Chapter 9
ONYX
I wrung out my hands as I stood in front of the mirror.
Okay, I looked a little exhausted. There were bags under my eyes since I had started dealing with Lucero.
He popped up everywhere, always lurking in the background.
I felt like I hadn't gotten to scratch my itch in ages, and sooner or later, it was going to spill over. Still, that wasn't the problem.
Turning my head left and right, I examined my face. It was all right, not perfect. I plucked a stray hair between my brows and swiped my locks down. Really, I knew that I was stalling. I always did on visiting days, and it had been far too long since I had gone.
Get it done, Onyx. The fuck is your problem? You know what you have to do. God, are you this pathetic? Are you really a traitor? Disgusting. You should ? —
"Hey," Lucero called.
I jumped and stared at the doorway. He leaned against the frame, his hands shoved into his shorts that showed off his massive legs. There was a frown on his face, and his brows were pinched.
"You all right?"
I blinked at him. Immediately, I snatched off the deer in headlights look and forced my features to relax. Right away, I fell back into my role: cool, calm, sophisticated.
"I have an errand to run," I said tersely as I moved to the dresser and tucked my keys into my pocket. "You need to stay here. Or go to work. Pick one."
I'd thought about trying to kick him out, but it was impossible.
Lucero wasn't going anywhere and it was too much of a pain in my ass for me to even contemplate arguing with him about it.
I was all argued out. He had taken up residence on my sofa, his things tucked into a storage closet, my bathroom, and the corner of my bedroom.
He'd been in my home for a week, and I felt like I was going crazy.
All of it made my eye twitch.
"I can go too," Lucero offered. "What if something happens to you?"
A scoff tumbled from my lips. "I've been taking care of myself long before you. I will be taking care of myself long after you." Once I had my wallet, I turned back to Lucero. "Listen to me closely because I am being deadly serious right now," I said.
Lucero leaned forward, hanging on my every word. For some reason, that made my chest tight. I rubbed at it, surprised by his attentiveness for once.
"You are not to follow me," I said sternly. "You will stay here. If you follow me, I'll never forgive you or speak to you again."
The big man whined. Actually whined. "Don't say that, Onyx."
"I mean it," I snapped. "No matter what you say, I won't speak a word to you. Do you understand?"
He nodded hard and flinched back as if he'd been stung. My stomach clenched. Why the hell was I feeling bad for a man who had crashed into my home and was living with me as if I'd invited him?
"Yes," Lucero whispered.
I patted his hand, throwing him a bone. "Good boy. Now, I need you to do me a favor."
Lucero perked up. "Really? What do you need? I'll do anything for you."
Again my stomach tightened. Shit, he was going to be the death of me. All he did was listen, be there for me, and hurt people who he even thought had pissed me off. Now that I knew he wasn't scum, it was harder than ever not to find some parts of him amusing at the very least.
I sucked in a breath. "I need you to get rid of my last name.
No, I mean it, Lucero," I said as he glanced away and frowned.
I grabbed both his hands and his head snapped back in my direction.
"Please, do it for me?" I begged, my voice soft and sweet just for him.
"What I do… I need to remain unattached.
It's easier to get in with these men when I'm single.
I can't have you messing that up for me. "
"I like my last name," he muttered. "It feels right."
"Yes, I'm sure it does, but I need this, okay?" I glanced at my phone. "I have to go. Please take care of this for me."
Lucero sighed. "Yeah, okay. I need to go to work anyway. Damien's going to lose it if I don't."
"That's a good idea. Hang out with your family. I bet they miss you."
A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, they do. Okay, I'll get dressed and walk you out."
"No need," I said. "I'm going to snag a taxi. Be back later!" I called as I dashed out of my room and made a run for it.
As soon as I was outside, I breathed in deeply.
Hailing a taxi, I glanced over my shoulder, expecting to see Lucero there watching.
Waiting. He was nowhere in sight. I opened my phone and stared at the app I had installed.
So far, so good. I'd installed a tracker on his phone and hid the app.
It was better I knew where he was at all times.
Thank God he sleeps like the dead.
A taxi pulled in front of me, and I was brought back to the present.
I climbed inside and shut the door before I gave the address.
The city moved around me, but my heart hammered in my chest, and I quickly forgot about Lucero.
The buildings went down, the people around me went from models and fashionistas to homeless tents, screaming kids, and graffiti. My stomach twisted.
I hate being here. I hate it. Please, I don't want to go.
I squeezed my eyes shut and laid a hand on my stomach.
Slowly, I took a few deep breaths in and exhaled.
The closer I drew to the apartment, the more I squirmed in my seat.
By the time the taxi pulled to a stop, my heart was in my throat and everything in me screamed to turn around and run.
I quickly pressed send on the orders that needed to be fulfilled, and stepped out of the taxi after paying.
My hair was stuffed beneath a baseball cap, and I pulled it down and adjusted my sunglasses as I walked up to the building.
