Chapter 32
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ANASTASIA
“What the fuck are you talking about Enzo?” The truth has barely unraveled and yet I can already feel the walls surrounding my heart begin to rise again.
There’s this thick sheen of guilt swimming in his gaze as he tightens his grip on my hands like he knows…he fucking knows that once this is over, I’m going to walk away.
“Marrying the heir of Cosa Nostra wasn’t supposed to be for just business purposes. For years, I’ve been hunting someone. My Uncle — Aldo Mancini. There was nothing but silence for so long, no matter how hard I searched until eventually, I found a lead linking him to the Irish mob.” A rough laugh escapes his chest and I pull my hands away from him, hating how easily he lets go. “Somehow the bastard managed to reinvent himself. He made himself into a king and I knew I could never get close to him alone. I needed someone with a connection.”
“You needed me.” I squeeze my eyes shut, praying that this is just some sick nightmare I’ll wake up from. Then I open my eyes again and Enzo is still there, a haunted expression taking over his face. And I know this is real. “Seamus O’Connell — Killian’s stepfather. He’s your uncle?”
Enzo nods. “You can see now why I don’t exactly like the guy.”
I know he means it to be a joke but all it does is incite wrath inside of me that begins to squash all the warm butterflies in my stomach that had begun to blossom again. “So you brought a war to my doorstep just to satisfy your own thirst for revenge?”
“Anastasia—” He reaches for me but I’m already pulling away.
“No.” I grab the first pair of shoes I can find and pull on a coat. “You used me. At least when it was just business it was equal. I was marrying you for the exact same reasons that I thought you were marrying me for. There was an understanding that our legacies and reputations were worth sacrificing everything else for, but it was just a lie. My mom was shot, people died but hey, at least you got a reaction out of your uncle.” I scoff, shaking my head. All the anger and pain he’s managed to incite is twisting into something ugly inside of me. “I thought that we could…I thought that this was…”
No matter how hard I try the words remain lodged in my throat, suffocated by thick emotion that threatens to break free.
Instead of letting him see the power he holds over me, I turn away from him and reach for the door. “Don’t be here when I get back.”
The idea of coming home to an empty apartment gives root to a deep sense of isolation that caves my chest in.
I can’t breathe.
Stumbling into the bitter night, I look down and realize I’m wearing slippers instead of shoes and that I accidentally grabbed his coat instead. A heavy gust of wind rushes past me and I catch the strong scent of his aftershave that still lingers on the collar. Inhaling deeply, it brings forth a myriad of memories all tainted by his lies.
I want to scream. Let the pain rip out of me and tear apart the false life I thought we were building together.
Part of me really believed that he was my other half.
I never used to believe in any of that crap — I left the dreaming to Calista, but I thought this was fate ?
That it sprung us back together and for once in my life, I let myself fall for the fantasy of his bloody soul being equal to mine.
A balancing act that I would never find with anyone else.
But it was just a lie and I should have known better — people like me don’t fall in love and live happily ever after. We succumb to our inner demons and hope they don’t take over.
Declan is running towards me with an umbrella in his hand.
It’s raining?
I couldn’t even feel it.
Glancing up at the dark sky, thick rain pellets down on me. Almost painful but I soak it in, taking each hit as what I deserve for trusting him again.
“Are we going somewhere?” I nod, letting him usher me towards the black escalade.
My hair hangs heavy, dripping from the violent downpour. I should be freezing, a little cold at least, but instead anger warms me from the inside like a furnace.
Declan turns to me, his features dark in the absence of light. “Where to, boss?”
“Lucky Charm.”
** *
It’s the same bouncer as before and just like last time he lets me in, barely batting an eye to the fact the club isn’t even open yet. I don’t know how I know that he’s here, I just do.
Alcohol, sex, drugs — all the things a guilty conscience needs to self soothe.
There’s staff whisking around the place to get it ready for the late-night opening but apart from them, it’s dead. I find my Irish friend at the bar, nursing a glass of whiskey. There’s also a pint of Guinness beside him and I watch as he alternates between the two drinks, wincing as the sharp liquid hits his busted lip.
Taking the stool next to him, I cross my legs over one another and steal his whiskey glass, downing the liquid straight. “I don’t know if you’ve got a death wish or if you’re just plain stupid.”
His lips quirk a smile as he sucks on a joint, blowing puffs of smoke into the air. “Probably both.”
“So you knew then? You knew what he was going to do and you just let him destroy the happiest day of my life.”
He scoffs and offers me the joint, probably expecting me to push it away. Instead, I snatch it from his grip and inhale the soothing chemicals, willing it to dull the hounding hollowness within my chest.
To feel something other than pain.
“I didn’t know until it was too late. Besides, it’s not like I have the power to stop him anyways.”
“But you could have warned me. A call, a fucking text, anything!” I throw the joint at him and reach for the gun tucked into the holster on my thigh.
“Anastasia, as much as I hate the bastard and you know I do, he was right in his reasoning. You didn’t align yourself with us, you chose Enzo instead. That shifted the balance of power and it was only a matter of time before you started taking over our territory too. We needed to strike first.”
“Well, you lost. We’re married and now you’ve just made yourself enemy number one.” I lean in and flash a pretty smile as I dig my gun into his crotch. Hard.
He grunts but doesn’t make a move to push me away. “You warn your daddy that I’m going to rain hell on him for what he did to my family — to my mother. The only reason I’m going to leave you here still breathing is because I know your pathetic existence is a fate worse than death. Coward.”
Sliding my gun back into my pocket, I turn to leave when he grabs my wrist. “You know I used to respect you because you weren’t like any other woman I had ever met, but I guess you are. You let him diminish your worth every time you spread your legs for him and beg him to cum inside of you.” Anger ripples along my spine but I’m not stupid enough to kill him here. “What? You didn’t think I had cameras in my office. You might have been the one with the knife to his throat, but he still had you right where he wanted you. You gave the power to him because you’re just like the rest of us, Anastasia. Everyone is a whore to something. You just happen to be his.”
I launch my fist at his face, seeking satisfaction in the crunch of his nose yet I feel nothing but agony, knowing that his words — however cruel they might have been, are the undeniable truth.
I was his whore, but not anymore.