Chapter 23 #2
He moved closer, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. “What did you notice about my behavior when I took that infernal infatuation elixir?”
My voice struggled to come out normally. “You made me hide in the washroom.”
His lips curled. “Besides that. Think about at the beginning. What made you first think the potion was working?”
I thought back. He had hovered and guided my hands while making the potion. “You found excuses to touch me.”
“Yes,” he said softly. “Not because I was wholly unable to control myself but because I wanted to. At that point in time, I wanted you to know I was interested.”
His words sent an unexpected jolt through my chest.
“Touch creates familiarity,” Zafir continued, voice steady even as his eyes searched my face. “A hand at the small of the back when a man is guiding a woman through a doorway, for example. Fingers brushing when passing an object. None of it is accidental, even if it appears to be.”
He reached for me then, allowing his thumb to brush a speck of dirt off my hand. “Like this. You find an excuse to touch them that could easily be explained away.”
My pulse leapt traitorously under his touch.
“When Julian speaks,” he went on, “let your touch linger.” His fingers pressed against my skin again, longer this time, then he released me. “Just long enough to be noticed. Then you withdraw.”
“What if he doesn’t notice?” I asked.
“He will,” Zafir said “It would be impossible for him not to notice.”
He gestured for me to try. I hesitated, then reached out and rested my hand against his arm, just above the elbow. His muscles tensed beneath my palm before he forced them to relax.
“Good,” he murmured, though his voice had become slightly rougher. “Make sure to lean in slightly when you speak. Not enough to invade his space…just enough that he has to focus on you.”
I leaned closer and wondered if my face was as red as I imagined it would be.
“Perfect,” he said. “That closeness signals trust and interest.”
The chain between us shifted as he stepped back, breaking the moment. “Hand placement next,” he said rather briskly. “Holding hands can mean many things.”
He let his fingers brush against mine, so quickly that I barely realized. “This signals curiosity and is a good way to gauge mutual interest.” He adjusted so he could squeeze my hand. “When you apply a little pressure, it signals reassurance and comfort.”
He interlaced our fingers, and I marveled how well they fit together. “This shows commitment.”
“How did you learn all this?” I asked. “Have you been with many women?”
He traced his thumb in circles on my palm. “No,” he finally admitted. “Before I started taking the Stillheart every day, I craved companionship. I thought if I studied the science behind romance enough, it would come to me.”
“Sounds like it wasn’t enough.”
His eyes skated across my face. “Rumor has it that in order to attract a companion, one must leave their quarters and socialize. I learned all the rules of courtship but never found time to put them into practice.”
Silence stretched between us, charged and fragile.
“I’m glad you’re willing to teach me,” I said softly.
“Do you have any questions?” Zafir asked, still holding my hand.
“What if Julian wants more than holding hands?” I asked.
Zafir’s gaze tightened before he masked it. “Then you decide whether more would serve our purpose. If it doesn’t, you pull away and politely remind him that anticipation is more powerful than instant satisfaction. Men don’t value what they get too easily.”
I searched his face. “And what if he pushes for more?”
“Then give me a signal and I’ll strangle him for you.
I’ll be right there watching, remember?” Zafir’s hand tightened around mine before he seemed to realize our fingers were still interlaced.
He released me at once. “In all seriousness though, if a man pushes for more when a woman says no, he’s not worth your time. ”
“And what if,” I ventured, “I don’t want to pull away? What if I’m the one who wants more?”
Zafir looked at me and his composure slipped. “Then,” he said quietly, “you’d better be very certain you want who you’re choosing, and just keep giving the right signals.”
I couldn’t resist asking, “What sort of signals? What should I do?”
Zafir hooked his fingers behind my ears so they grazed the back of my neck. “Something like this,” he whispered. “Look at me.”
I stared up into his black eyes, trying to ignore how my heart had begun to thump madly at my ribs.
The lesson suddenly felt far from theoretical.
If only I hated him without any other confusing feelings muddled into the mix.
This was the man who had helped my sister when she was scared, the man who didn’t even bat an eye at my stealing his potions and drugging him with infatuation elixir.
He was helping me deceive all of Parliament at great risk to his own personal career.
I knew it was so he could gain access to the lamp but also… he understood me.
