CHAPTER 40 AILEEN
CHAPTER 40
AILEEN
I don’t know how long it took for my tears to dry, but by the time I came back from that dark place, I realized Ragnor had moved us back to the couch, and he was holding me on his lap, cradling me close to his chest.
Ragnor let out a breath. For a moment, I tensed, fearing he would say something about what I’d just shared, like “It’s not your fault” or other empty, meaningless words like that. But Ragnor didn’t speak about my past. He didn’t rightfully call me a monstrous bitch.
Instead, he said, “Eleven hundred years ago, I was given the Imprint.”
I stilled.
He leaned his chin against my hair. “At first, I didn’t have a League to belong to. I was Leagueless, a nomad with no place to call home. During that time, I did many things I’m not proud of.” He played with my hair absentmindedly. “I tortured and killed those who posed a threat. I slit the throats of husbands in front of their wives, then took perverse pleasure in seducing those wives.”
My stomach tightened; my breathing stopped.
“There’s no excuse for the things I did,” he continued quietly. “All I can say is that I was driven by madness. A madness caused by losing the ones I loved. That’s what happens when you lose everything, and you know the one at fault was none other than you.” His arms tightened around me. “I couldn’t look myself in the mirror for many years. I felt like I needed to become even more of a piece of shit, feeling like I needed to justify my second chance at life in some sort of way,” he said, and I could hear the pain in his voice. “It’s not just that I was responsible for my past actions, from before I became a vampire. It was that I lost far more than I had ever bargained for.”
I couldn’t help but wonder what he had given up to become a vampire and whether it was worth it.
Cupping my cheek, he gently guided my face up, his eyes holding mine. “Your love for your father, despite everything he did and made you do, is not a sin,” he told me softly. “Everything you did was because of your father. None of it was your idea. You didn’t wake up one day and decide to commit those atrocities just because you wanted to. Your father used your love and fear to get you to comply with his perverse commands. He counted on your love—maybe even your fear—to keep you in line. He taught you a perverse sense of love and loyalty. The things your father taught you, Aileen, no child should ever have had to learn, especially not at the hand of a parent.” He gave me a look full of so much sympathy, I felt weak in the knees. “Look at it this way. After he went to jail, you didn’t continue with those crimes, did you? You said so yourself, that you promised to never do that again. This is all that matters.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “No one is entirely good or completely evil. This philosophy is false at its roots. Yes, you did those things. You inflicted harm on others. But at the end of the day, you chose not to do it anymore, once you were out of your father’s mental clutches. That just means that despite what you think, you did and still do have a conscience.”
Those words were more than what I would’ve expected from a man who had been emotionally unavailable since I’d known him.
And he was still here. Not running. Giving me the comfort I desperately needed. “I tried to save Cassidy,” I blurted out in a mumble. “Back in the alley. I wanted to save her, to atone for what I did.”
Leaning back, he gave me a sad smile that made me want to cry again. “I know,” he said softly. “But you don’t need to atone for anything anymore, Aileen. You need to forgive yourself. You need to move on.”
Tears fell down my face, and he captured them with his fingers. “Thank you,” he said, “for trusting me enough to tell me your story.”
Hesitantly, I rested my hands against his chest, feeling his warm heartbeat. “Who did you lose?” I asked in a whisper.
He pursed his lips and softly grabbed my wrists. “I lost my family,” he said quietly, looking down at my palms before he brought them to his lips. “I lost a friend.” He put my hands on his cheek. “I lost a woman I loved. The only one I loved.” Pausing, he raised his eyes to mine, and his shone a bright neon blue. “Until you.”
The damned tears returned with a vengeance. His words both hurt and comforted me. To know he used to love someone in the past and that he lost her was far too painful. But at the same time ... “How?” I said weakly, searching his gaze and finding only sincerity. “How can you love me after everything I just told you?”
