Chapter 10
TEN
JESSE
Well, that was an interesting turn of events.
The hot water pelts my skin while I bang my head against the shower wall.
Jesus, what the fuck did I do?
You practically begged your stepbrother to kiss you within an inch of your life, and then make you come against a damn door.
Yep, that sounds about right.
I groan, the sound bouncing off the tiled surfaces.
What was I thinking?
I swallow, tipping my head back under the warm spray, hoping it will finally help my heart calm down.
The truth is I wasn’t thinking because I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to feel. I wanted to let myself be swept away by Roman’s touch, by that dark gaze full of promises.
I wanted to bask in the pleasure his words gave me.
I’m only looking at you, Jesse.
My eyes slide shut as I relive those frantic moments, my skin still buzzing with a want I’ve never felt before, my lips still tingling from his kisses and bites and sucks, my whole body still thrumming happily from the orgasm he gave me.
So many firsts for me.
The thought makes my face heat as I turn off the shower and climb out.
What would Roman think if he knew I’d never even kissed anyone before him, let alone come with someone else?
I shake my head, drying myself quickly and changing into clean clothes.
It doesn’t matter what he would think. This can’t happen again, no matter how good, and… hot, and… consuming it was.
So much for calming my heartbeat.
God, I’m hopeless.
I leave the bathroom and shut myself in my bedroom for the rest of the afternoon, only popping out to talk to my mom for a bit, before I’m basically running back inside.
To say I’m both dreading and waiting impatiently for our movie night with Roman would be an understatement.
I mean, how am I even supposed to act?
Do I play it cool, like it was no big deal?
Well, that’s going to be tough since I’m the farthest from cool about this, and for the life of me, I can’t stop thinking about it.
Damn it, it doesn’t matter if I’m thinking about it or not. It happened, but now it’s done. I’ll snap out of it and that will be the end of it.
Yes, I’m sure of it.
He’s already downstairs when I emerge from my room later in the evening. My mom and Andrew have already left, so I find him alone in the kitchen, pouring pop-corn and chips in different bowls.
And something jolts inside me when I see him now, when my eyes take in his strong back and broad shoulders, when they run down his trim waist and the way his sweats mold on his ass and thick thighs.
Fuck, I love how strong he is. How he picked me up like it was nothing. How I can still taste the remnants of smoke on his tongue.
How he called me angel and baby.
Yeah, I’ve definitely snapped out of it.
A small sound escapes me, alerting Roman to my presence, which makes him turn around.
I don’t know what he sees on my face, but something shifts in his expression, his eyes travelling all over me like a physical touch, before they lock with mine.
“Hey,” I say in a breathless whisper.
Cool as a cucumber.
Right.
“Hey,” he mutters back.
It only takes us a few seconds of staring at each other, before we both chuckle.
I rub the back of my neck self-consciously, and my heart skips a beat when Roman walks to me, stopping just inches from me.
The tips of his hair are still wet from a shower, and the way he smells is enough to make me dizzy.
Oh, fuck. This is so bad.
He tips my chin to make my eyes meet his, almost cupping my face, and I feel that small touch everywhere.
“Are we okay, Blue?” he asks softly, and I damn near melt into a puddle on the kitchen floor.
I nod slowly, resisting the urge to rub against his warm hand.
“Yeah, we’re okay.”
“Good.” He smiles. “Because I’m ready for that food coma now.”
I grin up at him, crushing relief coursing through me that I didn’t lose this, us being like this with each other.
“You go ahead and choose the movie, birthday boy, and I’ll bring the reinforcements.”
“Are you sure you want to let me choose?” He smirks. “Don’t blame me when it gets a little too scary for you.”
I don’t know where the fuck I get the courage—and the absolute nerve—to lift up on my toes and whisper in his ear.
“I don’t scare that easily.”
His eyes are blazing when I meet his gaze, his lips pulling up into a deadly smile.
“That’s good to know, angel,” he grinds out and leaves me right there to get my heart and my breathing under control.
Which I completely fail to do.
I guess that one was on me.
***
“I’d never survive in a horror movie.”
We’re spread on the huge couch in front of the TV set that doubles as a home cinema. Half of our snacks are already gone, with the other half sitting on the coffee table.
Roman chuckles from behind me, and I feel the vibrations bleed from his chest to my back with the way we’re leaning against each other. One of his hands comes up and he twirls a finger through an errant strand of my hair, the move so casual I have to pinch my lips to keep from smiling.
“Why do you say that?”
“Statistics. I’m cute, shortish, blond. I’d probably be the first to go.”
Roman flat-out laughs, and the sound is so rare I just have to tilt my head to look at him.
There are no other lights on, just the bluish light from the TV, but it’s enough for me to see his relaxed features, his worry-free smile, his twinkling eyes.
I almost never get to see him like this.
Even when he lets himself go and smiles, it always feels like there’s something holding him back, a burden he carries that no one else sees, a darkness that never releases its claws from him.
I wonder what it would be like to see him free.
“Would you also be the guy who investigates the strange noise coming from the basement?”
“No, I’m not an idiot. That shit is staying locked up forever as far as I’m concerned.”
Roman is practically whizzing.
“What about me?” he asks when he can speak again. “Do you think I would survive?”
“I don’t know, Roman. Would you ignore multiple, obvious signs that the house you’re staying in is haunted?”
“Probably not.”
“Would you suggest splitting up under any circumstances?”
“Hell no.”
“Would you choose a very secluded, bordering on abandoned, spot to park the car and make out with someone, forgetting there’s a killer on the loose?”
The look he gives me is pure fire.
