Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
HANNAH GRACE
LL
Hey, what are you doing?
M y sister’s text comes through on a Monday morning on our way to school. Even over a week after we read the rest of the letters from Eric and sent information to Cole’s team to see if they could make heads or tails of what little we could send them, there’s been no progress on figuring out who could be scaring me.
Detective O’Connell also called to tell us the neighbors still haven’t seen anything, and there was no evidence or fingerprints on the pieces of camera equipment.
At what point are they just going to give up and move on? And when they do, is Cole going to leave again?
“Laura Leigh,” I tell Cole, lifting my phone to respond since he’s driving.
We’re almost to school.
LL
You guys aren’t out yet?
Friday. We have a half day.
LL
That’s what I was texting about.
Would you be up for me visiting this weekend?
I want to do Christmas shopping.
You can’t Christmas shop in Knoxville?
LL
Ouch.
What’s the matter? Don’t want baby sister hanging out with you this weekend?
Did you and your hottie friend finally hook up?
With a sigh, I put my phone face down in my lap, leaning back against the headrest and closing my eyes.
“Everything okay?” Cole asks and squeezes my thigh where his hand has been resting.
“She wants to come Christmas shopping this weekend.”
“You sound like she said you have to have a root canal. Why is it a bad thing she wants to come see you? I’d like to see her again.”
“She doesn’t know about you.”
Guilt that I haven’t told anyone, including Zach, gnaws at my stomach.
“And you don’t think she’ll approve.” It’s a statement, not a question, and the disappointment is clear in his voice.
“I—no. That’s not what I was thinking.” My teeth immediately find my lip as nervous energy floods my body.
“Honey Girl, are you completely unaware that your tell whenever you lie is that you chew on your lower lip?”
Busted. I immediately open my mouth to release the flesh between my teeth.
“It’s not that I don’t think she’ll approve. She’ll probably be ecstatic. She was at home when we broke up so she didn’t…”
Awkward. This is so fucking awkward.
“Didn’t?” he prompts.
“She didn’t see how upset I was. I was at school when I got your last letter. I told people we broke up. Not that…”
“Not that I broke your heart,” he finishes for me.
“Right.”
“You understand that’s not going to happen again, right?”
“I…”
A part of me wants to agree, but there’s another part—a small one—that still doubts that he’ll stick around.
He huffs a humorless laugh.
“Well, I guess that answers that question.”
“No. It doesn’t. I think right now you’re not planning on leaving again.”
“But?”
He turns into the school, and Zach is leaning against his car waiting for us.
“Can we talk about this later?” I ask, looking down at the way my fingers lace with each other.
“What more do I have to do, Hannah Grace? You told me you loved me?—”
“I do!” I look up, studying the way his fingers clench on the steering wheel and a muscle tics in his jaw.
He glances at me as he pulls into the parking place several away from Zach instead of right next to him.
“Then stop hiding me like I’m some goddamned secret. I promised you I wasn’t going anywhere. That I wasn’t going to hide shit from you and I haven’t. Instead, you’re hiding me. If you don’t want to be with me, then fucking tell me. But if you do, then I need to stop being your dirty little secret, Hannah Grace. I need you to tell your family. Or better yet, tell your best friend who you see every fucking day.”
He’s breathing heavily by the time he finishes, and the anguish in his eyes gives them a dull hue. I did this.
“Cole—”
There’s a knock on the window and I jump, whirling around to find Zach waving at us.
Shit.
I hold up a finger and turn back to Cole.
“I will tell them. I don’t want to hide you like my ‘dirty little secret.’ And I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
“Zach is waiting for you,” he tells me, voice flat.
“Cole.”
“I understand you want to believe it, Hannah Grace. But just like you have doubts, so do I. We’ve been doing whatever it is we’ve been doing and you’re no closer to telling Zach than you were when we first talked about it. Actions speak louder than words.”
And his actions are definitely backing up what he’s saying more than mine do for me.
He doesn’t have to say it, but the look he gives me is loud and clear.
I need to do better.
Reaching behind us, he grabs my bags and lifts them as if they weigh nothing.
“Let’s go inside,” he says.
He’s out of the car before I can say anything else and already walking toward the door by the time I get out and meet Zach at the back of my car.
“Cole’s pretty upset,” he says as we walk toward the building.
“Yeah.”
“Is it still because you guys don’t have any leads?”
“Huh?”
“He mentioned it to me the other day. How frustrated he was that you guys hadn’t found anything.”
I didn’t realize he and Cole had ever had any conversations when I wasn’t around, but I don’t remember them talking about that.
“Oh. I-I think that’s part of it.”
