Chapter 29
LUCERO
A hollow ache formed in the middle of my chest as the front door slammed. Something inside of me shattered. I turned on my heels, and before I knew it, I was at the front door with my hands resting on the wood. All I had to do was go after him.
I can fix this.
The words felt shallow as they echoed throughout my body.
There was so much going on. So much the love of my life had been going through and I didn't know.
I'd been blissfully unaware like a— "Fucking idiot.
" My voice cracked as I stared at the floor.
I had no right to go after him. Even if I did, what could I say?
Onyx was right. I hadn't thought about anyone but myself. I thought I could get him to love me. If I pushed hard enough, forced my way into every part of his life, then I could show him how good we’d be together. How happy I could make him.
I felt them before I noticed my vision blur. The hot trails of tears streamed down my cheeks as little needle-like sensations pricked the back of my eyes.
"Fuck." I closed my eyes, squeezing more tears free, out of necessity.
My fingers curled and uncurled at my side as emotions twisted inside of me at a rapid pace.
I punched the wall. The pain blossoming over my hand had nothing on what I was feeling inside.
Dry wall and dust crumbled to the ground.
I stared at it as if it would give me the answers I needed to right my wrong.
I pulled my fists back and punched again and again.
Crimson droplets added to the mess on the floor and wall.
Nothing came to me. I plopped down on the couch and buried my face in my hands.
This wasn't how the morning was supposed to go.
I'd planned to make Onyx dessert to convince him to stay in bed and rot with me.
To get his spirits back up, and instead, everything exploded right in my face. I'd Lucero’d the situation.
I applied pressure to my eyes. Willing the tears to stop, the thoughts to go away, and for time to rewind.
None of that happened. All I got was colorful spots dancing behind my eyelids.
More tears came that now slid over my wrists and down my forearms. My thoughts were louder than they'd ever been but not one of them was helpful.
Time? That fucking bitch stayed the same.
Moving forward like nothing had happened.
I don't know how long I sat there. Minutes, shit, maybe hours.
All I knew was that I needed to see Onyx.
I had to explain myself, but every time I thought about what I needed to say, my mind would go eerily blank before reminding me how I fucked it all up.
I'd finally gotten the man of my dreams. I'd finally had it all; the life I wanted with the person I wanted and it was gone.
There was a knock at the door, and I was up without thought, rushing over to it. Onyx had come back. We'd work through this. My chest felt heavy with every breath I took.
I opened the door, hoping for Onyx, only to be faced with the building’s security. Their familiar faces were nothing more than an annoyance as they gave me sympathetic looks.
"Sir, we are here to escort you out."
My stomach dropped even further. I knew he wasn't there, but it didn't keep me from looking past their shoulders for my husband. All that greeted my gaze was an empty spot.
"Sir, we would prefer not to use force."
They were both at least a foot shorter than me, but I lacked the will to fight them off at the moment.
A pang echoed through my body. "Let me grab my bag." I turned on my heels and each step felt like a nail in the coffin of my happy marriage. It was just yesterday we were in each other's arms. And now Onyx wanted nothing to do with me.
***
"He's been like this for days." Nash's worried tone carried over the sultry music of the strip club.
I'd left Onyx's place and ended up at Heaven’s Gate. I had nowhere else to go. Sure, I could have gone back to my family's villa but then I'd really feel like things had ended between me and Onyx.
I miss you. I want to see your smile. Hear your voice. Breathe in your perfume. Feel your warmth soak into my bones. Be in your presence.
"Give him work," Damian argued.
"I tried that. Shit didn't work," Nash shot back. “He damn near got himself killed!”
"We shouldn't have let him go through with this marriage," Prince added.
Maybe they were right. I pushed to marry Onyx because I knew deep down it was all I'd wanted. But maybe it was wrong.
"Someone needs to snap him out of it," Nash said.
My siblings fought behind me, but I couldn't be bothered to care. I didn't want to talk unless they had some idea of how I could fix this. How I could have Onyx back in my life.
"Lucero, go on a run with me," Damian said. He'd gotten closer, and I'd hardly noticed.
