14. Dom
14
DOM
I wrapped a hand around the back of Corey’s neck and pulled him to me. When our lips met, heat raced through me. I thought it would feel strange. I’d never kissed a man, never felt scruff rub against my cheek or a flat, hard chest against mine, but it felt so fucking right. The way he sucked in his breath in surprise was familiar and yet wholly different.
Kissing him was nothing like what I’d experienced since Lisa wrecked me. I wanted Corey—not just the release, not just a chance to hold someone down and fuck them. I wanted to see him naked again, wanted to hear all the sounds he would make. Simply kissing him was heaven.
I couldn’t believe I’d said the things to him that I had. I didn’t talk about my feelings with anyone. Ever. Not my sons, and sure as hell not the rest of my family. So why was I talking to Corey? Why was I kissing him, and why did it feel better than any other kiss I’d ever had?
Finally, our need for air forced me to pull back. Corey’s eyes were wide, his breathing ragged. Neither of us spoke for a moment, then he said, “Have you ever kissed a man before?”
I shook my head.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this then.”
I studied him for a moment, his pupils were blown, his lips parted as he drew in ragged breaths. “Do you like kissing me?”
“So very much.”
“Then shut up.” I pulled him to me again.
He was right. There were many reasons—not only my sudden interest in a man—that we shouldn’t be doing this, but when I’d read the note wrapped around the brick, when I thought about what could have happened if Lisa had gotten her hands on Corey, when I imagined Roberto letting her into my home, I knew more than ever that Corey was mine to protect.
I didn’t want to stop touching him, pleasuring him. I wanted to keep him curled next to me. Had I ever been that protective of anyone other than my sons? They would say I wasn’t even that way with them. They weren’t aware of all the measures I’d taken to ensure their safety once I knew who they were, but they also had the necessary skills to defend themselves. Corey didn’t. I wasn’t even sure he’d ever fired a gun.
All that really mattered in that moment was the desire I saw in his eyes. Honest, open desire. For me.
He relaxed against me as I kissed him. I slid my tongue into his mouth, tasting him, loving the way he clutched at me, opening more, letting me have what I wanted. Would he be that easy, that pliant if I turned him over and fucked him?
I didn’t know why this was happening, but I knew that I wanted him, all of him. Fuck, this was all so wrong. He was younger than Vito. I didn’t have any business?—
Corey pulled away. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head as I stood and put distance between us, not sure.
“We don’t have to… If you didn’t like it or….”
“I love kissing you. I want to do a lot more, but I’m supposed to be your protector, not?—”
Corey sat up and swung his legs off the edge of the bed. “There’s no reason to protect me from you. The things Lisa has done, you would never hurt people like that.”
I shook my head. “Do you know how many people I’ve killed?”
“I know you’re trying to scare me. That worked the first day, but I’ve seen you, seen you care. You baked me a cake.”
I took a few steps back, not wanting him to reach for me. If he touched me, I wasn’t going to be able to stop again. I should at least try to stop this train wreck. “I baked a cake and shared it with you. That’s all.”
He glared at me. “You baked it to apologize.”
He was right. “I don’t like to apologize. I make the rules for my life.”
“So how many people have you killed?”
I looked away. “You do not want to know.”
“Were any of them children?”
“No.”
Corey laid a hand on my arm. “Were any of them innocent?”
“No.”
“That’s the difference.”
I met his gaze again. “I’m not a hero; don’t you dare think that. I killed one of the guards today, remember?”
“Yes.”
“And that doesn’t scare you? Doesn’t make you want to run?”
He took a moment to consider it, but he remained relaxed. “I don’t want to run from you.”
“But I scare you?”
Now he was the one who looked away. “I came to you, didn’t I? When I was scared, I came to you. I wanted you to kiss me. I was serious when I told you that you could stay in my bed the other night.”
His offer was so damn tempting. “Corey, I’m not who you think I am.”
“I’m not sure you’re who you think you are either.”
“Fuck. I’m starting to think you were sent here to torment me.”
He smiled and patted the bed beside him. “Come back.”
I walked toward him, and he pulled his shirt up and over his head, tossing it on the floor.
“Take off your pajamas and get in bed with me,” he demanded.
“No!” Corey recoiled at my harsh tone, and I hated myself for scaring him. “I… You wouldn’t like what you saw.”
“I think I would.”
“No. It’s… I’m a mess. It’s not just my hand.” He reached out for my hand, but I didn’t let him take it.
“Please.”
I didn’t move.
