Chapter 8 #2
“I’ll keep it in my room, and despite my better sense I’ll think of you when I look at it.
” She couldn’t risk her lips on his, but brushed hers to his cheek, and for a moment rested her cheek to his as she’d once done so often, so easily.
“Thank you. I— Oh, she had it made very particularly. I have a glimmer here,” she murmured, staring at the bottle.
“The dragon was hers, I think. And she had this made, just so, to hold . . . to hold tears. A witch’s tears—so precious and powerful when shed for joy, when shed in sorrow. ”
“Which did this hold?”
“I can’t see it, but I’ll think joy, as it’s Christmas, and a beautiful gift. It should hold joy.” She set it carefully on the counter. “We should have champagne, and we should have music. And I won’t check the windows any more tonight.”
· · ·
THAT NIGHT, LATE, SHE PUT THE BOTTLE ON HER DRESSER, and, sliding into bed, watched it catch all the golds of the fire.
And thought of him. And thinking of him, laid a charm under her pillow to block dreams. Her heart was too full to risk dreams.
· · ·
THINGS NEEDED DOING, brANNA THOUGHT AS SHE SPENT the day—happily alone—in her workshop.
She’d enjoyed every minute of Yule, of Christmas.
Gathering with her circle, preparing the food, making music together.
She’d loved the trip to Kerry on Christmas Day, didn’t feel the least guilty she’d magickly flown to see her parents, to spend time with them and other family.
And had felt warmer yet, as Connor did the same, with Meara.
It had done her spirit good to see her parents so happy with this new phase of their lives. Boosted her confidence to recognize their complete faith in her, in Connor.
But now it was back to practical matters again. To the work that earned her living. To the work that was her destiny, that was life or death.
She replenished some of her most popular lotions and creams, worked on the pretty travel candles that all but flew off her shop’s shelves.
Then she gave herself the pleasure of experimenting with new scents, new colors, new textures. She could focus her mind on her senses, how did this look, what mood did this scent evoke, how did this feel on the skin?
She glanced up when the door opened, found herself happy to see Meara come in.
“Well now, this is perfectly timed. Take off your gloves, would you, and try this new cream.”
“It’s an ugly day out there, all cold, blowing rain.” She pulled off her cap, unwound her scarf—tossed her thick brown braid behind her back. “And in here it’s warm and smells like heaven. A fine change from the damp and the horse shite.”
She hung up her coat, walked over to Branna, held out bare hands.
“Oh, that’s lovely.” She rubbed in the cream, sniffed at her hands.
“Just lovely and cool, and it smells like . . . air. Just fresh air, like you’d find on the top of a mountain.
I like the color of it in the bowl, too. Pale, pale blue. Like blue ice.”
“A perfect name for it. Blue Ice, it is. It’s made for working hands and feet.
I thought to do it in a sturdy sort of jar.
The sort men wouldn’t fuss about having for themselves.
I’m thinking of doing a line of it. A scrub as well, a gel for the shower, cake and liquid soap.
Again with packaging women will like, but men won’t feel insults their testicles. ”
“I don’t know how you think of all of it.”
“If I didn’t, I might have spent the day in the cold rain and horse shite with you.
” She walked over to put on the kettle. “And I feel as we come to the end of the year, it’s time to think of new.
Just yesterday my mother asked if I couldn’t create some products exclusive for their little B and B.
Some they could use as amenities for the guests—then sell in full size.
And after year’s end, I’m going to see what I can do about that. ”
“It was lovely seeing your mother yesterday, and your father as well, and the rest. Connor sprang it on me all at once. Why don’t we fly down and see my ma and da for a bit before we’re off to Galway?
I’m saying how I’d love to see them, and shouldn’t we ring them up first, but he just takes my hand, and pop we’re there.
” She laid a hand on her belly. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that mode of traveling. ”
“It meant a lot to them, and to me, to have you both there for a few hours.”
“Christmas means family, and if we’re lucky, friends as well.”
“And yours? Your family?”
“Ah, Branna, my mother’s thriving at Maureen’s. She’s happier than I’ve seen her in years. Roses in her cheeks, a sparkle in her eye. She showed me her bedroom, and I have to give Maureen full marks there, as it’s as fussy and pretty as Ma would want.”
Meara sighed, but it was a sound of contentment. “Having us all in one place meant the world to her, that I could see. And didn’t Maureen take me off to a corner to tell me how good it is for Ma to be there—I even let her go on about it, as if it had been her notion all along.”
“It’s a weight off you.”
“A heavier one than I knew. And she’s so pleased I won’t be having sex with Connor much longer outside Holy Matrimony.” Laughing, Meara sat by the fire. “She’s already talking more grandchildren.”
“And you?” Branna brought over a tray with steaming tea and sugar biscuits.
