6. Calista
6
CALISTA
We walked through the market together, an hour before dusk, seeing what the different merchants had to offer. The elves regarded Commander Luxe with warmth, their eyes showing their affection and loyalty, but once they looked at me, that brightness dimmed. They chose to only speak to him and treat me as if I weren’t there, at least until Commander Luxe made a formal introduction.
“This is one of our restaurants.” He gestured to the right, tables placed directly under the sky, while the others were under a wooden roof to protect them from the rain. “I have my coffee here in the morning. They also have wine here in the evenings.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” The last thing I wanted to do was go out to eat by myself when everyone seemed suspicious of my presence.
“Would you like to see the library?”
“You have a library?” I asked in surprise. “I have books in my room, but only a few are in my preferred language.”
“Then let me show you. Grab a couple books that you want, but I also recommend that you start to learn the language. The elves will respect you for it, and it’ll make your integration much easier.”
“You’re right.” It felt like a daunting task to master a language I hadn’t known existed until days ago, but I had nothing else to do with my time until Inferno returned…if he returned at all.
We rose up the stone steps and entered a large building, the ceilings thirty feet high. Unlike the royal chambers, the windows weren’t open to the outside but blocked with glass, probably to preserve the books inside.
There were several large tables at the forefront, and then in the rear were all the bookshelves that extended toward the ceiling.
“There’re a lot of books…”
“Yes. Most of them are historical accounts of our history. Some contain poetry, recipes, paintings, and some are just for entertainment.” He took the lead and walked me down the aisle, showing me all the different options.
“Wow, this is my new favorite place.”
“You’re a reader?”
“I would say so.”
“What do you like to read?”
“I enjoy everything, but romance is my favorite.”
He turned his head to look at me, his stare focused on my face. “You’re receptive to love, then.”
“Everyone is receptive to love.”
“I disagree.” He moved down the aisle until he found what he searched for. “Sometimes people love once, and it’s so passionate that it burns and they fear the flames for the rest of their lives.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
He pulled a book off the shelf and extended it to me. “No. I’ve been receptive for a while…”
“I’m surprised you haven’t found it. All the elves are so beautiful.”
“Love is deeper than the flesh,” he said. “A kind of beauty that takes time to unearth. I’ve been mining for the perfect gem…but still haven’t found it.”
I took the book, our fingertips touching briefly.
His look remained locked on mine.
I broke contact and looked at the book he handed to me. “What’s this?”
“It’s one of our popular love stories—and it’s in your language.” He turned his back to me and moved farther down the aisle. “Let’s see what else we have.”
We returned to my tree house, and I got to work making dinner.
He didn’t excuse himself or give any indication that he wanted to leave, so I invited him to stay. Since he’d given up his time to make me more comfortable in this foreign place, I felt it was the least I could do.
He sat at the dining table and watched me cook.
They didn’t eat meat or animal products, so it took more time to throw together a meal that would be satisfying. I went from eating only meat in the wild to only eating plants in the forest. My stomach was definitely confused.
I sat with him at the table, the fireflies casting light in the room. “Why do the elves not eat meat?”
“Why do you eat meat?” he asked.
I stilled at the question and realized how strange it felt to be asked that. “Because it’s filling, I guess.”
“I think this is just as filling.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you with the question. I was only curious.”
He finished his bite before he answered. “The forest provides everything we need. All life is connected here, drawn to Riviana’s eternal power. To claim the life of another, whether it’s a small creature or large game, is to tarnish your soul. When you’re this close to Caelum, you feel things more intimately.”
“What do you mean, this close to Caelum?”
“I told you Riviana is the god of life. Her tree is the gateway to the afterlife.”
“You mean, like it’s a literal door?”
“Yes.”
“So, anyone can just walk through?”
“The tree is off-limits to us all. Our purpose is to protect that gateway from anyone who wishes to enter. There are those outside the city who have less than honorable intentions, who wish to disrupt the natural way of life.”
“The elves who live outside the forest…”
He nodded. “Dark elves.”
“Is that who you protect us from? Since no one marches on your lands?”
“Our job is to be prepared for any battle, for any foe—at all times. But yes, our attention is focused to the west, where they live in the trees.”
“Has anyone ever tried to enter the tree?”
“Yes—a long time ago.”
“And what happened?”
“None of us know—because they never returned. Perhaps the passage works in a single direction.”
“But it must not since Riviana has been seen in the forest.”
“When you’re a god, different rules apply.”
It began to make sense why the elves didn’t travel south to our lands, why they didn’t intervene in our affairs. They had something far more important to protect. “Now I understand why the elves don’t leave their forest….
“Some have left to protect Thalian.”
“Why do you feel compelled to protect the dragons?” I asked.
He finished his plate, leaving it empty before him. “Because Riviana asked us to. And whatever request she makes, we’ll fulfill it.”
“Then she hasn’t asked you to save the dragons I spoke of.”
“According to Queen Eldinar, she hasn’t spoken in a very long time.”
My empty wineglass sat in front of me, but I was too engrossed in the conversation to refill it. When Inferno and I had approached the elves for help, I hadn’t realized the complexities that lay behind the border.
