Chapter 6
Liza
I gave Mr. Miller enough time to get off the premises before leaving. I’d only had an eight-hour shift today, so I’d gotten off early. It was a good thing, really. If my mother hadn’t found me in the parking lot, she almost definitely would’ve come to find me inside.
That would’ve been even worse, inside for the whole damn hospital to hear.
When I got to my car, my hands were still shaking, so I sipped a bottle of water and waited. Having our new nutritionist, who was probably already dating Dr. Abby, witness that whole event had been absolutely mortifying.
And it was all my own damn fault. I knew, knew if I didn’t call my mother back, she’d show up. But I’d been putting it off because that’s how she was. Impossible, sticking her nose in where it wasn’t wanted. Just being around her was an embarrassment.
I always tried to keep my private life, my family life, separate from everyone else.
For one, once they found out what it had been like for me growing up, they always started in on how amazing it was that I’d risen above.
They’d ask how I was so happy and bubbly all the time.
They’d wonder if my personality was genuine or if I was masking a deep depression.
Ugh.
I hated fielding questions like that.
The time it took me to drive home, though it wasn’t much, helped me calm my nerves a bit. I stopped and got a giant milkshake on the way, sipping it and letting it cool me down, physically and emotionally.
I unlocked my apartment and dumped my stuff on the couch, then kicked off my shoes and curled up on my overstuffed chair. I needed to call Mom, but there was another call that pressed more.
Dax.
He answered on the first ring. “Liza?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, Dax.” I jumped in before he had a chance to start rambling on. “I can’t believe you went to my mother.”
“I had to!” he exclaimed. “You wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Dax! Listen to me very carefully. You made your bed. Go lie in it with Shelby. There is no scenario in this world that ends with me taking you back. None. None. Do you understand?”
He didn’t reply, which meant he still wasn’t accepting my words. “Dax! Do not go to my mother again. You know how I feel about her. You doing that sets you further back. It didn’t help your cause. It hurt it.”
With a sigh, he tried to apologize, but I wasn’t hearing it. “No! I mean it, Dax, take me out of your phone, forget about me, and move the fuck on!”
“We loved each other for over a decade, Liza. Since we were thirteen years old. Getting rid of me won’t be that easy.”
His words caused a tremble of fear and anger to slide through me. “Stay away,” I whispered as fiercely as I could and hung up on him.
The rest of my day, which should’ve been great since I’d only had to work eight hours, sucked a big one. Instead, I was in a rotten mood, ate a bunch of junk food, and watched TV when I should’ve been studying.
By the next morning, I felt like crap for biting Mr. Miller’s head off. He’d been trying to help, and I’d just been so embarrassed that I’d snapped at him. I told myself I’d apologize the moment I saw him.
But I didn’t see him. I even went by his office and found it dark. For three days, I couldn’t find hide nor hair of Toby Miller.
Finally, Friday at lunch, I spotted him in the cafeteria sitting with Dr. Anthony. I headed his way before going to my own table, but before I could stop and tell him I was sorry for being so rude, Dr. Abby slid into the booth beside him.
She shot me a look, like wondering why in the world I’d be heading for that table.
I nodded at her and veered my course to sit a few tables behind, so it wasn’t obvious I’d been about to sit down and apologize to the man that Abby was clearly interested in.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at Abby’s back at how juvenile she was being, though.
She was considerably older than me, at least a decade, and acted like we were in the cafeteria of the local high school, not the hospital.
I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. And Abby was deluding herself. When she got up to grab some napkins, Mr. Miller slid into the booth across from her instead of sitting with her. Now he and Anthony sat with their shoulders pressed together.
“Why’d you move?” Abby asked.
His gaze kept slipping to me, so I kept mine glued to my food, resolutely not looking up. Taking out my phone, I pulled up an eBook and pretended to read it as I listened to him stammer about giving Abby more room.
I risked a glance a few minutes later, when it was quiet, hoping they were all eating and not looking my way.
Mr. Miller’s gaze was firmly on me.
I nodded slightly at him, then looked away quickly, vowing I wouldn’t glance his way again.
But I couldn’t stop my ears from hearing. I didn’t have any earbuds with me to at least look like I wasn’t eavesdropping.
Every time Abby tried to talk, Anthony responded, but he was the only one who did. And by the way my skin crawled, Mr. Miller’s gaze had to be on me.
He was probably pissed at me for being so rude the other day. I had to find the time to corner him and apologize for the whole incident.
