6. Dom
6
DOM
I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. My hand ached. It usually did after seizing up, but tonight was especially bad.
I tried massaging it. I’d taken something for the pain, but it wasn’t strong enough. I had stronger options, but that wouldn’t allow me to be alert and on guard for Corey.
The way he’d looked at me in the library had disturbed me. He didn’t show pity. I would’ve told him to get out if I’d seen that in his eyes. There was a softness in his expression, a real desire to comfort.
I’d seen that in my sons in the early days, until I shut them out. Now that things were easier between us, they had learned not to comment on my injuries.
My weakness made me furious, and I hated for anyone to see it. I certainly didn’t want anyone to draw attention to it, but the usual fury I felt wasn’t there when Corey offered to help. Was that because he was so clearly nice, so obviously good?
I was rarely around anyone like that. For years I was rarely around anyone at all, but now I saw my sons often. Had they really softened me enough that I could befriend other people? Did I want that? Did I want to feel more than I had?
No, that would be too fucking painful. I didn’t want to think about friends—or lovers.
Corey was far too young for me, and he didn’t belong in my world. Whatever spark of excitement I felt around him was some weird, momentary thing. Being forced to deal with all his sunshiny-ness was fucking with my brain.
I rolled over and closed my eyes, determined to fall asleep. There were still some things in my life I could control, just not as many as there used to be. I hated that sleep was no longer one of them.
I used to be able to fall asleep in a matter of seconds and wake up the moment I heard an unfamiliar noise, but good sleep had become rare these days. I closed my eyes and tried counting backward. Next I tried saying prayers that used to mean something to me when I was a child. I even tried counting fucking sheep which quickly became fugitives on the run from me. Even counting kill shots didn’t work.
I threw back the covers and walked into the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would help. I found the burn of the water soothing, at least in the areas where I still had feeling.
Fuck Lisa and all she had done.
As I reached for the lever that would start the water flowing, I heard something outside. It was a soft sound. It might have been something as small as the brush of a bird’s wing against a tree limb, but my gut told me it was something I needed to pay attention to.
I moved silently to the bathroom’s narrow window, lifted the edge of the curtain, and glanced down. I was looking onto the courtyard behind my house where I’d stood earlier with Corey.
I saw nothing but darkness. I didn’t want to turn on the lights out there because if anyone was moving around it would alert them. If someone was here, they owed me some answers, and I wanted the element of surprise to capture them. These days, I depended on it. My aim was as good as ever, but my movements were no longer so quick.
I waited because it paid to study the shadows. I’d learned to sense any kind of movement, no matter how hard it was to see, even if it was just darkness moving in the darkness.
For the space of several breaths, there was nothing.
Then I heard the same sound again and sensed a sudden movement.
I grabbed my cane and began to make my way down the hall. I needed to look from the first floor. I wanted to be able to make it down the stairs without assistance, but my leg was stiff and aching, so I needed the extra support. There was no way I’d be able to do it silently. My instincts told me there were not intruders in the house, but something still felt off.
I made my way to the elevator I’d had it installed when I’d first moved here from the hospital. I hadn’t told Corey about it because I only used it when I was really hurting. I refused to become dependent on it. My leg needed the practice of using the stairs, but now wasn’t the time. I bit my lip as I took each painful step down the hall.
When the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, I walked to a window that opened into the courtyard and looked out from the side of the curtain like I’d done upstairs.
This time, I could see more clearly. There was a dark form making its way over the back fence. I flicked on the light, hoping to see what it was. It looked too small to be a person, but the hair on the back of my neck was standing up, telling me a threat was near.
I let out a breath when I saw a family of raccoons making their way out of my yard.
Fuck. Had my instincts gone that wrong? Maybe I really wasn’t able to take care of Corey.
No, that wasn’t true. My mind was as sharp as it had ever been. The sense of danger still hung in the air. There was no mistaking the certainty that Corey and I weren’t safe.
I opened the door and stepped into the yard. Using the flashlight on my phone, I began to explore the area where I’d heard the noises. In seconds I saw the evidence that my instincts were right as usual. Directly under the window of my bathroom there were several large footprints. Human, not raccoon. I continued toward the fence, looking for more. They weren’t as clear, but I could see where the grass had been pushed down by a man’s boot. The last print was next to the fence close to where the raccoons had gone over.
Someone had been here. I didn’t believe for a moment it was just a burglar or someone with no connection to Lisa. What had the man been planning to do? Had he seen me in the window or heard me? What had caused him to leave?
My pulse sped up. Corey. Surely he was okay if no one had entered the house, but I needed confirmation.
I listened carefully. The night was still and silent as it should be. Hopefully, Corey was soundly asleep. There’s no way someone had gotten him out of his room and I hadn’t heard, but I still needed to see for myself.
The elevator door slid open, and I took the slow ride to the second floor. When I stepped into the hall, I paused. No sounds. The sense of unease I felt before was gone, but I wasn’t going back to bed without seeing Corey safe and sound. It would be a miracle if someone had gotten to him without me knowing, but worse things had happened before.
Like surviving Lisa’s attempt to kill me.
I moved down the hall as quietly as I could. I was holding my cane, not wanting it to thump against the floor. I didn’t want to wake Corey. If I did, I’d have to talk to him. I only wanted reassurance that he was safe. As I reached his door, I realized it wasn’t just obligation making me check on him. Corey deserved to be safe. He deserved a life filled with goodness.
