Chapter 40 Nyssa
Nyssa
It wasn’t long after Caelus arrived that I passed out in his arms, worn out by the trauma of stolen senses and the exhaustion of battle.
I wasn’t really sure when I came to — everything remained a crisp, piercing white, and I had no indication of if my eyes were closed or open at any given point — but it was to the soft sounds of muted conversation when I did.
Caelus and Aros exchanged words across the room, speaking in hushed tones I assumed meant they were trying to let me sleep.
But even sleep held no reprieve from the light.
Their sentences were punctuated by brief bursts of silence and then answers to unasked questions — which I figured meant Apollo was here, too.
And then, every once in a while, Evie’s soothing tones or Athena’s low ones would add something else.
“We cannot stay here and put my people in direct harm,” Athena said.
“And where do you propose we go, Athena, if not Athenos?” Aros snarked uncharacteristically.
“I don’t know, son of Ares. Perhaps Strathos. Oh. Wait — they did not follow you into battle nor even volunteer their soldiers to save their own people, did they?”
“You don’t know that! We left before they could—”
“Shhh,” Aphrodite cut in from somewhere alarmingly close to me. “She’s stirring. Keep it down,” she snapped in a tone I’d heard only once before: in a trial that felt like a lifetime ago, when she’d told an arena full of spectators to go fuck themselves.
I liked this version of her. And I was touched that it came out on my behalf.
Needless to say, the others kept it down after that, and I could only make out the odd word or two. Plus, I was getting the worst neck cramp in this position.
Vel? Are you here?
I am — on the balcony outside your rooms.
I dragged my fingers across the surface of where I lay, trying to discern my location by the feel of it. No one seemed to notice my movements, and Caelus had yet to realise the change in my emotions. Come to think of it, I hadn’t felt the changes in his either.
He was blocking me out.
That son of a—
I almost snorted. Bitch. He really is a son of a bitch. I had to fight to control my features, hoping they remained in a somewhat neutral position. I didn’t want the others all knowing I’d been eavesdropping. Which was ridiculous because I was their queen and I was entitled to this information.
So why didn’t it feel like it?
Where are we? I asked my dragon.
Aegis, she said — short and sharp like she’d bitten off whatever it was she’d intended to say next.
What is it? What are you not telling me?
It’s not my place.
Velira, I grumbled, drawing out the mid-syllable.
With a sigh worthy of a teenager accompanied by a mental eye roll, she finally explained.
They chose to retreat. We lost the battle.
As my stomach sank and my limbs turned leaden, I made myself ask: And the Titans?
Completely obliterated what was left of Hellespont.
The people? I breathed.
Dead or fled.
Velira.
What? It’s true. Hundreds fled to Athenos through Caelus’ shadowgate.
Thousands more are marked as dead or unaccounted for.
Some are being housed in Athenos, others moved further south to Theris, and the orphaned children were sent to Kardia where they have the appropriate resources to care for them.
Where did Kronos and Hyperion go? Are we in danger here? Is that why the children were sent elsewhere?
No. Athenos is small — it does not have enough for so many refugees, so our allies are helping share the burden. As for the Titans, from what our scouts say—
Who are our scouts?
At this point, Nike, Glaucus, and Leucia. I am too large — easily spotted — and I refused to leave you.
Which brings me to my next question, how long was I out?
If you would let me answer a single question at a time, this conversation would be moving a lot smoother, she huffed. The Titans and their army went north, and you have been asleep for two days.
Two days?!
Must I repeat myself? she griped, exasperation weaving clearly through her tone.
In this instance, yes. I fear I misheard you.
She sighed again. A steadying breath which sounded far too human. You have slept and slept — so much that we feared for you — until you woke just now, fifty-three hours later.
My lip trembled. You kept count?
We all did. You should let them know you’re okay.
But… I’m not okay.
I couldn’t see it, but I felt her brow rise. You are.
“Nyssa?” Aphrodite whispered into my left ear, so close I flinched. “Shit, sorry,” she said, placing a hand on my arm, squeezing gently. “I thought you were awake.”
“I’m awake,” I grumbled. “Though I wish I could say I was well rested.”
“Two days and you’re still not — never mind. I guess I can understand that, considering.” She paused for a moment, then asked, “How much did you hear?”
“Honestly, not a lot,” I said, swinging my feet off the bed as I rose into a sitting position.
