Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
JESSE
Roman’s breathing is calm, his eyes shut, but his fingers are buried in my hair, running through the now-dry, messy locks as I mouth kisses on the vines and roses that climb his arms to his shoulders and spill down his chest.
A small, contented smile tips his lips and my chest fills with so much love for him, it’s almost painful.
Because he looks happy and I can’t stop looking at him like this.
I don’t even know how late it is. Everything we did after is a blur.
After he said he loves me. After he repeated it, long and hard on my body. After he wrapped it around me softly and patiently.
I think we got out of bed and cleaned up. And I think we also ate the baked pasta I’d made.
Yes, we must have, because I remember Roman saying it was delicious while he devoured half the baking dish while I was too busy blushing, blinking away the hearts from my eyes, and making a complete mess of the food I was trying to eat using my left hand because my right hand was sure as fuck staying right where it was. Tangled with his.
I brush wet kisses up his neck, before I go lower, slipping his nipple in my mouth and pulling on it lazily, loving it when he sighs and presses my head tighter on it.
He loves me. My Roman loves me.
I still can’t wrap my head around any of this; him coming home, calmly watching me brush my hair while I babbled on and on, saying those words like he was simply stating what’s always been true, what’s always been there.
His heartbeat is strong under my hand, the scent of his crispy shower gel filling my nose. There is no tension in his relaxed body as he lets me do as I want, kissing him and touching him, trying to get my own body to settle.
But I can’t do it. I feel restless, trying to kiss him more, to touch him more, the need only growing larger and vaster.
Because I’ve never felt so happy and so scared in my life. It’s the sort of happiness I’ve only ever dared to dream about, and only with him. I want this so much it hurts. I want to be with him until there’s no breath left in my body, and love, love, love him forever.
My throat tightens as I make my way down his body, only stopping when I reach his soft cock.
A faint moan escapes me when I slip him into my mouth, sucking on him lightly, keeping him warm and wet until I feel the way he twitches weakly, trying to get hard even after I’ve already sucked him off once earlier.
But fuck, maybe I could get him hard again, I think as I grip his thigh with a shaky hand. I could get him hard and he could fuck me again and we could stay in this moment forever. In this moment when there’s nothing else but us.
Roman groans from above me, his cock feeling so good in my mouth, so fat even in its relaxed state.
The lump in my throat gets worse, making it difficult to swallow the saliva gathering in my mouth, but whimpering around his hot cock nonetheless.
“Jesse?”
My eyes flutter at the sound of his low voice, and I suck him harder, but his hand tightens in my hair, stopping me.
“Blue, what is it? You’re fucking trembling. Hey,” he says, cupping my face and rubbing my cheek, before he reaches for me and gently pulls me up. “Come here.”
He knows. Of course, he knows. He can always tell when something is up with me. I can hide nothing from him, nor do I want to. I burrow into his embrace like I’ve done since the beginning, tucking my face in the crook of his neck.
“What is it, baby?” he whispers against my forehead, his concern sinking into my skin, sending warmth everywhere.
I don’t answer him immediately, and he doesn’t push me, just waits and holds me where I belong.
“I’m so scared, Roman,” I confess roughly.
“I’m scared of this happiness. I’m scared that I won’t survive losing it, losing you.
And I know that this is some unhealthy shit, but I don’t care.
There’s no me without you, Ro,” I say, pulling my head back to look into his eyes, falling into his bottomless, dark gaze.
I don’t think I’m breathing as his palm cradles the side of my face.
“I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, Jesse.”
His words hurt so much, so perfectly. I never want to stop hearing them.
“I’ve been terrified of what I feel for you since the day I met you,” he continues in a soothing rasp.
“Since the day you showed up at my bedroom door and changed my fucking life with nothing more than your kindness, your smiles, your beautiful soul.” My eyes burn so bad, but he’s already there, catching the tears that fall, rubbing them tenderly into my skin.
“There is no room for grief or anything else for my father inside me, but I’ll never not be grateful that he brought you into my life.
No one has ever cared for me like you have, Blue.
And no one has ever made me want to love myself more than you have. ”
“Roman…” is all I manage to utter, feeling my chest ready to burst when he smiles at me.
“I’m never letting you fly away from me again, my little blue jay.
If you stay, then I stay. If you go, then I’ll follow.
But I’m not losing you again, and you’re not losing me either.
” His thumb brushes against my bottom lip, pulling it out of my teeth before I chew it raw, rubbing it softly.
“There is no me with you either, Jesse.”
I can do nothing but look into his eyes, letting his words wash over me, basking in the burning sincerity behind them, letting myself fall in that dark gaze that bleeds raw adoration. For me.
I loop my arms around his neck like I’ve done dozens of times, tilting my head up to run my lips over his, tasting his smile.
“Are you saying we can be scared together?”
“We can be terrified together.”
I nod against his mouth.
“And you’ll always share your snacks with me?”
His smile turns into a grin that radiates pure happiness.
“I suppose we can come to some sort of agreement.”
Roman laughs when I pinch the skin of his nape.
“Oh yeah? What kind of agreement, exactly?”
“Probably sexual.”
I gasp in outrage.
“You want me to trade sex for snacks?”
“You wouldn’t do it?”
“Possibly.” I clear my throat when he arches an eyebrow. “Okay, definitely.”
“Because you love my snacks?” he asks playfully and my stomach flutters.
“Because I love you,” I state simply, before I peek at him under my lashes and his eyes flare with heat. “And because I love it when you fuck me. Plus, I know what it would take for you to give me snacks freely.”
“You do?” he murmurs, dipping lower to suck on my lips for a few mind-numbing seconds.
“Mhm. I could just wander around the house in just my panties. That would do the trick, don’t you agree?”
The hand cupping my face slides into my hair, fisting it tightly enough to make me arch my neck, a satisfied smile stretching my lips at the way he always reacts to me.
“You wander around in nothing but your hot-as-fuck panties, and you get yourself a nice, thorough fucking before you get to your snacks.”
I shiver at the delicious promise.
“Sounds like a win-win situation to me,” I reply breathlessly, and he chuckles darkly while he sucks on my pulse.
Fuck, he’s really good at that, but then he switches to tender kisses behind my ear, on my messy hair, against my temple, and I melt, my mind becoming mush.
“Hey, Roman?”
“Yeah.”
“We have time now, right?”
He pulls back to meet my eyes and my heart skips a beat at his soft look.
“We have all the time we want.”
I nod, never looking away, falling deeper and deeper.
He gathers me against his body, and I know that my flight is finally over, that I have finally landed safely.
“You and me, Ro?”
“You and me, Blue.”