Chapter Seventeen
Kiss
Just as I’d been doing for the last couple of days, I woke slowly. Early morning sunlight cut through the crack in the curtains. I didn’t move because Blue was flush against me, his cock still inside me, and his arms around me. He’d fucked me several times during the night—slow, lazy strokes that gradually built to breath-stealing climaxes—only to drift back to sleep again.
We’d reached an agreement when it came to our living arrangements. It was too soon for me to leave Sully’s place. Even though I had some proving to do with Heather. I was going to believe Sully when he claimed he wanted me there. He’d become my rock of reason. I trusted him to give me tough love. No one was more surprised than me that I wasn’t tempted to use, but it was comforting to know Jazzy was close, too. I wanted Blue as my lover, not my babysitter.
For now, I would spend most of my nights in the MC, in Blue’s bed. I smiled because I’d be sleeping with his cock inside me. I dragged my fingertips along his arm where it rested against my belly, tracing the sword tattoo on his forearm.
His hold tightened, and his cock thickened inside me. A raspy moan rumbled out of him. With gentle pressure, he rolled me to my stomach. I sighed, arched, and angled my pelvis, thrusting my ass higher to deepen the penetration.
Blue rocked his hips in a fluid wave, driving his cock in and out of me. His fingertips traced the pleats of my spine, his pelvis grinded against the curve of my ass, and he fucked me into the softness of the bed. Words weren’t spoken. Only the harsh gasps of my breaths and the slap of our bodies coming together filled the quiet room.
My orgasm washed over me in waves, building until my core contracted, locking tight to Blue as he fucked me through his. Time suspended. He covered me, his chest, flush to my back, his heart beating in tandem to mine.
I turned my head on the pillow, bringing our faces close together. “Good morning.”
He kissed my shoulder, slipped his dick out of me, and rolled to his back. “Very good.” He glanced at me and chuckled. “But it’ll go to shit soon enough. I’m meeting with Bullet and Rogue at the dance studio.”
Blue didn’t want to talk about what happened with Rogue and Bullet, and he didn’t have to. I didn’t need details. It was enough to know he wasn’t alone. Rogue and Bullet made fighting an art. Hellers were coming for Carl Douglas.
I slid my legs over the side of the bed. “Do you want to get breakfast and then drop me off at home?”
“Yeah. I don’t know how late I’ll be today.” He climbed out of bed. “I assume you’re going to your meeting.” He grabbed his jeans, tugged them on, then bent to put on his boots. “I also assume we can shower at Sully’s.”
I nodded. The shower in the MC was small and the water pressure sucked. I tugged on a shirt and sat on the end of the bed. “I’ve been thinking about my uncle. I need to see him. I owe him an apology.”
Blue lifted his head, and his gaze connected with mine. “Do you want me to go with you?”
I held my jeans and stepped into them. “Yes, but I thought I’d go after my NA meeting. I understand if you can’t.” Whatever he had planned with Rogue and Bullet was the priority.
“I’ll make it work.”
“Thanks. I know he doesn’t want to see me. I owe him a lot of money that I’m never going to be able to repay.”
I’d made promises to him. I’d lied to him. A knot twisted in my stomach. I’d stolen from him, too. I didn’t know if he even realized I had or if he just ignored the missing things from his house. Ignorance was sometimes bliss.
“To send me to the wilderness rehab, he cashed out part of his retirement account. When I relapsed, he said he never wanted to see me again.”
Blue sat next to me, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and kissed my temple. “People say things they don’t mean when they’re pissed and hurt.”
“I don’t blame him for being angry.”
“He invested in your sobriety. Don’t minimize how far you’ve come. You’re clean. Recovery just came a little later. He’ll see that.”
“I hope so.”
Blue put on his cut, and I slipped on my sneakers.
“I’m hungry,” I said. “And stinky.”
Blue pulled me into his arms, inhaled deep, and nuzzled my neck. “Mmm. Stay stinky. You smell like sex. ”
I pushed away from him. “I’d rather smell like a burger and fries,” I said, swinging open the door and stepping into the corridor.