Within seconds, Caelus was on my other side, one hand gripping mine, the other providing stability behind my back as his caramel scent calmed me. “Easy,” he murmured.
Easy for him to say — his entire world wasn’t spinning, threatening to upend his gullet because the static and the whiteness in his mind had intensified so greatly it felt like he was just thrown off a cliff and into the tumultuous sea below.
I had no idea which way was up and which was down, every ounce of my sanity growing increasingly hard to hold onto.
“Let us explain. Please,” Aph urged.
I grunted my assent since words were apparently beyond me at this point.
You have no idea how badly you scared me, Nightshade… how badly I want to scoop you up and sail off into the sunset with you. Far away from this place. Far away from the Titan who seems to want you so badly it claws at me.
I can’t—
I know, he interrupted. If you were the type of woman who would allow that — who would allow others to fight in her stead and turn tail at the first sign of hardship — you wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with.
I don’t know what to say to that, I admitted, wishing more than anything I could lay eyes on him again. Wishing I could drink in his black-rimmed, swirling silver eyes, his golden skin, his scars, and all the ways he looked at me.
Caelus… A traitorous tear rolled down my face, tickling the base of my chin as it lingered there a moment before it fell into my lap.
My storm-wielder simply brushed a thumb across my cheek and said, I love you. More than all the stars in the sky. More than the light of Selene’s moon or Helios’ sun. More than all the grains of sand I found tucked into unseemly places after Apollo’s trial.
I choked on a startled laugh. More than that?
Infinitely more.
I love you too, Golden. Thank you.
For what?
Keeping my humanity intact.
And that was the core of it. Though we were gods — worshipped by mortals for our blessings and our gifts — they gave us something even more precious in return: the reminder that the worth of a life isn’t measured by the length of it, but by how well it is lived from start to finish.
“What are your proposed plans of action going forward?” I asked them — my friends and advisors.
Athena spoke first. “Rally the rest of the allies, choose somewhere to make our final stand, and then raise literal hell.”
“Succinct. I like it.”
“Aros has something infinitely more harebrained to propose,” she added.
“Oh?” I turned my face slightly left of the direction Athena’s voice had originated. A gentle warmth caressed my face front-on, so there was now a fifty-fifty chance I was now addressing either the fire-wielder or the actual hearth.
Aros cleared his throat — from Athena’s other side.
Tartarus, I cursed. My lips pouting as Caelus’ bubbling amusement filtered in.
“Relieve me of my oaths,” Aros said softly.
“What?!” I leaped to my feet in a rush, a high-pitched ringing drowning everything else out as I processed his request, searching for any trace of a joke, or any hidden innuendo.
I found none.
“I’m sorry, whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
What did I do so wrong that he feels he cannot serve me any longer?
“Nyssa, just listen. Please,” he urged, grabbing me by my upper arms in a bid to ground me. “It is through no fault of your own that I request this — it just makes sense.”
“How? How does it make sense to have my Blade, my Harrow, abandon me just as the tide of war has changed and we are on the losing side? How, Aros?” I demanded.
“It pains me more than you know!” he roared, relinquishing me with a loud, “Agh!” After taking a moment to compose himself, he continued, “This is the greatest honour of my life. To know that you trust me with yours, and with the good of multiple realms on your behalf… that the very first move you made as Queen was to install me as your Blade and your Harrow, elevated above even my own father, the Primal god of war—”
“For now,” Aph muttered.
A sharp bark of laughter interrupted his speech, immediately shattering the built-up tension. “Yes. For now. What I wouldn’t do to send him down to the Isle… but if anyone has more right to do that than me—”
“Us,” Evie seethed.
“Us,” Aros conceded, “It’s our mother.”
My brows puckered. “Your mother? Is she here?”
“No, but I intend to go find her. We know there are others out there — other gods, other Titans, even the Primordials must exist somewhere!” In that instant, he reminded me of a small boy who saw the world as something large, mysterious and wonderful.
An adventure.
“You intend to seek out an army.”
He gripped my hand. “I do. I fear it’s the only way we can win from here.”
“On this, we agree,” Athena said. “Even with aid from our mortal allies, we would still have lost the Siege of Hellespont.”
“That’s what they’re calling it? That is the name being written in the history books even now?”
“It is.”
“What else are they saying? What else is to be written?”