I pressed the buzzer. When there was no answer, I pressed it again.
"What?" A voice crackled flatly.
"It's me. Let me in."
There was a pause and then "Okay."
The door clicked, and I let myself inside, shutting it behind me. I made my way up three flights of stairs, and by the time I arrived at apartment 315, the door was cracked open for me. I let myself inside.
"Hey," I called. "Oh, Jesus."
Adam glared at me from across the room. "That's one way to say hello," he muttered.
I glanced around the apartment. There was trash everywhere. It was piled into bags, into boxes, shoved into corners, and stuffed into the closet. The smell was so strong I nearly gagged, but I forced myself not to embarrass him more.
"Why didn't you call me?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Thought you were busy. Haven't heard from you in ages."
"I sent someone to come clean," I said as I moved forward and went in search of gloves.
"She asked too many questions," he muttered as he sat at the round kitchen table and palmed a coffee mug. "I didn't like that. She could be anyone."
"I vetted her, Adam," I urged. "Come on, she was supposed to help with this stuff so you don't have to worry about it."
"You mean so you don't have to worry about me. I get it. You don't have to come here anymore," he snapped.
I sighed. "You don't mean that."
Adam stared back at me with a challenge in his eyes. All I saw was my mother in that gaze. He was every bit as stubborn and wild as she was. Even if that wildness had now been broken a little.
"Forgot your own brother," he muttered.
"I didn't," I said, my voice a lot more pleading than I wanted it to be. "Life was insane, and then something weird happened. And?—"
"You're married?" Adam asked, a frown on his face. "You got married?"
Shit. I had forgotten Lucero had popped the ring back onto my finger. Quickly, I snatched it off and stuffed it into my pocket.
"It's not what you think."
"I missed a whole wedding? You dating? All of it?" he whispered. He fisted a handful of his hair. "I'm such a piece of shit."
I raced to my brother. "Don't say that," I snapped. "This is not real. Some crazy asshole tricked me into it, and I'm getting a divorce. It's a long story but I'll tell you the whole thing, okay? Why don't we clean up together and I'll tell you all about my psychotic husband."
Adam blinked at me as if he was coming back to reality. He frowned. And then slowly, he nodded. "Okay."
We worked on putting his apartment back together.
Bag after bag of trash was hauled out, and by the end of it, I was a sticky, sweaty mess.
Still, I couldn't stop. I went into full cleaning mode—stove, bathroom, bedroom, laundry.
By the time I was finished, there was something pinched in my back, and my right hip ached from when I slammed into the counter after tripping over trash, but it was clean.
Adam looked around. In the corner of his mouth, there was a faint twitch.
The ghost of a smile. He sighed and relief colored his usually pinched features.
Thank God. Look at him, he's happy.
My heart squeezed. I reached out and took his hand.
Adam's hand closed over mine, tight and trembling—a side effect of his medicine more than likely—before he turned to me.
There was no smile there, not really. There hadn't been in years.
But even just the start of one was enough to make me feel like I wasn't a complete and utter piece of shit. Like I hadn't abandoned him here.
"Thanks," he said. "It looks nice."
I nodded triumphantly. "Yeah, not half bad, right?" I sighed. "Hungry? I can put some meals in the fridge for you?"
He shook his head. "Your cooking sucks."
I gasped. "It does not!"
Adam stared. "You nearly burned the apartment last time just by making scrambled eggs. It smelled like farts in here for a week. And I can't actually escape it."
I stared at him, my jaw dropped. "You ungrateful?—"
"It's actually time for you to go home," he added. "I'm tired now."
My mouth snapped shut, and I clicked my tongue. "Well, you're definitely my brother."
Adam looked just like me. He was a year older, but we shared the same eyes, same pink lips, same sharp angles in our faces. The only difference was that he was taller, and had once been pretty athletic. That had only lasted for as long as he was forced to let it, and now? He was skinny. Too skinny.
"You sure you don't want food? I can order," I persisted, frowning.
"No. The person you send to drop off food does it. Just haven't been hungry."
"You have to eat," I pressed. "All those meds with no food…"
"I know!" he snapped before he shut his eyes. "Sorry, I'm sorry, Louis."
Louis. It was an identity I shed out of necessity, but hearing my brother say it always filled me with warmth.
I saw tears lining his eyes, and I knew it was really time to go. The only thing I was doing was overwhelming him, and that wasn't what he needed. I wrapped my arms around him, and hugged him tightly for what felt like ages but was only seconds, before I pulled back and quickly wiped my own eyes.
"Get some rest. I love you."
"I love you too," he whispered.
I gathered my things, gave him one final wave, then headed out.
As soon as I was walking down the street, that old urge grew.
My stomach tightened, my body reacted, and it took everything not to smash my fist into the brick facade of the building.
But I couldn't bruise my pretty hands. No, I needed something much, much more.