Chapter 2
Colt
TWO YEARS LATER…
I saw her the second I walked into the funeral home. She sat at the front, her blazing-red hair tied back with a black satin ribbon. My wife’s…my ex-wife’s…shoulders were tight, her neck turned as she spoke to a woman who had paused at the end of the aisle.
Jennie Murphy had been like a second mom to me growing up. She loved me for who I was, and she loved me for loving her daughter. It broke my heart that the first place I was going to see Vi in the two years since our divorce was at her mother’s funeral.
Hell, I didn’t even know if I should come. If I was welcome. If I was wanted.
What if I saw her here with another man? Someone who her mother also approved of?
I shoved the nauseating thought down. It didn’t matter. Paying my last respects to a wonderful woman and checking on Violet, making sure she was okay, was the only thing that did.
“Colton Ford.”
I turned, Violet’s father walking along the back wall towards me. I checked to see if she’d heard him, but if she had, she didn’t turn to face me.
“Pete. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you, son. I’m so grateful for the time we had together, and that the cancer took her quickly. She didn’t suffer like my mother did.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come say goodbye before now. I loved her.”
His hand landed on my shoulder. Although I was nearly half a foot taller than Violet’s dad, the sweet gesture of a father and widower comforting me like I was truly his son hit me square in the heart.
“Jennie knew how much you loved her. She loved you the same.” He dropped his gaze, looking across the church to his daughter. “Are you going to go talk to her?”
“I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. I want her to know I’m still here for her, that I want to make sure she’s alright. But if she doesn’t want to hear that from me…”
“She does. She needs to hear it. Violet’s been working so hard, taking care of her mother. Taking care of me. She didn’t have time to heal before she was rushing to be with us after Jennie’s diagnosis. And she doesn’t know how I spend time each night down the hall, listening to her cry for you.”
That admission stole my breath. There was nothing I could do except nod, because if I tried to speak, I knew my voice would break.
“Go. I know it will mean so much to her that you came today.”
I turned and headed down the aisle. My heart was thundering loudly in my ears, and I had to shove my hands into my pockets to stop them from shaking. Christ, it felt like the first time I tried to tell her I wanted to be more than friends.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked, watching her cheeks and the tip of her nose turn the most precious cherry-red color. God, out of the millions of little things I missed about her, that response to my voice was right at the top of the list.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, wiping at her nose with a tissue. Her question wasn’t harsh, or angry, but rather filled with awe. And that broke even more of my heart.
“I wanted to say goodbye to Jennie. And I wanted to be here for you, too.”
She reached over and grabbed her purse, moving it from the spot I’d asked to occupy and setting it on the other side of the bench.
“You can sit.”
I wasn’t going to be told twice. Bowing my head, I slid down next to her. Was there enough room that I didn’t need to be so close that our legs touched? Yes. Was I a bastard for wanting that contact and making sure it happened anyway? Of course.
But then she shocked me. Because my beautiful wife—fuck saying ex—held open her hand. My fingers slid along her palm, until they were intertwined with hers.
Lord, I missed her so damn much, I was fighting back tears over holding her hand. I was also probably on the fast track to Hell for how many cuss words I’d said in my head in the last five minutes in a place of reverence.
We sat just like that, silent, for what felt like an eternity.
“How are you?” she asked, finally breaking the silence.
“Miserable. You?”
Vi choked out a laugh. “Yeah. About the same.”
I turned, still holding onto her hand, but enough so I could face her. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
“Thanks.”
“Pete told me you took care of her. That you’ve been taking care of them both.”
“Someone had to…my dad was falling apart. You obviously know they live in Arizona now, since you’re here.”
I nodded, not sure how to tell her that I’d been the one looking after her parents’ place back in Silver Springs. That I still talked to them regularly.
If she expected me to fill that information in for her, she didn’t pause long enough for me to.
“Living with them again was a gift I hadn’t been expecting.
I wish my mom had beat it, you know? I’m mad that she wasn’t one of the people who ever got to ring the bell, or have the party.
I’m furious I only had thirty-two years with her.
But I don’t think I would have had that much concentrated, truly connected time with her at the end of her life if things had worked out any other way. ”
“That’s a beautiful way to look at it.”
“You know me, ever the optimist.” I knew she was joking. I knew the sarcasm was meant to protect her like thick armor.
“Who was taking care of you during all of this?” My thumb circled over the back of her hand.
Her eyebrow raised, the tissue in her free hand coming up to wipe at her nose again.
“Is that your not so subtle way of asking me…?” I watched as she struggled to get the words out.
“No, Violet. I wasn’t trying to pry.”
“There’s nothing to pry,” she whispered.
“I know everything was so raw and painful two years ago, and I know you already know this, but I didn’t leave you because I wanted to love someone else.
I left because I love you so much that this pain in my heart is worth it if it gives you even the smallest chance at happiness. ”
“Still not ready to listen to me?”
Her head shook.
“Okay. Tell me about work. Are you still ghostwriting?”
We fell into easy conversation after that.
Violet slowly opened up, talking about the summer she spent in Colorado right after our divorce was finalized.
About the manuscript she finished while living in a tiny cabin in the woods.
It was all hers, and she beamed while talking about it.
I tried my hardest not to panic when I heard just how remote the cabin was.
After all, she wasn’t living there anymore, and she seemed to be in one physical piece in front of me.
We talked about my family, about how things were going in Clarence County. I told her about some of the renovations I’d worked on—but not all of them. I knew that hearing I was still checking projects off her honey-do list wouldn’t make things better. So I skipped over those things.
I couldn’t tell how many hours had passed as we sat there talking. Everyone just let us be until the sun grew hazy outside the windows. People milled about and dwindled away, until we were almost the last people left.
“Honey?” Pete walked towards us from the altar, where he’d just taken the last of Jennie's pictures down. His arms were wrapped around the frame, pressing it against his chest like he was giving her one last hug goodbye. “We should…we should think about heading home.”
Violet nodded, her hand slipping off my arm.
“Colt, would you like to—”
“He has a long trip home, Dad. We should let him go.” Violet’s eyes dropped to the floor, her open body language shutting down in an instant.
“I don’t have to go,” I offered, my hand reaching out to rest on her arm. “I’d actually love to stay.”
But the Violet I’d just been talking to was gone, and in her place, the wife I’d held in the shower as she broke down in my arms was back. And I knew the door had closed once more.
Still, I opened my arms, praying she would give me this one last moment to hold her. One last moment to wrap my arms around her. She hesitated, but only for a second.
Her body still fit against mine perfectly, but of course it did. Because even if she didn’t want to remember, the universe made her for me. Just like it made me for her.
My head fell against hers. I heard her father walking away, the door to the room creaking open, then clanging shut as he allowed us to have this last moment together.
“I love you, Vi. I know you think there’s a day when I’ll move on, but there isn’t. The door will always be open. You’ll always own every piece of my heart.”
“Don’t say that.”
I lifted my head, tipping her face to meet mine with my thumb under her chin.
“Darlin’, it’s the truth. Just because I set you free, doesn’t mean I don’t pray every damn day that you’ll return to me.”