Chapter 20
O nce we had passed through the border gates, accompanied by one of the Elders to make sure we really left, I stood in front of Rhyder.
“Stop! Let me see how many ribs you broke at least,” I said.
He slumped heavily back on the cart, and I noticed he had a limp. His face looked gray and pained.
Bee had packed some salve as well as water, strong mountain tea, and food, and I held the water to Rhyder’s lips, watching his color come back slowly as I fed him bits of bread and what looked like smoked salmon with trembling fingers.
Then I reached for his shirt, which looked stuck together with blood and cuts.
He brought a slow, pained hand up to try and stop me, but I impatiently batted it away.
“What are you afraid of?” I snapped at him, my nerves fraying. “You’ve fucked me more times than I can count now. Stop. I just need to put some salve on you.”
I ripped off his gray T-shirt, yanking it over his head before he could stop me.
Then I gasped in shock and horror at what was beneath, the shirt hanging off his neck.
Thorns
Dozens of them, tiny flashes of plant and bone and metal, sewed into his shirt.
Worn deep against his flesh in terrible cruel points, so each movement would cut into Rhyder’s chest.
I brushed at a smear of fresh blood, my stomach plummeting as my fingers ran over the hard lines of scar tissue underneath.
The world felt unreal around me, horror filling my hollow body in a scream that seemed to wrack me from within.
“What—what is this?” I gasped, my fingers trembling as I felt all over his broad chest, his broken ribs forgotten.
“My penance,” he said. “For not protecting you six years ago.”
“You’ve worn this. . .since then?” I wailed, my hands over him, trying to wipe the blood away, wipe the pain away, wipe away the daily, hourly torture he had put himself through.
“Every day,” he said. “What was a little pain if my penance was rewarded with you?”
“Rhyder, you’re—you’re not sane,” I cried, feeling tears gather in my eyes, fall down my face.
“Aren’t I?” he asked, the ghost of a smile on his face.
“This—this isn’t normal,” I cried, my hands pulling at his shirt, making little cuts all over my fingers in my haste to get it all the way off. “You have to stop now !”
“All right,” he said, the lines of exhaustion on his face lightening as he pulled me between his legs and rested his head on my shoulder with a sigh.
My tears mixed and flowed and through them I climbed on my brother’s lap and kissed him. Something had shattered in him a long time ago and I was going to knit it back up piece by godsdamn piece.
*
W E MET UP WITH THE rest of the Congregations that had remained after the disastrous incursion into Ronan’s territory.
“The war against him continues,” the Prophet said confidently. “We’ve turned one of his own men. At the appointed time, he will go into their guard house and damage the power flowing to the gates, so we will be able to bring all our Avenging Angels and men in this time. This time, he will fall .”
But Rhyder didn’t genuflect. He didn’t get on his knees to kiss the Prophet’s ring.
“I would like to make Temperance my Helpmeet now,” he said. “As far as I am concerned, she is already my wife in the eyes of the Allfather.”
The Prophet’s crafty face didn’t move and I knew he was turning manipulations over in his mind, trying to figure out how far he could push Rhyder and still keep him loyal.
“Talk to me when we have conquered The Gardens,” he said. “We have more drones now. We will make another attempt, then wipe their weakness and laziness off the earth and they will be no more.”
“They are not lazy,” Rhyder said, and he headed back to set up our fire-damaged \tent.
I was pleased when he did nap in the tent. His broken ribs and other injuries would heal, although he might always have a slight limp.
When I went out to get him some broth, I saw Norah, sitting with a vacant expression on her face and a black eye.
“What happened?” I cried, going up to her. “Where is Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth didn’t make it,” she said. “They were angry when the raid was unsuccessful. When they came back. . .Elizabeth didn’t make it.”
I wanted to vomit.
“And I’ll be next,” she said dully. “I don’t know when but I’m not getting out of this alive.”
“You need to get out of here,” I whispered to her. “Immediately.”
“When? They watch me like a fucking hawk.”
“Tonight?” I asked. “Could you leave with William? His drones got shot down today. You know he’s in danger too.”
“I would,” she said. “If I could figure out how to. If they see me next to another man, they’ll kill me.”
“Don’t go to sleep tonight,” I said, not knowing what I was going to do. Only that I wasn’t going to let her die.
Rhyder wasn’t going to kill me, so I was the only one who could do this.
Once I had some stew, I moved in a round-about way to where William was sitting on a stump outside his tent and spoke to him under cover of picking a few wild herbs.
“You’re in danger,” I said in a low voice. “You are an Unsaved and your drones failed today. You’ve been teaching them to run your machines. They don’t need you. Why not take Norah and go once it’s dark?”