“Maybe he’s ready to go home,” he says.
I freeze, my entire body locking as it rejects the idea. Cole is home.
Zach stops, turning back to me when he realizes I’m standing still. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I…maybe.” I stumble over the words as I start walking again.
Actions speaker louder than words, Hannah Grace.
I love Cole. So why is it so hard for me to tell my best friend?
Maybe I’ll start with Laura Leigh. It’ll be easier to start with someone who loved Cole to begin with.
Cole stays silent even after we’re both alone in my classroom. Pulling out my phone, I send a text to my sister.
No, Zach and I didn’t hook up.
And, yes, you can come stay this weekend.
LL
That’s too bad, he’s really cute.
I agree with her. Zach is cute. But no one holds a candle to Cole. And it’s time I started proving that.
LL
My last final is Thursday so I’ll leave Friday morning. Maybe I can meet you at the school?
Why? So you can flirt with Zach?
Maybe I can play matchmaker for the two of them. Laura Leigh has always had a crush on Zach. There’s a small age difference, but seven years isn’t massive.
LL
It’s like you know me or something.
You wouldn’t mind if I asked him out for a drink this weekend, right?
You’re not old enough to drink.
LL
We could get coffee. Maybe I can convince him to grab dinner instead.
We already know I’m his type. You and I could be twins.
I can’t help but laugh as I read her messages. It’s true. Laura Leigh and I could basically pass for twins—I make a mental note to keep a lockdown on my driver’s license while she’s here—but the biggest difference is that she is the more audacious of the two of us.
I’ll see you Friday.
LL
Yay! See you then!
“My sister is coming Friday,” I tell Cole who is as far away from me while being in the same room as he can get.
His grunt is not the response I hoped for.
I close the distance between us, cautiously wrapping my arms around him.
“I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t push me away like I was afraid he would do. Instead his arms wrap around me, holding me to him as if I’ll blow away.
“I’m sorry too.”
Leaning my head back, I rest my chin on his chest so I can study him.
“All you did was tell me how you feel. Which is what I asked you to do. You didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you sorry?” I ask.
He sighs and drops his lips to the tip of my nose.
“I’m…sensitive when it comes to you. About our future. I spent too many years thinking that future was gone. And I want to believe in it again.”
“Me too.” I press my lips against the soft cotton of his shirt right over his heart.
We hold each other in silence for several breaths. He smells of whatever warm spicy cologne he wears—the bottle is familiar, since it now sits on my bathroom counter, but not the name—and something uniquely Cole. Something that reaches into my heart and puts back together several of the pieces that have been broken for the last four years.
“We just need to keep talking, Honey Girl.”
He’s talking about just the two of us, but it’s time for me to do some talking too. Starting with Laura Leigh for practice, there’s no more hiding what’s between Cole and me. Not if I want to give us a real shot.
??????
The last week of school passes in a blur. Zach doesn’t mention anything about Monday morning and I don’t tell him about Cole, but Cole seems content with my plan to start with Laura Leigh. Things between us have been different since Monday. He’s there mentally, physically, emotionally, everything I need him to be, but it’s like we’re living parallel lives that don’t intersect instead of the interwoven design we’d been creating over the last few weeks.
He sleeps next to me in bed, kisses me, and we snuggle on the couch, but we haven’t made love since last weekend. But it’s not like I’ve initiated anything either. We’re in some strange balance that both of us are afraid to disrupt.
And it’s driving me crazy.
“Brought you coffee,” Cole says, setting a travel mug on the bathroom counter in front of me.
My hands are up in my hair as I finish curling the last piece, and he steals a kiss on my neck that creates gooseflesh along my spine.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice husky as desire surges through my blood.
The Cole from a week ago would have continued the kisses along my neck, cupping my breasts with his hands while mine were stuck upright. This one doesn’t do any of that.
“You’re welcome, Honey Girl.” He turns and leaves the bathroom before I can say anything else.
Further defining that something between us is…off. And I’m running out of time to press him about it, but I need to figure out what’s going on before Laura Leigh gets here because she’s going to see the tension between us from a mile away.
“Is everything okay?” I ask him a few minutes later as we’re both getting into the car in my garage.
“Yeah. Fine. Why?”
“I… Cole, something has been different between us since Monday. I… you’re upset with me. I’ve given you doubts about us. I hate it and I’m not sure how to fix it.”
“I’m not upset with you. Not really. And I know you want to be with me. I’ve been racking my brain for how to talk to you about it. For how to focus on that at the same time we’re trying to figure out who’s been scaring you. I want to fix it. I want to just be us again.” He stops the car partially backed out of the garage, throwing it into park and turning to look at me.
