Chapter 29
Katie
“Here she is!” Mandie cried as I walked in the door, only for me to discover she wasn’t alone.
“Hey, Katie,” Natasha said, setting her glass of wine down.
“Hey.” I sank down in a chair and gladly took the glass of wine and box of pizza pushed my way. “Looks like this party has already been started?”
“Pizza just arrived and Tash just cracked the wine.” Mandie grabbed her class and clinked it against mine. “So I wasn’t sure if you’d make it. Didn’t end up on another accidental date again?”
“No.” I took a tiny sip of the wine and then set it down. “I’m not sure if that will ever happen again. I’ve decided I don’t need to go around anymore.”
“Why?” Mandie’s shift in mood was abrupt. One minute she was joking, the next her lips formed a thin line as she stared me down. “What did they do? I can kick their arses?—”
“Take a deep breath there, Kick Arse Barbie.” Natasha turned to me. “What happened? Mandie said there was some dog…?”
“Bronson.” I took a long swallow of my wine. “He’s a shelter dog I’ve been looking out for.”
“Soul dog,” Mandie explained. “I started looking for another place for us to rent that was pet friendly, but it's insane out there right now.”
“No need.” I saw Garrett and the way he threw his body in front of Bronson and knew my work was done. They would find a way through this. “He’s in the right place now.” I met her concerned gaze. “Someone told me that it wasn’t my job to look after him, so…” I threw my hands up. “I’m not.”
“Just like that?” she asked in a smaller voice.
“Wasn’t that what you wanted?” I couldn’t understand why she was making a thing about this. “You told me.” I sucked in a breath, but before I could say his name, I saw Dave and his sneer. “Let's just say I’ve had a few people tell me how pathetic my obsession with animals is.”
“Pathetic?” Mandie plopped into the seat beside me, that wiry arm of hers holding me tight. “You’re not pathetic. There’s just too much love in that heart of yours and I get scared people will take it for granted.” Her eyes narrowed. “Who called you pathetic? Tell me and I’ll?—”
“Do you feel pathetic?”
We both turned to see that Natasha was watching us steadily.
“Um…”
A quick kaleidoscope of memories rose then, showing me all the moments when I was happily engrossed in something, only for someone to stand in front of me and put shit on me about it. I didn’t even get that they were mocking me at first. So lost in what I was doing, I didn’t even understand what they were saying at first.
That came later.
“I like working with animals.” That was like saying water was wet or the sun was hot, but I forged on. “Focussing on one doesn’t help, though. Bronson has been rehomed, and that’s the point of what we do. I’ll give it a couple of days and start volunteering back at the shelter again.” I shot Mandie a sidelong look. “Around the vicious gym schedule you’ve no doubt got planned. There’s a whole building full of animals that need my help and that’s what I need to focus on.”
“You didn’t answer the question. That’s what you’re going to do.” We both stared at Natasha. “I asked if you feel pathetic.”
Yes, I wanted to snap. Yes, of course I do. Dave wasn’t the first guy to sneer at me, and he wouldn’t be the last. The only thing stopping me from being a crazy cat lady was the landlord. Instead, I swallowed hard and smiled.
“Not pathetic…”
As everything went out of focus, the soft gloom of our apartment was replaced by the harsh concrete of the shelter. Even with the cacophony of barking, I felt this. A strange kind of peace that came from a cat purring as you scratched under his chin, or feeling a dog snuggle into you as he rolled over and revealed his belly for a big scratch. Animals were so much easier than people. No subtext, no inference, they either liked you or they didn’t, and those that did were always grateful for attention, as long as it happened on their terms. I knew their body language, their cues, and could respond without thought, restoring calm and then both of us enjoyed that hard won peace.
Of course, I couldn’t say all that.
“Peace, quiet.” My reply was lame, but it was all I had. “Contentment.”
“You would’ve been an amazing vet.”
I shook my head as I watched Mandie’s eyes get all misty.
“Shut up.”
“You would?—”
“Shut up, Mandie.” I stared her down because this was a fight we’d had so many times before. It wasn’t on the cards, and all I could do was move on. Just like I needed to move on from the situation with Bronson. “Look, I saw Dave today?—”
“No!” Mandie bounced on the couch, moving into a crouch. “Why the hell didn’t you lead with that?” She turned to Natasha. “He was the deadshit ex I told you about.”
“Because it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter.” I felt so good to say that. “I don’t miss him. I’m not mourning him. If I’m honest, I’m glad he’s gone.” I blinked and saw him and Felicity, and right then, I was most worried about the dog. With effort, I shoved that memory aside. “But he said what you did, Mandie.”
“He did?” My sister shrank back in horror. “OK, whatever it was, I take it back. I take it back!”
Another slow sip of wine and I was ready to continue. It felt like my mind was joining dots together that I’d never made connections between before.
“I like helping people, and that makes it really easy for them to take advantage. Assuming people will return my energy has not worked well for me so far. New year, new me.” I stared my sister in the eyes. “That means I need to start doing things differently and put myself first, not spending all my time looking after someone else’s dog.”
All of it sounded logical to me, so why did I feel this wrench in my chest at the thought of it? I scratched my breastbone absently and Natasha noted that.
