words just came.
“ I knew something had happened ,” he told her.
“ A searing pain came to me, greater than I’d ever felt before.
” He remembered it: falling to his knees, everything going dark, Essandra crying out his name.
“ When I woke, his weight—the weight I’d carried inside for my entire life—it was just gone. ” He sat, numb, still feeling the void.
“ And his blood touched so many ,” he said.
“ So many minds, so loud—his blood was on all their skin. And I knew. ” He swallowed the knot in his throat that threatened to choke him.
“ All those years, I wanted him dead ,” he continued, “ and then for him to be snuffed from me in an instant… I wasn’t ready.
I couldn’t believe it. ” He still couldn’t believe it.
“ I wanted him back ,” he said. “ And so, I searched, but the weight was gone. I sought his blood, reaching out to everyone it had touched. And it brought me to the mortium. To you. ” His eyes stayed on her, but he wasn’t looking at her anymore.
“ I saw him ,” he whispered, more to himself than to her, “ in your mind, for the first time in our adult lives. ”
It had to have been a shock to her when he’d first come; it had certainly been a shock to him . He swallowed. “ You saw me as I am, before I realized where I was, before I realized I was in your mind. It was too late to change my projection. ”
“ The markings on your neck ,” she said.
He didn’t bother to hide them anymore.
She sat with her arms crossed and a fist resting against her lips. “ And then you came back; you came as Alexander. ”
He nodded. He hated that he’d done that, although he wouldn’t have done it differently if given the chance again.
“ I wanted you to let me back in ,” he confessed.
“ You still had his blood on your skin, and so I returned. I could project everything: his dress, his hair ”—he paused—“ everything but his voice and his words. ”
“ So, you came back for my secrets. ”
He would have been a fool not to. “ I saw it as an opportunity against my enemy, yes. ” He hesitated for a moment, then said, “ But as I got to know you” —he paused again— “it didn’t make me happy to deceive you. ” That was the truth.
Quiet fell over them.
“ And now? ” she asked. “ Now that you know things are different, that things have changed— ”
“ Nothing’s changed ,” he said.
Her brow twitched. “ How can you say that? You would still move against Mercia? ”
“ Norah, Mercia was never the target of my wrath. Only those who’ve oppressed my people.
” Those who had wronged his people. Those who’d wronged him .
He sighed. “ For Alexander I felt a personal vengeance, yes, but you and I have never truly been enemies. And I’m sorry you’ve been caught in the middle. ”
“ No one wants this war ,” she said.
Anger flashed through him. “ I want this war. ” His people wanted this war. They demanded it.
Her expression faltered for the briefest moment. “ What? No—why? ”
Did she really still not get it? Did she truly not see? “ Because that’s what change requires ,” he said. “ And that’s the price owed. ”
“ Lucien, thousands of people will die, your own people included. ”
“ All of us are willing to sacrifice. ” Especially Cyrus.
Norah’s hands tensed in her lap. “ For what? ”
“ For justice! The Shadowlands must pay. ” Gods, did she really think they would make nice, and he would walk away?
“ Kharav is not the only kingdom who has slaves ,” she argued.
“The Shadowlands fuel it. They sell the spoils of their wars; the slavers use Shadow rice to support their trade. There are others, it’s true—Etreus, Persus, Elam, Lorys—and they will all pay. Every single one of them. But I’ll take the Shadowlands first. ”
She stared at him, her breaths quick and shallow now. She swallowed. “ I think we’re both tired and have a lot to think on. ” Her voice was careful now. Too careful. “ Can we talk more later? ”
He’d scared her. The situation with Miriel was still affecting him, everything was affecting him, and he’d let his anger go too far. Cyrus rose from the bench and tried to calm the air between them. He nodded, letting the garden fall away, and he brought her back to the stairwell.
“ You’ll return to me? ” she asked.
“ When you call me ,” he promised. If she called him. He didn’t want to let her go like this. There was a high chance she wouldn’t call him again now. He needed to fix this.
“ Good night, Lucien ,” she said.