“I wouldn’t want you to have to fill up on cookies at your meeting.”
I thought of Georgia. I’d checked in with Ryatt. No one had heard from her. “I keep hoping she’ll be there.”
We paused in the chapel. The door was propped open, and a guy pushed a dolly of booze boxes into the middle of the room and stacked them.
Romeo sat on a stool at the bar and ticked off inventory.
Blue released me. “Need some help?”
Romeo raked his fingers through his long hair. “Dude, I’m fucking wiped. I thought babies slept all the time. Once I get this order logged in and put away, I’m crashing in Blade’s room for a couple hours.”
“Do you care if I help?” Blue asked me. “It’ll just be a couple of minutes.”
I shook my head.
“What needs taken to the basement?”
Romeo pointed to the boxes, and Blue lifted the first two and headed downstairs, leaving me alone with Romeo.
Another stack of boxes rolled in. Romeo yawned, checked the stock, and marked his spreadsheet. Awkward silence stretched between us.
Finally, Romeo slapped his pen to the counter. “Pippa and Levi are best friends.”
What was that supposed to mean? I knew I’d screwed up my friendship with Levi. I assumed she’d have other friends. I wasn’t trying to interfere in Levi’s life in any way. Especially not her relationship or her friendships .
“Okay.” Pippa was nice. Although, I didn’t know her. Not really. But anyone who could make Dozer happy had to be special.
“Sorry,” he said. “My brain is fried.” He spun on his stool and stared hard into my face. “We have history, Kiss. Nothing is going to change that. Blue and I are cool. I need for you and me to get there. What’s it going to take?”
I chewed my lip, knowing there was only one way to make things right. And that might just make things worse. I had to tell him the awful things I’d done behind his back.
Blue jogged into the room, grabbed two more boxes, winked at me, and carried the booze downstairs.
Romeo’s brow arched, and those damn pretty joker lips smiled. Only this time, they didn’t cause a flurry of butterflies in my belly. Romeo didn’t make my heart skip a beat, my nipples harden, or my pussy tingle.
There was only Blue for me. And Romeo was a daddy, and he was Levi’s.
“Do you remember when you were missing nine hundred dollars out of your tin?” I couldn’t look at him as I confessed the horrible things I’d done to him. “I took it and used it to buy drugs. When there wasn’t cash, I stole your weed. I had a source who would trade weed for black.”
“You stole from me to buy heroin?”
I nodded.
He shook his head. “Your drug use scares me, Kiss. You never seemed to have a limit…on anything.” He sighed. “But stealing just means you’re a Heller. I midnight shopped catalytic converters to buy my Harley, to pay my rent, for pussy, and for fucking fun. I hate that you stole from me, but it isn’t about the money. Ki ss, I knew you had a problem. You partied too hard and too often, but I was there with you. When you OD’d, I knew we couldn’t keep going the way we were.”
“I couldn’t handle heroin, and I couldn’t handle losing you.”
“We both have blame.”
“I had more.”
He chuckled, that devilish smile on a pretty face. “Kiss, I couldn’t quit you any more than you could quit black. We had laughs until we didn’t. We were a bad habit neither one of us knew how to break.”
“I have so many regrets, Romeo. I hurt Levi.”
“Not more than I did. She’s the most ruthlessly forgiving person I’ve ever known.” Romeo slid off the stool and approached me. When his arms banded around me, my tears fell.
“I’m sorry.” I clung to him, drinking in the familiar scent of cigarettes and his cologne.
“Me, too.”
When Blue came into the room, Romeo released me and stepped back. “Those boxes, too,” he said. “And next time make some noise when you’re going to fuck up a moment.”
I gasped. “Romeo!”
“Fuck, Kiss, don’t protect him. He’s got Levi, Jazzy, Hana—” Romeo continued to tick off names on his fingers. “—Brenna, Pippa.”
Blue flipped him off, then grabbed two more boxes. This time I joined him and grabbed one, too.
“If Romeo was trying to make me jealous listing off all those girls, it worked.” I followed Blue to the basement.
