Chapter 23 Violet
Violet
My eyes drifted to the corner of the laptop.
Three hours. I’d been writing like a woman who was running out of time.
And all that time had passed by in what felt like five minutes.
I’d grabbed a snack and run—okay, waddled, excruciatingly slow—to the bathroom, but other than that, I was glued to my computer screen.
My entire body flinched at the sound of my phone ringing.
“I promise I’m working on my writing,” I answered, smiling as Ryan’s laughter filled the line.
“That’s my girl. How are things looking?”
“Uh…” I bit down on my lip. “I think I’m in a good spot.”
“And the deadline?”
“We might just make it…”
“Cal.”
“I know. I know. I promise I’m doing my best to not have this be a disaster for us all.”
“It won’t be a disaster. And even if it is, that’s what you pay me to handle. We’ll get to the other side, together.”
“Thank you,” I sniffed, trying to hide the wave of emotion that crashed over me.
“Please tell me you aren’t crying.”
“No, of course I’m not. It’s just the hormones. Pregnancy is wild.”
“I’m sure it is.” His words were clipped, harsh almost. But that was Ryan. Supportive and yet, still direct. “And being in Texas? Has it been all you were hoping for?”
I smiled, my hand rubbing circles over my belly where the baby was pressing his butt out. “Yeah. It’s been better than I hoped it would be. I mean, the bar was set low because I really had no hopes other than getting away from…”
“Right. Have you heard from him again?”
“Yes.”
“Shit, Callie, I’m sorry. You’re being safe, right?”
“As safe as I can be.”
“Good. Look, I have that trip to Canada coming up, but if you need me to cancel—”
“Ryan, no! No. I promise. I’m fine. Go be with your family. You’ve earned that time off.”
“But you’ll still keep me in the loop, right?”
“Always.”
“Good. Alright, I’ve got to run. And you’ve got words to write.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Yes, sir.”
We exchanged our goodbyes and I sighed, leaning against the back of the chair to help stretch out my lungs. My eyes drifted back to my manuscript before my fingers started moving across the keyboard.
Finally, my writer’s block seemed to have lifted, and the words were flowing out of me. I was feeling inspired again. Hopeful again. I might be eons behind and nowhere near close to done, but it was all a step in the right direction.
An hour more of working, and I’d managed to write the steamiest scene of my career.
It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that I was hugely pregnant, hadn’t had any spicy action in years, and was now living in very close proximity to the one and only man I’d ever loved, the only man I’d ever been with.
Oh, and that I’d seen him with that towel slung low across his hips this morning, still dewy with droplets of water from the shower before he went into work.
His chest was more defined than I remembered.
Mercy! I was glad I opted to stay home today. It meant some poor deputy was parked out front again, but I couldn’t focus on that. I needed to get words written. And I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do about my body feeling so damn… frisky!
My core ached with need. My pussy was a thirsty, traitorous bitch.
Because what the hell was I going to do about my horny heart?
Every time I closed my eyes, Colt’s bare chest was there, and I just wanted to reach out and touch him.
To feel his hands brush down my arms. We’d gone to bed with my belly cradled in his hands, and I prayed for his fingers to slide down my body—
“Damn, girl. Pull yourself together,” I mumbled as I pushed back from the table. It was only two in the afternoon, and after sitting in front of a screen for hours, I should get some fresh air…
Instead, I walked up the stairs. My maternity leggings were down by my ankles and flung off into oblivion the second I walked through the bedroom door. I waddled over to the bed, plunked down on the mattress, and sighed as I flopped back against the pillows.
A very undignified grunt escaped as I grabbed Colt’s pillow and wedged it on my left side, turning until my belly was resting against it. God, I moved like a beached whale, and I knew that no one would ever find me sexy in my current state. Thank God I knew how to take the edge off.
I slipped my fingers under the blanket, down my body until they rested against my clit.
It was almost a miracle I didn’t have to contort my body to reach past my belly.
No. Nope. I wasn’t thinking about that. I was going to give myself one respectable orgasm and get back to work.
Just something to take a little bit of the tension away.
My finger moved in slow circles. Jesus, my hips were already twitching to move. My body begged for more friction, and I wished I could give it to her. But this was going to have to be enough.
I closed my eyes, lifting my leg just a little so I could get a better angle. Yes. Oh, shit. Yes. My breathing picked up, and I let my mind wander…
What if it wasn’t my hand making me feel this way? What if my husband—
My hips bucked at that thought, and suddenly, I could feel him there between my legs. The echo of his five o’clock shadow scratching my thighs as he licked, and sucked, and sent me over the edge. My fingers slowed and their movements became more deliberate as I found the perfect pace.
Yes. The memory of that night in the cabin was one of my favorites. The way he’d looked at me, the love I felt pouring out of him…
“Oh, God! Colt!!” Fuck me. My orgasm slammed into me, the sound fading out as blood rushed away from my head down to my throbbing core. Everything became hazy as I let my body melt into the afterglow of my orgasm.