“I want them, of course, but likely not as quickly as will suit her. A bridge to cross at a later time.” She sipped at her tea. “I’m glad you said I’d timed it well, coming in on you. I wanted to talk to you. Just you and me.”
“Is there a problem?”
“That’s what I want to ask you. I don’t remember a time we weren’t friends as it all started when we were still in nappies.”
Branna took a bite of a sugar biscuit, grinned. “And may be in nappies again before we’re done.”
Meara snorted out a laugh. “That’s a thought. As we’re forever, you and I, we can say things maybe others can’t. So I want to say this to you. Could it be good for you, Branna, this dream linking you’re about to do with Fin?”
“We all agreed—”
“No, no, I’m not asking as part of the circle. I’m asking only as your friend, your sister. Nappie to nappie, we’ll say.”
“Ah, Meara.”
“I’m thinking only of you now, as it’s only you and me here. It’s intimate, this dreaming together. I know and understand that well. It’s a lot to ask of yourself, Branna, of your heart, your feelings.”
“Dealing with Cabhan comes ahead of all that.”
“Not for me. Not between me and you. I know you’ll do it regardless, but I want to know how you feel about it all—friend to friend, and woman to woman besides. How you feel, and what I can do to help you.”
“How I feel?” Branna loosed a long breath. “I feel it must be done, that it’s the best way we have. And I know there’ll be hurt, for it is intimate as you say. I know Fin and I must work together for the good of all, and I’ve accepted that.”
“But?”
She sighed, knowing she could tell Meara whatever she held in her heart.
“Since he came back months ago, since he’s stayed all these months, and I’ve seen him fight and bleed with us, it’s harder to hold back what I feel for him, and always have felt.
It’s harder to set aside what I know he feels for me, and always has felt.
What we do next will make it harder still, on both of us.
And I can only be grateful knowing you’re there, you understand. ”
“Couldn’t Connor go with him, or Boyle, or any of us?”
“If it was meant to be Connor or Boyle or any of us, it wouldn’t have been me pulled into the dream that took us to Midor’s cave. I can deal with it, Meara, as he can, though I know it’s no easier for him than for me.”
“He loves you, Branna, as deep as any man can love. I know it hurts you for me to say it.”
“No, you don’t hurt me.” Branna rubbed a hand on Meara’s thigh. “I know he loves me, or some part of him does. Some part always will. Love’s powerful, and it’s vital, but it’s not all.”
“Do you blame him still for his lineage?”
“It was easier when I did, when I was so young, so shattered, I could. But not blaming him doesn’t change the facts of it all.
He’s Cabhan’s blood. He bears the mark, and that mark came on him, manifested after we’d been together.
If there’s any of that lingering in me that blames him, well, it blames myself as well. ”
“I wish you wouldn’t,” Meara replied. “I wish you wouldn’t take on blame, either of you.”
“My blood, his blood. He bears the mark as much because of Sorcha as Cabhan, doesn’t he? I think now that we’re older and know more than we did, we both understand we’re not meant to be together.”
“If we defeat Cabhan, would you still feel that way? Still believe you couldn’t be with him, and happy?”
“How can I say? How can I know? It’s fate that drew us together, and fate pulled us apart. Fate decides these things.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Meara said, with heat. “We decide our own fate, by our choices, our actions.”
Branna smiled, sat back. “You’ve a point there.
Of course we’re not merely puppets. But fate deals the hand, to my way of thinking.
How we play the cards matters, but we only have the ones we’re dealt.
What would I do if fate hadn’t dealt me you?
I wouldn’t have a friend who’d know to come give me her shoulder. ”
“It’s always here for you.”
“I know it. I’m built to stand on my own, but God, it’s good to lean now and then.
I can wish I didn’t love him. I can wish I could look back at the girl I’d been and say, well now, she had her fling and her disappointment, her bit of heartbreak.
Now she’s moved on. But whatever cards I hold, he’s one of them. And ever will be.”
“We could take more time, try to find another way.”
“We’ve waited too long already. We deserved to take the time for family and friends, but it’s time to turn back to duty. I’m prepared for it, I promise you.”
“Would you want me to stay after it’s done? I mean after all of it, for me to stay. Me and Iona?”
“We’ll see how it all goes. But it’s a comfort to me to know, should I be needing you, you and Iona would be here.
Before we worry if I’ll be needing comfort, we go back, Fin and I, and find what this Midor is to Cabhan and Cabhan to him.
And if the fates deal the cards, we learn how and when to stop him. ”
She tipped her head to Meara’s shoulder. “I know Fin to be a good man, and that steadies me. I once tried to believe he wasn’t, because it made it simpler, but that was wrong and foolish. At the end of it all, if I can know I’ve loved a good man, I can be satisfied with that.”