“You’re cute if you think you have anything to be jealous over. Unlike me. Yesterday, you rode on the back of a sportbike with your ass ready to cause pileups on city streets. Girl on girl bike action.”
Once we’d reached the bottom of the stairs, I followed him to the storage shelves and handed him the box to stack with the others. “You’re not really mad are you?”
“No, but now that you’ve hugged it out with Romeo, he doesn’t get to put his hands on you again.”
“Yours are the only hands I want on me.”
Blue collared my throat with his palm, backed me against the wall, and split my legs with his thigh. “And yours are the only hands that will touch me.” He kissed me fast and filthy. “But I’m not fucking you in the basement of the MC.”
My stomach chose that moment to growl. “You need to feed me more than your dick.”
Blue laughed and released me. “Come on.”
***
Because Sully was home drinking coffee and eating his eggs and toast, once we’d eaten our burgers, Blue took a quick shower and left for the shop.
“I’ll be gone most of the day,” I said as I loaded the dishwasher. “Do you need anything while I’m out?”
“I’m good.” He yawned then stroked his beard. “I guess you’ll be spending most of your time at the MC again.” A smile crinkled the corners of his eyes.
“Probably,” I said and sat across from him. “Blue and I are doing good. I talked to Romeo this morning. NA has steps. Nine is taking responsibility for the shit I’ve done, asking for forgiveness, including forgiving myself. That one is a little harder to do.”
“You’ll get there, peanut.”
I stood and kissed his cheek. “I’m not using today, but I don’t have enough days sober to instill a lot of confidence. But I’m okay. There’s no expiration date on my sobriety. One day at a time.”
I went to my room, showered, and rushed to get ready for my meeting. Because I wasn’t going to be on a bike, I left my hair down, grabbed my phone, and paused. Sully had left a twenty-dollar bill on my dresser with a note. Tightness squeezed my chest. He made being humble easy. His kindness was quiet yet fierce. Another piece of armor for my recovery.
Now I wouldn’t have to ask Blue for gas money, and I’d be able to add a few dollars to the donation basket at my meeting.
***
At the community center, I parked near the front. As usual, Ansel was behind his desk, welcoming new attendees, greeting familiar faces, and smiling at everyone as they came through the door. Feeling more like a regular, I said a few hellos and went to the meeting room.
Ryatt smiled and waved me over to the refreshment table.
“Where’s McKelle? You should bring her back.”
“She’s busy.” I arched a brow. “Probably with her boyfriend.”
The smile dropped from his face. “Fuck. Really?”
Brad slapped him on the back. “Dude, I told you. No way a girl that hot doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
Ryatt stuffed a cookie in his mouth, and I laughed.
Five minutes before the meeting started, I excused myself to use the bathroom. The door squeaked as I pushed it open. One of the three stalls was occupied. I chose the one closest, dropped my jeans, and listened to the person next to me. She had a large hobo sack on the floor next to her feet .
Maybe it was because of my history with drugs, but I recognized the hiss of breath and the groan of relief. She had to be using—at a NA meeting! Sweat burst along my skin, like a sudden mist of anxiety. My heart rabbited, and my mouth salivated. Oh my god.
Breathe . Cravings never lasted, and I was stronger than my addictions. I wish I could rush how fast I peed. I wanted out of here. I didn’t want to know who was in the stall next to me. I didn’t want anything to do with whatever she was using.
The woman accidentally kicked her bag, and her lip gloss rolled into my stall.
She bent and grabbed her things. I picked up the lip gloss and handed it under the wall separating us. “Thanks,” she mumbled.
I finished and exited the stall. As I quickly washed my hands, the woman flushed and opened the door. I lifted my gaze and met her stare in the mirror over the sink.
“Hey,” she said to me, as if we both didn’t know what she’d been doing. Her pupils were blown, and she could barely focus on my face. She swung her bag over her shoulder.
“Georgia.” What did I say to her? She was high as fuck at an NA meeting. “We’ve been trying to reach you.” I couldn’t ask her how she was doing. She looked tired and strung out. Long sleeves covered her arms, but I’d bet she was full of tracks and scabs.
“I’ve been around.” She pushed her hair away from her face. Dark circles marred her eyes.