“If you want to successfully seduce a man, it’s all in the eyes.
Alternate your gaze between his eyes and his mouth so he knows you are interested.
” His voice dropped so low that it vibrated in my chest. “Remember what I said before about eye contact and copy me.” Zafir studied my lips, then glanced up, as if begging permission to kiss me.
I became convinced on the spot that Zafir was much too good at the art of seduction.
“Am I doing it right?” I asked, switching my gaze between Zafir’s penetrating dark eyes and his thin lips, lingering longer and longer on the latter. What would they feel like against my own?
“Perfectly. Make sure to use your hands. Touch his chest. Men love that.”
My palms snuck up to where I could feel Zafir’s firm chest.
“You know,” I told Zafir quietly, “I’m guessing you ought to put your hand on my waist. If you don’t move, our arms might get tangled up.”
Zafir complied, snaking one of his hands around my waist and tugging me closer. “Now lean forward a little more. When a woman tilts her face up, she’s showing the man her willingness and interest.”
He was so close that I could feel his warm breath swirling across my collarbones.
“I would assume if a woman is already this close, the man would already be well aware of her willingness and interest,” I told Zafir, keeping my head exactly where it was.
“Ah, you forget that most men put on a grand show of bravado to mask that they are all deeply terrified of rejection, particularly from the woman who holds their affections.” Zafir’s gaze lingered on my mouth once more, and his head inclined a fraction of an inch.
The chain between us clinked gently as Zafir tightened his hold on me. I adjusted my hand so I could trace my fingertip around the outer rim of his ear. He closed his eyes and drew in a shuddering breath.
I wanted him to kiss me. Forget Julian; I wanted Zafir. His lesson had been too good to ignore. What would he do if I closed the distance between us? Would he push me away?
“I can’t practice seducing you any further than this or we’ll actually end up kissing,” I said in a voice so low that it was barely audible.
“Do you need a lesson for that as well?”
Time ground to a halt. Was he offering what I hoped he was? “I think that might be helpful, as long as this isn’t compelled by another infatuation elixir. I don’t want you to feel forced.”
“No elixir; it’s just a lesson.” His nose grazed along my jaw and up my cheek. “The first kiss is supposed to be the most memorable,” he murmured, so close that I felt the air bending around my lips. “So, you’ll need to make an impression.”
He touched his lips against mine so softly that it felt like a butterfly landing and fleeing again a heartbeat later. Was that it? Was that all I would get?
I couldn’t bear resisting like he could; I didn’t have his level of self-control.
I closed the gap between us, crushing my lips against his with a vengeance.
Without hesitation, he cupped my face in both his hands and dove into the kiss so aggressively that my toes curled and my fingers clutched at the back of his tunic.
There was a desperation to how he kissed me, like I was the last vessel of water in a vast desert and he was determined to quench his thirst.
We shouldn’t.
Zafir and I were all wrong for each other.
And yet…my body betrayed me. An intense, aching hollow opened inside my chest and I couldn’t resist leaning into the burning sensation.
I needed him just as much as I needed to breathe.
There was no other kiss in the world that could compare to kissing Zafir.
All my self-control vanished on the spot and I lost myself to our kiss’s ebbing and flowing.
No elixir would ever be able to replicate this transcendent experience.
Zafir dropped slightly to press his lips on the line where my jaw met my neck while I caught my breath.
“Did I pass the lesson?” I rasped.
Zafir pulled back slightly and couldn’t take his eyes off my lips. “You can’t pass any class with a single test, you know. You have to prove you’ve learned things over a longer span of time.”
“So, this wasn’t the final exam?” I tilted my head forward again. “Do I need to demonstrate what I’ve learned again?”
He leaned back in. “Yes, I need another demonstration.” Our lips met again.
Unwise as it was, I couldn’t stop kissing him.
It was impossible to lock down what he tasted like.
It was like smoke mixed with starlight or shadow laced with fire.
It was danger and safety all at once, and it was intoxicating.
I felt that I would never get enough and that I’d be willing to sell my soul to extend this sensation forever.
It was a grand mistake I’d want to make over and over again.
His grip on me tightened and he returned my mouth’s pressure with his own.