Chapter 8
GRACIE
I’m howling. Or at least it feels like it.
Lainey will think that I’ve lost my mind. Luckily, she went to the bathroom as I curl over my phone while resting my arms on her kitchen counter. I’m surprised that I found a spot between all of the baking ingredients.
But this is hilarious. Asher sent me a photo of him in a Grinch sweater.
Asher
Tell me that your design skills could come up with a better sweater?
It’s an ugly-sweater shoot. I will never lower my standards to ugly sweaters. But the sweater really brings out your eyes.
I’m not sure who in the team marketing department convinced him to do this, but he looks to be in misery.
We’ve been texting quite a bit the last week.
I wanted to go to the home game the other day, but I was just too beat.
Sleep and toast were calling me. Later in the week, I have a doctor’s appointment, but there is no way that Asher will be able to make it.
The game schedule has them down in North Carolina.
Straightening my posture, I slip my phone back into my purse just as Lainey returns to the kitchen.
“Someone is giddy. Who is sending you texts?” She bumps my arm in passing on her way to the mixing bowls.
“No one special. My brother just sent me this funny photo,” I lie.
Why? Because even my best friend has no clue what is happening in my life.
While I try to come to grips with my situation, I just want to do it with Asher.
It’s crazy, considering we don’t know one another that well.
But I think it’s because we need to find our way together, as it’s our big change, and for me, the best way is to be in my own little world.
Lainey doesn’t seem to blink at my explanation, instead clapping her hands together with excitement as she eyes the bag of flour. “Annual baking night commences.”
Circling around the counter, I smile because I do love this tradition.
We always bake everything we can possibly think of, then divide them into tins to give to people.
She is a master at cookies, whereas I stick to chocolate bars and things with mint.
I’m kind of addicted to using candy canes for decoration.
“I can’t wait to cut out inappropriate shapes for your sugar cookies.
” I love doing that to her. She never knows which tin I hide it in.
I’m always a little vulgar even for me, and this year it’s a dick shape, because I have every plan to hide it in the tin for her neighbor that she thinks is an insufferable human being.
“I hate that tradition,” she scolds me and points her wooden spoon in my direction.
I smile brightly at her. “You love me.”
“Yeah, I do. Now let’s do this.”
Our baking is underway, and her son has already flown through the kitchen a few times in the last hour, stealing treats in the process. This time Enzo sticks around and dips his finger into the bowl of cookie dough while Lainey doesn’t see.
Such a smart kid. Cookie dough is a blessing from the skies. I grin at him and join him by taking a nearby tablespoon and scoop into the bowl.
“Hey!” She playfully swats her son. “There is raw egg in that.”
Splat.
My spoon falls into the bowl at record speed. I’ve studied my do-not-eat-during-pregnancy list and imprinted it into my brain.
Creases form on Lainey’s forehead as she notices. “What’s up with you? You always eat the chocolate chip dough.”
My lips roll in because I realize that cover stories are my new way of life. “You know, I just decided that I’ll focus on the powdered sugar for the Puppy Chow.” I quickly grab the plastic bag of cereal.
Lainey still seems slightly puzzled, but her son begins to whine that he should get a little bite, and Lainey gives in.
For the next hour we catch up on her saga with her neighbor, Tyler. He’s actually a second cousin to Asher, but they don’t talk much unless it is hockey. The only thing they have in common is that they are both a bit cold around the edges.
An icy manner is probably why Lainey and Tyler can’t stand one another. Except they really do. It’s so obvious, and there have been signs lately that they are completely going to find themselves on a road together.
I wonder if that will be me. Maybe my news needs to wear off before I assess what it means between Asher and me.
I should talk to Lainey. She was once unexpectedly pregnant, except now she is a single mom, and it seems that I won’t be.
Asher is in this. I have to trust in this journey, otherwise there is no chance at all.
I’ve been listening to Lainey for five minutes about her neighbor as I close a tin of baked goods. I love listening to her and having the distraction of her life predicaments, but holiday magic be damned, she needs help with a push.
My arm darts out, and I hand her a filled tin with a polar bear on it. “Here.” She accepts my offering. “I’ll stay in case Enzo wakes up, but Tyler is back… so go.”