We sat in silence, and I waited for him to leave now that dinner was finished, but he lingered. I enjoyed his company, but I also enjoyed my solitude, and what a broken heart craved beyond everything else was loneliness.
He continued to watch me, his blue eyes glued to my face. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
The question caught me off guard because I didn’t expect him to be interested in my personal life. I expected questions about my life in Scorpion Valley, the power of the Death King, about my time in the Arid Sands and the stones I worked to unearth…but not that.
And then I felt it. A quiet hostility…a tension so audible it hummed.
Heat seared my cheek like a red-hot branding iron.
I swallowed, because I knew he was there.
I turned my cheek slightly and felt my body tense when I saw him.
In his trousers and nothing else, he stood there, looking down at me with angry wrath.
“Shit.” I looked forward again.
Commander Luxe crossed his arms over his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said quickly, feeling the blood drain from my face.
He continued to stare at me.
And so did Talon.
I didn’t know what to do.
“If my question didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Commander Luxe said, “then can you answer it?”
I stared straight ahead, hoping that Talon would just disappear like last time. What would Commander Luxe do when he saw him? Would the two men fight to the death in my tree house?
“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked. “You look pale.”
“I—I’m fine.” I felt that stare burn a hole in my cheek. “I just feel a little warm.” I waited for Talon to leave, to depart before Commander Luxe realized we had company. But instead, he walked behind Commander Luxe and dropped into the chair directly across from me.
Now he was in my line of sight, and I felt my hands start to shake.
Commander Luxe didn’t seem to notice he was there. His eyes remained on me.
Talon crossed his arms over his chest and sank into the chair. He didn’t have to say a word to show how livid he was. His stare did that all by itself. “Make him leave.”
I inhaled a breath when I heard Talon speak.
Commander Luxe continued not to notice.
Then I realized I was the only one who could see him.
“Have you ever been in love?” Commander Luxe repeated for the third time.
I turned to look at Commander Luxe beside me.
“ Look at me .”
My eyes snapped back to Talon across the table. “You know, I’m feeling unwell all of a sudden… You should go.”
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked. “Do you need some water?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I just need to lie down.”
“I can do the dishes before I go.” He got to his feet and started to collect the plates.
“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “I can deal with them tomorrow. Goodnight.”
He stilled as he looked down at me, like he knew something was wrong but couldn’t piece it together. “I’ll check on you in the morning, Calista.” He turned away and walked out, his footsteps growing quieter as he left the tree house. The door opened and shut behind him, and then the sounds of the crickets and the frogs became audible in the distance. Serenity returned, but Talon’s potent irritability remained.
I looked across the table at him, his angry stare matching his mood. “Why can’t he see you?”
He stayed quiet for a long time, like he was too angry to speak. Seconds turned into minutes. Night deepened in the forest. In all that time, he didn’t blink. “Because I only present myself to you.”
“So, are you real?”
“Yes.”
“But you aren’t here.”
“ I am here .”
“But you just disappeared, like a spirit or something.”
“Because I’m more powerful than you ever imagined.”
I felt a chill down my spine, because I knew so little about the man I’d been fucking. “He couldn’t see you.” So he wasn’t present in his physical form. A projection of his mind…or something.
His hands continued to grip his muscular arms. “Are you going to answer the question?”
“What question?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
My eyes shifted away, embarrassed that Commander Luxe had asked that question. “What about you?”
“That asshole asked you, not me.”
“He’s not an asshole.”
He suddenly raised his voice, so loud that it would be audible to others in the forest if he were visible to anyone else but me. “We’ve been apart for two weeks, and you’re already fucking someone else?”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
“Well, he’s trying very hard to fuck you.”
“He’s just helping me acclimate.”
“No man would ask a woman if she’s ever been in love if he didn’t want to be the man she loves. Don’t be na?ve, Calista.”
I turned my gaze out the window when his ferocity became too much.
“How many times have I told you—look at me.”
“Why are you here?” I turned back to him. “What do you want from me?”
His hard stare was accompanied by an avalanche of silence. “Don’t fuck him.”
“Like you aren’t bedding all your concubines.”
“I’m not.” His voice rose again. “There’s been no one else since our first night together. I desire no woman but you—and I fucking miss you.”
My eyes flicked away on instinct.
“How many times do I have to say it?” he hissed.
My eyes went back to his.
He stared and stared, waiting for me to say something, say what he wanted to hear.
But I refused.
He moved on when there was no hope for reciprocation. “Who is he?”
I didn’t answer.
“Calista—”
“You’re trying to figure out where I am. That’s what you want…that’s why you’ve come.” If he knew where I was, he would be there in the flesh. He would grab me by the neck and force my stare on his instead of commanding it across the table.
“Yes, I want to know where you are,” he said. “But that’s not the only reason I’m here.”
“Then why else?” I said coldly, feeling the disappointment pool in my stomach.
“I want to fix this…fix us.”
My eyes wanted to drift away, but they remained steady. “We can’t be fixed, Talon.”
His stare hardened on my face, and he drew a deep and slow breath.
