CHAPTER FIVE #2
She. I noted the pronoun and tried not to let the small deflation I felt show on my face.
Not that it should have mattered. I already knew Declan was probably straight, or at least straight-presenting.
The blonde at the last visit here had made that clear enough.
But hearing him say she still landed with a dull thud somewhere in my chest.
“My ex said the same thing,” I offered. “He accused me of caring more about my stories than I did about him. He wasn’t wrong, which is the part that really stings.”
I watched Declan’s face when I said he. Watched for the flicker, the micro-adjustment, the slight pulling back that straight men sometimes did when they realized they were having a personal conversation with a gay man.
I’d gotten good at spotting it over the years.
It wasn’t always hostile. More like a recalibration, a shift in the social math.
Declan didn’t flicker. He didn’t recalibrate. He just nodded and said, “Three years is a long time to be someone’s second priority.” He chuffed. “We’re lucky they stayed invested as long as they did.”
I was quiet for a moment, then said, “So we’re both here in Coral Cove because we suck at relationships. That’s cheerful.”
“I’m sure things will improve now that we’re not in Portland.”
“Why would they?” I smirked. “Because Coral Cove is full of normal, balanced people just waiting to be with us?”
He snorted. “You must already be drunk if you think that.”
We both laughed.
“Besides,” he murmured. “What is normal? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who would qualify. Everyone has little quirks. Secrets. Shit they won’t admit to.”
“Oh, my,” I teased. “You sound like a jaded bastard.”
He smiled. “Not really. I just think normal is overrated.”
The third beer was probably a mistake, but neither of us was driving, and the conversation had found a natural, if odd, current that neither of us seemed willing to swim out of.
“Do you have family back in Portland?” Declan asked, pushing his last fry into his mouth.
“Nope. I’m an only child, and my parents are both gone.
My mom died when I was nineteen. Car accident.
My dad went about two years later. Heart attack, technically, but I think he just missed her.
” I folded the corner of my cocktail napkin distractedly.
“So it’s just me. Has been for a while, so it feels natural. ”
Declan was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. What about you?”
“My parents are in New York. Retired. My dad was an electrician, my mom taught third grade for about a thousand years. They’re great. Worry about me too much.” A half-smile. “I’ve got a brother, George. He’s older. He’s a psychologist, lives in Brooklyn. Married, with two kids.”
“A psychologist,” I said. “That must make Thanksgiving interesting.”
“You’re not wrong. We’ve had some very enlightening family discussions over the years. He’s the reason I—” Declan stopped. Picked up his beer. Set it down again. “He’s the reason I’m trying to be more honest with myself. About what I want.”
There was something underneath those words. Something he wasn’t saying or maybe wasn’t ready to say. At least, not to me.
“George sounds like a good brother,” I said. “Not that I’d know, having been an only child. But he sounds great.”
“He is.” Declan’s voice was soft. “He’s the best person I know.”
We sat with that for a minute. The bar was thinning out.
Tess was wiping down tables, and Craig was still sitting at the bar, apparently waiting for her to get off her shift.
Now and then she’d walk by him and wink, caressing his arm.
After seeing her flirt all night with Gil, I had to wonder how she kept up the act of being happily married.
It was obvious to anyone who paid attention she was miserable.
But then again, it was safer if she did keep up the act, considering Craig’s temper.
“I should head out,” Declan said at last, pulling out his wallet. He tossed down some money on the receipt Tess had placed in front of him.
I did the same with mine.
He stood and pulled on his jacket just as I did the same thing.
We were closer than either of us meant to be, and we bumped into each other.
I could smell his warm skin mingled with his cologne, and my heart beat faster.
Our eyes met, and I swear I saw arousal in his brown depths.
But then he just nodded casually, turned, and left the restaurant.
I stayed behind to give Declan time to exit the restaurant.
I wouldn’t have cared if we walked out together, but had a feeling it would make Declan uncomfortable.
So I sat back on my bar stool and drained what was left in my beer mug.
It occurred to me that I hadn’t even tried to ask him about Eddie’s case.
That had to be a first. Not that he’d have told me anything, but the fact I didn’t even try was new.
That was probably just because we’d had a lot of other things to talk about.
We didn’t know much about each other, so there had been plenty to learn.