“Because you’re Aileen Henderson,” he said, smiling almost defeatedly. “A woman who came into my life when I least expected it and made me fall for her.” He brushed my tears away with his thumbs as he cupped my face again. “You were like a beacon of light in the middle of an endless, stagnant darkness. I wanted you since I gave you the Imprint. I wanted to feel you since the first time I pinned you to the ground and told you to yield. I needed you since you confronted me about my feelings.” He paused, pressing his forehead to mine. “I love you, Aileen, and it took losing you to realize it.”
My heart broke.
“No matter what you say or do, I would still want you. You want me to kill for you? I’d do it. Give me the word, and I will slit Atalon’s throat right now for daring to do what he did to you,” he said softly but convincingly, his breath against my lips. “Do you love me, Aileen?”
How could he even ask that question? “Of course I do,” I whispered, then whimpered when he put his arms around me, his lips brushing against mine. “I love you so much, I don’t believe I deserve you, Ragnor.”
“The one who doesn’t really deserve you is me,” he murmured, “not after I sold you in the Auction. But I don’t care about who deserves who.” He brushed my hair back. “I’m too selfish to care about such nonsense.”
Before I could argue the point, his lips pressed against mine. He cajoled me into opening up for him, and, unable to resist when it came to him, I did.
Our tongues crashed in a battle of need, and suddenly, nothing else mattered.
He pushed me to my back, still kissing me, before he suddenly pulled back and stared at me with eyes glowing brighter than before. “Your lips are mine,” he said suddenly, brushing his thumb against my lower lip. “Your pussy is mine.” His other hand trailed down my body to cup my crotch over the jeans, making me gasp. “Your entire fucking body, from the top of your golden curls to the tips of your little toes, is mine.” He caressed the sides of my body, raising my shirt in the process. “Your mind is mine.” He took off my shirt and unclasped my bra, then kissed down my naked chest. “Your past is mine.” He pushed down my jeans and panties and spread my legs. “Your present is mine.” He grabbed my breasts, causing me to cry out. “Your future is mine.” He unzipped his own jeans and freed his beautiful cock. “You’re mine.”
He pushed inside me so hard, pain mixed with pleasure as I screamed, putting my arms around him, under his shirt, and digging my nails into his scarred back.
He pulled his cock out and shoved it in again, making my back arch. Grabbing my breasts again, he locked my gaze with his. “And I’m yours, Aileen,” he said quietly, his voice a growl, as he flicked my nipples, making me dig my nails deeper into his skin. “All yours.”
His words made my chest tighten along with my loins, and I pulled my hands from his back and cupped his face, bringing it closer to mine. “I’m not going to let you go,” I said, gasping as he drew back and oh so slowly pushed back in, my tiny inner muscles squeezing him so tight, he groaned. “You gave yourself to me,” I gasped as he buried himself inside me to the hilt. “You’re mine now.”
In response, he gave me a wicked grin, and then, pinning my thighs as far back as possible, he began to truly fuck me.
An orgasm tore through me, making me hold on to his shoulders for dear life. He drove in and out of me so fast and rough, I felt like he was splitting me in half. It was so good. When he let go of my thighs and grabbed my nipple with his teeth while pinching my clit at the same time, I broke again so suddenly, all I could do was cry out, “Fuck!”
He didn’t let me go, though. He kept fucking me until I saw stars and broke apart again, squeezing him so tightly, he had no choice but to push deep inside me and fill me up with his cum with a deep growl.
He gently fell on top of me and gave me a wet, dirty kiss that made me tingle all over. “As if I can ever let you go,” he murmured over my skin as his mouth trailed down my jaw to my neck, licking the sweat off my skin.
When I felt his fangs graze me, I grabbed his hair and pulled his head back. He gave me a very scary scowl, eyes shining in need. “I want your blood,” he said, almost like a petulant child.
I found myself smiling, something I didn’t think was possible after the heavy conversation we’d just had. “It’s my turn,” I said and rolled over him—something that I could do only because he let me, I knew. “You never let me drink from you.”
“I let you drink before,” he said, looking at me through hooded eyes filled with lust. I realized I was straddling him now, and when I followed his gaze to my pussy, I saw the cum leaking out, coating his hardening cock.