My heartbeat was thumping so loudly in my ears it sounded like someone was running up the stairs. I laughed, silently thanking my body for remembering to take care of this instead of leaving me in misery for another night.
Until I felt frantic hands land on my arms, shaking me.
I screamed. Louder than I had ever fucking screamed before in my life.
“Violet! What the fuck is going on? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” Colt’s frantic eyes searched my face.
“What…What are you doing home?! You scared me half to death!”
“Me? You screamed my name out just a minute ago! I thought you were having the baby!”
“Go. You have to get out. You’re not supposed to be home. I can’t…I’m not…”
Colt’s eyes dropped to my chest, his own breathing picking up. “Oh. I…fuck, Vi. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” He cleared his throat and stood up. “I’ll just…uh…Fuck. I should leave, right?”
I was on the verge of either hysterical laughter or sobs, and honestly it could have gone either way. His big brown eyes looked up from the floor the moment the first fit of laughter broke through.
“I can’t believe I didn’t remember that’s what you sound like when you fall apart,” he said, his voice filled with gravel.
“Why would you remember?”
That was clearly the wrong thing to say—because Colt came back to the bed, sitting with his hip resting against my belly. His hand came up to rest against my cheek, and suddenly that laughter felt so much closer to a sob than I wanted it to.
“Violet. That sound was always the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard in my life.
From the very first time I got to hear it to just now.
I think about it every time I fuck my goddamn hand in the shower.
It’s etched in every last cell of my brain.
It’s my favorite sound. I should have fucking known. ”
My breath caught in my throat. “Oh.”
“Can I hear it again?”
His question made my body flush red hot, like cinnamon had been sprinkled across me. And Colt was standing there, looking like he wanted to lick me clean. “You want to…”
“Hear it again. But this time, can I be the one responsible for you screaming out my name again? Can I make you feel good?”
God. Yes. Yes!! Please!! No. I needed to breathe, because every inch of my body was pulling towards him. I was practically panting over the idea of him touching me again. His strong, tattooed arms holding me, the corded muscles tense as he worked my body.
I closed my eyes and swallowed.
“We shouldn’t.” The words felt forced and metallic as they came out of my mouth. “The lines are feeling…”
“Blurred?”
“So blurred!” I bit my lip to stop the nervous laughter that was bubbling up again.
“Mm. But just once wouldn’t hurt? Just to get it out of our systems, now that I know I’m not the only one consumed day and night by these fucking thoughts.”
“What if I don’t want it to just be a one-time thing, though?
What if I know that the second you touch me, I’ll want it to be a forever kind of thing?
” I whispered, laying all my cards right at his feet.
We were too old for anything else. No more games.
No more talking in riddles. “Can you forgive me?”
His head reared back like I’d slapped him.
“Forgive you? For what?”
“For leaving. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I should have stayed, and fought through my depression. I should have known that I wasn’t protecting you from me…from all the heartache my body caused. I was hurting you by leaving.”
“Vi. How many times do I have to say it before you’ll believe me? There is nothing to forgive. I’m the one that should be showing you I’m sorry. That I am trying to fix things—”
“No. Absolutely not. I walked away. I gave up on us when you never, ever did. If anything, I should be bending over backwards to prove myself to you.”
His eyes bounced between mine for a moment before he leaned in and kissed me. Every anxious thought, every second of trying to piece together how the hell I was going to make it up to him, left in the desperate whimper that erupted from me.
“I should have fucking been there for you. I should have taken time off of work. I should have brought you to therapy…fuck, I should have fucking went to therapy with you. Violet…you walked away to save yourself. I have never, and I will never, hold that against you. I thought the only way to give you peace was to let you go. I’m the one who needs to apologize.
I’m the one who needs to beg for forgiveness.
Please, Vi. Please forgive me. Please say there’s a chance that you’ll let me back into your heart. ”
“You never left,” I whispered. “You’ve always been there.”
His lips pressed down my neck. Over my collarbone. Onto my shoulder. The hair from his unshaven face tickled, bringing heat to the surface of my skin.
“This is it, Violet. Tell me to walk away,” he whispered.
Colt’s voice broke, and his eyes grew misty.
My hand reached out to rest against his face, but before I knew it, his hand was wrapped around my wrist, bringing my hand up to his lips.
One single kiss, pressed directly into the palm of my hand, and I was melting.
“Tell me you don’t want me to do this. That we’re still divorced, and you don’t have those feelings for me anymore.
Because if I kiss you right now, Vi, I’m never letting you go again.
You and the baby are mine. Mine. So, if you have any doubts, you need to say them now.
Because I can feel my heart stitching back together every time I’m close to you. ”
He placed my hand over his heart, the rhythm picking up and banging erratically. If he hadn’t just seen his doctor, I might actually be concerned for his health.
“I’m scared,” I confessed.
“I am too,” he replied. “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”