33. Bridget
Bridget
W hen my no-show from this morning wanted to reschedule for tonight, I was happy for the distraction. I’ve been a mess since my fight with Dutton, so it felt good to channel all that restless energy into a cut and color.
But now that I’m finished, I’m back in my feelings. I wave goodbye to Tara and Sophie and tell them I’ll see them tomorrow. The fall air is crisp, and I wrap my jacket around me as I walk toward my dorm.
But I don’t make it very far before I see Dutton leaning against his SUV. “Can I give you a ride?” he asks, his voice soft.
Maybe I should say no, but the misery on his face matches the misery on mine, so there’s only one answer.
He opens the door for me before rounding the car and settling himself in. He drives us to campus and parks in the lot next to my dorm. “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you today,” he says. “I want to apologize and explain, if you’ll let me.”
We walk the familiar path together, key into my building, and walk the flight of stairs up to my room.
We’ve made this trip a hundred times, but we’re quieter tonight, disconnected.
I hate this fractured feeling, so when we’re on the other side of my door and Dutton opens his arms to me, I fall into his embrace.
There’s so much we need to talk through, so much he has to explain.
But for right now, it feels good to be back in his arms. I sit on the edge of my bed and he takes the chair in the corner of the room.
I miss our connection already, but I need a clear head if I’m going to listen to what he has to say.
Dutton’s quiet for a minute, and I study his face. He looks defeated and I want to reach for him so badly. But then he starts talking, and all I can do is listen.
“My dad was in a car accident this summer. The investigator said he hydroplaned and hit a tree. His car—a convertible that he treated like a precious little baby—was totaled. My dad survived with just some bruises, but he also had a concussion. The problem is, it never really went away. The doctors kept telling us to give it time, but we’ve run out of time, and he’s just getting worse. ”
Dutton tells me about finding his dad in the street yesterday, about the neurology appointment, about the diagnosis.
I hate that he’s been going through all of this alone.
And I feel stupid and selfish for a moment that I dragged him into my family drama, all while he was dealing with much more serious stuff.
“I didn’t want you to see him like this,” he tells me, his voice breaking. “I didn’t want it to be real. Hell, I didn’t even tell Blue what was going on. I just couldn’t face it. I have to, and I will, but fuck…”
Just as quickly as my guilt descended, it fades away as I process his words.
This isn’t about me, and it isn’t even about trust. It’s about coming to terms with changes in your life, changes you never wanted, changes that are terrifying.
I can’t blame him for keeping all of this bottled up.
I’m just grateful he’s finally sharing it with me.
I reach for him because I need him to know he’s no longer alone.
He joins me on the bed and we hold each other tight, because our connection makes us stronger.
I listen as he tells me all about his dad.
Tears stream down my face for all Dutton is losing.
His eyes are wet, too, so I kiss his tears away.
“I love you, Bridgette,” he tells me, returning the kiss.
And that’s all it takes. Our lovemaking isn’t urgent or frantic tonight.
It’s slow and deliberate. It’s almost like we’re relearning each other with every touch, every tease, every stroke.
He buries himself inside me, and when I go over, I take him with me.
We stay locked together for a moment, like we’re afraid to lose what we just got back.
Eventually, he eases himself off me, then bends down to press a kiss to my forehead. “Can we stay here tonight?” he asks.
I stretch out on my bed and stifle a yawn. “Of course, but,” I let my words trail off because I’m not sure how to say what I’m thinking.
“But what?” he prompts. “Will you miss the chaos too much? Or will you miss your morning snuggles with Hazel?”
I smile because Blue’s cat is the sweetest, fluffiest girl and I love her. But that isn’t what’s causing my hesitation. “I just want you to know you can lean on the guys the way you lean on me. It’s what people do when they care about each other. I know you’re a private person, but?—”
Dutton holds up a hand. “They already know. You, uh, must have talked to Mickey after I was such a dick earlier today.”
I wince. “Oh, no. What did he do?”
Dutton smiles wryly. “He was ready to hand me my ass.”
I grimace. “Sorry about that.”
Dutton shakes his head. “It actually worked out. He got me so worked up that I blurted the whole thing out. Now all the guys know, and I feel a little relieved.”
I lean in for another kiss. “I’m glad. You know they’re going to be here for you through everything you’re facing. Like it or not, you’re part of the hockey family now. They love you.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m stuck with these guys. That’s what you’re saying.”
“Yep. And I think you like it more than you’re willing to admit.” I yawn again because the day is catching up with me. “If we’re staying here tonight, I’m going to hop in the shower before I fall asleep. I need to wash this day off of me.”
“What a coincidence,” Dutton says, reaching for my hand and leading me into the bathroom. “So do I.”
The water heats up quickly, and I step under the spray to let it soothe me.
Dutton steps in behind me and we take turns lathering each other up.
His hands are gentle as he washes my body.
My hands roam over his chest and abs. We’re taking our time, but I want to wash my hair before the water turns too cold.
When I reach for my shampoo, it’s not on the shelf.
I’m wondering what in the world happened to it, but a second later, I get my answer when Dutton begins working his hands into my hair.
It feels so good that I tilt my head forward, urging him on.
“Do you like it?” he asks, and all I can do is nod. When he rinses it clean, I coat the strands with conditioner. He reaches for the bottle, but I shake my head. “I should be taking care of you,” I protest, since he’s the one dealing with devastating news.
Dutton kisses me soundly. “I like it when we take care of each other.”