Chapter 27
Zafir pulled me into his study, and for a moment, I thought he was about to kiss me, but he simply wrapped his arms around me to let me sink against him.
“I told Julian about the genie,” I mumbled into his shirt. “I tried everything to get him to agree, but he said no. Turns out it’s only his father with money, not Julian.”
Zafir’s chin rested on top of my head. “I spoke with Rogan and he told me something similar. Apparently, he allocates a certain amount of money to have Julian entertain any women that might have information of interest to Parliament, and Julian relays that information to his father in exchange for an additional allowance.”
I let out a noise of disgust. “So he only pretends to be interested in women to smooth talk them into giving him information?”
“So it would seem.” His arms tightened around me. “It was never done in any official capacity through Parliament, but it makes sense. Rogan always seemed a little too well-informed. Did you ever explicitly tell Julian that you aren’t a duchess?”
I strained to remember. When he came up to me while Zafir was in the meeting, I had been so frantic and desperate that I couldn’t remember exactly what I’d said. “Maybe? I told him that it was a genie that sent me here, but he didn’t seem to believe me. What did they say in the meeting about me?”
Zafir sighed. “I won’t lie—they’re angry and they’re planning on convicting you.
The little stunt with Julian making advances on the tzar’s wife made it so we had to table the discussion, but they are working on an official decision right now.
Odds are that it will be a minimum of five years in prison unless your bail is paid, which would be a considerable amount. ”
Yet more money I didn’t have. I drew a ragged breath and broke away from Zafir, reaching for my mirror.
“What about Nadia?” I turned it over three times, waiting for my sister’s face to fill the glass, but nothing happened.
Was she simply busy? Or what if the wanted posters had encouraged someone to turn in Nadia and she was unable to answer?
“When are they going to take me?” The urge to run was becoming unbearable. I couldn’t just wait for them to come and take me to prison. I needed to hide. I needed an escape.
“I don’t know. It could be right now or it could be in several weeks.” Zafir caught my hands before I could start pacing. His grip was firm and grounding. “Alia. Look at me.”
I tried, but my thoughts were skittering in too many directions at once: prison, Nadia, Brisden, and the mirror that was resolutely refusing to show me my sister. Zafir hooked his finger under my chin and drew my face around so he could look at me.
“We’ll figure it out,” he told me calmly.
“How?” I burst out. “How can we figure this out? We don’t have any money, we don’t have passage, and in prison, I won’t have any way of contacting Nadia.”
His thumb brushed slow circles over my knuckles. “I still have some options,” he said.
That only made it worse. “Maybe you do, but I don’t. You have influence and good standing with Parliament. I have nothing.” I swallowed hard and barely managed to say, “You won’t be there with me.”
“No,” he admitted. “But I can do something better than that.”
He guided me back toward the sofa and pressed me down gently, as though afraid I might bolt if he let go. He crouched in front of me so we were at eye level.
“I’ll help you,” he said. “I swear it. But you have to stay.”
My chest ached. “Stay and wait for them to lock me away, you mean?”
“Stay and let me fight for you,” he corrected. “Just like you said, I still have some leverage. It might take a little time, but I have a few favors I haven’t called in yet.” His jaw hardened. “But if you run and I can’t find you, I can’t help you.”
“What if they come for me tonight?” I whispered.
“Then I’ll stall.” His eyes flicked to the door. “Our prisons aren’t horrible, you know. If my plan takes a little longer than I’m hoping, we can still figure things out and you’ll be safe there.”
Something in my chest twisted painfully. “And what if I choose to leave before they find me?”
His mouth parted, then closed again. He stood abruptly and turned away, running a hand through his hair. “Then I’d hate every second of it,” he said roughly. “But I won’t stop you.”
The silence stretched between us, heavy and fragile.
My hands were shaking as exhaustion crashed down all at once, and Zafir noticed. He crossed to his desk, uncorked a small vial, and poured a few drops into a cup of water.
I gave a shaky smile. “I hope that’s not another infatuation elixir.”
“It’s a sleeping draught,” he said. “You need rest.”
I was too tired to protest. The draught tasted faintly of lavender, and my limbs began to feel heavy almost immediately.
Zafir sat beside me as the room softened at the edges. He guided my head to his shoulder when it lolled, one arm wrapping around me without hesitation.