“There’s so many lights,” William said, stroking his beard. “How could we get out? They have a guard, too.”
“Let me deal with that,” I said. “Just make sure you are up and ready.”
I felt strangely unafraid all day.
Maybe I was in shock. Or maybe seeing what my brother had done for me made me less afraid.
But either way, I fed Rhyder broth, then bread and meat, and put salves on all his injuries and cuts. There were so many, my fingers tracing in awe the effects of six years of thorns digging into his flesh. Six years of penance and pain because he thought it would bring me back to him. Then I watched as he fell asleep.
I thought he was sleeping soundly, but when I went to open the flap, he caught my leg.
“Whatever you are doing is dangerous,” he said, his grip like iron on me. “I won’t let you do it.”
“Just—just let me do this,” I hissed in agony. “I know it’s a little bit dangerous. But I have to get Norah out of here. It’s only a few paces away. They just have to make it safely past the lights.”
Our eyes met and for a long moment Rhyder said nothing.
“I’ll come with you,” he finally said.
“The best chance is for us to slip away quietly,” I said. “Please just let me do this.”
He finally nodded.
I left the tent, extinguishing one light as I crept around to where Norah slept. I touched her arm gently, motioning to William, whose face looked petrified but set and determined. There were four lights in total that surrounded the circle of tents, and the more I could extinguish, the better our chances of escape.
The one guard was all the way on the other side and he was facing the roadway smoking.
But when we went to extinguish the second light, it alerted him, and I heard his sharp “who’s there?”
And then I heard Rhyder yell, “intruders!” at the same time, and the other two lights went out.
The camp immediately exploded into pandemonium, and I went to run with them, but I didn’t know which direction we were meant to be going in the pitch darkness.
For a moment I felt horrible panic, terror of Eli catching me and killing me in the dark, and then I felt my brother’s strong hand on my back.
“ Follow me ”
He took my hand and I took Nora’s and he led us with the primal night-dark instincts of a big cat through the spare trees and out to where I felt a dirt track under my feet.
Rhyder lit a small flashlight and handed a piece of paper over to William.
“Here,” he said. “If you can find anything out about this, leave it in the hollow of the big pine outside our camp. I’ll check it every few days. Now head south. Don’t put on your lights until you’re well away from this place.”
They left hand-in-hand and I let out a long breath as I saw them go.
“Do you wish you were going with them?” Rhyder asked.
“No,” I said, truthfully. “No, I don’t. Let’s go to sleep now.”
When we went back the whole camp was in an uproar.
“They headed somewhere to the west,” Rhyder said. “If you send men they will be able to catch them soon. I also found my very naughty sister wandering about in the dark here. I’m afraid I’ll have to take her into my tent for further instruction.”
*
B ACK AT OUR SETTLEMENT , Rhyder still made no obeisance. His face was set in a grim line, and he went to the edge of our borders every few days like clockwork to check the pine.
But there was never anything there.
I tried to go about my daily chores without noticing the angry scowls, distrustful looks I got.
Something had changed in Rhyder and I wasn’t the only one who noticed it.
He had gone to check the pine tree hollow again when Generosity came up to me as I hand-sewed a shirt for my brother on the porch. I had an electric sewing machine, but it wasn’t working very well.
Besides, I wanted the feeling of sewing his shirts by hand, ensuring for myself that they’d be soft and sweet against his skin.
“The Elders want to see you,” Generosity said, her lips twisted up into a malicious smile.
I looked at her, really looked at her.
Nothing good could come of a meeting with the Elders without Rhyder there.
“You think you’re safe, don’t you?” I bit out at her. “You’re not . You’re just useful to them. So save the fucking unnecessary cruelty. It just makes you look like a bitter bitch who isn’t over Rhyder.”
“How dare you!” she snapped, her eyes filled with fury. “I can’t wait until you’re punished like you should be, and I’m here to make sure it happens.”
She dug her hand in my arm, and I gripped my sewing needle tighter, driving it into her palm until she squealed like a pig with the pain.
I got up to run, but they were there. All the Elders, standing in a semicircle around the house.
“It’s you,” the Prophet said, his fingers biting into my skin like grasping claws. “You are the bad omen, you are the reason we lost.”
“I am not!” I said, panicked. “I did not do anything!”
“Let’s see what the Allfather has to say about that,” the Prophet said, dragging me down into the center of the settlement. “The righteous shall drink poison and handle snakes and it will not hurt them. So which one do you want, whore? The poison or the snakes?”
The Prophet gestured to Eli, and he placed two items on the table in front of me.