Man, Abby was trying hard. I wasn’t one to put myself out there like that. Not that I had much experience at dating. I’d started dating Dax when we were in eighth grade, and that had only recently gone in the crapper.
I didn’t have the first clue what I was doing. And after that disastrous relationship, I had no interest in jumping into something else serious, or the possibility of being heartbroken again.
Even if I got some experience at flirting, I was pretty sure it wasn’t in my personality to be as bold as Abby. It just wasn’t me.
I wasn’t my mother. She had to have a man in her life at all times, even if that meant having a shitty man.
My appetite dwindled as I sat and listened to Abby make a fool of herself. I didn’t have time for this crap.
Clearing my head would be a much better use of my time. I took my tray to the wash line and headed for the garden.
This hospital was great because there was a small garden near the cafeteria.
It had a couple of tables to eat at near each entrance, but a path wound through shrubs and flowers.
It was a great place to bring patients for a breath of fresh air without technically leaving the hospital, as the garden was fully enclosed by hospital on all sides.
Rebekah had told me she’d been able to help plan the space, and they’d used plants and flowers that didn’t need as much sunlight, since it only shone on them around noon, when the sun was directly overhead.
There was actually an empty bench. I sat down and hugged my backpack, basking in the warmth of the sun overhead. It was almost too hot out, but it was better than being in a stifling cafeteria listening to a seemingly desperate woman make a fool of herself.
A few minutes later, someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I jerked upright. I hadn’t even realized I was dozing until then, but I’d been in that weird twilight half-sleep.
I looked up into beautiful brown eyes. “Mr. Miller,” I exclaimed, looking around, still a little confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw you sitting here and wanted to make sure you were okay. And please, call me Toby.” He sat beside me on the bench. “Tired?” He held out a to-go cup. “Here.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay.” I didn’t want to take the man’s coffee, but then he showed me his other hand. Another cup was in it.
“I saw you out here and went and got us both a pick-me-up.” He smiled tentatively. “I can’t drink them both or I’ll never sleep tonight.”
“Thank you.” I ducked my head and took the coffee, secretly glad for it. I hadn’t slept well the night before, plagued by dreams of my mother and ex-boyfriend.
“Do you mind? That I sat?” He sort of half stood back up.
“No,” I said quickly. “You’re good. I wanted to talk to you anyway. I tried to sit down with you in the cafeteria, but Abby…”
He moaned. “She’s persistent.”
I raised my eyebrows, but he cleared his throat and changed the subject. “Not getting much sleep between school and work?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Some days, it does feel that way, but no.” I had just enough money in savings to cover me for the rest of clinicals, and if I didn’t get hired after that, I was toast. “It’ll be worth it in the end, which actually is coming up soon.
” I shrugged. “It would’ve been a lot easier if my mother was the sort of person to give her daughter a little help, but she’s really not.
” I found myself venting a little, which I never, ever did.
Not even with Bianca. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that my life hadn’t been all peaches and cream, and nobody else should have to sit through my frustration.
But Toby had a kind ear. He smiled at me as I went off a little about my mother and her incessant need to be a housewife, yet she always picked men who couldn’t really afford to support a home.
By the time I finished telling him how I’d never let a man take care of me, I was so embarrassed. My cheeks flamed red. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to word vomit all over you.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “It’s nice to meet someone who doesn’t want to be taken care of. You’re a strong woman. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about there.”
I shook my head, feeling incredibly vulnerable. He had the sort of personality that made me too comfortable just ranting. He’d bewitched me with his kindness.
Jerking to my feet, I turned to walk away, but then remembered my manners. “Thank you,” I said, whirling around to find him on his feet, staring after me. “For the coffee.”
I whirled and got about five steps away before I remembered I hadn’t thanked him for trying to help me when my mom was being such a bitch.
Turning around again, I stopped short, as he was right behind me.
“And thank you for trying to help the other day outside the entrance. I bit your head off pretty severely and I’m sorry. It was rude of me.”
Embarrassed to the core of my being, both for the way I’d acted, and for being so damn flustered by just having Toby look into my eyes, I scampered and pretended he wasn’t right behind me as I hurried inside and dove into the first restroom, where he definitely wouldn’t follow me.
How mortifying. I’d now embarrassed myself in front of him twice. Three times if I counted the word vomit and the trying to escape him as two separate incidents.
For my own sanity, I’d just count them as one.
I had enough distractions in my life, and Toby Miller couldn’t become another one. I’d just have to stay away from him as much as possible, that way I wouldn’t embarrass myself for the third, or fourth, time.