Chapter 47 Elliot
ELLIOT
Crickets chirping outside my window, along with the wind rustling through the trees, had kept me awake all night. Sounds I’d grown up with had become a nuisance, and I found myself missing the noise of the city.
His city.
Tired, I cracked my eyes open. On the wall in front of my bed, the sunrays had painted a strip of light, and I kept staring at it, watching how it climbed up the wall as minutes passed, turning into hours.
I had no plan to get up, and even if I did, I had no power to do so.
Every bone in my body hurt, every muscle ached.
And even when I tried to ignore the pain, the sorrow in my heart was just too much to bear.
“Mon amour,” Maman said as she entered the room.
I miss hearing his English.
“How’s your headache? Any better?” she asked. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she placed her hand on my forehead, softly caressing my hair.
“Better,” I lied when she gave me a small smile.
“Do you want to join me for lunch?”
I shook my head, guilt twisting my stomach at seeing the pain in her eyes.
Pain I’m responsible for, yet not willing to heal.
“Are you sure? I cooked your favorite. Coq au vin.”
I gathered my strength into a thin smile. “Maybe later.”
Her face fell, but accepting my answer, she nodded.
“I’ll make sure to leave you a plate.” Getting up, she kissed the top of my head, and her warmth gave me a brief relief.
Only it was gone the second I thought of my Daniel and how he used to kiss me the same way.
But what good would it be to think of him?
I left because I knew how he’d hurt next to me.
If I were to stay, then he’d have the same expression my maman had, only I couldn’t bear to see it on him.
It wasn’t that I was oblivious to the pain I caused my loved ones, but I knew I was too weak to do anything about it.
“I’ll let you rest,” Maman said before leaving my room.
Alone again, I closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep and not dream of him.
I dozed off for a while, only to wake up shivering.
My teeth chattered from the cold as I struggled to get up from the bed, taking the blanket with me on my way to the closet.
My hand trembled when I stretched it forward to pull out warmer clothes, and after a short struggle, I managed to put on a couple more layers.
But even with thick wool wrapping around me, I was still cold.
Slowly, I walked out of my room, my skin tingling each time my bare foot touched the wooden floor of the house.
I should have worn socks.
Reaching our small kitchen, I saw nobody was home.
Not that it mattered, since I was too tired to hold a conversation and only wanted to make myself a hot cup of tea that would hopefully warm me up.
Walking over to grab the kettle, I saw the plate Maman had left for me on the counter.
Ignoring it, I took the kettle and filled it with water before placing it on the stove to heat up.
While waiting, my eyes once again wandered back to the plate, the smells filling my nostrils.
I looked away from it once more, my pulse ticking and my mouth growing dry.
Changing my mind, I snatched it from the counter and took it outside to the yard, tossing away the foil before emptying the stew into our dog’s food bowl.
“Lulu,” I called her with a whistle, until she came running with her tail wagging behind.
She went for the food right away, eating it with an appetite while spilling all over. While she ate, I reached down to pet her. Her dark coat was soft to the touch, but soon, the kettle whistling on the stove brought me back inside, where I made that cup of tea.
“Why the hell are you dressed like that?”
I looked at the doorway to see my younger brother standing there. Shirtless, with a football tucked under his arm and his body covered with sweat, he stared at me, his forehead creased with annoyance.
“Oh, Alo?s, you’re home.” I smiled at him, but all he did in return was roll his eyes. Tossing the ball to the floor, he then walked straight to the fridge.
I turned around and watched him pull out a carton of milk. Opening it, he drank straight from the carton, his throat working as he swallowed it down before he finished, cleaned his lips, and put it back in. He’d grown taller since I last saw him, broader, too, looking like a young man now.
“Again, why are you dressed like that? It’s boiling outside,” he snarled, shutting the fridge door with a kick, but not before pulling out a pot. Walking toward me, he nearly bumped my shoulder as he placed it on the stove, right next to the kettle.
“And what are you, ninety? Who drinks tea?”
“I… I felt cold.”
He shook his head. “That’s because you don’t eat anything. Maman says you’re sick.”
I am.