“Are you telling me you haven’t been naked with anyone since…?”
“I don’t want pity or sympathy or any of that shit.”
“But you want sex.”
I made a strangled sound, nearly choking on my own tongue. “Yes, I take care of that.”
“Without undressing?”
I nodded. “You do realize that’s possible, right?”
“Of course. I’ve had plenty of hookups that didn’t involve removing clothes, but it’s never as satisfying.”
Red clouded my vision. I did not want to think about him with anyone else. The thought of some asshole putting his hands on Corey, using him, treating it like nothing… “Don’t talk about your hookups anymore.”
“My hookups with men? Does it bother you? Is that what this is really about?”
“No. Fuck no. My sons are with men, the head of the family is gay. It’s just that I….”
“Didn’t think you were?”
“I’m not. I mean, I guess I might be bi.”
He raised his brows. “Might? Do you want to fuck me?”
“Jesus, Corey. I told you this can’t happen.”
“It can though. I want it to.” He stood and reached for the waist of his sweatpants.
“Corey.”
“Tell me no, and I’ll stop. Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you didn’t like seeing me naked the other day. You don’t have to undress, but I want to.”
I stared at him. No one talked to me like this. No one would dare. But with Corey…I wasn’t even angry. I was turned on. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t ask him to stop. I didn’t acknowledge what he said, but I watched as he pushed down the waist of his pants and let his hard cock spring free. He grinned at me as he shoved his pants down his legs and kicked them off.
He was naked, but this time, I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t meant to see him. I had to accept that I’d known he was undressing, and I’d wanted to watch. I wanted to do a lot more than watch. I wanted to touch him. What would it be like to wrap my hand around his cock? It was fully hard, the tip a deep red, pre-cum glistening at the slit.
I forced myself to move my gaze up his body once again, taking in his beautiful chest, evidence that he kept himself fit. He was smaller than me, but he was no weakling.
“Come here,” he said.
I didn’t take orders from anyone. I almost told him that, but then I found myself moving, quickly covering the distance between the two of us.
“That’s better,” he said. “Now touch me.”
I’d had enough. I was going to be the one in control here. I seized the back of his neck and his hip and yanked him against me, sliding my fingers into his hair and tugging on it until his head tilted back.
His eyes went wide, and he sucked in a breath. I tried not to let him see how uncertain I was to feel a man’s body like this against mine. I’d been in plenty of fights, pressed up against plenty of men as we grappled, but I’d never been turned on like this. Never wanted so desperately to fuck a man who was naked, his hard cock pressed against my hip as I held him tight.
I let my grip slip down to the globe of his ass, squeezing that soft flesh and groaning.
He smiled. “You like it?”
“You know I do. But I told you this is a mistake.”
“So what’s one more mistake?” I pulled his hair harder, and he gasped, his eyes going wide. “Are you going to hurt me?”
“Are you going to like it if I do?”
He smiled. “Maybe.”
“I’m not taking off my clothes.”
He rolled his eyes. “Fine, you don’t have to. I can just get on my knees for you right here and suck you off. All I need you to do is pull out your cock. Then you can drive right into my mouth and be fully in control.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” He was wrong. I wouldn’t be in control, not once I felt his hot mouth around my cock. I let go of his hair, and he stepped back.
“Is that what you want? Me on my knees?”
I shook my head. “Lay down on the bed, hang your head off the side. I want to see your body, and the angle is better that way.”
Corey bit his lip.
“Unless that’s too much for you.”
“Nothing you want to do would be too much for me.” His sassy smirk made me want to show him that wasn’t true. I might never have been with a man, but I was absolutely sure I could destroy him. Make him beg, make him cry, make him shatter under me.
I wanted that. I wanted to see how far I could push him. I wanted to see what would happen, know what it felt like to be buried in his ass, but that was a dangerous road to go down because this wasn’t just fucking to get off. I liked him. I really fucking liked him. If I let myself enjoy this, let myself have feelings for him, I was going to compromise everything.
I needed to be objective. I needed to be his protector, not his lover.
And he was so goddamn young. What would I tell my sons?
“Why?” I asked.
Corey frowned. “Why what?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Practically begging you to fuck me? Because you’re hot. You’ve got that whole broody, silver fox, wounded hero thing going on.”
“I am not a hero.” I seized his upper arms and squeezed hard. I saw a flash of fear in his eyes. “I am a monster.”
The fear fled, and he smiled. “Maybe I like monster fucking.”
“Jesus. You’re fucking impossible.”
