Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ALINA
My heart was racing, ready to explode. My head would not stop spinning. Everything happened at once, and my mind could not keep up.
What was I supposed to do? How did I end up in this mess?
I was hoping that a full night of sleep would help me sort through things, but as it turned out, I could not sleep, not after the evening I just had. I paced the room from corner to corner, rubbing my temples and talking to myself.
At one point, I opened the door to see if Kent was in the corridor, but a young man in a blue uniform was dozing in the chair. I bit my lip, and quietly closed the door.
How could they announce my engagement when I never agreed to it?
I was sure I never said yes to Rutherford, but at the same time I never denied him.
Was all of it my fault?
Yes.
I was the one to blame. If I did not want the engagement, I should have been clear. But I could not forget the dizzying effect the whitebane had on me the last time I spoke to Lord Rutherford.
Had I actually agreed to accept him?
I was not sure if I had. Panic started to cripple my body and my eyes closed. I moved to sit in one of the chairs.
Kent!
I could see if he would help me.
But how can I look him in the eye when I just allowed myself to be promised to another just moments after letting him touch me so intimately?
The rush of hot and thick blood colored my face. He would never forgive me.
The queen!
I could turn to the queen for help and protection. Surely, she would understand. She would not want her court abusing their power to force a marriage on someone unwilling.
What if she didn’t understand? What if she took their side? What if I make things ten times worse?
No, there had to be another way. I had to do something, or my life would not belong to me anymore.
Unsteady on my feet, I got up and moved through the room toward the door. My mind was finally made up. I was going to find Kent and ask him, beg him, to help me escape. There had to be something we could do.
When I entered the corridor, I quickly saw Samantha standing by the chair. The young man was still fast asleep, and she was about to pinch his nose. She turned around and immediately straightened.
“Morning,” she said in a calm voice, her eyes still holding a mischievous expression.
“Good morning. Do you know where I can find Kent?” I asked.
Her eyes widened and she looked at me for a long moment before giving me a short nod. Together we walked through the corridor and down the set of stairs.
“Do you know him well?” I asked, too nervous to stay quiet.
“Well enough,” she said without going into any details.
She did not trust me, I could feel it with every bone of my body.
“Did you grow up together?”
“How did you know?”
“I didn’t.”
“Yes.”
“Where is he?”
“He was training the last time I saw him.”
“I see.”
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, but I have to warn you. If you ever hurt him . . . I don’t know what I’ll do to you, but it ain’t gonna be pretty.”
“I get it.”
We passed the main hall and, finally, entered the inner yard.
My eyes roamed the open area in hopes of finding the tall, familiar figure.
When I finally saw him, the feeling of relief did not fill my chest; instead confusion and worry had taken its place.
He was talking to a woman who stood too close to him which indicated that they knew each other really well.
Her long skirt brushed his pants and her hand was on his forearm.
The court lady was very pretty, with shiny, brown hair and beautiful eyes.
She looked up at him with a soft smile playing on her lips.
“Damn, Gabrielle.” Samantha hissed.
“Who’s Gabrielle?” I asked, but my companion did not answer right away.
“She was . . . they were together. But that was a long time ago. I don’t know why she’s here. Come on, let's break up that party of two.”
“No . . . I . . . No.”
“What? Why?” Samantha took two steps forward then turned, watching me, her eyebrows furrowed.
“I changed my mind.” I turned away.
“But why?”
“I need to go back.” Tears started to roll down my cheeks, and I rushed back to the building.
“Wait.”
I whimpered, going up the stairs.
“It’s not what you think.” she called behind me.
My stupid heart was breaking into pieces.
After everything that happened to me over the last couple of days, I did not think I could take anything else.
I was naive to think that what was happening before was bad.
I had no idea that things can always turn for the worse.
On the verge of panic, I got to my room and closed the door behind me, leaving Samantha in the corridor.
This was pathetic, I was pathetic, and weak and broken.
But my chest was tearing apart and I could not handle the pain.
I had been alone for so long, with no one to confide in, no one I could trust.
When Sally brought the whitebane the next morning, I was almost inclined to drink it, because I barely slept and felt absolutely awful.
When she told me that I had dinner plans with my fiance, I did not even have it in me to react.
I just stared at her without any expression on my face.
Sally furrowed her eyebrows and disappeared into the closet.
I took the opportunity to get rid of the poison, and sat back in my bed like nothing happened.
“How do you feel, milady?” she asked while preparing my dress for the day.
“I’m good. Thank you.”
“I just want to say that I’m very happy that you chose Lord Rutherford. He’s so good looking. You are going to be the most beautiful couple.”
“Thank you, Sally.”
“If you ever need a trustworthy servant who can travel with you, and be a familiar face in a new city, please think of me, milady.” She hesitated by the bed before starting to work on the gown.
“Of course,” I said.