One was a thick mug full of a liquid, cranberry red and dense, something thick and oily floating on the surface.
I had no idea what it was, but I knew I did not want to drink it.
The other item was a cardboard box, and I could hear the ominous, angry rattle inside, vibrating the thin protection between the snake and me.
“Cascadian rattler,” Eli said. “Very poisonous. But if you aren’t sent from the devil to tempt Rhyder into sin, you won’t be harmed.”
How did I explain that I had been a part of Rhyder, and he a part of me, ever since we had been formed in the womb? That nothing could tear us apart from each other?
That I had never tried to tempt him, but he tempted me every day, the seduction of his lips and arms and cock, the way my skin and body was hyperaware of him.
“The snake,” I said, through lips that felt parched like death.
The Elders surrounded me in a ring, beginning to chant in low tones.
Poison cannot hurt the righteous
The righteous
The righteous
Only the evil-doer
Fuck, where was Rhyder?
“Pick it up, whore,” Eli said.
They surrounded me, my throat feeling tight, choking on my own spit.
I took the box and raised the lid.
The rattler slowly uncoiled and raised its ancient, gnarled head out of the box, hissing and looking around with two dark, malevolent eyes.
“Shh,” I said, my hands trembling. “I won’t hurt you.”
And Eli put his hand into a fist and hit the end of the table.
The snake moved with an angry, prideful hiss and struck, sinking fangs dripping with poison into my arm.
I screamed then, the noise echoing like raw knives inside me.
And then Rhyder was there beside me, opening the snake’s mouth and snapping its teeth to free me, gripping the scrub-colored body with one hand.
“Hiring a militia to kidnap my sister?” he roared. “Rot in hell, old man.”
And my brother slashed across the Prophet’s throat, cutting him open from ear to ear, and into the jagged maw remaining he thrust the snake that had bit me, so far down the other man’s mouth even the tail disappeared.
For a moment the other Elders were frozen and Rhyder moved first, gathering me in his arms and starting to run.
My arm felt like it was burning, and I glanced down to see my forearm swelling, the bite marks angry and red there.
“Where are you. . .taking me?” I asked, my tongue feeling thick.
How much time did I have?
“To Ronan,” he said.
“I don’t think I’ll make it,” I whispered, my voice feeling weak and reedy already, my brother’s heartbeat strong and healthy in my ear. As it always had been. One last time he would use his overpowering strength to try to save me. But this time it wasn’t going to be enough.
“Yes, you will,” Rhyder said.
“Stop him!” Eli cried.
But Rhyder was at his bike and he swung one leg over the seat, still holding me tight with one hand.
They were almost on us, but Rhyder kicked the starter, and I closed my eyes as he backed into one of the Elders with his motorcycle.
There was another Congregant trying to cling to the side then, drag us down with him, but one powerful kick from Rhyder and we were free, squealing through the camp, my brother keeping us upright on the uneven ground.
As we passed the supply house, Rhyder grabbed the barrel of oil and knocked it down, ripping out the spigot, and big splashes of oil began to lick the cooking fire at the center of the settlement.
I heard the camp begin to burn as we headed through the boundary gate, and Rhyder didn’t even look back, not once, at where he had poured his devotion to the Allfather and his Prophet for his entire life.
“Hang on, Temperance,” he said. “I’m going to pull out the throttle to go faster. But it’s OK. I’ll keep you safe.”
“I know you will,” I whispered.
“And don’t worry about your book,” he added. “It’s already safely in the console.”
Rhyder screamed across the countryside as I tried to remain conscious, sweat pouring down my back as the lines of poison seeped up my arm.
When we reached Ronan’s boundary gate, my eyes, blurring with poison, spotted Edmund and another man there at the guard house.
“I yield,” Rhyder said, his voice jagged, low with fear. “I yield to the Prophet Ronan, Son of Jonas.”
They looked at each other, unsure for a moment what to do.
Reality felt like it was flashing by in bright patches, like going to a movie theater and something was wrong with the screen.
Maybe I was hallucinating already, because I was here in the middle of the wilderness thinking about an Unsaved indulgence I would never be allowed to do again.
But one time I had been to the theater and a man outside had harassed me walking home, followed me in his car for several blocks, taunting me because he had heard I grew up in a Congregation.
No way to protect myself. Cops turned the other way.
There was only me with keys between my fingers and my heart in my throat.
Would I leave Rhyder again?
No
Hard, brutal, controlling.
I could never leave him.
Rhyder made no comment as Ronan’s guards bound his wrists around me, cuffing him across the face and head once they were sure he wouldn’t fight back.
“Take us to the Prophet’s Helpmeet,” he said. “Please. I’m begging you.”