Chapter 17 Daniel #2
“You should have told me you didn’t have a suit. I would have bought you one,” I said when he reached a hand out to touch my tux.
“You’ve already bought me too many things.” He traced his fingers along the lapels of my jacket. “Besides, my clothes look good, no?”
“They do.”
“You look good, too, Daniel.” He bit on his bottom lip. “So handsome.” He spoke that last word in English, and his accent made it so damn sexy that I couldn’t help but smile like a fool.
“You look dashing yourself, Elliot,” I switched to English, too, before going back to French. “You didn’t wear the necklace?”
Elliot’s hand moved to his neck, and my eyes locked on his delicate fingers until he spoke.
“Tonight isn’t special enough.”
“What do you mean? It’s your birthday,” I laughed.
“Birthdays aren’t special. You have them every year.” He moved to stand at the end of the balcony.
“Well, they’re still special.”
With both hands on the stone railing, Elliot took a deep breath and leaned forward.
“I never thought they were special… After all, every person has them. Right?”
Dropping my eyes to the floor, I scratched my nape. “Well, you do have a point, but still. It’s a reason to celebrate—”
“I prefer celebrating other things.”
I looked up to see he’d turned to face me, and the look in his eyes made my heart pound harder.
“Like what?”
“Art, music, food, love.” The way he spoke made each word sound like poetry carried through the night.
“Sex?” he added with a smirk, then pushed away from the railing and slowly strolled toward me, stopping with his hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t you think good sex is more worthy of celebrating than a birthday? ”
I glanced behind us to ensure we were alone before giving him my answer.
“I guess it is.”
“It is.” His lips curved into a smile. “It’s the celebration of the bodies. And when you orgasm?” He bit his lip, eyes closed. “That’s the best gift in the world.” Opening his eyes, he smirked at me. “Isn’t it?”
My face flamed at his words, and I swallowed hard before uttering a weak “yes.” Elliot seemed pleased as he got even closer.
“Maybe tonight you can visit me?” He moved his hands to my chest. “Who knows, I might wear your necklace then.”
The thought of having him naked, wearing nothing but that sapphire jewel, made my blood run hot and my dick stiffen in my slacks.
Feeling like an eager teen on the verge of losing his virginity, I took a deep breath to calm down.
I knew it was risky. Too risky considering everything, but his offer was so tempting I couldn’t resist.
“Are you sure?” I asked when he nodded.
“Of course. But are you?”
Something switched in his tone. If he’d been playful and seductive thus far, now the look in his eyes held…
love. He loves me, too. This guy… one moment, he delivered a whole monologue about sex being the celebration of two bodies, and the next, he turned so vulnerable I feared he’d break like glass.
I truly am a fool when it comes to him.
Resting my hand on his cheek, I caressed the beauty spot under his eye.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
His brows relaxed, and he smiled.
“Good.”
We stayed quiet for a few moments until I asked, “Why don’t you go back to the party?”
“What about you?”
“I’ll join you shortly. I think I need a minute.” Or two, because my heart was beating like crazy with the fact that I’d just agreed to pay him a visit tonight.
He smiled at me gently. “Okay.”
Yet before he could leave, I grabbed his hand.
The warmth of his skin made me eager for time to move faster until I’d have his naked body pressed against mine.
With that thought in mind, I finally let go and watched as he left, my heart still beating loudly in my chest. It took me about five more minutes to calm down before I was ready to go back.
However, I took my time going downstairs, deliberately walking slowly as I wasn’t eager to return to reality too soon.
Unfortunately for me, my bubble burst the second I stepped outside and was called by Father to join a conversation with two of his friends.
Although calling those rich, old farts his friends would be a lie, considering all they ever did other than golfing was try to be superior to one another.
On my way to them, I made sure to grab a drink from a passing waiter so I’d have something to keep myself busy with while they talked themselves to death.
“Charles, Edgar,” I greeted the two, my glass raised, before Father slammed his hand on my shoulder.
“We were just talking about Frank Willson.” He pulled me closer as poor me tried to sip from my drink. “You know, Christian Rogers’s old attorney?”
