Chapter 4
Violet
“Ouch,” I groaned as I rubbed the tiny foot pressing against the skin of my belly. “Keep it down in there, would you?”
It was ridiculous to be arguing with my stomach, but I still took every chance I could to talk to it.
My belly was so large at this point in my pregnancy, it sat on my lap.
And the sweet baby boy rolling around in there would just not listen to me.
Typical. Was there a part of me that feared I might struggle parenting on my own in the future?
Oh, absolutely. But I also knew there was more than enough love in my heart to get us through.
My son’s butt pressed out against my hand, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
This was the third—and final—day of our drive from New York to Texas.
Leaving my apartment, my life, behind was unexpected and I was still numb from how quickly everything had happened.
A quick call to my OB, and it was clear they weren’t happy I needed to travel this far into my pregnancy.
But I had no other choice. Since flying this far along was out of the question, the only choice I had was to drive.
So I did. And we were finally, finally, in Texas. My GPS was happily counting down the hours, and we were just about to cross the one-hour-left line.
“I promise, sweetheart, we’re almost there.”
God. We’re almost there. What a perfect metaphor for every facet of my life at the moment.
I was almost to my hometown, almost back to the cabin I'd grown up in. And at thirty-six weeks into my miracle pregnancy at forty, I was nearly to the finish line where I’d hold my son in my arms. For the first time in my life, I’d kept my baby safe in my body for more than twelve weeks.
Safe. That was my job as his mom. So many other babies had been failed by my body, but not this one. Which is why I had to get out of the city. I had to leave my apartment, my favorite bagel shop, and my friends…I had to keep my baby safe.
My eyes drifted to the folder in the passenger seat. It wasn’t going to be enough. To find who was out there…to keep me safe. But I had to try.
Another kick reminded me I wasn’t just parked at the gas station for no reason.
My tank was sitting below half-full, but with just over an hour until I made it to Silver Springs, I didn’t want to end up arriving and leaving myself on empty.
Aside from a quick stop at any open grocery store to fill up the cupboards, I had no plan to head into town any time soon. No real need to announce my return.
I huffed as I hauled myself out of the driver’s seat.
Luckily, I’d already been in touch with the OB at St. Clare’s, the small hospital I’d deliver the baby at in Bell Ridge.
It was at least a thirty minute drive from my parents’ house, but first time babies were often slow to arrive, and I was planning on an induction at thirty nine weeks, anyway.
I liked having a predictable schedule and sticking to it.
“Hey, pretty mama. You need some help over there?”
My hand immediately left my belly. I squared my shoulders and forced myself not to shrink back. There were good men in the world, and I probably looked ridiculous trying to fiddle with the pump.
I turned and gave a quick wave to the man walking towards me.
Tall. Slender. White tank top under a flannel jacket with jeans slung low across his hips.
He flicked the cigarette in his hand before bringing it back up to his lips.
If I wasn’t careful, and he got to close, I was pretty sure I’d throw up all over him. The baby hated the smell of smoke.
“I’m all set. It was just a tricky handle.”
“Why don’t you let me help you with that? Where’s your man? He has you out pumping your own gas while you’re cooking his baby. Now, that’s just not right.”
My skin pebbled. “I’m perfectly fine. That’s twice now I’ve said it. Are you going to take the hint or do I need to get loud?”
“I wouldn’t mind hearing you scream out my name.”
The older I got, the more I hated men. Truly.
They didn’t exist in the real world like they did in the novels I wrote.
When I was writing a male lead, there were so many female-centered characteristics that made him likable.
But not these real world assholes. They just wanted to take from women.
And take, and take, and take. It’s why once I’d found the love of my life in seventh grade, I didn’t let him go.
Until keeping him, depriving him of true happiness, would have killed me.
But there hadn't been a man in my life since. And this asshole in front of me was exactly why. Because no one would ever be Colt.
“What a disgusting thing to say to a woman.”
I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to play things as the creep continued to walk closer to me. Thankfully, and honestly not a minute too soon, a state trooper squad car pulled up to the pump behind mine.
“Ma’am, everything alright?” he asked, probably because I was staring a hole through him. I looked back in front of me, but the jerk who was just standing there was nowhere to be found.
“Everything’s fine. Thank you.” I waved.
After filling my tank, I didn’t dare walk inside to use the restroom. No. I was back in the car and spent another hour praying I wouldn’t pee myself on the way to Silver Springs.
Right as my audio book finished playing, I was greeted with the familiar roads of Clarence County.
My heart picked up as I pulled into the cabin’s driveway.
There was a big black truck sitting off to the side, and the lights were on in the cabin.
The sight made me want to cry. My dad warned me there might be someone here opening the house up for me.
It was nice that he wanted to make sure everything was working, and I knew he was worried about me being on my own with just weeks left in my pregnancy, but I also just wanted to get out of these clothes, soak in the big tub I knew was waiting for me upstairs, and crawl into bed for the next week.
Grabbing my phone from the cup holder, I sent off a text to my dad.
I’m here. Looks like the person you hired to open the cabin for me is here, too. I’ll let you know how they did.
Before slipping it into my jacket, I looked at the message that came in from my business manager.
Ryan:
Did you make it to Smallville, USA yet? Population’s what? You and a raccoon?
He’d sent it an hour ago, just after I’d gotten back on the road from that nightmare of a gas station. Served him right, having to wait for my reply.