“You need help.” I took a step toward her. “I’ll get Ansel.”
“Don’t,” she said, and wiped a trickle of drool from her lip. “You don’t know what I need. ”
“I know you’re hurting, but getting high isn’t the answer.”
A forced laugh erupted from her mouth. “How would you know? You’ve been clean for what? A week?”
“Fourteen days. And I know that I’m nowhere ready to do sobriety on my own. That’s why I’m here. We have to lean on each other.”
Her bag slipped from her shoulder, and she tightened her grip on the strap. “Okay. You can help me. I need money.”
A sliver of fear shivered over my flesh. Looking into Georgia’s eyes was like looking in a mirror. The lies, the broken promises, manipulations, and annihilation of anything good.
Panic sent a flush of heat through my extremities and curdled the cookies and coffee in my belly. The flash of withdrawal pain fired through my brain. I couldn’t be here for her. I couldn’t be her sober friend. I wasn’t strong enough to hold hands with black or whatever the hell she was on.
“I need to go,” I said, barely able to eke out the words with the lump lodged in my throat.
“Sure. Whatever.”
“I’m sorry.” I fought the tears knowing that if I walked away from her she would continue to use. Then I remembered all the times Jazzy and Levi begged me to quit. The broken trust in Romeo’s eyes when I’d still manipulated him from a hospital bed after I’d overdosed. Dozer and Blade avoiding me because I’d become toxic to our group.
A fresh wash of regret coursed through me. I remembered learning that my friends had dumped me in the parking lot of a bar rather than call a paramedic for help when I overdosed. The MC came before my life, but I didn’t blame them. I wouldn’t play the victim of a tragedy I’d created for myself.
Two weeks wasn’t long, but it was a hard two weeks. My sobriety meant too much to me. This time I had to follow the advice of the program giving my life back to me. I had to be selfish.
“When you’re ready to get help, the program will still be here for you. People care about you. Brad cares about you.”
Her mouth pulled into a sneer as her gaze traveled down my body. “Look at you. Perfect body, blonde hair, blue eyes. You don’t have to try for people to like you, and you think you have all the answers.”
She didn’t know me at all. A junkie mother, a dead father, and a history of bad decisions, broken promises, and self-destruction. “I don’t have any of the answers. I only know that using again isn’t going to make losing Janie any easier.”
“Shut up! You don’t know anything about me.”
“I am you.” Tears spilled onto my cheeks. “And I know that no one could make me stop. I didn’t want to get sober because I liked getting high.”
“The bathroom isn’t the place for a share. Save it for the meeting.”
“And the bathroom at an NA meeting isn’t the place to shoot up. I want to help you, but I’m smart enough to know I can’t make you want to get clean, and that my trying will have me back on the needle.”
I fled from the bathroom, making my way to the meeting. Brad and Ryatt saved me a seat between them. “Georgia is in the bathroom,” I whispered. “She’s high. I’m pretty sure I’ve upset her. I don’t know what to do. ”
Brad was out of his seat and running from the room. Ansel paused in talking, his gaze following Brad out of the room. “Excuse me,” he said, asking an older gentleman in the room to take over meeting business.
Ryatt shifted his gaze from me to over his shoulder.
“Go. I’ll wait here.” I’d said enough.
I didn’t know the guy leading the meeting, but when Ansel hadn’t returned after several minutes, he opened the floor to sharing.
Someone spoke, then another. I barely listened because my focus was on the emptiness around me. I was uncomfortable alone. Ten minutes passed. And then fifteen more. The meeting was nearly over by the time Ryatt slipped into the chair next to me.
“I’ll tell you after,” he whispered.
Before the next person spoke, Brad entered the room and sat next to me. Red splotches stained his cheeks, and his eyes were puffy. I leaned against him and rested my head on his shoulder.
He was hurting. Georgia was using again, but at least she wasn’t dead. And that meant she still had a chance to change her life.
Blue
I finished up with Rogue and Bullet at the dance studio, checked in with Dozer at the shop, then sent a text to Kiss that I was on my way over to Sully’s to grab her. As I throttled the bike, I thought about what Rogue and Bullet had said.