“It would depend on who I’m making out with.”
Fuck.
Yeah, that one was on me as well.
I nod seriously, pretending that my face isn’t flaming right now.
“Well then, that gives you a fifty percent chance of survival in my opinion.”
He chuckles, but his eyes soften as he looks at me, and that look is what prompts me to ask him what I’m burning to know.
“Do you like your birthday so far?”
The movie is still playing, but neither of us is paying any attention to it.
“It’s the first one that hasn’t made me want to get the hell out of here and never come back,” he says simply.
My heart beats almost violently in my chest at his answer, and I can only nod, some indescribable emotion bubbling inside me.
“What about you? Is it what you had in mind?”
His gaze is piercing, searching, and I swear I can feel a buzz of electricity everywhere we’re touching.
I have to swallow before I can answer.
“Yeah! Absolutely. Best birthday ever. Five stars. Would buy again.”
The intense glint in his gaze makes something tighten low in my belly.
“Is that so?” he rumbles, and it’s only then that I realize how it must have sounded.
“I-I mean, in general. Not because of, you know, before.” When you made me see stars.
He brushes a knuckle against my cheekbone, and it’s a struggle not to close my eyes and let the touch wash over me.
“I know, Blue,” he says, his expression gentle but serious. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there today at school. I didn’t stay after I dropped you off. I needed to clear my head, so I went for a drive and came back when you were done.”
I can see the veil of bleakness that threatens to take over him and I hate it. I hate that it’s always there, threatening to consume him even when he seems happy.
“You should have told me. I would have come with you.”
“You’re not missing school for me. Besides, it was fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Yeah, he’s as far from fine as possible, and even though I say nothing, the need to comfort him is so strong it drives me crazy not knowing how to do it.
Turning as much as our current position allows, I curl into him, gripping his T-shirt, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
Roman only stills for a second before he pulls me tightly against him, just like he always does when I sneak in to sleep in his bed.
“How about we move on to the next phase of your birthday?” I mumble against his skin.
He shifts so he can look at me, his eyes wide with surprise.
“You mean there’s more?”
I huff. “Of course there’s more. I take my stepbrother and friend duties seriously.” Most times. “Wait here.” I try to untangle myself from him, and when he reluctantly releases me, I immediately miss the warmth of his hands on me.
Bad. So fucking bad.
I run to my room to fetch what I got that morning along with the rest of the stuff, and head back downstairs.
“Okay, now I will need you to close your eyes.”
“Are you serious?” He chuckles.
“Yes, I’m serious. Close your damn eyes.”
I trust that he does while I put everything together and bring it to the couch, happy to see he actually complied.
Sitting next to him, I hold the box open between us, my heart beating somewhere in my throat.
“Ready,” I whisper.
His eyes first meet mine, before they fall to the box filled with the small, black velvet cupcakes I had the bakery make especially for him because I wanted something black.
I’ve always loved cupcakes, ever since my mom first got them for me on my birthday years ago.
These ones all look the same, except for one that holds a single, lit candle, its solitary flame flickering between us.
He’s completely silent as he stares at it, so still I don’t think he’s breathing.
Please tell me I didn’t fuck this up.
His gaze drags back to mine, and I’d give anything to know what he’s thinking.
“You got these for me?” he asks in a low voice that should be too quiet to be heard over the movie sounds still spilling from the TV, but I hear him perfectly clear.
I smile in the semi-darkness of the living room.
“They’re black, Ro. Of course, they’re for you.” I try to keep my tone light, but the way he’s looking at me makes it impossible. “Are you gonna make a wish or what?”
God, is that my voice? All shaky and breathless?
He blows on the candle without taking his eyes off me and I would gladly drown in that look, let myself fall into that darkness with him and never resurface.
Roman takes the box from my hands, leaving it on the table.
I feel his hand on my wrist before he’s tugging me towards him, until I’m basically straddling his lap.
He’s so close I can see every black whisp of hair that brushes his forehead and eyelashes.
So close I can feel the heat of his body bleeding into mine.
So close his breath grazes my lips.
“Do I also get a birthday kiss?”
Want like I never knew was possible tears through me, and we shouldn’t. I know we fucking shouldn’t.
Because being friends is one thing. But this—needing him like this, needing to be close to him, to hold me when I’m sleeping, to feel him kiss me again—is something completely different.
But it can be just for today. The day is not over and we’ve already crossed so many damn lines. One more kiss can’t hurt.
Right?
It doesn’t have to mean anything. Just an emotional day running its course.
His face is half in shadows, but even the darkness can’t hide the way his eyes burn when I loop my arms around his neck and pull myself closer, exactly like I did hours ago.
“Just a kiss?”
His arm wraps around my waist while his hand frames my face for a moment, before it slips in my hair, gripping it in a possessive way that makes my mind hazy with need.
“Yeah, Blue.” He speaks the words against my mouth. “Just a kiss,” he whispers and swallows the moan that escapes me when my lips part and his tongue slides inside.
It’s instant relief. He kisses me deep and slow, taking his time, making me lose my mind, making me wonder why the fuck we haven’t been doing this all along.
Who needs to eat and drink and sleep when we could be doing this? When I could be kissing him, touching him, feeling his powerful body beneath mine?
A whimper slips out of me and I can’t get enough of this, of him.
It seems like it goes on forever. Possessive licks that turn into playful nips. Soft pulls, hushed sighs and muffled, hungry groans.
Roman, Roman, Roman.
I didn’t know a kiss could feel like this.
Hot and tender.
Like something that burns and soothes at the same time.
Like being undone and remade.