I reached for the doorknob and turned it slowly. The door resisted. It wasn’t locked—that would’ve required a key, which I hadn’t given him—but something was in front of it.
I shoved harder, more determined than ever to get in the room. A chair crashed to the floor. Had he placed it against the door?
Corey jumped out of bed. Holy shit, he was naked. One hundred percent naked. My gaze drifted slowly down his muscular chest, and then further, to his dick, which was soft but still rather impressive. Next, I focused on his thick thighs—he definitely didn’t skip leg day. Finally my gaze dropped all the way to his bare feet.
I had to force myself to look back up and meet his eyes. He was grinning. “You needed to see me?”
“Why was there a chair in front of the door?” I tried my best to focus on my annoyance rather than his nakedness. Why should it matter? I’d been around plenty of other men when they were undressed, but not one of them had ever made me feel this weird fluttering in my stomach. I didn’t want to look at Corey anymore, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“I was nervous,” Corey said. “I watched a…a movie, and it scared me.”
Oh, fuck. Why was he so innocent, and why was that fucking adorable? Since when did I think being nervous after watching a scary movie was cute? I’d lived a scary movie for most of my life.
“Don’t do that again. I need to be able to get to you if something goes wrong.”
He frowned. “Is something wrong now?”
I hesitated. If he’d been scared by a movie, how would he feel when he realized someone had been outside? But he deserved to know. I already worried he didn’t realize how serious the situation was.
“I heard something outside and went to investigate. There’s no one there now, but there were footprints. Someone was wandering around in the courtyard.”
“Shit. And you don’t know who?”
“No, but they’re gone. You’re safe.”
He frowned, still making no move to cover himself. “Then why did you come to check on me?”
I wondered the same thing. What the hell was I doing in here? I’d known he was fine. “I had to verify that you were here and safe. That no one had….” I didn’t think I needed to spell out what could have happened.
He held up a hand. “I get it.”
We were silent for a moment. Slowly, his unnerved expression changed to a smile. “Thank you for making sure.”
I nodded. “You’re welcome.”
“You know—” he shifted position, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “If you wanted to be absolutely certain I was safe, you could always stay here tonight.” His smile turned lascivious.
My throat went dry. I couldn’t say anything. Was he really offering…? Was I actually interested? No fucking way, yet I couldn’t stop staring at him. I needed to turn around and walk back to my room, but I felt rooted to that spot.
“That’s not necessary,” I finally said. “I’ll know if something’s going on.”
“Okay, but it won’t be as fun.”
“This isn’t a game.” Finally, my legs began to work again. I turned and walked away, closing the door behind me.
When I was back in my room, I closed the door and leaned against it, taking deep breaths and wishing away the headache that was building behind my eyes. I’d pushed myself too hard today. I really needed sleep. I longed to take a sleeping pill, but I couldn’t risk it, not when someone had been here.
I had no intention of taking Corey up on his blatant offer. I didn’t sleep with men. I’d never been interested in a man before him, and I wasn’t interested in him either, not really. I was either confused or losing my mind, and I refused to think about it anymore.
I wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. This was more than just a job now. He was mine to protect. He’d gotten to me, broken through my barriers. I cared about his safety, not because I’d promised X or because Lisa was the one who wanted to hurt him, but because I needed him to be safe so he could share his smile with other people.
Not me, though. He’d go home and resume his life when this was over, and I would go back to being here alone.
I got in bed, but once again, I tossed and turned. This time, though, I wasn’t thinking about Lisa or any of the shit I’d dealt with after she disappeared. I was thinking about Corey. About how good Corey looked naked. It wasn’t that I’d never appreciated the beauty of a man’s body before. I knew when a man looked good and could observe men like works of art, but I hadn’t been turned on by men. Yet here I was, lying in bed with my dick hard as hell, unable to stop thinking about how Corey’s muscles would feel under my hands. If I believed in magic, I’d think he was using some on me.
Even if I could stop thinking about Corey, my dick was now too interested in getting off to let me sleep. Maybe if I just gave myself some relief, that would do the trick. I grabbed the lube from my nightstand and winced as I squeezed the tube with my damaged hand.
Ignoring the pain, I tossed it aside and worked the slick onto my cock, letting my hand slide up and down. In my mind, I conjured images of one of the escorts I hired on occasion. I remembered the feel of her full breasts, the way her nipples hardened between my fingers.
But the longer I worked myself, the more difficult it was to hold that image in my mind, or any image other than Corey, naked, unbothered, standing there watching me, knowing I was at least somewhat interested in him. I was a fucking master assassin. I never let my feelings show. I wasn’t even supposed to have feelings.
In my mind, Corey ran a hand down his body, and I followed his movement with my gaze. He toyed with his flat nipple before smoothing his hand over his ribs, then his defined abs, then down further until he was holding his cock. “Watch me,” he said, and I did. I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to see him get off.
My cock was so fucking hard it ached. I slid my good hand up and down, gripping it tightly. Fuck. I was close. I was?—
No. I was not going to jerk off thinking about Corey. He was the man I was protecting and nothing more. I didn’t like him, and I sure as hell didn’t want to fuck him, no matter what my mixed-up dick had to say. I was just horny. It had been too long. I needed to set up a night with someone else.
I forced myself to let go of my cock and stumbled to the bathroom for a cold shower. It would feel like hell, and I’d be wide awake, but what was the point of trying to sleep anyway?