When I was ready…
Over the last six months, I’d gotten to know Bullet. He was good to his girls, but didn’t take shit from anyone. A total badass biker, former pimp who liked to fight as much as he liked pussy. But Bullet had another side, someone who collected favors and kept secrets.
In just a couple days, he had a file coming together on Carl Douglas. He wanted to do surveillance on Carl, his home, and his work. Although he didn’t want me doing it because he didn’t want to take the chance of Carl noticing me.
Rogue and Bullet were planners, taking into account every contingency. He said to give him at least another forty-eight hours, and then…
When I was ready…
Talking about confronting Carl, and actually ambushing him for retribution felt different. One filled me with fire. I relished the thought of confronting him, threatening him, and proving to him he didn’t break me. I’d patched into a motorcycle club. I ran with Hellers. And I’d like to see him try to touch me now. I’d break every fucking bone in his body. But the very real idea of standing in front of him, knowing what he’d done to me and, worse, what I’d done to him, stabbed fear into my chest.
If my memories weren’t enough reason to go after him now, what would it take for me to get ready? I wasn’t sure because I still felt his threats like ice in my veins. He still scared me.
I parked along the garage. Kiss bounded out of the house, handed me the keys, and walked around to the passenger side of Jazzy’s sedan while I sat behind the wheel.
“How was your meeting?” I asked, pulling out of the drive.
“It was horrible. I didn’t see her with a needle, but I’m pretty sure Georgia was shooting up in the bathroom. Even if she wasn’t shooting, she was doing something because she was high.” Kiss ran her hands down her thighs. “It’s so hard, Blue. I’ve been where she is so many times. I’d make excuses on why I needed to use. I still have those same excuses.” She turned to me. “I don’t think I’d make a good sponsor. I couldn’t be in the same room with her.”
I reached for her hand. “I don’t want you in the same room with her. Don’t take this wrong, but just because someone can run for a mile doesn’t mean they’re ready to run a marathon. You’re building your sobriety muscles. You’re not supposed to be anyone’s sponsor, not yet.”
Kiss gave me directions to her uncle’s house. Jazzy’s car was a piece of shit. The brakes were sticky, the accelerator was sluggish, and the speakers were blown. I’d get it into the shop for a tune-up before I’d let her drive it again.
From the passenger seat, she nervously sang along to the snap and crackle of the stereo. Periodically, she’d pop her thumb into her mouth and chew her nail.
“Kiss, you can only do you. Just be honest with him.”
She turned toward me, and her lips didn’t quite pull into a smile, but she tried. John Martin wasn’t a Heller and, according to Kiss, didn’t have a lot of love for bikers.
I wasn’t sure bringing me along was going to improve the situation, but she wanted me there. He lived in a middle-class neighborhood with kids on bicycles and minivans in driveways. I parked alongside the curb in front of a split-level house built in the eighties and killed the engine .
An old Ford pickup truck sat in the driveway. Flowerbeds had been filled in with rocks, but there were a few old leafy trees in the yard.
“I don’t know what to say to him.” She stared out the passenger window.
“Keep it simple. Most people just want to know why. And they want the truth.”
I opened the driver’s side door. I’d open the door for her, but she was already out and standing on the sidewalk. I took her hand in mine and led her to the porch. She visibly trembled as she pushed the doorbell.
“Breathe,” I whispered. “The worst he can do is ask us to leave. Anything else is a win.”
Thirty seconds had to feel like days. There wasn’t a screen. When the door opened, Kiss faced her uncle. He looked exactly like I expected. Lumberjack beard, reading glasses perched on his nose, dirty jeans from a day of hard work, and a flannel with a tear on the sleeve. A guy I could imagine having a beer with.
“Hi,” she said.
The smile faded, and his mouth hardened. “I don’t have any money,” he snapped.
“I didn’t come to ask for money.” She nervously wrung her hands.
“What do you want?”
“I…I…”
“Can we come in?” I asked.
“No.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked toward the street. “Hellers and junkie whores aren’t welcome in my house.”