Christian Rogers was a self-made billionaire, which was rather impressive, considering he was two years younger than me. And Frank, well, he used to be his lawyer until he lost his assets due to an ugly, ugly divorce.
“What about him?” I asked.
Not at all interested in the answer, my eyes wandered through the crowd in search of Elliot until I spotted him by the buffet.
He stood out like a sore thumb, trying to understand how to eat a fried chicken tender without getting himself all greasy.
One bite was all that it took for him to put his plate down as if the American delicacy wasn’t good enough for his French palate.
Amused, I smiled, until Father’s story caught my attention.
“As I was saying, the reason he lost all his fortune to his ex-wife wasn’t at all due to a bad settlement.” Father took a sip from his scotch. “But ’cause she walked in on him getting fucked by his male secretary.”
My body froze as if I’d been electrocuted, and I did my best to stay composed while they went on talking.
“Oh dear Lord,” Charles hissed while Edgar’s face twisted in repulsion.
“Could you imagine? Losing everything you had for getting shagged by a fairy, no less. Fucking disgusting.” Father shook his head while drinking from his glass.
“That woman did the right thing by taking all of that cocksucker’s money.
And from what I heard, the low-life piece of shit has left the city.
If you ask me, the homo better leave the state, too. ”
At this point, my heart was beating so loudly I could hardly hear them continuing to talk about Frank. And honestly, I couldn’t care less about Frank because all I thought about was me. For starters, why did Father choose to tell me this story?
Wait.
Could it be that he knew?
My heart paused as I nearly choked while trying to recall if, perhaps, he saw me kissing Elliot in the kitchen.
My blood ran cold at the same time my palms turned sweaty.
Taking a sip from my drink to wet my throat, I quickly dismissed the thought.
I was certain that he didn’t see me kiss Elliot, but maybe he suspected something was going on between us, regardless?
I was acting weird during our lunch, so maybe he caught on.
I glanced at Father and his friends, afraid to spot a glimpse of recognition on their mean faces, before my eyes went back to Elliot, who was staring at me from afar.
The second our eyes locked and he smiled my way, a knot of dread twisted in my stomach.
What if I was being too obvious, and now Father knew?
And not just him, but everyone. Including my wife.
A wave of nausea rolled over me while my throat dried up.
Everything spiraled around like a storm, and I tried fighting it by finishing my drink.
It didn’t help. If anything, I only attracted more attention, and by now, all I could feel was how everyone was looking at me.
Not just looking, but judging me for what I was.
A cocksucker.
Was the fact that I loved men written on my face?
No. Not men, but a man. One. Who had just turned twenty years old and worked for me and my wife.
So obsessed with him and eager for the tiniest bit of his attention, I’d allowed myself to slip.
Just a few minutes ago, I agreed to pay him a visit tonight, not caring we were at a party surrounded by my family.
The me from before would never have been this reckless.
What the hell had happened? When did I become such a fool?
When you allowed him in.
“I think I’m going to get a refill,” I said through a sore throat and a fake smile before I walked away from them.
Where to? I wasn’t quite sure. With my heart racing so fast I feared I’d get a heart attack, all I knew was that I had to get away from everything and everyone.
So I did. I walked fast toward the shore, where I knew I’d be alone, all while thinking of everything I’d done wrong in my life, especially in the past few months.
Was my fate the same as poor Frank? To be the laughingstock of a stupid party after losing his money—his respect—for a quick fuck?
Was it really worth it, losing everything he had for something so wrong? What if I—
“Daniel?”
I froze in my spot at the sound of Elliot’s voice, my shoes sinking another inch into the wet sand. And in that moment, I cursed him and myself for putting us in this situation.
“Not now, Elliot,” I said, not turning to face him out of fear I’d break apart.
“Shouldn’t we go wait for the fireworks? You said it will start soon—”
“I don’t care about those damn fireworks,” I cut him off, then quickly pressed my fist to my lips. “I-I’m sorry, I just need to be alone right now.”
I hoped he’d just listen and go, but he didn’t. Like a child unable to read the room, Elliot moved closer to me. But then again, maybe I was the child all along?
