Chapter 25 Elliot
ELLIOT
The parties in my town were never fancy, just a bunch of bored teens, fresh out of high school, gathering at night to celebrate life.
Tonight was no different, and all but excited, I ran through the harvested wheat fields to get there faster.
The whole time, I replayed the last party Jacques and I went to.
We snuck out of it pretty early on and went swimming in the river.
Afterward, we made love under the starry night and didn’t return home until sunrise.
Hoping tonight would be just as perfect, I forced my legs to move faster until it felt like I was flying.
I arrived at the party sweaty and out of breath, not that I cared, and immediately started looking around.
Lights were hung on trees, and nice music played in the background.
There were more people than usual, probably because it was August, and some of us had friends and relatives coming for vacation.
I definitely saw a few unfamiliar faces while looking through the crowd.
But not caring about making new friends, I continued to search for Jacques.
It took a bit of time, but eventually, I found him.
He was dancing in the middle of the dance floor with some girl from our school.
She had her back to him while he had his hands on her hips, keeping her close like a couple would do.
For a few moments, I thought that perhaps this was nothing more than a dance, but then she turned around and wrapped her hands around Jacques’s broad shoulders, the same way I had only last night.
They smiled at each other, as we often did after sharing a moment of intimacy, and then they kissed.
They hardly knew each other, and yet, there they were, kissing, right in front of everyone.
That we didn’t do.
I’d known him for years. Loved him for most of them and kissed him more times than I could count.
Beyond that. Jacques had told me he loved me countless times, and yet, he never kissed me in front of anyone else.
Not like he’d just kissed this girl, with one hand on her hip and another in her hair.
My heart shattered into a million pieces, yet no one but me knew my pain.
And despite my stomach coiling at the sight of them making out like two lovers, I couldn’t take my eyes off them.
What would I give to be in her shoes right now?
Probably too much. And when Jacques lifted his gaze and our eyes met, I realized I could never be her.
Not because Jacques didn’t love me, but because I lacked the right parts for him to be comfortable with it.
Humiliated, I turned around and began walking away. And when I was far enough to start running, I did. I knew Jacques was following me—I could hear him calling my name—but it wasn’t until about a kilometer and a half later that he caught me.
“Shit, mon chaton, why did you take off like that?” he asked while trying to catch his breath. “It was just a kiss, okay?”
“Just a kiss?” I frowned at his words, my throat burning both from the run and the tears I tried forcing down.
“Yes. Just a kiss.”
I narrowed my eyes, my brows furrowing with disbelief. “What about me?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, still panting.
My bottom lip quivered. “H-how could you kiss someone while you’re with me?”
“I mean… We never said we can’t be with other people.”
The words came out of his mouth with such ease, as if all the time we spent together carried no weight. But it did. Every word, touch, kiss, hug. They all had an immense weight that at that moment was more than I could bear.
“You said you loved me!” I shouted when he quickly reached to grab my shoulders.
“Would you keep your fucking voice down?”
Looking to our left and right, there was not a living soul around us, just the moon and the sky.
“So now even the stars can’t know about it?” My lips trembled as tears clogged my throat. “Are you that ashamed of me?”
He tsked, cocking his head aside, his jaw tightening while he did.
“It has nothing to do with you. Okay? I just kissed a damn girl. Why don’t you try it yourself?”
“Because I’m gay!” I yelled, taking a step forward. “And you are, too—”
My words were cut off when he punched me, so hard that I crashed to the ground. Covering the side of my face where he hit me, I shivered. Tears began flowing down my cheeks while he tried to help me back to my feet.
“I’m sorry about that.” He dusted the dirt off my clothes.
“I didn’t mean to do it, but you kept on talking…
Fuck, Elliot.” He let out another one of those deep sighs before pulling me into his arms. “Let’s not fight, okay?
” He spoke with his head leaning against mine.
“Especially not over silly things like this because nothing needs to change. We can still meet whenever you want.”
Whenever I want? Wasn’t he the one to sneak into my room at night? Wasn’t he the one leaving me letters to meet up in the old attic? Wasn’t he the one who pushed me to have sex in the first place and always wanted to stay with me just a bit longer?