And just like that, a new idea entered my mind.
Why was I going along with all their plans for me?
I needed to concentrate on something more important.
I needed to get out and think it through.
But I had to get safely away from the court, Corliss, and Lord Adger, then get out of the city.
I only had a couple of days before the wedding, and I did not know if I would have any more chances after that.
I needed to escape the palace as soon as possible.
Why did I have to choose between bad and terrible when in fact, I did not have to partake in any of it?
The engagement was being forced on me. They lied to me, fed me poison for months.
Many things happened after I stopped taking the concoction, and pieces and bits of my past found their way back to me, and while the memories were not completely defined in my head, the clear realization that I was taken from my home, against my will, was undeniable.
As soon as the thought took root in my mind, I felt an enormous relief. I did not have to play their game when the rules were only for me to follow. There is no value in playing at all if you are playing with a swindler.
This new plan, this new resolve, calmed my nerves, and instead of feeling down and sorry for myself, I started plotting how to make it happen.
Sally continued talking, but I was thinking about a travel bag and a set of clothes, some food and the most important thing, I needed to plan where I could go.
“Sally, have you ever been to the capital of the white clan?” I asked.
“No, milady.”
“I would really like to read more about it. Could you bring me some books?” I tilted my head, trying hard to look calm.
“I will check the library right away, milady.”
“Thank you.”
I did not care at all about the capital of the white clan, since I never planned to visit it, but I was hoping to get information on the layout of Talman. Maybe some maps, directions. Later I could formulate a better plan, but I was not going to be rushed into anything, I still had time.
The rest of the day passed with me first waiting for Sally to deliver the books to my room and next reading as much as I could find. I went through a couple of faded maps that I discovered in one of the books. My hands were shaking as I read the same paragraphs over and over.
The Fall. I needed to find the mysterious Fall, and I had absolutely no idea how to travel through it. There was nothing useful in the history books Sally brought. I pressed my lips tightly together when Sally returned to the room.
“It’s time, milady,” she announced, heading straight to the closet.
I closed my book, erasing every sign of annoyance off my face.
“This gown really is a work of art, milady,” Sally exclaimed as she laid out the silk in the color of light lilac on top of the bed cover.
“It’s really beautiful,” I said, noting the delicate stitching and the gemstones that adorned the top of the dress.
While Sally curled and decorated my hair, I thought about my escape.
Tonight. It has to happen tonight. It would be reckless to wait till the last moment.
I had to leave the palace as soon as I had a chance.
I already went through the closet and saved some of my food from breakfast and lunch.
Stacks of bread and cheese and five butter cookies were wrapped into a thin muslin scarf and stashed under the bed.
I also found a suede riding skirt and a matching jacket in my closet, but was careful not to pack it yet.
I planned to be gone before sunrise, and fly all night if I had to.
The books mentioned the herds of the undead behind the city lines, and a new feeling flourished in my chest. I was scared to face the monsters, but staying was not an option.
“You look so lovely. But maybe a little pale.” Sally picked up a lip cream and lightly patted my cheeks and lips.
I shifted my eyes back to the mirror. I could not deny that the dress looked amazing, but the delight of wearing something so exquisite was quickly lost in a wave of anxiety.
“It’s normal to be a little nervous,” Sally said, as if reading my mind.
When I was fully dressed, Corliss entered the room. She carefully scrutinized the outfit, and my hair. She appeared to be pleased when she unexpectedly took both of my hands into hers.
“I was wrong about Lord Dayton. You will be much happier with someone who is closer to your age,” she murmured.
All I could think was that she was happy to sell me to the highest bidder. I was sure that Rutherford came to some sort of an agreement with her.
“Come, my child. Your betrothed is waiting for you.” She gently pulled me forward.
I took several deep breaths, trying to calm my breathing.
When finally, the door opened, the first person I saw was Kent, who, for a moment, seemed as lost as I was.
His gaze lowered to my revealing gown and returned to my face.
His dark umber eyes barely concealed the storm raging behind his artificial calmness.
A slight pink tint colored his cheeks and I could hardly look away.
He was so agonizingly beautiful at this very moment, that everything I did, everything I planned to do, suddenly felt so incredibly wrong.
My heart plummeted in my chest, and my heart broke all over again, shattered into the smallest of pieces.
With difficulty, I averted my eyes. Corliss took my hand and placed it on her forearm.
She prattled and preached about the benefits of our union all the way to the main hall, and further toward one of the smaller, more private rooms.
When we entered, I paused taking in the wide table, decorated with fresh peonies in an elegant vase centered between crystal glasses, over a crisp, white tablecloth.
Candle light flickered gently off to the side and reflected off the edge of the glasses sending tiny, colorful flickers all over the walls.
Lord Rutherford, standing by the window with his hands behind his back, turned and froze, the corners of his mouth lifted.