“What’s wrong?” He placed his hand on my shoulder, but this time, his touch scared me to death, and I pulled away.
“I told you not now,” I snapped. “Why can’t you just listen for once?” I turned to face him. “I need you to go, so please—” My breath shuddered. “—just go.”
“Go? Go where?” His brows pulled close, forming such a heartbreaking expression on his face. “I thought… I thought you wanted me here.”
Just then, the first firework was shot, the bursting sound filling the silence that followed Elliot’s question. And as the sky began to fill with glittering lights and bright colors, I kept staring at him, scared out of my mind of the words I’d utter next.
“I don’t.”
Elliot’s eyes widened just as another round of fireworks started, and the lights painted his porcelain skin in blue shades.
Only it wasn’t his shade of blue, but a different one.
A colder one, so cold it left me breathless.
In another life, this could have been such a beautiful moment, right out of the books, but not in my life.
Not when reality kept nibbling through my mind like a hungry parasite.
Immune to the blasting sounds, Elliot continued to stare at me like I was his last lifeline. “Why?” he asked, his lips trembling. “What changed in the last five minutes?”
Everything.
“It doesn’t matter. You should just accept that whatever this was, whatever happened between us… it can’t continue.”
Pressing his palms to his chest, he took a step closer. “But why?” His expression was full of agonizing pain. “Tell me why? What did I do wrong?”
My chest tightened at the grief on his face, but I couldn’t give in. “I just can’t do this… there’s just too much at stake.”
A deep crease formed between his pinched brows as he reached for me. “There’s always something at stake. Life is all about taking a gamble,” he tried explaining with a nervous smile.
I assumed he was trying to cheer me up, yet his words had the opposite effect and only increased my anger and despair.
His juvenile arrogance in making such claims at a young age infuriated me.
What could he possibly know about life? For God’s sake, he was just a kid—an eager, reckless kid driven by his desires, completely disregarding the consequences.
A twenty-year-old kid I was foolish enough to fall for.
“Maybe it’s because you have nothing to risk that you don’t care, but I’m not like you,” I rasped, shaking my head with my building rage. “I can’t lose everything because of you.”
As if finally understanding what I was saying, Elliot took a step back.
“I’ve got nothing to risk?” His lips quivered. “What about my heart?” he asked, voice so weak it barely carried through the whisk of the wind and the blast of the fireworks.
Surely he’d hurt, but he’d get over it. Over me.
He was beautiful, smart, and young. So fucking young and on the brink of starting his life.
There was no question here that he’d be able to get over this thing if it were to blow up in our faces, but me?
I’d never bounce back. If people were to find out about us, my life would end, and that would be it.
I’d become a joke. A disgrace. A pathetic old pervert who’d cheated on his wife with a young man.
Another story to tell over champagne and caviar.
Everything I’d accomplished, my career, my reputation, it would all be as good as gone, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it all.
“It’s not the same thing, and you know it. You’ll hurt now, but eventually, you’ll get over it,” I said, my jaw tight.
Turmoil crossed his face before he looked down at the sand, his shoulders slumped. Seeing him this way broke my heart, but I knew this was the only solution. It was better to put an end to this madness now, before anything actually happened.
“Who knew you were so cold and empty?” he muttered, and I sighed at his words when he clenched his fists and looked up. The look in his eyes, so full of hurt and vengeance, burned deep into my soul.
“Wait and see. I will be famous model, so everyone look at me.” He’d suddenly switched to English, which, for some reason, made him sound so much colder.
“Elliot—”
“And you, too, will look.” His expression closed up, making him seem like a muse, an untouchable muse, before he placed his hand against my cheek.
“And you’ll hurt, like I do right now. You’ll hurt knowing that all eyes are on me and that you’ll never, ever have me again.
” This last part of my ruling, he spoke in French, which, once again, sounded like poetry.
Only now, this was no lullaby but a ballad for what he’d sentenced me to.
My crime? Falling for him when I couldn’t afford it.
Then, without so much as wasting a breath and with his head held high, Elliot turned around and walked away, leaving me all alone to burn in the fire he set that first time he smiled my way on a rainy day.