“I’ll handle Parliament,” he murmured. “You just stay here with me.”
“Zafir?” My voice was already slowing.
“Yes?”
“If this goes badly…” I swallowed. “Promise me you’ll help Nadia.”
“I promise.”
I smiled faintly, my eyes sliding shut despite myself, and I felt Zafir lift me into his arms and carry me into his room.
He laid me on his bed and stroked my hair back.
There was a knock at his study door, and Zafir disappeared as sleep began to overtake me, but before I drifted off, I heard snatches of their conversation.
“—already secured tonight—”
“—proven threat—"
Zafir’s deep voice cut through their mumbles. “If you do that, I’ll ensure every questionable vote you’ve ever personally cast is dragged into the light.”
There was a heavy pause.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I absolutely would.”
My mind tried to hold onto the sound of his voice, to the fierce certainty in it, but the draught pulled me under, wrapping me in darkness before I could hear the reply.
I was visited by another nightmare, once more plagued by images of Rahil coming at me with a knife, stabbing me, and experiencing the pain of his attack a hundred times over again. Each knife plunge reminded me that once I died, no one would ever know or care. I was alone, all alone in the world.
“Alia!” Zafir shook my shoulder. “Alia, wake up!”
I let out a scream and pulled myself away.
He held out his hands. “It’s all right, it’s just me.”
Cold sweat trickled down my face and dampened my palms. “Sorry,” I said, still shaking all over. Tears turned my vision watery.
“Do you need a stronger sleeping potion?” he asked gently, hovering over the bed. “I can make you one.”
I shook my head, still shivering. His blanket was askew on the cot and his pillow had fallen to the floor. He’d clearly scrambled awake to help me.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” He reached out to stroke my arm.
“Hold me.” The words slipped out before I knew what I was saying, but once they were out and lingered in the air, I didn’t want to retract them. Zafir’s embrace before had made me feel so safe and protected. I needed that again. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
He hesitated for a moment, and I wondered if he was going to refuse, but he didn’t.
Zafir pulled back the sheet and slipped into bed next to me. The mattress groaned as he sank down beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist so my head rested on his bare chest. I relaxed against him and inhaled his addictive scent. I never wanted to move again for the rest of my life.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He rested his cheek on top of my head. “I know how horrible it is to be alone, and I don’t want you to experience that, not as long as I’m around.”
Zafir’s fingers moved up and down my side. I closed my eyes to better focus on the sensation. Would it feel like this to be married to someone who actually cared for his wife?
All tension drained out of my body. I didn’t need to worry about anything with Zafir around.
For the rest of the night, I didn’t have a single nightmare.
Waking up was a gradual process the next morning.
I felt so warm and comfortable that I didn’t want to move.
It took me a moment to recognize the weight draped over my back as an arm, and another minute to remember that it belonged to Zafir.
The most frightening realization of all was how much I liked him holding me and how much I wanted it to continue, even after how tense it had been the day before.
I closed my eyes again, wishing I could prolong this moment forever. I didn’t want him to revert to the Zafir I used to know, always dosed on Stillheart and criticizing me. I wanted the Zafir who comforted me when I was frightened and whose kisses made me feel like I could fly.
The memory of his reaction after we kissed slunk in. Was I about to endure another day of Zafir pretending I didn’t exist, where we were too embarrassed to even look at each other?
He shifted, arms wrapping tighter around me. How long would this last? I slowly tilted my head up to look at him, only to find him wide awake. Flaming phoenixes, I had fallen for him so hard. He had to know it, despite all my hostility and barbed insults.
“Did you sleep better?” His arms didn’t move.
“Much better. But I’m surprised you slept in,” I told him. “You always wake up early.”
He propped himself up on his elbow and his eyes searched my own. “You aren’t the only one who dislikes being alone at night. And if I’m going to be with someone, I want it to be you.”
“Zafir,” I breathed.
His gaze dropped to my mouth and he inclined his head. “I really do love hearing you say my name.”
“Zafir,” I repeated softly. “What are you doing?”
“I should think it’s obvious. You’ve tortured me these past weeks, I hope you know that. That kiss…I want you to know that I don’t regret one second of it, but I worry that you do.”
If I was about to be thrown into prison, what did it matter if I confessed my feelings now? “I don’t regret it either. It was incredible.”