Very funny. I did in fact just make it. The raccoon says hi, and they can’t wait to meet you when you come to visit me and the baby.
Stepping out of the car was, as always, an extra hard task. I gripped the oh-shit handle and the door frame, hoisting myself unceremoniously from the driver’s seat.
And then, as my heart slowed and the breeze greeted me, I let my eyes drift shut, the sun warming my skin as it filtered through the tall trees surrounding the place I once called home.
“Violet?”
I must be hearing things. The wind shook the leaves overhead. A bird chirped from somewhere in the distance. And I certainly didn’t hear a—
“Vi?”
Shit. My head spun as I faced the source of the voice I hadn’t heard in almost a decade.
And as much as I wanted to believe there wasn’t a single way in this world that my ex-husband would be there, standing on my parents’ porch the very minute I made it back to my hometown, my ears hadn’t failed me.
He was there. And his eyes were locked on mine, the same disbelief I felt staring right back at me.
My breath caught in the back of my throat, my eyes stinging at the sight of him. As much as I wanted to play it off as if they were aching from the long drive or sensitive to the sunlight, I knew the truth. And it made me want to let every tear I was holding back fall to the earth.
Because my husband was still the love of my life. My ex-husband. Even after all the loss. Even after all the heartbreak. Just because I had to walk away to survive didn’t mean it wasn’t the toughest decision I ever had to make in my life.
The baby rolled as I straightened my back, tugging my jacket tightly around my chest. I fought the urge to groan. There was no way Colt wouldn’t notice my belly. I was going to have to tell him the truth before I’d even thought of a way to soften the blow.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes wide and not blinking, as if I would disappear if he did.
“I should be asking you that. You make it a habit of trespassing on my property?”
He chuckled, bouncing as he came down the steps.
God, he looked good. Colton Ford had always been a solid man, but even with his Deputy’s jacket wrapped around him, I could see he’d bulked up in the time since I’d said goodbye to Silver Springs.
That cowboy hat on his head made my legs feel all sorts of wobbly that had nothing to do with being in the car for too long.
“It’s not trespassing when your dad asks me to check in on the place. I thought it was strange, seeing as how I normally come on the first of the month to make sure everything is still okay. Should have known you were coming down to use it when he mentioned someone visiting.”
“Yup. I’m here,” I laughed, trying not to wince as the baby rolled again. I needed to use the bathroom, and it was close to being an emergency.
His feet hit the gravel of the driveway, his eyes narrowing on my face. Shit. He was about ten steps away from making it around the car. And then he’d see all of me. He’d see my belly.
“You okay?” he asked, pulling me from my panic. This was good. It was okay. Better to get it out in the open now first thing. We could talk. I could explain.
“Sorry. It’s been a long day. A long week, actually. What did you say?”
“Are your bags in the trunk? Pop it for me and I’ll bring them inside for you.”
“I can handle it on my own.”
Colt’s right eyebrow jumped. “Are you? On your own?”
“Smooth.”
He shrugged, walking towards the trunk. Maybe I could just stand here until he had my bags inside? Maybe I could move around the car as he walked back to his truck? Maybe…I should press the button on my fob to pop the trunk for him so he would stop staring at me.
Come on, Violet. Pull it together.
“There,” I sighed as the trunk popped open, “and thank you.”
Colt nodded as he reached in, setting the two small suitcases I had packed in my hurry to leave New York on the ground.
“Not planning on staying long?” His voice held a note of sadness as he asked.
“Actually, I'm planning on staying for a while. Just figured I could get whatever I really needed in town.”
Colt’s eyes locked on mine, but he simply nodded before shutting the trunk.
“We’ve been having some trouble with a group of kids the last few months breaking into places. Just want to make sure you’re okay, that you’ll be safe out here.”
“Oh…” What Colt had just said scared me. Not about the rowdy kids, not really. I had something else to be worried about—and his words reminded me of that. “I guess I should think about getting some security cameras or something.”
Colt nodded. “We’ve got a company in town now. The guys at Montgomery Defense are great. Jessie’s husband Hawk actually works there. I’ll ask—”
I thought he’d reach down for the bags, bring them to the house. But instead, Colt took two steps towards me. And then two more. My stomach swooped as I watched his eyes rake over my body, from my hair, to my lips, down to my chest—and then right to my belly.
Colt’s jaw dropped.
“Holy fuck. You’re pregnant.” I watched as every emotion cycled through him. “Oh my God, Violet. You’re pregnant!”
“I am.”
My stomach kept rolling, twisting itself into knots, and I couldn’t honestly tell whether it was from the butterflies exploding at the way his eyes mapped out every inch of my belly, or the way his face was beaming out pure excitement…
or the nausea bubbling up to the surface because I was about to drop the biggest bomb right in his lap the literal minute I got back to town. I was supposed to have more time.
Time to decide when to see him again.
Time to see if he’d moved on.
Time to have this baby and get settled in my new life here.
But most importantly, I was supposed to have time to figure out how to tell the man I still loved what I had done.
He closed the distance between us in what seemed like a mere second. Colt’s legs have always been one of my favorite features, but the way they moved his body towards mine, all power and determination, made my own legs feel weak.
“I’m so happy for you,” he whispered. And then I found myself wrapped in the arms of the only man I’ve ever loved. The man whose baby was doing somersaults in my belly.