My eyes glanced down to the empty plate in front of me, a few crumbs left behind.
He suddenly rose from the chair and came around the table, coming closer to where I sat. He grabbed Commander Luxe’s chair and brought it next to me before he sat, bringing us as close together as he could without touching.
I took a deep breath at his proximity, feeling the spark that always erupted when we were near each other.
His arms crossed again, and he continued his relentless stare. “You’ll never understand the profundity of these words I’m about to tell you, but I’m going to say them anyway. If I knew how much my actions would hurt you, I never would have committed them. I never would have come here and conquered your lands. I wouldn’t have pursued the dragons…not if I knew the price you would pay.”
I saw the hint of gold in his stare, the single bit of color in his dark eyes.
“Sleep eludes me every night because I think about it, think about how different your life would have been if I hadn’t come to these shores. I’m riddled with guilt because, of all people, you deserve what happened the least. I’m sorry that my revenge came at your expense.”
I shifted my gaze away from his eyes, looking at his cheek instead, that stare too much for me. It was hard to hate someone you cared so much for. It was hard to distance yourself from someone who was always in your heart. “I appreciate what you’ve said, but it’s time for us to part ways. I’ve found a place to call home, and you have a war to win. Our interests are no longer aligned.”
His eyes shifted back and forth between mine in devastation. “Nothing has changed between us?—”
“It’s done, Talon.”
“Calista—”
“Just let me go.” My eyes dropped to his bare chest, remembering it on top of me, a mountain looming over my valley.
He gave an angry sigh. “Wherever you are is not home, Calista.”
“It’s the best I’m going to find.”
“Scorpion Valley is your home. You’re their rightful queen, and you should rule those lands. The crown is yours—now come home and take it.”
“No.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because I may be queen of the valley, but you’re still the king of the lands. I will not serve you.”
“Calista, I don’t even want it. I just need the armies to win my war.”
“I would not send my people to die for a tyrant’s revenge.”
“A tyrant?” he snapped. “You think I’m a tyrant?”
“How many times do I have to repeat this story? I was forced as a prisoner to work myself to death for your benefit. My virginity was taken by a psychopath?—”
“He did not take your virginity. I did.” He grew angry again, like he did whenever General Titan was mentioned. “That wasn’t sex. That was violence.” His hand moved to his chest. “I was your first, Calista. You gave yourself to me, and it was passionate and real… It still is. Don’t give him power that he hasn’t earned. Your body was untouched when I took it, as far as I’m concerned. You should think the same.”
My eyes looked away again.
He didn’t ask me to come back. He let me have my moment. “Those dragons are still enslaved, Calista. They still need our help—your help.”
“Don’t manipulate me.”
“I’m not. I’m only reminding you of what’s at stake. That they still need your help, Inferno’s help.”
I decided not to tell Talon the truth. That Inferno was gone, that I lived in the land of the elves, that the free dragons were somewhere to the north of the White Mountains. I trusted him…but not when it came to this. His obsession with revenge fueled his entire being. He might come here to conquer the forest the way he’d conquered my own lands, and I couldn’t let that happen.
He tilted his head slightly and released a quiet sigh. “Tell me where you are.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t.”
“There’s been no sign of Inferno in the skies since he was sighted in Scorpion Valley. I don’t know where you’re hiding, but you can’t hide forever.”
“And what happens if you spot us?” I looked at him again.
“I’ll come get you.”
“And then what?” I demanded. “You’ll force us into your servitude.”
“I’ve never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do— ever .”
“Then what? Ask nicely?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
His eyes shifted back and forth between mine. “I would kiss you.” His voice escaped as a whisper. “I would kiss you and make love to you and tell you how fucking sorry I am. That’s what I would do.”
And just like that, he made me feel so fucking weak. “You never showed me this kind of affection when we were together.”
“Because I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone.”
“You wouldn’t even sleep with me.” It still wounded me, the way he would fuck me and then kick me out. The way I woke up in the middle of the night to see him wide awake in the armchair.
“Like I’ve said twenty times, that has nothing to do with you.”
“Then what does it have to do with?”
Now he looked away, and it was the first time he’d ever done that. His stare remained elsewhere for a long while, like looking me in the eye made him feel a world of pain. “Let this lie, Calista.”
His image suddenly came into sharper focus…or I just looked at him differently. “Have you ever been in love, Talon?”
His eyes remained averted all this time, looking across the kitchen to the cabinets. The question hung in the air for a long while before it became too heavy and crashed to the floor. He let it die, let it be buried.
“Why won’t you answer me?”
His chin remained down and never lifted again. He had been authoritative and confident just minutes ago, but now, he practically cowered in the corner. He was unlike himself, suddenly looking pale and hollow. “Goodnight, Calista.”
“Why won’t you answer me?” I pressed, my voice louder.
He looked dead behind the eyes, that fleck of gold nowhere to be seen.
“Don’t leave, Talon. I want to talk about this?—”
He lifted his chin and looked at me, showing the depth of his empty eyes, the severity of his brokenness. “We will never talk about this.” Then he disappeared, and it was like he’d never been there in the first place.