Chapter 45
45
When he can’t sleep for fear of missing a single second in her presence, he thinks the choice is made for him.
Naked in his bed, I soak up the feel of him drawing random shapes on my back, and I try really, really hard not to cry.
He tuts a gentle reprimand when I sniff loudly. Dragging me towards him, settling us chest-to-chest, he kisses the salty trail beneath my eyes. “None of that, honey.”
His mouth drops to mine, pressing slow kisses that somehow end up with him inside me again, another condom wrapper joining the ever-growing pile on the nightstand. We move slowly, taking time we don’t have.
I think we’d both prefer to stay wrapped up in each other all day if we could, but we don’t have all day. We don’t even have all morning. I want to get on the road early so I’m not racing to get to my first destination before sundown—I want to get what’s undoubtedly going to be so very horrible over with instead of ruining our last day dreading it.
I didn’t cry when I packed up my apartment yesterday, nor when I loaded my meager belongings into my truck. I lasted an entire night wrapped in Hunter’s arms without shedding a tear—a miracle I truly didn’t think myself capable of. Now, though, as I come apart under him for what feels like the hundredth time, I can’t stop myself. And after he groans his own release, he spends just as long kissing away my tears, telling me it’s okay and he loves me, reminding me it’s goodbye for now, not forever.
It is goodbye, though. The first of many today, shared between just the two of us before I drive alone to the main house to get Herc because I know in my gut, in my chest, in my bones, I wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise. I wouldn’t be able to get in the damn car.
Even now, it’s a struggle. The offer—the plea —to come with lingers on the tip of my tongue as I climb behind the wheel. Just like he did the other night, he leans through the window to kiss me one last time. “Call me when you get there, okay?”
I nod, knowing I’ll be itching to dial his number the whole way to Sun Valley on what Luna and Lux have taken to calling my Eat, Pray, Love moment. If you’d told me a year ago—if you’d told me six damn months ago—that I’d be embarking on a roadtrip to spend a few days with my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, I would’ve laughed. And maybe cried a little. Now, though, it doesn’t feel all that weird. It feels like progress.
It feels like a quintessential young adult experience, sharing a house with a handful of college students, and isn’t that what this journey of mine is for? To live ?
Knuckles graze my cheek, fingers tuck my hair behind my ears, lips press to my forehead, and that’s that. He pats the roof of my truck once and steps away, and there’s nothing left to do but start the engine and drive.
I linger on the ranch longer than I intend to. Turns out, neither Lux nor I are particularly good at short-and-sweet goodbyes. We skillfully procrastinate, talking about everything but the matter at hand, wandering between the barn and the house until I’ve said goodbye to every living creature in residence multiple times.
It’s close to midday by the time I watch Serenity disappear in my rearview mirror. My eyes catch on the charm cord looped around it, swaying gently from side to side. A tiny stoppered jar hangs from a leather cord, full of dirt plucked right from the earth Serenity is built on.
“A little piece of home,” Lux had whispered as she’d slipped it into my palm, and I’m surprised it didn’t shatter with how hard my fist closed around it—I’m surprised Lux didn’t shatter with how hard I hugged her, whispering another goodbye that chipped away another piece of my heart. “I’ll come visit, okay? Me and Alex, wherever you end up, we’ll visit.”
She hasn’t left Serenity in over a decade yet I believed her. And when I promised to come back one day, I was telling the truth too. I just don’t know when that day will be.
Which is why, as I drive through Haven Ridge, I take the time to really look . I commit Main Street to memory, biting down on my quivering bottom lip as I pass Bloom, giving into the hopeless sentimentalist within me that convinces me I need sustenance for the road.
Parking across from Bishop’s, I leave a window cracked and Herc in the truck as I make one last quick stop. Ten minutes later, I walk out sipping a spicy lemonade, cradling a takeout bag, both of which I almost drop on the sidewalk when I see the large man casually leaning against my truck.
I mouth his name cautiously, confused, as I cross the street. “What’re you doing here?”
Hunter straightens. He uncrosses his arms and sets his hands on his hips, and it strikes me that he looks like the Hunter I first met months ago—stern, stoic, and grumpy . “You were really gonna leave me here, huh?”
My eyes go wide. “Hunter—”
He shakes his head, his mouth a severe, straight line. “You weren’t gonna ask me to come?”
My lips part, nothing but air passing between them.
Hunter clucks his tongue at my silence. Snatching my food away, he leans in the open window to set it on the passenger seat, murmuring all the while. “Been waitin’ all fuckin’ week, Caroline. Every time you opened your mouth, I thought you were gonna ask. But you didn’t, so I thought okay . You don’t want me to. I can respect that.”
Again, I try to speak—I try to insist the opposite.
Again, he interrupts me.
Towering over me, he traps me in place with that hazel gaze, with a hand cupping my nape. “But then I remembered I know you. You’ve never asked for anything you wanted a day in your life. Why would you start now?”
He stoops lower until we’re all but sharing breath. “I had half a mind to let you leave just to teach you a lesson, but I don’t have it in me.”
He—
My gaze darts to the truck bed. I stare long and hard at the bag that doesn’t belong to me. I mull over the ridiculous, impossible conclusion my brain draws for a long, long moment before squeaking, “You’re coming?”
Hunter grunts, his mouth brushing my temple. “Of course I am.”
“But you love it here.”
“Because you’re here.”
“But…” So many buts . “What about Gaia?”
His smirk burns my skin. “Gaia is a horse, honey.”
“But Lux—”
“Reamed me out when she thought I was letting you go. She got a couple of good shots in before I set her straight.”
I reel backward. “She knows ?”
“I quit the day you told me.”
He quit. He freaking quit. He quit ?
He pulls back, letting me see all that bleeding sincerity as he drawls, “If I got it wrong, if you don't want me to come, if you wanna do this alone, that’s okay. You go. But I was never gonna stay without you. How could I?”
How could he? How could he , he says like being here without me is unfathomable, like it’s ridiculous.
I pinch my arm, hissing when it hurts, and his mouth twitches as he conceals a smile. “Not a dream, honey.”
No, it’s not. It’s really, really not.
My head hurts. I feel a little faint. My heart pounds so erratically in my chest, I expect it to burst out of its cavity any moment now. Before it can, I move.
Right there on Main Street, in broad daylight, I throw myself at Hunter. Legs around his waist, arms around his neck, I kiss him like a woman possessed. He smiles and he laughs and he kisses me back, and even though I’m pretty sure my answer is abundantly clear, he still whispers in my ear, “Please, honey. Can I come with you?”
And even though he knows, even though he doesn’t need it, I whisper back, “I love you.”