I didn't feel like moving just yet. I wasn't ready. Maybe if I stayed where I was, time would finally stop and I'd have a second to think. Everything felt like it was moving too fast and I was left gasping for air.
"Hey." A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off. It was too big to be Onyx's and he was the only one I wanted to touch me.
"Not right now," I groaned. My throat was dry, and I reached for the glass of whiskey.
I didn't like drinking. I stared down at the amber liquid that had gone warm after sitting for hours.
I still hadn't taken my first sip. I could numb all the emotions and put my thoughts to rest but then I wouldn't feel how empty I felt without Onyx.
I wouldn't be able to think about him, the good and bad.
As torn up as I'd felt, I couldn't wash away everything.
"See, I tried already," Nash argued. "Fuck, even Elia came by and tried fighting him. Lucero just let him punch him without so much as blocking."
"That's it, I say we call in the big guns," Prince suggested.
Why couldn't they leave me alone? I deserved to be ignored.
I wasn't helping anyone. Sooner or later their voices quieted down again, and I was left to sit there.
The dancers learned after the first day to stay clear of me.
I sat at one of the tables in the back where light was scarce and no one bothered me.
My back was to the main stage, and I stared down at the table as if it would give me answers—when I knew the truth: there was no way of fixing this.
I'm going to lose him forever.
A sharp smack to the back of my head caught me off guard. My face hit the glass in my hand and the whiskey spilled all over the table.
The strong stench of liquor hit the back of my throat and made me gag. "The fuck?—"
"You curse at your own mother now?" Mom walked around the table, her brows lowered and her lips turned down in a disapproving frown. "Last I checked, I was the one in labor with you for twenty hours. I don't think I went through all that pain for you to curse at me."
"Sorry, ma. I thought—" I shook my head. "Sorry."
Her shoulders relaxed as she took a seat. I could practically feel her picking me apart like any mother did. She was making mental notes, and I was bound to get the full rundown once she was ready.
"My poor Luci." She patted my cheek gently. "You shit the bed, didn't you?" The sympathy vanished from her tone.
I groaned looking anywhere but at her. "Who told you?"
"No one. Una madre lo sa sempre." She tapped her manicured nails on the table top slowly and methodically. "You look like shit. If I was Onyx, I'd run too."
My head snapped up, and I met her gaze.
"Oh, now you look at me." She reached over, grabbing my chin like when I was a boy.
She turned my head from side to side. "You were always obsessive.
" She let me go and sat back in her seat.
She looked out of place in the strip club, wearing pearl earrings and a baby blue dress.
Her hair was mostly gray now; the silvery strands took over the black.
It was pinned away from her face. "One look at you, and I can tell you're troubled.
You used to go days without eating or sleeping simply because something had caught your full attention.
Remember when you got that cat with that horrid name, and when he ran away, it took us weeks to get you to move. "
"I found him later."
My mother nodded, catching the attention of one of the bartenders.
A glass of wine was delivered in seconds.
"That you did, but that's only after you finally told everyone what was happening.” She wiped the table down with a handful of napkins.
“However, there were weeks of you bottling it up all by yourself and you achieved nothing.
It wasn't until the entire family pitched in to help that you found him. "
I hadn't told any of my siblings what happened between me and Onyx. I wasn't even sure where to begin. This was nothing like when I lost my cat. Onyx leaving me was so much worse.
She swirled the dark liquid around before taking a sip. "So how are you going to fix this?"
That wasn't possible. "I can't."
Ma leaned over the table, crooking her finger at me to come closer. I did. The moment I was in reach, she smacked the back of my head a lot harder than before.
"I didn't raise you to be a quitter."
I sucked in a breath between gritted teeth rubbing the back of my head. "It's not that easy, ma. I messed up badly."
"Then you better make the apology even bigger." She was making it sound so simple but it couldn't be. Right?
"He never wanted to marry me," I admitted. Saying it out loud turned my stomach. "I thought I could make him happy, but instead, I made him miserable."
Another smack to the head had me wincing. All those rings on her fingers hurt. I rubbed the back of my head, not really wanting another one. She wasn't holding back at all.
"Luci. Don't be such a—ah, what is the word? Figa."
"Ma—"