While I’d found him attractive from the beginning, I’d assumed we wouldn’t have anything in common.
But that wasn’t the case. We shared a similar sense of humor, and our lives had followed a similar trajectory.
At least, similar enough that we’d both ended up in the same small town.
Of course, mostly I’d enjoyed myself because Declan had been very different from the first time we’d met.
That morning on the dock, Declan had been frosty.
Focused. Tonight, he’d been funny and even warm at times.
I’d learned more about Declan Hale in the last two hours than I’d learned about any other guy in the six months I’d been in Coral Cove. How sad was that?
But I needed to remember, no matter how enjoyable I found Declan’s company, he was most likely straight. Chasing after straight guys didn’t end well. Or at least, it never had for me.
* * *
The next afternoon, I ran into Tess Barlow at the Tidewater Market.
I was in the produce section, trying to decide if the avocados were worth the gamble.
They were hard as rocks, which at the Tidewater meant they were either three days from ripe or three days past the point of no return.
I was squeezing one with zero confidence when I heard someone say, “Those ones are hopeless. They just came in. Try the ones at the back. Harry never rotates the produce like he should.”
I turned to find Tess standing near me with a basket over her arm.
She looked like she’d just come from a shift at the Anchor.
Her hair was pulled back, and she wore a flannel shirt over her work tank top.
She was naturally pretty even without much makeup, and her gaze was interested and warm.
That was possibly why she was such a great bartender. She made you feel special.
“Thanks,” I said, digging at the back of the pile. “I’m hopeless at picking good produce. I don’t think I’ve had a good avocado since I arrived in Coral Cove, and not for lack of trying.”
She laughed. “It’s not you. The good stuff goes to the restaurants. We get what’s left.”
I held up an avocado that felt softer than the others. “I think I found a good one.”
“Told you.” She smiled. “The key is to search in the back.” She shifted her basket to her other arm. “By the way, I read the piece you wrote about Eddie. It made me cry.”
“Oh, damn. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. It was beautiful.” She looked down at her basket. “It was really nice to see how much he loved Rosa and his kids. You showed his softer side. He came in to the Rusty Anchor all the time, and we talked plenty, but Eddie didn’t share much about his personal life.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed the story.”
“Eddie was great. I’ll miss him.” She smiled. “He was one of my best customers. He was a good tipper too. Honestly, a lot of the guys who struggle for money are the best tippers. The ones that have the money are cheap assholes.”
I sighed. “Why does it always seem to be that way?”
“I will say, the bar’s been different since he died. Much quieter.” She bit her bottom lip. “It’s like people feel guilty laughing and having fun when one of our own has died.”
“It’s a weird thing when someone you know dies.
” I put two promising avocados in my basket and moved down the aisle.
Tess fell into step beside me, which I hadn’t expected but didn’t discourage.
This would be a good chance to get some info out of her about Gil and Eddie.
“It must be hard on the people who were close to him. Gil especially.” I tried to sound casual when I said Gil’s name.
Tess’s expression didn’t change, exactly, but something behind it tightened. “Gil’s having a rough time,” she said. “They were partners for years and years. He’s pretty depressed when he comes to the Rusty Anchor lately. He misses Eddie like crazy.”
“I’ll bet.” I grimaced. “Do you know how Gil is going to make a living now? I mean, can Gil fish without Eddie’s boat?”
“He actually made Rosa an offer for the boat.” She picked up a can of tomatoes and studied the label. “A generous offer, I might add.”
“Did he?” I frowned. It was obvious Gil and Eddie hadn’t been rolling in the dough. She herself had just hinted how Eddie had been a good tipper in spite of not having money. Commercial fishing boats weren’t cheap, even older ones. “I didn’t think Gil had that kind of money.”
She shrugged. “He’s got savings that he’s going to use to buy the boat. If Rosa will sell, that is.”
“Do you think she will?” I asked distractedly, still stuck on the idea of Gil having enough savings to buy Eddie’s boat.
“Rosa can’t work the boat, that’s for sure. She’d be better off selling it to Gil. That business is his life. Anyone can see that.” She dropped the can of tomatoes into her basket. “But until they work something out, he’s a nervous wreck.”
“That must be rough.”