Flicking my eyes to his throat, I said, “Once is not enough,” before I lowered my lips to his neck, unleashed my fangs, and dug in with all my might.
His cock jerked against my inner thigh when I sucked in his ambrosia-like blood. Moaning at the feel of his cock and his delicious flavor, I rubbed my entrance against his erection.
Grabbing my waist, Ragnor impaled me from below, and I groaned in absolute ecstasy into his neck. With a bruising hold on my butt, he started drilling into me so hard, his balls slapped against my skin.
When he slapped my ass, I groaned again, my loins tightening. As I wriggled my ass against his palm, he slapped the cheek over and over again, driving me so crazy, I couldn’t handle it anymore.
Retracting my fangs from his skin, I straightened and put my hands on his chest, and, keeping my gaze on his, I rode him fast and hard, needing him to be as out of control as I felt.
His hands went to my breasts as I did, slapping the skin and toying with my nipples. My heartbeat was in my ears as I watched him sit up and put his mouth over my nipple like a starving man, unleashing his fangs to dig them into the sensitive skin of the areola. I screamed at the feeling of him sucking my blood directly from there as the release made me shudder all over, rendering me immobile as the waves of pleasure took me under.
Ragnor seized control immediately. Wrapping me in his arms, he rose to his feet and took us to the bed, where he practically threw me on the mattress and flipped me so I was on my stomach. He then grabbed my waist and brought me to the edge of the bed, where he stood and penetrated me from behind.
All I could do was hold on to the sheets as he fisted his hand in my hair and fucked me from behind, slapping my ass with his free hand before he traced his fingers over the tight, untouched skin of my orifice.
I gasped at the unfamiliar, strange sensation. He felt my sudden stillness and lowered himself so his lips were at my ear. “Feels good?” he asked as he softly pushed a finger inside the hole.
Tensing up, I didn’t know what to think when he suddenly fucked me harder and faster than before while gently teasing my orifice with one finger.
When I shattered all over him, squeezing him tight enough for him to growl and shove one last time to empty himself inside me, I realized I liked it. I liked it a lot.
Unable to breathe properly after all these orgasms, and with my pussy feeling like it was run over, I lay there half on the bed, with my legs touching the floor, unable to move, I was so spent.
Chuckling at the sight of me, Ragnor took his cock out and spread my butt cheeks. “So beautiful,” he murmured, and I jolted when he parted my pussy lips. I felt his cum dripping from inside to the floor. He growled in satisfaction.
Then he took the rest of his clothes off, got on the bed, and brought me to his arms, cuddling me close. I huddled closer, burying my head in his chest. “You know,” I murmured against his skin, “you’re still on probation.”
He stilled. “Come again?”
I couldn’t help but grin as I raised my head to look at his face. He stared at me with a hard gaze. “One month,” I reminded him.
A furrow appeared between his brows. His previous look of satisfaction was completely gone, replaced by incredulous annoyance.
And despite everything that happened earlier, despite the intensity of our coupling, I somehow found it in me to chuckle. “If you thought you were done groveling, then you’re in for a surprise.”
He growled, and I was on my back suddenly, my wrist held by his hand above my head. “Not done groveling, you say,” he murmured, staring down at me with a predatory look that made my inner thighs squeeze. “We’ll see about it.”
“What are we going to do now?”
My question lingered in the air between Ragnor and me after two more rounds of sex. We were now cuddled together under the blankets, with him still inside me. Neither of us pulled away, as if fearing for this moment to break.
But reality was waiting just outside the door, and I couldn’t go on avoiding it. Neither could he.
“I mean, I’m still a member of the Atalon League,” I said quietly, caressing Ragnor’s glorious chest. “So is Isora. And Zoey is Renaldi’s. Yet the three of us are here.”
Ragnor squeezed me tighter to him. “I’m not giving you back,” he answered matter-of-factly, almost coldly, even. But beyond that cold, there was a fiery resolution that sent shivers down my spine. “And if you say so, I won’t be sending Isora or Zoey back either.”
