Chapter 15
fifteen
THEY WHEELED REID back for the CAT scan not too long after Dr. Farruggia had left, and I waited alone in the empty room, looking down at Reid’s phone in my hands.
He’d handed it to me to keep a hold of while he was there, and I debated whether to make the call to his parents.
I’d intended to wait until we got the results back to let them know whether it was necessary or not to come down, but if I were in their shoes, I’d want to know what was going on.
I scrolled through his contacts, looking for either of his parents’ numbers, and when I saw the listing for “Mom,” I hit the call button. His mother answered on the second ring.
“Reid, you’re missing out on the most extraordinary salmon,” she said by way of greeting. There was the sound of people chattering in the background and glasses clinking. “You should’ve come with us.”
“Hello, Mrs. Valentine. This is Ollie, Reid’s”—I hesitated, unsure of how much she knew—“friend.”
“Oh, yes, Ollie, hello. Is everything all right?”
“Actually…” How to put this so they didn’t freak out?
“Reid has been suffering from some headaches this week. He assured me it was nothing serious, but he had another one tonight, and I thought we should get it checked out, just to be on the safe side. He’s getting a scan at Floyd right now, and we should know something soon. ”
“At Floyd? Floyd Hospital?” The connection muffled like she’d pulled the phone away, and I could hear her repeating what I’d said to someone. When she got back on the line, she said, “Ollie? We’ll be up there soon.”
“Okay. There may not be any need, but I know he’d like to have you here just in case.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you letting us know.”
“Anytime.” I hung up just as Reid was wheeled back in the room, and I stood up to greet him. “Easy enough, huh?”
“Mhmm.” He winced as another shot of pain seemed to lance through him, and he covered his eyes with his hand.
“Does the light make it worse?” I looked up at the nurse who’d wheeled him in. “Sue, can we dim the lights at all?”
“Of course.” She flipped them off so that only a faint glow over the counter filtered through the room, and soon after, Reid eased back onto the bed.
I leaned down and cupped his face, pressing a kiss to his forehead and wishing I could ease the pain by doing so.
“I’m so pissed off,” he said, his face downturned. “I really wanted taco Tuesday.”
That made me laugh, and he managed a smile too. “You’ll get an even more amazing taco Tuesday when you feel better.”
“I like the sound of that. But for now,” he said, tapping his finger against his lips, “kiss?”
“As many as you want.”
With one hand on the side of the bed to hold me steady, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, teasing for entry, and he grinned and granted me access, lifting his head to meet my mouth.
Our tongues made slow, languid strokes against each other, each of us trying to memorize the feel of the other.
Nothing else existed when we came together like this.
There was no hospital. No headaches. No worry about what might happen.
Just the two of us, devouring each other like we’d never gotten the chance before and not thinking about what would happen if we never got the chance again.
Minutes must’ve passed when Reid tensed and groaned against my lips. I pulled back and lowered his head gently to the bed, and then waited for the pain to pass.
Reid’s eyes opened as he panted, and a lone tear escaped down his temple. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said, wiping the wetness away. “I’ll make up tacos for you, you’ll make up kisses for me. It’s only fair.”
His eyes shone up at me. “I got pretty lucky to know you, Oliver McFadden. How did that happen?”
“Well,” I said, pulling the chair up closer to the bed, “it all started with a coffee machine…”
“Oh God. I guess I’m gonna have to give it a go and see what all the fuss is about after all.”
“Hey, it was life-changing the first time around,” I said, indicating myself.
“Huh. I never asked…”
“Yeah?”
“How did I take it? My coffee?”
“Why would you think I’d know?” I teased.
“Don’t you?”
I cracked a smile. “You’d get the regular latte, I think maybe because you liked the bit of foam or maybe you liked the milk. Then you’d add three sugars and two extra creamers.”
“Uh, that’s specific. I got it that way every time?”
“Every single time, though the flavor of the creamers changed occasionally. Oh, and except when you were busy cursing at the machine for breaking down, and then you’d settle for the regular stuff like me.”
Reid’s lips curved. “I think you might’ve been paying attention to me, Ollie McFadden.”
“I’m only surprised it took you this long to notice.” I’d said it as a joke, but a troubled expression crossed his face.
“I couldn’t have just noticed. If I was a smart guy at all, there’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed you.”
