Chapter 3 #2
However, what flashes up on my screen when I unlock it isn’t anything to do with the One-Thirteen.
It takes me a few seconds of reading to understand that it’s from the charity organization I signed up to a while back, Rainbow Reach.
It was something my pops encouraged me to do when it was clear he was heading toward the end.
I think he knew I’d need something new to distract me, but I haven’t thought about it much since then.
“Huh,” I say, slightly perplexed. Genuinely, outside of going to Pride events, I wasn’t expecting to have anyone contact me, not when there are a lot more volunteers in Los Angeles and San Diego. But it appears this young woman and her fiancé are based right here in Redwood Bay.
“Something interesting?” Lucy asks.
“Yeah, maybe…” I say, reading through the message again.
Conflicting thoughts swirl through me. Especially after how I’d already been feeling about my dad and his stuff.
This seems kind of exciting. But would it be completely awful to take on a task like this when I’m supposed to be mourning not just losing my father but closing the chapter on my family and my childhood forever?
Lucy claps her hands. “That sounds like a good cue to stop for lunch. Guys! Who’s hungry?”
Unsurprisingly, the four men spread throughout the apartment all call back in the affirmative.
Firefighters eat constantly, and Jesse’s a dancer, so he works out almost as much as the rest of us.
Lucy soon has us all crowding around in the kitchen as she brings out sandwiches and soft drinks from the refrigerator as well as chips and veggies to go with dips, and a couple of bags of candy.
I didn’t think about bringing anything like that, and I give her a thankful look.
But she just shrugs me off with a wink and salutes me with her soda can, as if to say it’s nothing.
It means a great deal to me, however. Which is why when we settle for a break in the living room, I let her lay into me.
“So, spill,” she demands through a mouthful of bread, meat, and cheese. “Who’s the message from? I haven’t seen you smile like that in forever.”
The rest of the guys snap their attention eagerly toward me, and I have to chuckle and shake my head.
“It’s not that interesting,” I say, unsure how I even feel about it myself.
I don’t know if I want to talk about it just yet.
But naturally, between Rico’s concern, Lucy’s stubbornness, and Sawyer’s outrageous curiosity, I was never going to get to keep this to myself.
“If it made you smile, we want to know,” Rico insists warmly.
“Is it a boy?” Sawyer teases.
Anton rolls his eyes and shoves his shoulder into his best friend’s.
“No, nothing like that,” I splutter, figuring it’ll be easier just to explain rather than face an interrogation. “It’s from that LGBT charity I told you I signed up for.”
“Oh, the one where you step in for absent family members?” Rico asks thoughtfully.
I nod. “So, the email is written by a young woman called Beatrice who’s getting married soon. To a man,” I clarify before they misunderstand. “But her brother is gay and her parents basically gave her an ultimatum about who to invite to the wedding.”
“Them or her brother,” Jesse guesses correctly, sadness clear in his voice.
I nod again, bringing the email back up on my phone. My heart is already aching for these siblings. “She said it was a no brainer to pick her brother—”
“Correct choice,” Lucy mutters darkly into her drink can.
“—but,” I continue. “She and her fiancé found out about Rainbow Reach, and when they saw my profile and realized I was based in town, they decided to ask me to walk her down the aisle.”
Sawyer blinks and sits up a little taller. “So you’d be her dad for the day?” he qualifies softly.
Anton’s nodding, his eyes glassy. “That’s a pretty awesome thing, Cap.”
I lick my lips and look through the girl’s words again.
“She’s pretty clear that either of her in-laws would be happy to step in if I’m unavailable or not up for it.
But she thought it would be important to have an older gay man there for her brother.
They’re also Black, too, so it would be even more meaningful for them. ”
What kind of parent would forsake both their children like this?
People of color have to deal with enough bullshit from society without us abandoning our own communities as well.
A flash of hot anger sears through me as I scowl down at my phone, like I can shame those bigots through the screen.
Then I suddenly realize that’s the most passionate I’ve felt about anything in months.
It might not be under the best circumstances, but it’s a hell of a lot better than being numb.
“So, you’re going to do it?” Lucy prods.