While a big part of me wanted to hug him in pure relief, I was far more concerned about other things. “But what about Atalon and Renaldi?” I asked, laying my hands on top of where his heart was. “Atalon won’t let us go. He will fight you. And I have a feeling Renaldi will fight you, too, if you won’t return Zoey.”’
“Renaldi owes me,” Ragnor replied mysteriously. “Getting him to release Zoey won’t be an issue. As for Atalon ...” His voice trailed off, and when I raised my eyes to his face, I saw it was grim. “He’s already declared war earlier today.”
My eyes widened. “What does it mean?”
“It means he sent an official letter,” Ragnor said with a sinister grin. “Don’t worry, though. I’ve been itching to wipe him off the face of the earth for a long time now. This just gives me a legal reason to do so.”
He seemed far too smug about the situation that I didn’t dare argue. But there was another thing I was curious about. “Atalon had told me a story about why he hates you so,” I said, frowning. “Something about you defrauding him into selling a Gifted?”
Ragnor narrowed his eyes as he squeezed my buttocks. “Of course that’s how he would see it,” he murmured before sighing. “As I told you earlier, at first I didn’t have a League to belong to. But some decades later, I received an offer of temporary membership with Bowman’s League.”
I scooted closer, watching him as he spoke.
“Bowman was in a certain war against another League and asked for my help. It was at his League that I met Atalon for the first time.” Ragnor’s face contorted angrily. “Atalon was a Gifted vampire back then and as much of a narcissistic, arrogant prick as he is now,” he said, voice dripping with disgust. “He didn’t like my presence in the Bowman League; he felt threatened by me, I believe. Until my arrival, he was the League’s star, but then I came, and suddenly the spotlight was taken from him. That was his first grievance against me.”
Why wasn’t I surprised?
“During Bowman’s war, I found out that the woman Atalon was courting at the time developed feelings for me,” Ragnor continued, pursing his lips. “I refused her advances, but Atalon found out anyway and hated me for taking what he considered to be his. You can already see a theme here.” He gave me a pointed look.
I shuddered in repulsion.
Smiling briefly at my reaction, he continued. “But most of his true grudge against me is regarding an opera singer he had his eye on,” he said. “By then, both of us had already become Lords. I was courting that singer, who also wished to become a vampire, but before I could give her the Imprint, Atalon tried to one-up me by giving her the Imprint first.” Ragnor grimaced. “That woman and I kept on meeting in secret. She told me she was Gifted and was terrified to tell Atalon about it. He scared her, you see. In the end, I struck a deal with him: a Gifted for a Common.” He gave me a surprisingly boyish, lopsided smile. “I offered him a Gifted in exchange for the supposedly Common opera singer. He accepted. Later, he found out she was Gifted after all, and since then he never forgot that slight.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You know, he forgot to mention that first part about him giving her the Imprint under your nose first.”
“Sounds fitting.” Ragnor chuckled before his face became serious again. “Atalon would’ve come after me anyway,” he said, caressing my cheek. “You’re simply the perfect excuse for this war, especially since he knows the price if he wins—a Sacred.”
I leaned into his touch. “I can’t believe you’re going to war for me,” I murmured, closing my eyes. “Especially after everything I told you.”
He gave me a soft kiss, and I opened my eyes when he pulled away, giving me a reassuring look that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. “How about this?” he said. “Let’s agree we’re both monsters. Isn’t it the perfect match, then?”
I couldn’t help but smile in response. “You’re far more sappy than I thought.”
He gave me a warning look. “Call me sappy again, and see where it gets you.”
“Naked in bed with you?” I arched a brow and made a show of looking under the blanket. “Been there, done that.”
He growled softly. “Careful, Aileen,” he murmured, pushing his knee between my legs.
I couldn’t help but grin as I wrapped my arms around his neck. That night, Ragnor managed to ruin my pussy beyond repair.