So while my face still throbbed from his punch, what hurt much more were his words and the fact that I didn’t object to them at all and instead nodded.
“Okay.”
Opening my eyes, I was surprised to find Daniel was still sleeping next to me, as I was ready to wake up to an empty bed.
But from the calm expression on his sleeping face, he didn’t seem to be in a rush.
Unable to control myself, I nudged a bit closer and continued to examine him in detail.
First, I locked on those two beauty marks he had on his cheek and the one on his neck.
Then I focused on his morning scruff, which suited him, his thick brows, and messy brown hair that fell over them.
He’s so handsome.
Three years had passed since that night with Jacques, and apparently, nothing had changed because here I was, pining after a man who would never be mine.
My stomach clenched as nausea swept over me, forcing me to close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Being bold and confident was much easier last night than it was now.
But things often look different in the morning, especially acts of desperation.
And what was more desperate than sharing a bed with a married man?
Probably wanting to sleep with him again.
When would I learn that nothing good could come out of—
“You’re awake,” Daniel murmured in a sleep-drunk voice that made my body tense. It was rough and strong, but mostly intimate, so much so that my cheeks turned hotter just with those two words.
Opening my eyes, I saw his were still closed. How did he know I was awake?
“I am,” I finally said, expecting him to get up next, when instead, he reached a hand forward, grabbed my hips, and practically pulled me into his arms. Now, pressed close to one another, it was suffocatingly hot, yet no part of me wanted to move away.
“How did you sleep?” he asked, his chin resting on the top of my head while I nestled in his chest.
“G-good.”
My heart beats so fast.
Tightening his hug, he let out a soft chuckle, which I could hear rumbling in his chest like a thunderstorm. “I can’t remember the last time I slept this good.”
My temperature rose, and nervous, I tried not to move in case I did something wrong.
“Really?”
He hummed a low yes before planting a kiss on the top of my head, and God, did I miss the sound of French first thing in the morning. It reminded me of home…
“It’s all thanks to you,” he said.
Biting my lip, I placed a hand on his chest.
“I should get up.” I coughed to clear my sore throat. “I… I need to go for a jog.”
Daniel released his grip, and the second I moved away, it was so much colder.
“Oh, and here I thought we’d have breakfast together.”
Now sitting on the edge of the bed, I glanced at him over my shoulder. Wasn’t he in a rush to go back home?
“Sorry, but I always run in the mornings.”
Tucking one hand under his head, he looked at me. “I would join you if I had the right clothes, but I’m afraid all I have is a suit.” He chuckled. “Thinking of it, I should really get a clean shirt as mine is all stained.”
My scowl grew bigger because seriously? Didn’t he once panic over going skinny-dipping on an isolated beach? Not to mention, a mere kiss on the lips made him so scared that he sent me away. So how the hell was he this calm, spread on the bed like he didn’t have a wife waiting for him back home?
“How about we have lunch together?” he then asked.
Who is this guy?
Stunned by the offer, I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
“Do you eat Chinese? Because if so, there’s a wonderful restaurant not far from my office—”
“I don’t eat lunch,” I announced and got up.
“Doesn’t everyone eat lunch?”
“I’m a model,” I said before entering the closet.
“I’m pretty sure models have lunch, too,” I heard him say from the other room.
“Not me. I drink coffee.”
“I thought you hated coffee.”
“Not anymore.”
Still unsure why I was this nervous, I looked at my clothes, unable to remember what I wanted to wear. My eyes latched onto my favorite pair of jeans, but wasn’t it too hot today for denim? But then I saw my jogging shorts, and I remembered my damn run—
“How about an early dinner, then?”
Daniel’s voice made me jump, and I turned around to see him right behind me.
When did he sneak in here?
“Hey.” He reached forward and caressed my cheek. “Is everything okay?”
The expression he had on his face was so soft and adoring that I nearly fell for it. I had fallen for it in the past, so shouldn’t I know better?
His palm now fully rested against my cheek. The urge to lean in was strong, so I quickly pulled away and turned back to face my clothes.
“Everything is fine. I just really need to go,” I said, eyes focused on the shirt I pulled out.
“So, how about drinks?”
So you’ll have another excuse to come back to my room?