Chapter 7 Queen Emeline
Seven
Queen Emeline
We are days away from arriving in Wessex.
The farther away I venture from Northumbria, the freer I feel. Seems rather ironic, considering my kingdom is the reason I have sacrificed everything for. But it feels as if things are becoming clearer, and all I see is my future with my children and the love of my life.
But the man who rides beside me, what of him?
I can’t deny the attraction is still strong, but the love I feel for him is different from what I feel for Skarth. But it’s still there. Love is love, I suppose. I just don’t know how to deal with those feelings because I’ve not felt them for a very long time.
“What’s got your cheeks so flushed, sweet princess?”
Ulf’s satirical question snaps me from my thoughts, and I focus on the task at hand. “I do not wish to stop, but I need to eat.”
A tired and hungry warrior makes errors, and I fear I’ve already made too many of those. I wonder how Sune and Loki are. Are they warm? Fed?
I miss them so very much, and I will kill every man who had a hand in their kidnapping. It almost feels as though I have detached from the truth because I fear I will break down if I think of the situation my sons are in.
“Yes, it would be wise. With Wessex within reach, we should rest for the night, then ride uninterrupted until we arrive.”
Ulf is right.
We are so close now.
When I don’t argue, a chuckle leaves him.
“What?” I question, confused.
“Nothing,” he replies, but that is clearly a lie. “I just expected an argument.”
And there it is.
“I do not always argue,” I refute, keeping my eyes peeled for anywhere to camp for the night.
“If you insist.”
“Now you are just being nothing but annoying.”
Ulf laughs loudly.
It’s nice to hear because I realize my world has lacked any cheer for a very long time.
“Why do you do it, Emeline?” It seems Ulf can still read me just as well. “You’re clearly unhappy. You’ve sacrificed your life, and for what? For your children to be stolen, and for you to fight battle after battle. When is it your time to be happy?”
“I wasn’t raised a quitter,” I reply. “I refuse to surrender to the outdated patriarchal views. If I did, it would put England back fifty years. My happiness is to provide a better life for my children. And to better the lives of my people.”
“I understand that, but you’ve not answered my question. When is it your time to be happy?” he repeats slowly, but with no judgment.
“I don’t even know what that entails anymore.”
I don’t wish for sympathy.
“Perhaps it’s time to relearn because I’ve seen it in your eyes. You just need to find it once again.”
I can’t help but smile. “Since when have you become so sentimental?”
“You caught me at a weak moment,” he playfully replies. “Shall I kill a Saxon child to make up for it?”
Alruna and I burst into laughter.
“All is right in the world once more, heathen.”
We continue to ride until we reach a small township. “I do not know the villagers. It is best if we do not tell them who you are. I will ask for food and sanctuary for the night. What do we have for payment?”
I finger the ruby ring, but Ulf reaches into his side pouch, producing a handful of gold coins.
“I do not even want to know how you came into possession of those.”
“Best you don’t ask, then,” he counters with a grin.
It’s dusk, so the smells of food catch the night air, sending my belly into hysteria for I am famished. I have been starved of food many moons ago so that I can control my hunger, but with many days passed, my body demands to be fed and fed now.
Villagers come to see who invades their town, suspicious and on guard.
“We wish you no harm,” I calmly say. “All we ask is for food and shelter for the night. Your riches will be many.”
Ulf rattles the coins in the pouch as proof.
They look at one another, but in the end, as I knew it would, money wins out. “You may remain, but the heathens may not.”
“We all leave then, and take our fortunes with us,” I reply blankly. “I am certain the next village shall reap the advantages you shun because of imprudent pride.”
I cluck my tongue, instructing my horse to turn, but a man steps forward, hands raised in surrender. “You are welcome to stay. We will ensure you are fed. Your horses will be tended to, and we will provide shelter for the evening. You come alone?”
I nod.
“And the Danes will not do us harm?”
“They will respect you if you respect them.”
I look at Ulf, who glares at the man, which isn’t really cementing my claims. When I clear my throat, asking him to behave, Ulf attempts a smile. I think I prefer him scowling, however, because now it appears he is thinking about ripping out this man’s liver and wearing it for a hat.
“You have my word,” Ulf says, tossing the heavy bag at the man’s feet. “Now, please feed the women.”
Alruna turns to look at Ulf, clearly surprised that beneath that gruff exterior lies a gentleman, or something like one. I, however, am not surprised at Ulf’s chivalry.