“But that’s not who you are.” Hands landed on my arms. “I love how much you’re prepared to do for other people,” Mandie said. “I just want a guy in your life, or guys.” Her mischievous grin had me shaking my head. “That give back as much as you give them. Someone’s gotta fill your cup when you’re busy filling everyone else’s.”
“Well, I’ll tell you when I find one…”
That was supposed to be a definite statement. Instead, my voice trailed away. Never show a second of weakness around Mandie, I knew that, and of course, she pounced.
“You did find one.” Her finger hovered in the air. “Nurse guy!”
“His name is Garrett.”
Shit, I hadn’t meant to say that.
“Garrett.” Mandie flopped back against the couch. “Is he the one that adopted the dog? He did, didn’t he? See, that means he’s perfect for you. Does he have a nice house? Is he a good cook? You’re a Taurus, so you need those things.” I rolled my eyes because the idea that my personality was shaped by celestial bodies seemed completely ridiculous. “Is he into you?” I sucked in a breath to answer, but the fine flush on my cheeks had her beating me to it. “He is, isn’t he!”
“If you shut up for just a second, I’d be able to tell you he asked me out.” For a second I let that memory wash over me and that felt infinitely warmer, sweeter than anything else that happened today. “To the Smiling Samoyed Brewery?”
She clapped her hands together.
“That would be perfect?—”
“I turned him down.”
When Mandie’s face fell, I wondered if I’d done the right thing, but then I remembered my vow. How the hell could I properly judge if someone was worth letting into my life if I didn’t spend some real time getting to know myself? So I told her that. Silence fell over the room, so I took the opportunity to snag a piece of pizza.
“You know what your problem is?”
I rolled my eyes at Mandie’s retort.
“I have an overly invested younger sister who thinks way too highly of her own opinion?” I asked.
That had her making a rude noise in response.
“You read way too much into all this shit. You know what I always wanted for you?”
I grabbed another slice of pizza, suddenly starving. My inability to eat all day was now kicking my butt.
“Oh, do tell,” I said.
“You never got a chance to just play the field.” I froze mid-chew. Mandie was sweet and operated like an overly caffeinated squirrel most days, but she was also like a baby elephant when it came to people’s feelings. She’d tread all over them and wonder why you were left bleeding. “Just go on lots of dumb dates with random guys and get a sense of what’s out there.”
Because people didn’t ask me out, I wanted to shout, and I couldn’t even put that down to being fat. There were plus sized influencers everywhere that were beating guys off with a stick.
“To not get so caught up in things. To have fun.”
She didn’t realise she was coming from a place of privilege when she threw her hands up in the air. We had the same mother, the same father, but somehow when the genetic dice was rolled, she came out gorgeous and I… I was just me. There was a reason I’d put up with Dave’s shit, and it wasn’t a pleasant one.
Because no one else was interested.
I felt like it was answer his booty calls or let my hymen grow back, re-virginising me.
“Go out with all three of these guys.” Mandie was really warming to this idea. “Go and have fun. Let them fall all over themselves in an attempt to get your attention.” Her elbow jabbed into my ribs. “Do it for the plot.”
“Can we just watch The Notebook now?” I asked. “I want to watch Ryan Gosling make mad declarations of love.”
“Noah is completely toxic,” Natasha said, settling in with a pizza box of her own. “Hassling her into dating him by threatening to kill himself?”
“It’s romantic.” I let out a sigh. “Find me a guy that will write me a letter every day for a year and renovate my dream house and I’ll date him.” I snuggled down into the couch cushions. “Noah or nothing, that’s what I want.”
After the movie was done, the wine drunk, and the pizza boxes put away, I went to bed feeling wrung out and empty. It was the ending that always killed me. The actors that played the young Noah and Allie were amazing, but it was the older versions of the characters that broke my heart. Dementia was a part of life, but the filmmakers did an amazing job of turning that into a one, two gut punch. I flopped into bed, then reached for my phone, ready for a quick doom scroll to reset my brain before sleep.
Only for the phone to open on my messages.
It was hard to reconcile the happy pup in the photo with the one that scuttled back as the motorbike roared past, but with that memory came something else. Garrett throwing himself in front of us, trying vainly to protect Bronson from the sound, then him crouching down, talking to the dog in a low voice. Calm words, reassuring words, I’d watched him closely, ready to give advice when needed, but he knew exactly what to do. Bronson had chosen Garrett for a reason.
And could I do the same?
I let out a puff of breath, thinking about what Mandie had said. I couldn’t admit that to her without her kicking down my door and performing the ‘I told you so’ dance on my bed, but… The Smiling Samoyed was a pub/brewery outside of town and the pizzas were supposed to be amazing. The fact there were a couple of gorgeous Sammie dogs there was the icing on the cake. Maybe… Perhaps… My fingers moved across the screen, tapping out a message before I could think twice about it.
If the offer is still open to go to the brewery , I wrote. I’m in.
Mandie was right. I did invest too much into these things. She was the one that became blasé about male attention, not me, so my heart started race. Garrett wouldn’t see the text right away, so I couldn’t expect an immediate response. He could be asleep or?—
A ping cut my train of thought off abruptly.
You made my night , came his reply. Pick you up at 11am, Saturday morning?