Kiss blinked back tears. I took a calming breath. He was angry. If he blamed Hellers for her addictions, he was partially right. That didn’t change the truth that Kiss had fucked him over one too many times, but I wasn’t going to let him tear her down.
“I can respect that,” I said, shrugged out of my cut, and draped it over my arm. “Now, can you invite your niece into your house?”
We had a ten second stare down, and he blinked first, then stepped to the side. “Five minutes.”
I put my hand on Kiss’s back and escorted her into the house.
John shut the door, and we followed him up the short set of stairs to the living room. He plopped down in a recliner. “What do you want?”
Kiss sat on the couch. I stood by the stairs, not wanting to take this from her, the chance to try to make amends with him.
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry, Uncle John.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I know I can’t fix what I did.”
John was quiet for a moment, staring at Kiss. “You promised me you’d get clean.”
“I know.”
“I don’t understand you,” he said. “I can’t watch you kill yourself.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I’ve lied to you so many times. I’d promise to get what I wanted.” She released a shuddering exhale. “I’d steal.” The tears overfilled her eyes and spilled onto her cheek.
Her uncle got up to grab a tissue from the box and handed it to her.
“I know I stole your retirement.”
“You didn’t steal it. But you sure fucking wasted twenty years of my savings.”
“I was messed up. I know that doesn’t change anything, and it’s not an excuse. I never wanted to go to treatment. ”
He grumbled and sat back down in the recliner. “Fifty thousand dollars, Shae. Fifty grand to save the little girl who had my heart. Fifty grand gone. And how much have you stolen from my house?”
She dabbed at her eyes. “More than I can ever repay.” More tears fell. “I’d tell myself I wanted to get clean, but the addict in me loves getting high.”
I couldn’t watch her cry and not comfort her. I strode across the room, sat next to her on the couch, and weaved my fingers with hers. She squeezed my hand.
“And how do you fit in?” he asked me. “Are you her dealer?”
A soft smile curled my lips. “Nah. I’m her boyfriend.”
Kiss’s entire body shuddered on a calming exhale. She worked at keeping more tears from her eyes. I know she saw them as weakness, but I found them to be cathartic for her. She was washing away the pain of the things she was leaving in her past. Her guilt, her addiction, and her emotional trauma.
She turned her attention back to her uncle. “I know I have a long road to recovery, but I’m not using, and I’m going to NA meetings. I’m taking responsibility for the mistakes I’ve made and the people I’ve hurt.”
He leaned back in the recliner and scrutinized her appearance. Maybe he was looking for the lie, but he wouldn’t find it. “How long have you been clean?”
“Not very long,” she whispered. “But it’s different this time.”
An indignant laugh huffed from his mouth. “I’ve heard that before.”
“I know,” she said. “And I know it’s hard to believe me now. But I’ll prove to you I’ve changed. You can even come to one of my meetings. They have a friends and family night on the first Friday of the month at the community center.”
“I’ll pass. You’ve got a track record, Shae. I can’t afford to have a relationship with you. I’m not going to be around when you start using heroin again.”
She squished the tissue in her fist. “I understand.” She stood. “One day, I’m going to find a way to pay you back.”
John ambled out of the recliner. “Stay clean, Shae. And stay away from me. That’s how you repay me.”
She sniffed, dabbed the tissue under her nose, and nodded.
“We’ll go,” I said.
“If you really wanted her to stay clean, you’d stay away from her. Hellers have brought nothing but trouble to her. Killed her dad, turned her mom into a junkie. And made her one, too.”
As a response, I shrugged on my cut and led her out of the house. At the passenger door of the car, I wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face in my chest and trembled in my arms as she cried. I pressed my lips to the top of her head, then glanced up at the house. John stood at the window watching us.
I pivoted and opened the door. Kiss slid into the car. I stared at John as I walked around the front of the vehicle. I could only hope with time, he’d see he could have a relationship with her again.
Now, I had my own history to confront. Fifteen minutes after we’d left her uncle’s, Kiss realized we weren’t headed to Sully’s or the MC.
When I reached the outskirts of town, she asked, “Where are we going?”