“So it’s true?” He side-eyed me. “Is that why you came back?”
“No.” I forced a smile. “I just missed you guys.”
He huffed. “You expect me to believe that? As if someone would miss this shithole after living like you did in America.”
Placing my hand on the counter, I looked around the kitchen, remembering all the memories we had here. “No…” Nostalgia crept up on me. “This place is lovely.”
“Sure.” He snorted, and we fell into silence.
“Maman also said you live there with someone. Who’s he?” he asked.
Feeling like I was kicked in the stomach, I looked down. “Alo?s—”
“He’s rich, isn’t he?”
I could feel my pulse in my cheeks. “It’s not like that.”
“Sure. If that’s what you say.”
My stomach clenched, and I scratched my wrist. “His name is—”
The sound of a cabinet door opening cut me off midsentence, and I realized he wasn’t even listening.
“Want to eat, too?” he bluntly asked, holding an extra plate in his hand.
“No, I already did.”
He responded with a snort and another shake of his head as he put the additional plate back in place.
“So how’s school?”
“It’s summer vacation,” he answered flatly.
The pot began to boil, so Alo?s moved to stir it while I stood aside and watched. The smell spread around us, and I shut my eyes, trying to ignore it, even though it made my mouth water.
“You’re so pathetic.”
I opened my eyes to see my brother looking at me with so much disdain.
“But you always were.” He averted his gaze back to the stew. “Now it’s just showing, and everyone else can see it, too.”
I never understood why he resented me so much.
Ever since we were little, he seemed angry at me.
And no matter what I did, nothing helped.
I guess that the years I spent away didn’t make it any better either.
Maybe he felt left out by his big brother?
I wouldn’t blame him if he did, because I did leave him behind, just like I did with Daniel.
“We could maybe do something together later?” I offered, thinking it might help.
“No, thanks.”
“T-that’s fine. I guess you already have plans.”
“I don’t.”
“Oh.”
Turning off the stove, he opened the pot, allowing all the aromas out before he loaded a spoonful of stew.
“Here,” he said, holding the spoon in my face.
I frowned at him. “What?”
“Take a bite.”
“N-no.” I shook my head, only for him to shove it closer to my face.
“What are you so scared of, huh? Just open your mouth, and take a bite.”
Pressing my lips shut, I shook my head and watched his blue eyes darken with rage.
“Like I said, pathetic.” He took the bite himself, turned away, and filled his plate with the stew.
He might have been cruel, but he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.
I am pathetic.
“Where are you going?” he asked after I began walking back to my room. Yet before I could answer, someone knocked on our door.
I had no idea why, but a shred of hope glinted in my heart that it might be Daniel.
Maybe he came to find me after all? But why would he waste his time when all I ever caused was trouble?
Not to mention how I left him, with nothing but a lame letter filled with lies that not even I believed.
So many times, I’d called him a coward, while, in the end, it was me who ran away like one.
“Elliot,” Alo?s said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Someone’s here for you.”
My heart leaped at my brother’s words, excitement tightening my chest that my wish might come true. I walked over to the front door as fast as my body allowed, praying in my heart it was Daniel—
“Bonjour, Elliot.”
My hopes were shattered as my heart filled with disappointment.
“Jacques?”
“It’s been a while since we last came here, hasn’t it?” Jacques said, leaning back on his arms. “More than three years. Can you believe it?”
Not answering his question, I pulled my baseball cap lower on my head and continued to stare at the water.
With the afternoon sun, it was almost painted orange, making the damselflies flying above look like they were dancing on fire.
It was beautiful, and I was sure Daniel would have thought the same.
“I didn’t even know you came back until my brother said he heard Madame Dubois speaking with your maman at the store. Honestly, I wanted to see you right away, but, well, I got nervous.” He let out a short chuckle.
It was weird how in the past, one octave of his voice was enough to give me butterflies, but now? Nothing. I also didn’t care for the memories he kept bringing up from the past, about how we used to bathe naked in this water and lie carefree on the grass to watch the stars.
“Anyway, enough about me. How’ve you been?” he asked after placing his hand on my shoulder.