Chapter 41
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ANASTASIA
The water sprays a thin mist over my body as I climb inside. I quickly slide the door shut, blocking out the cold rush of air that pricks goosebumps over my bare skin.
Reaching out, I set my hand on his shoulder. He flinches, either in shock or pain, I don’t know. I travel my hand up his collar, squeezing the back of his neck tight. “I’m here.” I murmur, drowned out by the sound of the showerhead. My forehead falls on his back as I wrap my arms around his waist, careful not to squeeze too tight.
He exhales a heavy breath, letting his head drop forward against the shower tile. My palms traverse his chest, grazing the raised scars and burns that are yet to heal and then up towards the bullet wound I inflicted myself.
I swallow the heaviness of guilt rising in my throat again. He tells me it isn’t my fault but the only other person to blame is dead.
It took two surgeries to repair the internal bleeding, three broken ribs, fractured shoulder and infected bullet wound. He didn’t open his eyes for two weeks. Even the doctors thought it was a fucking miracle he made it through but even now, healing and at home with me, he’s not the same Enzo. But I guess I’m not the same girl I was before either.
I suppose one thing I can be thankful for is Killian.
Without him, my husband would be dead. He made sure to call the paramedics before he disappeared. I woke up with a blinding headache, my knees bloody and bruised whilst Angelica screamed for her son. I remember scrambling off the ground to him despite every muscle begging me to lie back down. Sinking onto my knees as the paramedics perform 15 minutes of CPR whilst waiting for backup.
It’s a day that will never escape my mind .
Days of sitting in that hospital room, listening to the incessant beeping of the monitors made me realize how much I need Enzo.
Just like a seed needs light and water to flourish.
Closing my eyes, I try to suppress all the dark memories that refuse to leave my mind. Instead, I press my lips to his back and taste the fat droplets of water that cling to his skin.
Silence surrounds us like a daunting third presence. I’ve never been this unsure of myself and it's unsettling. I don’t know what I expected. It’s only been two weeks of just us. I refused a nurse to take care of my husband, but I’m drowning in the medications, the appointments, the mood swings.
Sometimes he’s the boy I fell for, others the man I grew to love and…at the worst times, he’s empty. He would say nothing, do nothing, even when I begged him to.
My mum said to hang on tight even when he tries to make me let go. She’s been married for over twenty years to my dad who has a shorter temper than me, so her words must hold some truth to it.
I tighten my arms around him, resting my cheek against his soft skin. “You know sometimes I’m still there.” I whisper, unsure whether he’s listening or not. “I’m naked and cold and the sound of the rats are the only thing keeping me from going insane. I try to scream but I just can’t. I try to reach you, but I can’t.”
Guilt floods through my veins as I remember how easily I gave up. He was stuck with that hot poker again and again and I wasn’t even trying to fight.
Enzo was in pain in every sense of the word — he was burnt and maimed and beaten all whilst suffering the psychological torment of not knowing whether his mother and his wife were alive.
I was fortunate in that sense. Aldo left me alone but not Angelica.
The animal raped her. He had that collar around her neck, shocking her at any sign of disobedience. Once the collar stopped working, she just snapped.
It was amazing really. She didn’t hesitate for a second. She just struck at him, and she fucking won.
Though his death was ruled as an accident with the faulty gas line taking the blame, we all knew the truth. Even the police, who my parents bought off since they tried to arrest me and Angelica, know the fucking truth.
In my understanding of the world, there’s no good and evil .
People are always going to be fucked up. There are parts of them that will bloom dark before they die, whether they were born or made that way. It doesn't matter.
Yet…there are true villains in the world.
The people who rape and serial kill for fun, who beat their children just because they can, the ones who sell out everyone and everything for just another buck.
Aldo was one of them. He deserved his fate, and I hold no regrets for how that fucker died.
Enzo drops his head against the shower wall, the clang echoing beneath the heavy rush of the water. I squeeze his shoulder, trying to think of something…anything to make this better.
“I told my family the truth last night.” He doesn’t respond but I can feel his muscles tightening beneath me. “I know I should have waited for you, but the lie was eating me up and I want us to start afresh with nothing hanging over our head. Naturally they were angry. My dad wanted to strangle you when I told him that you broke my heart for a moment, but he understands it was our fucked-up journey to getting us here. Calista was harder to convince. She knew that I was heartbroken that summer and it hurt her that I didn't tell her everything, but she understands it now. I hate myself for it too. Maybe if I told someone about us back then, I could have done things differently. Everything could have been better.”
This feels like my fault. Enzo almost died. Angelica may have emerged healed in a way after finally getting revenge, but she still required surgery for the brutal injuries Aldo inflicted upon her.
And yet I came out unscathed. How is that fair?
“Mi amore,” My heart flutters at the familiar nickname and he slowly turns, sinking his hands into my sopping hair to pull my face up to him. His eyes search mine as intimately as his fingers grazing my bare skin. “I know that look and I don’t like it.”
Swallowing hard, I turn away from him and reach up for the shower gel. The soap begins to lather against my palms and I rub them over his skin, massaging his tight muscles that strain beneath my touch and work up towards his wounds.
