Chapter 29 #2
I sag against him, pretty sure he’s the only thing holding me up right now, and I sigh when he uses a towel to clean us up. He gently turns me around when he’s done like I’m nothing but a doll, but still holds me close, my arms coming up to tangle around his neck.
“Hey,” I smile up at him, and he chuckles, his eyes running all over my face. “What?”
“You’re so beautiful when you’re cum-drunk.”
I huff out a laugh and taking a step back, I hop on the counter, pulling him between my thighs.
Better.
“I am?”
“Mhm. And I love putting that look on your face.”
“I bet you do.” My gaze drops to his lips and he notices, his mouth pulling up into a sexy, knowing smile. “Where is my kiss?”
“You were speaking on the phone. I didn’t want to distract you.”
Fuck, I love it when he’s playful.
“Yeah, I’m still buzzing from how non-distracting you were.”
Smug shouldn’t look so hot on him, but I never manage to tell him because in the next instant, he’s kissing me, slipping his tongue in and giving me one of the laziest but most thorough kisses to date.
My mind feels fuzzy when he pulls back.
“How was work?” I murmur.
“Long. How was your day off?”
“Lonely.”
His eyes are a rich, dark mahogany.
“Did you miss me?”
I nod slowly, letting him see how much I mean it before tilting my head to sneak another quick kiss.
“I had to keep myself insanely busy. I probably baked enough stuff for the whole week, and I almost burned my fingers off in the process.”
His gaze immediately drops to my hands, taking my right hand gently in his. There is a hitch in my breath when he presses his lips on the reddened tips, trying to soothe the sting while he glances behind me at the pan of cupcakes.
“Are those cupcakes the ones to blame for this?”
“No, you’re the one to blame for this. If I wasn’t too busy thinking about you, I wouldn’t have tried to take them out with nothing but my bare hand.”
There is so much aching tenderness and longing in his eyes that it makes my chest hurt.
“Tell me how you started baking, Blue,” he says roughly.
A quiet laugh escapes me before I can stop it.
“It’s all because of my mom’s roommate and friend.
When we left this place, my mom and I moved close to college in a tiny apartment that could barely fit us.
” Roman rubs my sensitive fingers and warmth spreads through my body at the way he drinks in every word.
“Anyway, a few months later, my mom bumped into this really good friend she used to have, Izzy. She had recently got a divorce as well and she was struggling a bit with expenses so they decided to move in together. Best decision ever.” I can feel the smile stretching my lips at the thought of my mom happy and relaxed.
“I kept the apartment for myself, but spent an insane amount of time with them, and Izzy’s love for baking everything under the sun kind of rubbed off on me.
Seriously, I’m talking pies, sweets, pastries, anything you can imagine.
Plus, it’s a great way to get rid of any stress. ”
I could get lost in the way he’s looking at me, like he can’t get enough of listening to me. Like he will never get enough.
“I’m glad your mom is okay, Blue.”
He says it quietly, softly, sincerely, and I feel my eyes and nose burning.
“Thank you,” I mutter, squeezing his hand that’s still holding mine. “So, yeah, it was either baking or running for me today. But I’m still a bit sore so—” my sentence trails off when a heated look passes through his eyes, making me clench my thighs bracketing his hips.
“You’re sore?”
“Mhm,” I breathe out. “Another thing that’s your fault.”
He makes a non-committal sound before his hand sweeps my hair off my neck and he bends his head to kiss the spot he was sucking on earlier, just below my ear.
“Should I remind you that you’re the one insisting I stay inside you while you fall asleep?”
My head lolls to the side as my eyes slide shut and I pull him in even closer using my legs.
“I love having you inside me while I fall asleep. I keep picturing what it would be like if you fucked me awake.”
A low, deep noise rumbles out of Roman as his hand grips my nape firmly and he lifts his head to peer into my eyes.
“If I start fucking you awake, you will never go running again.”
I swallow hard at the promise in his tone.
“It’ll be worth it,” I whisper teasingly. “I can take a break from running. I mean, I’ve run a lot at campus. It was huge, you should have seen it.”
Roman is silent as his eyes bore into mine with an intensity I don’t understand.
“I saw it, Blue.”
His words don’t register at first, but my heartbeat picks up speed fast as if realizing what he’s saying before my brain can keep up.
“What are you talking about?”
The palm still wrapped around my nape twitches as something flashes in his eyes, an echo of something broken and vulnerable I haven’t seen in weeks.
“I came looking for you. It was months after I’d left, I found out which college you’d gotten into and I drove there.
I just,” he hesitates and that brief hesitation squeezes my heart violently.
“I just wanted to see you, to see that you were okay, that you were happy. I didn’t even think that I’d probably never even find you among thousands of students. ”
“Did you? Find me?” I choke out in a breathless whisper, needing to know.
He nods, a small smile steeped in melancholy forming on his lips.
“I did. I probably stalked that main building for hours. But then you were suddenly there, in your light blue sweater and jeans, and your hair in a braid, walking with a few other students and smiling.” His hand twists to cup my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. “Like a fucking dream.”
He was there.
Roman was there.
God, I can’t—I can’t breathe.
“Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“For the same reason I left in the first place. I wanted you to be free and happy without me burdening you. I wanted my Blue to fly and soar. So, when I saw you were happy, I waited until I could no longer see you, and left.”
Fuck, I feel almost dizzy by what he’s just told me. If I wasn’t sitting on the counter, my legs would have probably given up on me.
My beautiful Roman… He believes he set me free but I’ve only been flying aimlessly without my anchor, without my home.
My hands come up to frame his face, just like that night when he confessed his regret in this very kitchen, needing to touch him, needing to feel grounded in him.
“You thought I was happy?”
He nods, devastating regret staring back at me and something else—the same something that still has me so scared. A small part of him that still considers himself less, the part that will put me before himself if he thinks that’s what’s best for me, even if that means losing me.
“Do you still think that?” I ask, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat.
He doesn’t answer immediately, looking into my eyes as if he can see my soul, and slowly shakes his head.
I’ve never felt relief like this.
“Do you think I’m happy now?” I whisper, letting my hands slide into his hair until they fist the black strands.
He nods, a shaky exhale leaving his mouth.
“Good. Do you know what will make me even happier now?”
I could die in the soft smile he gives me.
“What?”
“Eating cupcakes with you on the couch while a stupid horror movie plays on the TV. Can we do that?”
He’s already picking me up by my thighs and cradling me in his arms as he carries me to the living room.
“Yeah, Blue. We can do that.”
We finish the entire cooking pan of cupcakes.
We never look at the TV once.