He pulled away, and I let him go so he could stretch out on the bed. He let his head fall off the end just like I’d told him to.
I pushed my pants down enough to free my cock, then I stepped closer until it hung over his face. He smiled up at me. “I want to suck your cock. I want to know what you look like when you come. I want you deep in my throat. I want you to fuck me, use me.”
“God, Corey. If you don’t stop this, I’m going to lose control.”
“Mmm, that sounds delightful.”
“No, I could hurt you. You don’t understand what it takes to keep the monster inside me.”
“Let him out. Please.”
This was insane. I worked so hard to close myself off, but Corey had my emotions leaking around the barriers. I’d learned to accept feeling a little with my family, but this…? This was going to drag me down to hell. When Corey realized who I really was, he was going to run as fast as he could.
When he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, I couldn’t hold back anymore. My cock was so hard it ached. I stroked the shaft with my good hand.
“Do you think you can take all of this?” I asked.
“I’m going to try.” He opened his mouth wide in invitation, and I teased his tongue with the tip.
He groaned as I slid my cock back and forth over his lips, letting it barely dip into his mouth as I tested the heat of him. It was killing me not to thrust right in. I wanted to grip the sides of his head and hold him still while I choked him. I wanted to let go and fuck him brutally until I came down his throat, but I wasn’t going to hurt him.
He was offering himself up to me for whatever misguided reason. I was going to give him what he wanted—what I wanted—but I wasn’t going to hurt him.
It took every bit of self-control I had to go slowly. I pushed into him and felt him swallow around me, then pulled out just as carefully, enjoying the rough slickness of his tongue.
Corey grasped my hips and lifted his head, deliberately trying to take more.
I gave him what he wanted, pushing deep. He gagged around me, and I pulled back. The little slut was smiling, looking up at me like he was so fucking eager for me to use his mouth. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I drove into him all the way. He choked around me as he swallowed me whole, and I held myself there, cutting off his air. The slick walls of his throat felt like heaven. They convulsed around me, and it was all I could do not to come that fucking fast.
I pulled out quickly.
Corey wiped his face and sucked in air. “More,” he demanded. “God, your cock feels so good.”
He liked this. He wasn’t scared. He wanted it, and I gave it to him. I thrust into him again and again, and he took it, choking, gagging, but still wanting more.
“Touch yourself,” I ordered.
He reached for his cock, and I groaned as he wrapped his hand around it and started stroking. He lifted his hips to meet his hand. A pool of pre-cum had formed on his stomach. No matter how hard I used his throat, he’d stayed hard, and it was so fucking hot to see how much he liked sucking me off.
I didn’t think I was going to last much longer. “Don’t stop,” I ordered him. “I want to watch you come with my dick down your throat.”
He hummed around me, and I almost lost it.
His hand moved faster and faster. I fucked his mouth as he worked his cock.
When his muscles stiffened and he drove into his hand one final time, I stopped, needing to watch as cum shot from his cock again and again. I’d done that. I’d made him come by filling up his throat with my cock.
My last thread of restraint snapped. I drove into his mouth again and again until pleasure overtook me. The world went dark. There was nothing but need as I pumped out my cum.
When my release finally ended, I realized Corey was pushing against my thighs, fighting for air.
I pulled back. “Fuck. Are you okay?”
He gave me a drunken smile. “So good. I… No one ever….”
I’d just throat-fucked a man, and it had been unbelievable. The way he’d responded to me. The way he looked up at me now. My leg gave, and I nearly fell. I hadn’t even noticed it had seized up.
Corey reached for me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I braced myself on the side of the bed. He rolled over, and I grimaced. “Now you’re messing up my comforter.”
He waved that off, and I studied him. His lips were swollen, his eyes still watery, yet he wanted to help me.
“Sit down and let me massage it for you.”
“I don’t know if I can sit down.”
“Would you let me touch you?”
I sighed, hating that he had to ask that. Hating that I was unsure how I felt about it. I wanted him desperately. I could hardly deny that after what we’d just done, but I wasn’t good with touch, even before I was so badly scarred.
You were fine when he massaged your arm earlier.
No, I was not fine. I was….
Feeling something for the first time in a long time.
He slid off the bed, still naked, so fucking beautiful, cum glistening on his abdomen. He took my arm and helped me ease down onto the bed, leaving my leg straight.
I huffed. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Nothing about this makes you any less deadly. Like you said, you can still aim true no matter what.”
“I’m not the man I used to be.” And I should never have taken advantage of him.