Her nose lifts, hesitant. “And you were thinking I can bring him cookies?”
“Tis the season, Lainey.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
I step closer to her, and I tug on her off-the-shoulder t-shirt, fixing it to be even more revealing. “There. Now go say hello.”
I already have my hands on her shoulders and turn her in the direction of the door before she can even protest. Then, I basically shove her out the door, closing it behind her.
Sighing in satisfaction as I turn around, I inhale a relaxing breath and soak in the smells from the kitchen.
I’ve been feeling a little better lately.
Slowly walking into her living room, I love the cozy feeling with the Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with white lights, and the stockings over the fireplace.
I begin to admire the tree closely and observe all the various ornaments.
I pause when I see one of Enzo’s first ornaments. My head slants to investigate a little better, with the tips of my fingers ghosting the shapes. It’s a little foot, and then there is another one which is a snowflake, and they are all gosh darn cute.
My eyes are entrapped, and I can’t drag my sight away. It hits me suddenly. A baby. All the first holidays with a baby. Then there are ornaments from when Enzo was three, then one he made when he was six. Babies grow, and you are parents forever.
We are parents. Asher and I. Me and Asher.
This all feels emotional all of a sudden. Normally, this would be a prime time to drown myself in the chocolate-covered pretzels, but I’m not sure I want to tempt the early pregnancy hormones.
The sound of my phone ringing breaks my spell, and I quickly go to my bag and pull my cell out. Seeing Asher’s name, I’m quick to answer.
“Hi,” I say softly.
“Hey, I just wanted to check in. It’s getting late, but we ordered in, and I’m still with the coaching staff to discuss our new power play approach… which you probably have no clue what I’m saying.” I can hear him smiling with his words.
I smile. “It’s fine. I’m at Lainey’s for our baking night.”
“Oh yeah. How is that going?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I quickly look at the tree and lock my eyes on the baby ornament.
“Um… fine… it’s fine.” That maybe didn’t sound too convincing.
“I’ll bring you a tin. I think I mastered the chocolate-mint bars.
There are also a few deformed reindeer cookies.
Or perhaps the coconut bars,” I list then realize the obvious. “I’m rambling, sorry.”
He chuffs a laugh. “I noticed. It’s okay, and yes, I love all of that, so count me in. I’m kind of surprised you aren’t dying from nausea there.”
I walk to the kitchen island and flop onto a stool while I pick up a peanut butter blossom cookie with no intention of eating it.
“It’s okay today, only once or twice did I struggle, but Lainey didn’t seem to notice.
Only looked at me funny when I didn’t eat the cookie dough, which to be honest was brutal for me because I love that stuff. ”
“Violins are playing for you. I’ll make you cookie dough from chickpeas.”
“Eww.” I cringe.
“Nah, it’s good. You flavor it. The guys make it because it’s packed with protein.”
I shake away the thought of how that must taste as a quiet moment arrives, and we both linger in our silence for a few seconds.
“You have your appointment. I really wish I could be there.”
It is disappointing, more than I thought it would be. “I know. It’s just the only time the doctor was available, as she is off from next week until the new year. A long vacation, apparently.”
“Still… you’ll let me know right after how it goes?”
I lift a shoulder and settle for reality and what I need to get used to with his schedule. If my mom could do it, then so can I. “Of course.”
“Good. And Gracie… let’s talk when I’m back.”
That catches me off guard. It sounds serious and scares me as suddenly different kinds of thoughts fly at me from all directions. A negative feeling, if I’m honest.
“Sure.” It’s a simple reply.
“I’ve gotta run, but… sweet dreams.” There is a gentleness in his voice that causes a ping in my chest.
My mouth slides side to side. “Will do. I have chocolate, after all.” I try my best to smile but something feels uneasy, and I can’t pinpoint it.
When we end the call, I take a few moments to search for my thought but can’t find it.
So, I do what any normal person would do in the month of December; I grab a gingerbread cookie and shove it in my mouth.
The young doctor smiles at me as I lie back on the exam table while she looks at her tablet. My blood work came back fine, as I thought it would. “You said it was only one time, which means the conception date is clear, and that really helps us determine how far along you are.”