“I don’t want things to be weird between us either. Not with my sister here for the weekend. I want her to see how happy you make me.”
“You make me happy too, Honey Girl,” he says and lifts a hand to cup my cheek.
I lift my hand to cover his and lean closer, my lips inches from his.
“Deliriously happy,” I murmur.
“Enraptured,” he whispers back and closes the distance.
Most people wouldn’t be turned on by a word that sounds like it belongs more in a thesaurus than spoken in a regular conversation. But what we discovered in studying for the SATs is that we both considered the vocabulary lessons as foreplay.
And time hasn’t dulled that belief.
The chemistry is back with a vengeance at the first brush of his mouth against mine, and I reach out, gripping his forearms as our tongues tangle together. His other hand comes up, and both hands hold my jaw like he’s holding the most fragile piece of glass. Like I am precious to him.
Because I am.
He softens the kiss, turning it into teasing, nibbling caresses before pulling back.
“We’re going to be late for school.” One corner of his mouth lifts in a smile that will always be his signature look.
I can’t help but smile back.
“Good thing we planned to go to school early.”
“We get there early every day. Smart-ass.” His finger taps the end of my nose.
Was it really as simple as that? A hot-as-fuck kiss and him tapping my nose?
He continues to back out the car and presses the remote control, lowering the garage door and staying put until it closes all the way. But he stops again when we reach the street, parallel to his rental car. We’ve talked about turning it in, but haven’t gotten around to it yet.
“Do you want to take your car back to the rental car place this weekend?” I ask.
Cole puts the car in park and gets out.
“Cole?” I ask, opening my car door.
“Stay in the car, Hannah Grace.” The tone of his voice has a shiver skating down my spine.
“Why? What’s the matter…”
My attention shifts to the car and I suck in an audible breath. Sometime in the middle of the night it’s been vandalized. No, not vandalized.
Destroyed.
The side windows are shattered out of the car, the windshield a spiderweb of cracks. Large scratches run the length of the car along the side. The tires on the side I can see have been slashed, and given that the car isn’t leaning to one side, it’s safe to say that the other two are in the same condition.
“Oh my God. Cole.” I rush around the vehicle, wrapping my arms around him as he studies the destroyed car in front of us.
From this angle I can see the angry red spray paint across the hood of the silver paint.
Leave.
Cole is already pulling out his phone taking several pictures before starting a video. I follow him to the other side of the car and my hands fly to my mouth.
Or else.
“Cole,” I murmur his name, reaching out and gripping his free hand.
He’s silent but the way his fingers squeeze mine is proof that he’s not as calm as he appears to be.
“Wh-who would do something like this?” I ask.
But I already have the answer.
“Seems like whoever is bothering you is tired of me hanging around.”
He pockets his phone before walking me back to my car and stopping us in front of the driver’s door.
“Honey Girl, you need to go to school. The kids are expecting you.”
“B-b-but your car,” I say, motioning to the destroyed piece of metal in front of us.
“I’m going to call the police and the rental car place. Your neighbors don’t need to see this. Neither does your sister when she gets here later.”
“You’re going to send me to school by myself?” After this just happened, I don’t want to be separated from Cole.
He nods and lifts a hand to my shoulder, squeezing gently.
“Zach is there. You’ll be safe. As soon as I get this done—and I’m going to rush as fast as I can—I’ll grab an Uber to the school.”
“You’ll be here by yourself. What if he comes back? What if he’s still here?”
I try to swing my head around to look but Cole pulls me into his arms.
“I’ll be okay. The police will be my first phone call. And I’m going to stay on Murphy until they find something. Whoever is doing this doesn’t mind being out in the open now. And the message is pretty clear. Not like the roses in your bed.”
I shiver at the combination of that memory and what’s in front of us.
Burrowing closer, I squeeze Cole as hard as I can.
“Should I call Laura Leigh and cancel?”
“Have you told anybody in your family what’s going on?”
“No. I didn’t want them to worry.”
He rolls his eyes and drops a kiss to my forehead.
“Someday we need to discuss your lack of communication with your family. But today is not that day. Don’t cancel. Usually this piece of shit does something to scare you and disappears. This is just his latest scare tactic.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m positive. Go to school. I’ll be there soon.”
I let him guide me into the driver’s seat, then I readjust the position to reach the pedals.
“Please be careful,” I say and reach out and grip his hand.
He leans down and brushes a gentle kiss against my lips.
“Always. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
He stands and shuts the door, tapping on the roof to send me on my way.
I keep my eyes on the rearview mirror, watching him until I’m forced to turn and head to the school when everything in me is telling me to turn around.