The man bends to pick up the pouch, and when he peers inside, he gestures with his head to a woman who waits for his command. “Prepare the stables and bring them some food.”
She nods, but it’s clear she’s frightened.
I wonder if, perhaps, one day we will all learn to coexist. I know not all Vikings are like Ulf and Alruna. But not all Saxons are like me, either. And with this divide, I cannot see it ever being bridged. Therefore, I will be fighting for unity until the day I die.
I wanted a better England for my children. But I fear I have failed them. My heart grows heavy when my thoughts drift to Skarth. If this was all for nothing…Then I will burn my kingdom to the ground myself.
This quest seems to take me further and further away from what I once believed in. I can’t help but feel I’ve wasted so much time and all for what? To be here, sleeping in a stable once again, as I fight for my survival.
Ulf’s touch is what draws me back to the present. He speaks to me in Norse, and although I have no idea what he says, it calms me instantly. He gently cups my cheek in his large palm. When our eyes lock, my world refocuses, and I feel like I can breathe again.
“Thank you.”
He runs his thumb along my bottom lip, sending my body into a fever. “Do not thank me for something that comes to me as naturally as the sun rises and sets.”
And this is the reason I will always love Ulf the Bloody.
The man notices our exchange and doesn’t mask his disgust. But the pouch of coins he clutches dearly holds his tongue. We dismount our horses and follow the woman who leads us into an area where a brothel is being served.
It smells delicious.
It’s in the simplicity that I appreciate life the most. Within my kingdom walls, everything I want is within reach. But this meal, prepared with love and eaten with commoners, somehow makes it the best one I’ve eaten in a while.
We are all famished and devour our meals within minutes. Our bowls and cups are never empty of food and drink.
“Thank you,” I say to the woman who ensures we’re well fed.
She nods without making eye contact.
“Your people are such scared little mice,” Ulf says without shame. “You fight for cowards.”
“I fight for England,” I correct, not taking offense. “Just as Skarth fights for your people who may be seen as weak for being captured.”
“They are weak.”
Ulf doesn’t realize his words until Alruna stands abruptly and departs angrily.
“You still stand by your claims that your people are weak? She is anything but feeble.” I place my bowl onto the ground as I stand.
However, Ulf grips my forearm quickly. “I am sorry, princess.”
I remove my arm from his grip. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
Although I know Ulf is genuinely sorry for speaking out of line, I’m still angry with him for being so heartless at times. I call out after Alruna, who is charging through the forest.
“Please, stop. It is not safe.”
“You too believe I am a coward, then?”
“No, I do not,” I reply, catching up to her. “Ulf does not think before he speaks.”
“Only you can see the good in him. You love him?”
Her question catches me off guard. “I—”
“It is all right to love two people, Emeline. Why is it that we must choose? However, I can see why Skarth has your heart. With Ulf, I cannot. But I suppose love does not make sense.”
“I do not love him.” I’m quick to refute even though I am lying to myself because I do love Ulf. I love him very much.
Alruna looks over my shoulder, alerting me that we’re no longer alone.
“I am sorry, Alruna,” Ulf says, his tone sharp as he clearly heard what I said. “I did not mean to offend you.”
I do not insult him by revoking what I said. I will bear the consequences of my words.
Alruna nods and soon leaves as it’s apparent it will take more than an apology for her to forgive.
When we’re alone, I turn around to face Ulf. I do not cower. I stare him in the eyes, waiting for him to act. The tension between us has the hair on my arms standing on end, and my heart begins to pound with excitement. This is so wrong, which is why it feels so right.
Ulf doesn’t hide his appraisal of me as he examines me from head to toe. It’s as if he has been holding back, and only now does he explode.
This is the Ulf the Bloody I know.
This is the Ulf the Bloody I love.
He advances. Grabbing the front of my throat, he walks me backward and slams my back into a tree.
Still, I don’t struggle. I allow him to manhandle me because he and Skarth are the only men I will allow to dominate me this way. His stature is huge. He lowers himself until we are a hair’s breadth away. I can taste his breath on my lips, which I lick.
“You do not love me?” he questions, his eyes alight. “I remember a time when you loved every part of me as I owned your body and soul.”
“That was a lifetime ago,” I weakly argue, as there is no fire to my words. “Besides, your ego is still vast, I see. But I have forgotten your touch.”
“You are many things, princess, but a liar you are not.”