He couldn’t let her go.
But he feared anything he tried would only make it worse. There was nothing he could do. He gave a stiff nod. “ Good night. ”
Cyrus opened his eyes to his study, and he rose to his feet.
He’d fucked it up again. Anger flashed through him, and he swept his arm across his desk, knocking everything to the floor. He pinched the bridge between his eyes. Threatening the Shadow King was not going to get him anywhere with Norah. What was the matter with him? He needed some air.
Cyrus strode from his study, through the halls, and out into the courtyard. He headed toward the sparring fields. He needed to get out some anger—anger at the situation, but mostly anger at himself. If he lost the connection with Norah, it would be difficult to get information on the Shadow King.
And he wouldn’t be able to save her.
He almost didn’t notice Kord falling in step beside him.
“Did you speak to her again?” Kord asked.
Kord knew he had. Cyrus didn’t slow his stride. He didn’t want to talk about this right now.
“What did she say?” Kord asked.
“It’s complicated,” he answered shortly.
“Complicated because she wants peace?”
Cyrus paused in his step. He couldn’t avoid it, which grated on him further.
Kord’s eyes searched him for answers. “She does, doesn’t she?”
“You know that’s not an option.”
Kord shook his head. “No, why isn’t it an option? It’s literally what everyone needs. Look at what’s happening in Serra, and we’re scrambling to figure out how to deal with Pryam.”
“This is what the people want.”
“They don’t know what they want. They need you to rally them.” He sighed. “If you take us to war with the Shadowlands, right now, with all this going on, then you do this for yourself.”
“I do it for all of us!” Cyrus snapped. “And everyone we’ve lost. For Orion, and Manus, and Kieve—”
“Who are all dead! Kieve’s dead! You think he gives a fuck about vengeance anymore? Gods, Cyrus, you don’t even see it—you never did. Kieve was broken! And he didn’t need Pyro’s blood; he needed his brothers. He needed me. He needed you!”
Cyrus stood, his fists clenched, his breaths shaking. “Is there anything else?” He was done with this conversation.
His words stung Kord; he saw it—the grimace of hurt.
“Yeah,” Kord said. He wiped a hand over his face. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier, but you should know—Leti’s with child.”
Cyrus stared at him in disbelief. “You’d bring a child into this world just as we march to war?”
“You want me to give up life to have a war.” Kord shook his head. “Why can’t you give up war to have a life?”
“This is beyond me!” Cyrus argued. “The people want justice!”
“This isn’t justice!” Kord shook his head.
“You have the power to change things,” he pressed.
“Cyrus! You inspire people. All you have to do is take this dream of war and replace it with something else. Give them a new dream—a new life. They’ll follow.
People will follow.” Kord threw his hands into the air.
“I don’t even know why I keep trying to argue this.
” He shook his head. “I didn’t come to argue with you.
I just wanted to tell you about Leti.” Then he gave a disgusted snort.
“You know what the fucked-up thing is? I actually thought you’d be happy for me. ”
Cyrus quieted. “Kord—”
His friend shook his head again. Then he turned and walked away.
“Kord!” Cyrus called after him. But he didn’t stop.
Cyrus swore as he pushed out a sharp breath.
“What was that?” came Essandra’s voice from behind him. He turned.
She wore a long purple dress, and her hair was swept back behind her. Gods, he needed her right now. He reached out and pulled her close. Her touch calmed him, and he let out a long sigh.
“Leti’s with child,” he told her.
She gasped in surprise and smiled. “That’s wonderful news.”
His brow stitched. “No, it’s not.” How could this be wonderful news? “We’re going to war. It’s not the time for children.”
“Leti’s not going to war.”
“But Kord is, and I can’t have him distracted. None of us can afford to be distracted.” His stare caught hers. “Are you continuing to take precautions?”
She snuffed as her mouth dropped open. Then her eyes narrowed. “Of course I am.”
“I can’t stray from this path.”
She pursed her lips and pulled her hand from his. “Then don’t let me distract you.” And she turned and walked away.