“You're still in pain and I can’t do anything about it. Your mom is still recovering, cracking jokes weirdly enough and telling me not to worry about her but all I can do is just that. I’m helpless Enzo. I came out of this unscarred. I’m just fine and I hate that I can’t take your pain away. That I can’t do anything, I hate—”
Heavy sobs break free like a dam finally spilling over. It’s been weeks since I’ve cried, too paranoid and riddled with anxiety and fear over my husband never waking up and now he’s here and like an idiot I’m putting all my stupid problems on him.
“Shh baby, it’s okay.” His hand cradles my head, pulling me in to gently rest against his chest.
My tears melt against his wet skin and the soap washes away from my hands as I reach around to hold him tight. “I thought you were going to die.” The confession slips from my lips, brazenly between us now and I break, sobbing into his neck.
“I’m here. I’m right here mi amore.” His kisses scatter across my face, tender and healing as they soothe all the internal wounds that I ignored for so long. “No-one is ever taking me away from you again. Not our families, not our pasts, not our jobs…you and me, it was written in the stars you used to gaze up at when we were sixteen. You can’t deny fate, Anastasia.”
“I want to help you.”
“Just being here, you’re doing everything and more. I’m sorry I’ve not been my best. I guess I’m trying to figure out how to exist in a world without my need for revenge.”
I stroke my hand up and down his neck. “Give it to me. All that passion, that anger, that fear. Give it to me. I can take it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.” He murmurs, pressing his forehead against mine .
“I want it. We’re married, Enzo. We don’t protect each other from our demons, we battle them together.”
“I want to hire someone to take over my care. You should be putting the board back together.”
“Business can wait.” I never thought I would say that but now I know that they’re more important things in life than power.
He laughs softly. “And I love you for that, but I need you in the boardroom mi amore. This is only one part of our journey and the next is quickly approaching. You’re the only one who can prepare us for the next fight.”
“Okay, but just know that I had a sexy nurse outfit ready to go.” His cock hardens against my thigh at the thought, and I laugh as he kisses my neck.
“Can I take my offer back?” I shake my head, pulling his head back up. Our noses brush whilst our hearts beat in sync. It doesn’t take much to kiss him. I rise on my tiptoes, smashing our lips together but he’s already one step ahead of me. Those strong arms mold around my waist, pulling me in and I let out a small laugh, as I feel him smile against my lips.
His large hands span my body, drifting down to squeeze my ass. Moaning, I sink my hands into his hair, the strands a little longer than usual, and tug on them .
“Wait,” I break apart from the kiss, the heat of his breath fanning my face. “I don’t want to hurt you. The doctor said—”
“Fuck the doctor, mi amore.” Warmth pools between my thighs as he leans in, catching my bottom lip with his teeth. “I know what’s good for me and burying my cock into my wife’s sweet pussy is the best form of medicine there is.”
“You don’t need medicine, you need rest. No strenuous activity.”
He laughs but I can sense his patience is wearing thin. “It’s always a fight with you, isn’t it? You always have to run that pretty little mouth, you always have to win.” He’s trying to lure me into that fucked up web of passion that seems to always seems tangle us up.
“We can’t.” I squeeze my eyes shut as he fingers graze over my pussy. “Enzo stop.” His thumb rolls over my clit, forcing my words out in a breathless moan. “Don’t—”
“I decide how far to push my body.” A finger pushes inside of me, curling up to stroke that sweet spot. All the air in my lungs evaporates at the rippled sensation that creeps through my body. His cheek meets mine as he presses his lips against my ear, moving his finger faster. “Please,”
Fuck . He knows how much I love it when he begs.
Gripping onto his shoulders, I drape one of my legs up against his waist, cradled beneath his arm. His lips traverse my jaw and he pushes his finger, slick with my juices into my mouth. I moan, tasting myself on his skin and reach down to push him inside of me. “I’ve missed you.” He murmurs as every inch of him sinks inside of me.
“I missed you too.” My back hits the shower wall and I grip the handle as his slow thrusts start to build.
His strong hand pushes back my wet hair, tightly gripping the back of my neck. “God, I love you. You’ve always been that bright light in the back of mind offering the one thing I never thought I deserved. Hope.”
Emotion consumes me, so thick I can barely register the waves of pleasure rocking through my body. “Hope for what?”
Heat swarms the inside of the glass shower, forging a world made for us and no-one else. He drops his forehead to mine, rubbing circles over my clit that throbs to his touch.
“For something other than a life condemned to be alone. I was always lost to my sins, absent of light until I met you. Even when I didn’t know who you truly were, I felt accepted. You showed me that I was capable of love and just knowing that out there was a woman who could find it in herself to accept a man like me, kept me sane. Even when I lost you, you were still there — saving me from myself.”
I kiss him hard, tasting the thick tears amidst the rush of water above us. Clinging to his skin, I rock my hips in turn with his, each of us riding the other to a state of pleasure we never want to cease.
“I love you,” I whisper, endless sparks pinging through my body as we reach our end together. Our breaths fall in sync whilst our wet bodies cling to each other. Lifting my head up, I can’t help but stare at my husband. Water droplets cling to his eyelashes, highlighting the golden flakes in his irises that make him look so young.
I forget that it’s our scars and sewed up wounds that age us. We’re young, in love and still figuring our lives out.
The rest of the world can wait until we’re ready, but for now I’m going to hide away with my husband. Rest, fuck, heal and slowly, we’ll make our mark on the world again.