Chapter 3 #3
Cash didn’t talk again for the whole time I was in the shower and, when I was done, he went back to playing cards, and I went back to bed.
The next day it was raining, the sort of cold, freezing rain that was trying its hardest to be snow.
I thought of trudging along the highway in weather like this, shivered, and stayed under the blankets.
The rain had mostly cleared by the day after that, but the cold hung around, seeping into my bones whenever I went and sat on the front porch for a bit.
Cash didn’t join me on my visits to the porch; he’d found a box of books in our room and was working his way through those.
Felt weird.
Even at home we’d stuck together most times, like in the same room.
But then, that was because of our dad. I didn’t like not having Cash close because I never knew when I’d have to step in and protect him from that asshole.
Our dad wasn’t here, but it was as though I couldn’t relax or remember that I didn’t need to watch out for him in this house.
That night at dinner Danny said, “Hey, Grandma wants the junk room cleaned out, so we’re gonna tackle it tomorrow. If you guys want to help, you get first dibs before we take everything to Goodwill.”
Cash’s eyes lit up, and I just knew he was thinking of those books. Not thinking about how he could carry them once we hit the road again, though.
“Yeah,” I said, dragging my fork through my chili. “I guess.”
Cash leaned over and scooped a forkful of chili off my plate.
“Asshole!”
Cash just grinned and Danny laughed. “There’s more if you want it.”
I hesitated, then said, “Yeah.”
“Yeah, ground beef was on special last time we bought groceries, so the freezer’s full of it,” Wilder said. “We’re gonna be eating chili for weeks.”
He sounded pretty happy about it. It tasted great, so that tracked.
“That reminds me,” Danny said. “We’re doing up this week’s grocery list. You guys want anything in particular?”
I froze, but Cash leaned toward me and whispered, “Lucky Charms?”
I gave him a look. I wasn’t gonna ask for that! But then I thought of the books he wouldn’t be able to take with him when we left. “Uh, Lucky Charms?”
“Gross,” Danny said. “I’ll put it on the list.”
“And toothbrushes,” I added quickly. Ours were basically just handles with nubs, had been for a while.
“To get rid of the taste of the Lucky Charms, huh?” Danny said, grinning.
Cash laughed silently.
Later, when I was helping wash the dishes while Danny wiped, he said, “So, I know it’s none of my business, but am I gonna have the cops knocking on my door if anyone finds out you’re here?”
I jolted, and a plate slipped back into the sink. I fished it out again and scrubbed at it. “Um.”
Danny took a step away from me, like he knew I needed the space. “I got no problem with you being here. Hell, we like having you here. But are we like, harboring minors who crossed state lines and shit?”
My guilty look answered that.
“Okay.” Danny nodded. “How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” I lied and then relented. “Next birthday.”
“Okay,” he said again. “And is there anything we need to know about what you’re running from?”
“Nope,” I said. “Just that it was methed up.”
He winced, and I wasn’t sure if it was in sympathy or because my joke just sucked that much.
Maybe both. “So, you’re pretty jittery. I get that.
But I’d sure sleep better if I knew you guys were here instead of hitchhiking out on the road.
You’re welcome to stay, is what I’m saying, for as long as you want. ”
“That’s some bullshit,” I said.
He blinked at me. “What?”
I attacked a plate with the scrubby thing. “We’re costing you money. It’s all adding up, right?”
Danny’s brow creased. “Maybe? I haven’t been keeping track.”
I glared at him. Who didn’t keep track? “You buy shit ground beef when it’s on special!”
It took him a second to react and, when he did, it wasn’t the reaction I’d thought he’d have. He laughed.
“Yeah, and we eat a lot of beans and rice too. Sure, we’re not exactly living high on the hog, that’s true. But we get by.” His laughter faded, but he was still smiling. “If you guys want to stick around, we’ll figure something out.”
“Like what?”
He gave an easygoing shrug. “Like you can get jobs. Won’t be fancy, not in Goose Run, but there’s always work of some kind going.”
Like it was that easy. Like we could just… stay.
We couldn’t, could we?
My eyes got hot and I blinked rapidly, scrubbing at the plate I was holding.
“And I don’t want to pressure you,” Danny said, “but I’m kinda gonna need an answer. Because cleaning out the junk room? That’s because Grandma chased down a deal on a couple twin beds. She can get them delivered on the weekend, if you’re staying.”
I hadn’t noticed Cash come into the kitchen, but his arms came around me from behind and I felt his head on my shoulder. Like he was anchoring me, to this moment and to this house.
I turned to Danny, but it was Cash who spoke.
“We’d like to stay.”
I drew a breath to speak, and Cash squeezed me tight, cutting off my denial before I had a chance to voice it aloud.
“You always decide,” he said, his voice soft. “It’s my turn. And I don’t want to leave.”
He was right. I did always decide, and where had that gotten me but kneeling on the floors of gross truck stop bathrooms? Where had that gotten me except holding Cash at night when he was shivering and I was terrified he was gonna stop breathing?
But Cash was the one who’d been smart enough—trusting enough—to follow Danny home, and that had turned out fine.
So far, said the usual voice in my head, and for the first time I thought back: Shut up.
Because maybe it was time to listen to Cash’s voice instead.
Maybe it was time to give Danny and Wilder, and Goose Run, a chance. We could get jobs. Cash could keep his books. And maybe it would all be okay in the end.
“Okay,” I said, lifting my chin like this wasn’t the most terrifying thing I’d ever said in my life, the biggest leap of faith I’d ever taken and probably ever would. “We’ll stay.”