I sigh and glance around my dad’s apartment. Now everything’s in disarray and there are half empty boxes strewn all over the place, it looks worse than when we started. “I don’t know if it’s the best time,” I say warily.
Sawyer snorts and fixes me with an awfully firm glare considering I’m his boss and nine times out of ten his name’s the one on my shit list. “When is the best time, Cap?” he demands.
“Life is always lifing. This girl and her brother need you. You sound perfect for the job. Who’ll do it if you don’t? ”
I’m torn between asking what on earth ‘lifing’ means and reminding him that this young woman literally wrote in her message that her in-laws were ready to save the day if I couldn’t be there.
But I circle back around to her brother. She doesn’t tell me anything about him other than the fact he’s younger, and in my mind’s eye I’m picturing a sweet, maybe shy and awkward kid who has been rejected by the people who were supposed to do everything in their power to protect him.
Instead, they’ve cast him aside.
Reading between the lines, I’m almost certain her request is more for her brother than herself. She loves him enough to bring someone from his world into her special day so he feels included and less alone. So that he might even have hope for the future and his own wedding one day.
Obviously, I know next to nothing. I could have this all wrong. But the way my friends are currently looking at me in anticipation tells me there can only be one answer here.
“I am free on the date,” I admit.
Sawyer whoops and punches the air. “Aww, Cap. You’re going to be the best father-of-the-bride this town has ever seen.”
The idea that I’d be old enough to have a grown daughter getting married rankles me. I’m only forty-seven, for crying out loud. But I just roll my eyes at him. “I prefer to think of myself as the cool guncle, actually.”
Lucy laughs and wraps her arm around my back. “I’m not sure about ‘cool,’” she teases with a grin. “But Uncle Julian does have a nice ring to it.”
“To Uncle Julian!” Rico cries, lifting his soda aloft.
The others join in as a chorus, cheering and clapping me on the back. My cheeks heat, but I try not to get too ruffled.
They’re right. This is a good thing for both me and these siblings. I’ll be helping them out, but the invitation has already given me a fresh sense of purpose I haven’t felt in a long time.
As we finish our lunch, I let the others chat while I type out a reply saying that I’d love to be there on her special occasion.
When I return to my father’s closet, it strikes me that this is the nature of life.
People pass on, and it’s right that we mourn their loss.
But every day, babies are born, and new unions are celebrated.
People have birthdays and get promotions and move on from bad situations. There are possibilities everywhere.
Ever so slightly, I feel my fog of grief starting to lift.
I will miss my dad for the rest of my life.
But just like with my mom, there will come a day when the pain will hurt slightly less.
I’ll be able to remember all the wonderful times we were blessed to spend together.
Memories of their final, harder months and years will fade, and I’ll carry the vibrant, loving people they were in my heart forevermore.
I don’t know who Beatrice’s parents are other than fools. And if she wants me to fill the void for her and her brother, I would be honored. He’s probably crushed that his family has been torn apart like this. I could be the balm that soothes a difficult day for them both.
As I pull out the first Rams shirt and take a good look at it, I wonder what this young man might be like.
I hope it’s not arrogant to think that if he’s had such a rough go of it, meeting me might give him some confidence.
I certainly never heard of any older Black gay men when I was a teen, let alone met any.
Me coming to his sister’s wedding could be life changing for him.
I think about what I might say if—when—I meet him.
The daydream helps me to start making my way through the jersey collection. It’s an important task, but it’s now nowhere near as sad as I’d been picturing it. My heart is tingling with joy and hope, like a limb that’s been asleep too long and is now waking up again.
I could really matter to this guy, even if it’s only for a day. Maybe give him the inspiration to live his life authentically and move on from his parents’ appalling behavior. It wouldn’t surprise me if their rejection has left him reluctant to shine as bright as he should.
My whole purpose in joining Rainbow Reach was to make a difference.
If I only change one life for the better, it will be worth it.
My parents were the best guiding lights I could have dreamed of.
Perhaps this will be a way for me to pass on a little of their legacy to this sweet young man. I’m sure they would have loved that.
It’s unlikely I’ll ever be a father. But I think I’m going to enjoy being someone’s dad, just this once.