“Bullet told me about a Mexican place. Are you hungry? ”
She shrugged. “Okay.”
I wasn’t really hungry, but I wasn’t ready to talk yet either. Not in the car.
I pulled off the highway at the small trailer taco stand. Several cars were parked in the gravel lot. I parked at the end of the row, and we walked up to the faded pictures on the side of the building. When it was our turn to order, we grabbed a few tacos, drinks, beans, and rice.
“To go,” I said to the woman taking our order.
She nodded, hollered to the guy cooking behind her, then pointed at me, and at her back to indicate the patch on my cut. “Tell Bullet to come see me. Sí?”
“Sí,” I said.
We stepped to the side to wait for our order.
“Are you doing okay?” I asked Kiss.
“Yes. He was nicer than I expected. I think it went okay. I didn’t expect a hug or an invitation to spend holidays with him. Ansel keeps reminding me to forgive myself, but it’s not easy. I hate who I was.”
I tipped her face to mine. “And I love who you are now.”
Her mouth split into a wide smile. “I love you, too.”
“Heller,” the woman called.
I rushed to the woman and lifted the box from her hands. “Gracias.”
Kiss came up beside me and grabbed our drinks.
“Come back,” she said and called out for the next customer.
We carried the food back to the car. Kiss slid the drinks into the drink holders between us. “Where are we going?”
“A little drive.”
“Can we eat in the car? ”
I glanced around at the stained seats and the dirty floormats. “Don’t spill,” I said and laughed.
Kiss partially unwrapped a taco and handed it to me. A good song came on the stereo. She turned it up and danced in her seat as she opened a taco for herself. She hummed and chewed, and if I wasn’t already completely into her, I would’ve crashed head-on into love.
The miles passed in a blur. With the window rolled down, the wind whipping her hair, she smiled at me. I wanted to capture this moment, to hold on forever. But it was going to end. I turned off the interstate and was transported back in time.
The road curved and wound through tall trees. I’d called it a lake house, but there were mansions mingled in with small cottages.
I pulled onto the shoulder of the road. Fuck. I gripped my chest. Even taking a breath hurt with the slamming beat of my heart.
In the distance, sun glinted off a pristine blue lake. To the left was the specter of my nightmare, the skeleton in my closet, the reason for the hate tainting my blood. The small boathouse with the locking door. The secret.
I opened the car door and stepped out of the vehicle. I walked to the edge of the clearing. The other car door closed, and then Kiss came up beside me.
“It’s beautiful,” she said. “What is this place?”
I squinted against the sunlight. “The boathouse.”
She didn’t say anything. Words weren’t needed. Whatever reason had brought me here didn’t matter. She wouldn’t let me face my fears alone.
“I don’t know why I needed to come here.” I turned and headed back to the car .
Kiss slid into the passenger seat, and I climbed behind the wheel. But I didn’t start the car. A light wind whistled through the trees. Yet, it was still eerily quiet.
I took a sip of soda and stared at the boathouse. “I remember how scared I was to get caught alone. He had a way of finding me.”
“Predators watch for opportunity,” she said.
I grabbed another taco. “I met with Bullet, Rogue, and Cruz this morning.”
She twisted on the seat and faced me.
“Bullet gathered enough information for us to go after Carl. Apparently, Carl wasn’t that hard to profile. He has everything from his DMV print out to his gym membership.”
“What’s next?”
When I was ready…
“I don’t know.” I folded the paper around my taco. “I’m scared, Kiss.”
She shifted onto her knees, took the taco from my hand, dropped it into the box, and crawled onto my lap. I pushed the seat back, giving her room to straddle me.
“Look at me.” I gripped her hips, and she clutched my shoulders. “The young boy inside you is terrified. Don’t you dare try to silence him. You give him a voice. You use that fear, and you unleash it on Carl Douglas.”
She rested her forehead against mine. “I love you, Blue. But there is a piece of you that is locked in your memories. I’m Kiss now, but inside, I’m still Shae. I have to forgive her. Inside, you’re still Brantley. Like me, you have to find a way to forgive him, too.”