I opened my mouth, a teasing comment on the tip of my tongue, but there was a quick knock on the door, and then Dr. Farruggia entered the room, followed by—
Fuck. Oh fuck.
My heart dropped to my feet, and any hope I’d been holding that I’d panicked, that I’d been overly cautious in bringing Reid here, vanished in an instant when the woman behind Dr. Farruggia came into view and shut the door behind her.
There was no reason a neurosurgeon should be paying Reid a visit unless it was for a reason.
A really bad fucking reason.
My body went hot, like someone had submerged me into a vat of boiling water, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I pulled at the collar of my shirt and put my elbows on my knees.
Oh God, I was gonna pass out before they even said anything.
“Reid, this is Dr. Boswell, a neurosurgeon here at Floyd,” Dr. Farruggia said. “We’ve both gone over your CAT scan, and there’s something we need to discuss.”
Fuck fuck fuck.
Dr. Boswell took over then, but it was like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons, where you heard her talking but couldn’t make out a goddamn thing she was saying.
My head went fuzzy as blood roared in my ears.
I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand and tried to focus, but I knew all too well what they were telling him.
Every now and then a word would make it through the thundering in my brain, and it only confirmed what I already knew.
“Bleeding…temporal lobe…operate…today…”
I snapped back into focus then, just as Reid said, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that last part again?”
“We’ve got to operate,” Dr. Boswell said. “Today, with your permission, Reid.”
Somehow, I’d known those words were coming, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear them said out loud. And by the lack of shock on Reid’s face, I’d guess he’d known all along that his symptoms were more serious than merely a headache.
“I assume there’s no other way to…fix it?” he asked.
“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Boswell said. “Bleeding in the brain is a serious condition that can be fatal if left untreated. We can’t take the risk of waiting.”
Reid blinked as his eyes found mine, and I nodded to indicate she was telling the truth and I agreed. “I-I’ll need to call my family—”
“Your parents are on their way,” I said. “I called while you were getting the CAT scan. They should be here soon.”
“Oh…okay…okay.” He looked down at his hands, his teeth worrying his lip. “I guess you…have my permission. If there’s no other option.”
“I’m afraid not, Reid. But don’t worry, we’ll take good care of you. Do you have any questions for me?”
“I…don’t know.”
She gave him an understanding smile. “I know this is probably a bit of a shock for you. But if there’s anything you think of that you’d like to know, just ask. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be back with my team in a little while to get things going. Just sit tight.”
Reid nodded, and as she left the room, I could feel his stunned silence like a tangible thing in the air.
“How did this happen?” he whispered. “I was supposed to be getting better, not—” He broke off on a sob, but then he bit down on his fist and pulled it back together.
“Just breathe,” I said. “And if you want to cry, you can do that too.”
Reid took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before repeating the move again. When he opened his eyes again, the fear that had been there was no longer the most dominant emotion, though it still lingered. In its place was acceptance, and as he exhaled again slowly, he reached out for my hand.
“Thank you for looking out for me. For caring enough about me to bring me here.” I leaned over to kiss him lightly on the lips, and when I sat back down, he said, “This won’t be like the last time, will it? I’m not gonna wake up and forget everything again. Right?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “I hope not. But anytime there’s a brain injury, it opens itself up to possibilities.”
“So I could forget you?” His gaze was so direct, so penetrating, that I swore he could see the answer I feared in my head like it was written on a billboard. “That’s a possibility, however remote?”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat and tried for a smile. “Now, why would you do a thing like that?”
“Ollie. Could I?”
“I don’t know,” I said again, wishing I could give him a definitive answer. “I hope not. I’m sure the likelihood is slim, but I don’t know. And I won’t make you a promise I’m not a hundred percent positive I can keep.”
Reid looked away, his gaze drifting to the medical equipment set up in the corner. “When I wake up, I might not be me. I might not know you anymore.” His eyes glassed over. “And I like knowing you.”
Stutter. Stutter. Stutter. My heart wasn’t ready for that possibility. “I like knowing you too.” Breathe. Just breathe. “But don’t think about the what-ifs. Think about waking up to me.”
“I’ll remember,” he said, his jaw set as his eyes met mine. “I swear I won’t forget you. I won’t forget any of it.” His hand squeezed mine so tight that my circulation was cut off. “I promise I’ll wake up to you.”