Chapter 39 Colt
Colt
Istormed up the front steps of my brother’s house, the sun warm on my back. I thought about just walking right in, but stopped short of the door, knocking twice while swearing under my breath.
It only took a minute for my brother to answer the door.
I looked him over, same sandy-blonde hair he’d had since we were all kids, a scruffy beard that he’d grown in the months after his accident.
He was dressed in a white shirt, jeans, and had a flannel on.
What the hell was Hayes' problem? Lachlan looked fine!
“Uh, what’s going on? And since when are you just out and about? Vi finally get sick of you hovering and kick you out?”
“No. Hayes called me. Said something was going on with you and I needed to talk some sense into your head. Feel like inviting me in?”
“That’s a hard pass. Thanks for stopping by.”
Lachlan moved to close the door, but I was faster. I stopped the movement with my palm, sliding in past him. His cane slipped out, slapping across my thighs.
“Don’t take another step in here without taking your boots off,” he demanded.
“Fine.” I slipped my boots off. Normally, I’d just leave them right where they landed—I wouldn’t be staying long anyway—but I noticed how his shoes were all lined up and facing the wall. I’d never seen him do that before.
“Come on. I have some coffee brewing. Feel like having a cup since you fucking barged in here?”
“Yeah,” I answered, still looking around. “That sounds great.”
Listen, my brother wasn’t a messy person, but he also was never super clean.
Hell, as a mechanic, he used to come home covered in grease and who the hell knows what else.
It covered his clothes. His skin. But as I walked through his inexplicably clean house, I heard the water turn on in the kitchen.
He was washing his hands. The water turned off as I walked in.
But a second later, he was back to washing his hands.
“Lach?”
He sighed, shaking his head. I thought he’d turn off the water and come sit at the table with me, but he didn’t. I watched my brother turn off the water, wipe his hands off on the towel next to the sink, and brace his arms on the counter.
I saw what Hayes did. I saw the pain radiating off our brother.
“I have to wash them again.”
“What? Why?” I asked.
“Because you interrupted the counting and I need to know that I got to twenty-eight. Don’t ask why twenty-eight, Colt. Just let me fucking get there so I can come sit down.”
I didn’t speak. I dropped my eyes to the table and didn’t dare move.
Again, the water turned on. I heard my brother scrub his hands.
And finally, the water turned off. Lachlan muttered something under his breath, but a second later I could hear the clanking of mugs on the counter and the steady stream of coffee being poured.
He set one cup down in front of me, taking the other to the opposite side of his table where he joined me.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
“No.”
“Hayes said you weren’t letting Mom and Dad come over here anymore, and I thought for a second maybe you were struggling and had let the place go. But, fuck, it’s never looked better. But that’s just it…isn’t it?”
“What?”
“When was the last time you left your house?”
“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.
“When was the last time you drove your truck?”
My brother’s eyes met mine, the challenge there.
“Fuck, Lach. I’m so goddamn sorry.”
“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for. I’m fine.”
“So fine you have to count how long you wash your hands for, and if it isn’t perfect you have to start over? How long were you stuck at that sink? Because you didn’t mean I interrupted you with speaking, did you? I interrupted you by coming here.”
“It’s fine.”
I slammed my hand onto the table. “It’s not fine, I don’t want to fucking hear that word again. Everyone in this family loves you and is worried about you. Tell. Me.”
“Damn, man. I didn’t mean aim for the heart.”
“I don’t have time to be gentle, Lach. You’re fucking struggling.
Everyone sees it. Everyone feels it. You got Mom crying every time your name comes up.
Dad swearing under his breath about getting you into therapy.
Even Jessie won’t stop texting us all about getting you help.
I should have been over here sooner. Should have kicked your ass into asking for help faster. ”
“I don’t need help,” he griped. “It’s just my goddamn leg.”
“I thought it was better. After the last surgery, the physical therapy was supposed to help you get rid of that thing.” I nodded towards his cane.
The screech of Lachlan’s chair across his flooring filled the air.
“It would have, if I could make myself go there. You want to know how long I’ve been trapped in this house, Colt?
Three months. Since the day my surgeon said I didn’t have to go back to their office for more bullshit.
I’ve been in this house all day, every day for three months.
And that’s not the worst part. I’m fucking trapped in here.
” He limped as he put weight on his leg without having the cane in his hand.
I wanted to jump up, to offer some sort of assistance, but I knew that wouldn’t help.
“You don’t want to leave? Or you can’t leave?
” I asked. My phone buzzed on the table, but the distress on my brother’s face was too much, I couldn’t pull back.
I couldn’t let this go with him. Somewhere deep inside I knew what it cost him to open up like he had, and I couldn’t lose that connection with him.
“My mind won’t fucking let me leave! I can’t even go on the porch without feeling like my breath is being stolen away from me.
I fucking tried last week. I forced myself out there, and by the time my foot hit the top step of my stairs, I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to pass the fuck out.
I’m not this pathetic person! I’m not scared of what lives out there.
The type of shit that my best fucking friend got caught up in and the kind of shit I paid the price for.
That car falling off the lift and crushing my leg broke something inside my damn head.
And I don’t know how to get out of the hole it put me in.
So I sit in my house. And I do all the things my mind tells me will keep me safe, keep everyone I love safe, and try to make it another day. ”
I nodded, running my hand over the stubble on my chin.
“We will help you. We will get you help.” It wasn’t a suggestion. It was nonnegotiable.
“I don’t want to deal with a shrink,” he spit back at me.
“You don’t get a fucking say at this point. You just said out loud the fucking words I have nightmares about when I think about how close we were to losing you.”
“I can’t leave.” His eyes sparkled with tears. My baby brother was hurting so deeply, and I didn’t even see it until now. I didn’t see it until it was almost too late.
“You won’t need to. We’ll find someone who can do telehealth first if that’s what needs to happen. And we’ll all come around more. You will let us in. Mom and Dad, too.”
“They don’t deserve to see me like this. Broken. Needing to be coddled.”
I stood, my hand landing on his shoulder. “You are not broken. This is part of healing. You’ve done everything possible to get your leg healed. Now it’s time to heal from everything that injury took from you.”
I didn’t ask, or wait for him to be ready.
I simply wrapped my arms around my brother’s shoulders and squeezed.
My favorite thing about being the oldest was the way my siblings looked up to me.
It had always been an honor to watch the way they would follow me around, emulating the way I did things.
My heart fucking shattered knowing I’d let Lachlan down.
I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I wasn’t able to see how desperate of a situation things had become.
Lach pulled back from our embrace, clearing his throat and turning away from me to wipe his eyes. Fuck, I needed to wipe mine, too.
I sat back at the table, opening the message waiting for me.
Beau:
There’s something weird about this Ryan guy. You need to get back here. Now.
Fuck. He’d sent that message ten minutes ago. I jumped up from the table, sending my cup of coffee crashing to the ground. Lachlan cursed behind me, but I was out the front door before he even had a chance to ask what was happening.
As soon as I sat in my truck, the alarm chimed on my phone. Violet had armed the security system with the alternate code.
Something was wrong.