Chapter 22
twenty-two
. . .
Amelia
Being in a secret relationship with someone you work with is surprisingly difficult. Jason is around all the time. Every time I turn around, he’s watching me. In the lounge, in the equipment bay, in the medical suites. And as it turns out… I like being watched. Even if my clothes are on.
True to his word, he’s been seeking out Zac and Graham to work on his knee. I haven’t had to deal with him in a professional capacity since that day in Ottawa.
On the road, we’re careful to keep our distance, but when we’re in Boston, I spend the night at his place. We keep the blinds closed, thank you very much.
Ty and Brandon guessed I’m seeing someone, but they haven’t asked, so I haven’t told them any lies. Jason and I agreed that nobody can find out about us. Not yet. Not while we’re still so new.
Technically, there are ways around the non-fraternization policy—Sven and Vanessa are proof—but I’m not ready to officially declare our fledgling relationship for public gossip. And if there’s one thing I learned about hockey players, it’s that they love to gossip.
Which makes it difficult to spend any time together, because other players are always dropping by Jason’s apartment to chat or hang out.
The first time he asked me to hide in his bedroom, I was pissed. But the more I thought about it, if someone found me in his place, it would only invite questions I don’t want to answer. I don’t want to outright lie. But I don’t want to volunteer the information, either.
But tonight—it’s just for us.
He ordered dinner from my favorite restaurant, opened a bottle of wine, and lit some candles. Under the table, his feet tangle with mine as we eat our chicken Marsala and chat about our day. Snow is falling, and up here on the nineteenth floor, it’s the perfect date night in.
Until someone bangs on the door.
Jason sighs, looking at me with regret on his face. “Do you mind?”
Truthfully, I do mind. But not enough to force the issue. Not with the potential of losing my job hanging over my head.
I escape to the bedroom, closing the door behind me.
“What is it?” I hear Jason say, a hint of steel in his voice. “This isn’t a good time.”
“What’s up with you?” Logan says. “Oh, shit. Are you on a date?”
“Shut up,” Jason says. “What’s going on?”
“Who is she?”
“Not talking about it.” There’s a growl in his tone that would stop a grizzly bear in its tracks.
But Logan isn’t a grizzly bear. He’s an oblivious hockey player.
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“It’s new,” Jason clips out. “Why are you here?”
Logan sighs. “You said… you said I could talk to you. But—”
My boyfriend sighs. “Okay. Lay it on me.”
“Nah. You have company. I’ll just… I don’t know. Wallow in my misery.”
With anyone else, it would be a cutting barb, but Logan isn’t being snarky; he genuinely means it.
“Talk to MacGregor,” Jason says. “Maybe he’ll…”
“Punch me in the face, and then ask to be traded to keep his sister safe from me?” Logan’s laugh is hollow. “Yeah, no thanks.”
“He can’t throw a punch.”
Logan laughs outright. “Yeah, because that’s the part we’re focusing on.”
“It might not be that bad.”
“I can’t risk it.”
“So, you’d rather be alone and miserable than happy with her?”
“I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship with my best friend. Not when it impacts the team, too.”
“The team will be fine.”
“But do you know that? If he punches me in the face, Coach will bench him. Hell, probably me, too.”
“So, don’t let him punch you,” Jason says.
Logan chuckles. “Yeah, because it’s that easy. Hey, I’m in love with your little sister, and have been for ten years. Let’s go hit the weights. Fuck, he’d probably drop them on me on purpose.”
“Shit, man. Ten years?”
“I told you. She’s the only one I’ve ever wanted.”
“I did some research.”
“Oh?”
“On being demisexual. I’m honored you told me.” Jason pauses, as if realizing he just outed Logan to me. “We won’t tell anyone.”
Logan groans. “She’s in the bedroom, isn’t she?”
My face heats. He can’t see me. There’s no way he knows it’s me, just an anonymous woman in the apartment.
“Who?”
“Whoever you’re seeing.”
“Yeah. But she won’t say anything.”
He pauses. “You aren’t seeing Hailey, right?”
Jason laughs, the sound warming me through. “No. You have her all to yourself.”
Logan groans again, like he’s in pain. “Yeah, if I can ever get out of my own way.”
“You will.” There’s a clapping sound, like maybe he smacked his teammate’s shoulder. “But for now, I need you to get out of my way.”
“Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your date.”
“Seriously, man. Are we good?” Jason asks.
“Yeah. I needed to talk about it.”
“I’m here for you anytime. Just… maybe send me a text first.”
Logan chuckles. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
The door opens and closes, and then footsteps approach. Jason opens the bedroom door, an apologetic look on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have asked you to—”
“You should have,” I tell him. “It’s fine. I know the deal. Until we’re ready to go public, this is for the best.”
He collapses onto the bed beside me. “Yeah, but it makes me feel shitty. Like I’m keeping you my dirty little secret.”
“I mean, technically…”
Lifting his head, he stares at me.
Laughing, I run my hand through his hair. “But it doesn’t bother me. Not when the alternative makes me break out in hives.”
He arches a brow. “Hives, huh? I don’t see any hives.”
“Better look closer, then.”
Rolling my body under his, he dips his head to kiss me. Every time he kisses me, it’s like fireworks going off deep in my belly.
Last night, he went to the bar with some of the guys, and I went to dinner with Ty and Brandon.
I haven’t spent as much time with them lately.
It was the first night Jason and I spent apart in Boston in the two and a half weeks we’ve been together.
I missed his stupid face, going to bed with him beside me, and waking up snuggled next to him.
So instead, I waited until he got home, stripped naked, and gave him a show. For old time’s sake.
Except this time, he called me, and I heard the noises he made while he jacked himself off, the groans I’d love to swallow down. The same way I’ve swallowed other things down.
Now, his hard cock digs into my hip, but he makes no move to get me naked. He seems satisfied to make out, kissing simply for the sake of kissing. It doesn’t always have to be a race to see who can get naked first. It’s simply how it usually turns out.
It’s been a long time since I indulged in a man’s company. When I was pregnant, I didn’t want anyone to touch me, and before that, I was on such intense hormones preparing for the IVF, transfer, and the first twelve weeks… I didn’t want to risk any accidents.
Colorado was lonely. This career isn’t for the faint of heart, and after a while, the travel got to me.
I didn’t have the strong friendships there that I’ve found now.
I didn’t have any allies who would spend time with me.
Whenever the team flew in to a new city, I found a guy in a bar or an app, but it was all so…
impersonal. Get right down to business and then get out, never hearing from them again.
I missed having a connection. I missed wanting a connection.
But with Jason… I have one. Our connection goes beyond our bedroom activities. I enjoy spending time with him, talking about our days, dissecting the latest team gossip. I like him.
Maybe we’re rushing into things, spending so much time together. It must be the honeymoon period, right?
He’s only been divorced for a few months. But I’m not looking for a ring. I’m not even looking for a future. All I’m thinking about is right now, and how perfect this is. Would it be nice if the team knew? Sure, it would. Would it be nice to not have to worry about my job? Yes, definitely.
But if it risks this fragile new relationship, I’d rather keep it quiet until we’re more settled. Jason means too much to me to risk telling anyone.
I don’t want to give him up. Not now, maybe not ever.